It was past midnight, that was the only thing Y/n was sure about.
It was also the night before they would take off for Trost, but Y/n couldn't sleep. Everyone stemming from Trost or having family had been allowed to go visit, meaning she would be seeing her family for the first time in about two years. Her mother, brother and sister.
Not her father.
It's been four years since he'd died. Yet, Y/n imagined him at home sometimes, dancing around the kitchen with her mother, or chasing Leo around, or even sitting and listening to Stella blab about a new story she'd come up with. He'd been such a good and loving father.
So why? Why did he leave?
It hit her at night sometimes, the fact that he was gone. She didn't know how he'd died — killed on an expedition, they'd said — but she could only imagine. There weren't many things that could kill you outside the walls.
She was spiraling. There was no way she could sleep anymore. She tossed and turned, but she couldn't fall asleep. Sasha snored next to her, as did a few other girls around, which irritated her even more. Fresh air. Maybe that would help her fall asleep.
She got up and put on some old boots — she threw on a brown skirt and a blouse, then tiptoed out of the girls' barracks, the sound around her disappearing as soon as she closed the door. She took in her surroundings. No person walked around, though she ought to be careful, or else Shadis might just have her head.
The moon hung high, surrounded by countless of stars, illuminating the training grounds below. It looked so pretty, it felt so peaceful . . . she needed to share this sight with somebody. Just like the good old times.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The door opened. Eren stood there, his eyes squinting and his hair a mess. ''Who's that? Y/n? What're you doing here in the middle of the night? You know we're going to Trost tomorrow, right?''
Y/n nodded. ''Yes, yes. Can you get Jean, please?''
Eren's eyebrows furrowed. He seemed more awake now. ''Is something wrong? Do you need help?''
''No, I'm all fine! Don't worry.'' Y/n gave him a sheepish smile. ''Just . . . get Jean? Please?''
He stood there for a moment. Why the hell was Y/n there so late at night? What if Shadis caught her? ''Fine. Give me a moment.'' He closed the door in her face, turning around and trying to navigate his way to Jean's bed in the dark.
''Yo, Jean!'' Eren whisper-yelled as he touched — what he assumed is — Jean's shoulder, shaking his body. ''Wake up.''
''What the fuck do you want, Jeager,'' Jean's voice was muffled. His face must've been smushed in his pillow. ''Leave me alone.''
''Y/n's at the door. She's looking for you.''
Jean's eyebrows furrowed and he opened his eyes. He could still feel Eren's hand on his shoulder, so he quickly slapped it away. ''Don't fucking touch me.'' Jean whispered.
''I'm just trying to help you here!'' Eren grumbled before his footsteps moved away. Jean heard him hit his bed, cursing as he did so — he almost wanted to laugh.
He couldn't. Y/n was still at the door. Why the hell is she here so late at night? Jean quickly put on his shoes, grabbing his green cloak from the end of his bed and quietly made his way to the door. She was leaning on the wall when he exited, looking at the sky. ''Y/n?''
Y/n looked at him, a smile breaking on her face. ''Jean!''
''Why aren't you asleep?'' Jean asked. He still felt exhausted, but the worry kept him awake. ''Are you alright? Did something happen?''
Ignoring his question, Y/n grabbed him by the arm. She had a weak smile on her face. ''Come on.'' She started dragging him ahead, causing him to almost trip over his feet.
''Y/n, hold on!'' Jean whisper-yelled as he fell in step with her. He wasn't going to lie by saying he didn't enjoy her touch on his biceps — neither was he going to cut his experience short. ''Where are we going?''
''I know a spot.''
The spot Y/n knew was the roof of the mess hall. Jean prayed Shadis won't catch them climbing up from the side of the building, using some crates as stairs. Jean went up first, helping Y/n up; it wasn't long before the two were laying on the roof, gazing at the stars. They laid in silence for a bit. When Y/n didn't initiate a conversation, Jean took the matter in his own hands.
''So . . . are you gonna tell me what's wrong?'' Jean asked, turning his head to the side. Y/n continued watching the sky with a neutral expression, ignoring his question. Jean waited. More accurately, he got distracted at how pretty she looked, laying there peacefully, her hands over her stomach and her legs crossed. He watched the way her eyebrows twitched from time to time, the way her lips parted once as if she was about to speak but closed them again before she did. He wanted to reach out, run his hand through her hair. Wanted to take all her troubles away, but he knew he couldn't.
"It's pretty, isn't it?" Y/n asked, her eyes remaining on the endless night sky above them.
Jean nodded, though he didn't look away from her. "Yeah."
A moment of silence followed. He wasn't sure if he should ask what was wrong again. ''Jean.'' She shook him out of his trance, speaking before he could. ''Do you think Eren really believes he can slay all the titans out there?''
He scoffed. ''Of course he does, that guy's crazy.'' Y/n didn't laugh along. Jean fell silent. Why would she . . . oh fuck. ''You were thinking about him, weren't you?'' Her silence was an answer enough. Jean focused his eyes on the sky and blindly reached for her hands, grabbing her left one from her stomach and squeezing it. ''Your dad was smarter than Jeager. I'm sure he had his reasons."
''Mhm.''
They've had this conversation countless of times, yet Jean never knew what to say. It's enough that you're here to listen, she'd told him once, yet he still felt guilty. When she had nightmares, