WILLY
The first Saturday of every December was reserved for the town’s Christmas parade, and I woke that morning with a ball of mixed emotions knotted in my gut.
My mother loved the holiday parade, with the tree lighting at the end, followed by hot cocoa and fireworks in the park. I’d loved it just as much growing up, and I’d shared that love with Delores. It had been the last fun thing we’d done together before the accident.
This would be my first Christmas parade since Delores’ death and my mother’s first parade without my dad, so it was going to be an emotional day. There was no way around that. I just wanted to make sure the sadness didn’t overwhelm the joyous atmosphere, though, and ruin the day for my mother.
And then there were Ruelle and her son, whom my mother had invited to join us. This would be their first Christmas parade in town, and if I had to guess, I’d bet money this was their first small-town Christmas parade ever.
I doubted the bastard she’d been married to had made it a point to take them to a park for hot cocoa on a chilly December day to celebrate the holidays, if they even did such quaint things in the circle they’d run in.
So after I’d filled up on caffeine and showered, I dug through my closet for his sweatshirt. It was kind of a thing in town to wear goofy Christmas sweaters or reindeer antler headbands or blinking Christmas tree light bulb jewelry—or all of the above at the same time. But I wasn’t really a flashy kind of guy.
I favored an old sweatshirt with The Grinch printed on it.
When I finally went downstairs to see what my mother was up to, I wasn’t surprised to find Rue and her son in the kitchen with her.
Andrés had on jingling reindeer antlers I was pretty sure had been Fernanda’s, and Ruelle was wearing a sparkly red sweater dress that draped over her body and made my mouth water.
Dammit.
“You guys know the parade doesn’t start until four o’clock, right?” I asked as I walked into the room.
“Somebody’s a little excited,” my mom said, tilting her head toward Andrés who was probably going to need a nap in a few hours if he didn’t sit still.
“I’ve never seen a Christmas parade,” he said. “Grandma Rosa said there will be tow trucks!”
“Tow trucks are his favorite,” Ruelle said as if it needed explanation.
Tow trucks are very cool.
But maybe only guys knew that.
“And we’re going to go down a little early,” my mother said. “Since we’ll eat supper late, we’re going to have a late lunch in town and then scope out the best spot for watching the parade.”
I nodded and headed for the coffee pot. We knew the best place to watch the parade. We’d been standing in that spot for as long as I could remember, back when I’d been so little my dad had hoisted me up on his shoulders so I could see everything.
But Andrés had never seen a Christmas parade, so obviously my mother was going to go all out and give him the full experience, even if she had to subtly nudge him toward the best location.
Since there were still several hours to kill, I took my coffee out to the garage and looked for something to do. For want of anything better, I pulled the tarp off of Big Red and gave the old three-wheeler a good-looking over.
My buddies and I had had one hell of a good time with the machine back in the day, and I found myself wanting to fire it up. But it would need fresh gas. And I had to break it down and clean the carburetor first.
It had been sitting for a lot of years.
Sitting on the bumper of my mother’s SUV, I wondered what Ruelle would say if I asked permission to take Andrés for a ride on it. I’d have to get the kid a helmet, of course, but the backyard was big enough so we could run the machine around.
I mean it would be a while before he was tall enough to learn to drive it, but...
I frowned. It was stupid to sit around thinking about the future. For all I knew, Ruelle could find a better job and move next week. Or the Blooms could hate Miami and Andrés wouldn’t live across the street anymore.
Angrily pulling open the third drawer on my dad’s big toolbox, I looked for the right size wrench.
Time to start pulling Big Red apart so I could put her back together again.
Unlike people, engines didn’t have what ifs and if onlys. Time flew by when I was getting my hands greasy. But before I knew it, I was scrubbed up and walking toward downtown with two women and a very excited little boy.
Parking would be a nightmare on the streets, so we’d always walk to the parade, even though it was a bit of a hike and it would be chilly on the way home.
Because my mother and Andrés were talking about all the exciting things he was going to see, I found myself walking behind them, with Ruelle.
She seemed a little subdued, and I hoped she wasn’t tired already. We hadn’t even gotten started yet.
“You okay?” I asked, mostly because it was awkward to walk in silence.
Ruelle nodded, but the smile she gave me didn’t light up her face.
“Yeah, yeah. Just watching Drés and... thinking.”
“Good thinking or bad thinking?”
That made her laugh, but it was brief.
“When the investigation started, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen, and then it got worse. His arrest, the divorce, losing everything I owned, my son and I essentially being homeless.”
“Well, that is pretty bad, you know.”
“You would think so. But look at him. He’s thriving.”
I looked over at her, then bumped her elbow with mine.
“You are too, you know.”
“We’re really happy,” she said. “I mean, obviously he loves being with your mom, but we’re happy with ourselves, too. We play games and now, thanks to you, we have a reading fort. It’s scary sometimes because I’m not used to worrying about things like money and how to do things, but I got thrown right into the deep end of that pool, I guess.”
“And you taught yourself how to swim.”
And I admired her for that.
“I’m actually very blessed. We’re lucky to have what we have, and to have each other.”
I nodded, but I didn’t speak. I’d learned the hard way that it was the people in your life that mattered, but I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t want to bring sadness into the day or make her feel uncomfortable.
“I put new snow tires on a customer’s car the other day,” I said, wanting to change the subject. “Her old ones were still in decent shape and they’d fit your car. Let me know if you want to stop by and I can mount them for you.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it and let you know.”
In other words, she’d look at her budget and try to figure out if she could afford it.
“It only takes a few minutes and we’d be saving Elton the disposal fee, so I wouldn’t charge you anything.”
“I can pay,” she said too quickly, her chin coming up.
“Fine. You can bake me some of those brownies you packed in Andrés’ lunch last week. He saved some to share with me after school and half wasn’t enough.”
“Done. And thank you, Willy.”
We were quiet for a while, and I realized my mom and her chatty sidekick were pulling ahead. Maybe they’d both need a nap. But Ruelle seemed content to let her son go and walk at my more leisurely pace.
“When I took the garbage out, I saw that you had the engine out of your big bike thingy.”
“She’s been sitting a long time, so I figured it was time to give her a good cleaning.”
“I know you’ve been out of town for a while, but did you ride it a lot before?”
“Not really. She was fun when I was younger, but then there’s work and it gets hard to find the time. And that suspension’s not exactly easy on the body.”
“Why don’t you sell it and buy something else?”
“Sell Big Red?” I frowned, even though it was a perfectly reasonable question. “Daniel, who owns the hardware store, has been trying to buy it for years, but it’s not going to happen. I paid my entire savings for her, even though she didn’t run, and that money was supposed to pay my share of the car insurance. My parents made me take the bus to school until I saved up enough again.”
“Ouch. That’s a big sacrifice for a broken three-wheeler.”
“My dad and I spent the whole winter rebuilding her until she was as good as new. You can have a lot of great conversations while cleaning engine parts.”
The memories of the many hours I’d spent with my dad in the garage over the years piled up in my head and I cleared my throat to keep it from getting clogged up with emotion.
“I’m not selling Big Red.”
“It’s probably a good thing you like working on engines, then,” she said, which made me chuckle.
“Of all the jobs I’ve done, I prefer engine work. Small engines, ATVs, trucks. I don’t have the certification for all the newer models with the computer systems and all that, but other than that, I can make pretty much anything run.”
“Is that what you did in California?”
I told her about the landscaping I’d done, and we talked about the different places I’d lived. She’d traveled a lot, of course, and we discovered we both preferred where we were to just about anywhere else.
We deposited the bag of toys my mother had bought to donate to the Christmas fund under the town tree. The pile of toys always drew attention to the tags hanging on the branches, each listing the Christmas wishes of a child in need. I wondered if Rue had filled out a form to receive a gift for her son.
She probably hasn’t.
Ruelle wouldn’t want to take away from a family who had less than they did.
By the time my mother told Andrés the spot she’d subtly steered him toward was the perfect place to watch the parade, the boy’s energy was already flagging. He’d even tripped a couple of times on the sidewalk and I guessed if the kid wasn’t standing up, he’d be asleep.
But the first piercing wail of the police chief’s siren, signaling the start of the parade, seemed to give him a second wind.
“It’s coming! Mommy, I hear it!” he shouted, and Ruelle clapped with him.
It took a while for the slow-moving line of vehicles to get to them. Everything from the fire trucks to the tractors would be decked out in Christmas tree lights, with inflatable decorations strapped to roofs and flatbeds. It was basically the rescue vehicles and many of the town’s businesses battling it out for the dubious honor of having the loudest, tackiest Christmas display on wheels.
“I can’t see!” Andrés yelled, jumping up and down.
“Calm down, baby. They’ll come past here,” Ruelle tried to explain, but her son was too excited to wait.
He wanted to see them now.
I had vague memories of that feeling, so I tapped my mother on the shoulder. It was probably a safe bet Ruelle didn’t have a lot of experience with piggyback rides, either.
“Let’s hoist Drés up.”
I squatted down and ducked my head as my mom lifted Andrés. Once the boy was sitting securely on his shoulders, I put my hands on his knees and stood up straight.
Andrés squealed and clapped his hands. I knew I’d probably be sorry later because it was a pretty long parade and the kid wasn't exactly light, but it was worth it.
It snuck up on me sometimes, at odd moments. Like now, when I was having fun and lost in the moment, and then... bam. My little girl would’ve been just two years older than Andrés’ age. If things had turned out the way I’d wanted, I’d be standing in this very spot with Delores next to me and my daughter on my shoulders.
But this time, I didn’t let the pang settle into a dull ache or withdraw into himself to nurse the wound. Instead, I let go of one of Andrés’ knees and pointed toward the back of the parade, where Elton’s tow truck was coming into view. Andrés shouted and rocked a little in his excitement, so I put my hand back on the boy’s knee.
Ruelle put her hand up, as if to steady the boy, then dropped it to her side when she saw I had him. She laughed at her son’s excitement, the lights reflecting in her sparkling eyes as she tilted her head to look up at us.
I grinned at her and let myself enjoy the moment.
***
RUE
I sat on a quilt-covered hay bale and tried to ignore the fact that my sleeping son had cut off the circulation in her legs a good half-hour ago. Rosario had lifted a corner of the quilt and tucked it around Andrés to keep the evening chill off of him before spotting some friends and disappearing.
Only the fact they were in the park surrounded by the town’s entire population kept me from flopping down next to him and taking a nap of my own.
“You look like you could use this” Willy appeared next to me, holding out a Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate.
“Oh, thank you.”
I blew across the top and then took a sip, feeling the warmth spread through my body. It got a lot colder a lot earlier than it had in Rhode Island, The Hamptons, and Upper East Side Manhattan. And, though I’d always made sure my son and I had good outerwear, I wasn’t used to the weather yet.
Willy sat on the hay next to me and, since there wasn’t a lot of room, the length of his thigh just barely pressed against mine. I would have slid over a little to make more room, but my son felt as if he was made out of cement.
“I don’t know if even the fireworks will wake him up,” I said, pulling Andres’ knit cap down a little further over his ear.
His skin was warm, so I wasn’t too worried about him.
“He’ll wake up. And he’ll get his second wind and run circles around us.”
“Both of my feet are asleep, so it won’t take much.”
He laughed and the deep sound seemed to vibrate through me. Guillermo Arriaga didn’t laugh often, but I loved it when he did.
“Do you want me to help you slide out from under him?”
“Oh no” I stroked my son’s shoulder, “It’s kind of nice cuddling, even if I can’t feel my legs. And this is the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had.”
“When you’re cold and tired, any hot chocolate is the best you’ve ever had.”
I smiled and we watched people sipping their warm drinks. Sometimes Willy would point somebody out and tell me a story. Some people waved and I saw quite a few curious glances our way. I could only imagine how we looked, sitting so closely together with a sleeping child on my lap. But Willy didn’t seem to mind.
When a boom finally sounded, followed by a burst of color in the sky, Andrés shot up so abruptly I almost wore the last third of my hot chocolate.
“Mommy, did I miss them?”
“That was just the test shot, champ,” Willy said. “It looks dark enough, so they’ll start in a few minutes.”
Rosario joined us, snuggling up to Andrés so he was warm between the two of us, and handed him a cup that was half-full of hot chocolate.
“I had them put a little extra milk in it so it’s not too hot.”
My son sipped at it and smiled at her.
“Thank you, Grandma Rosa.”
“So tell me, which was your favorite float?”
Andrés thought about it for a minute.
“The Windshield Vipers.”
“Good kid,” Willy said, and we all laughed.
“The library’s was my favorite,” I said, but the boys shook their heads.
“Not enough lights,” they said almost at the same time.
I smiled. When another firework went up, Andrés downed the last of his hot chocolate and handed the empty cup to me.
“It’s starting, Mommy!”
I had more fun watching my son than I did the fireworks. Every burst of color made him smile and when a big boom sounded, his mouth would open in awe.
It was cold, though, and I felt like I’d been sitting forever. Rosario had told me the town budgeted as much for Christmas fireworks as they did for the Fourth of July, so I knew we still had a way to go.
The temperature had dropped quite a bit when the sun went down and now it felt like the wind was picking up. A chill blew across my neck and I shivered.
Willy leaned close so I could hear him over the crowd’s appreciation for the fireworks.
“If you’re cold, I can head back now and I’ll drive my mom’s car down to pick you guys up.”
I shook my head. “Once we’re walking, we’ll be fine. It’s just cold sitting still.”
When he leaned in even closer, so his body was shielding mine from the breeze, it was more than the body heat that warmed me. And I found myself, after wondering how much longer the fireworks could last, suddenly wishing they’d never end.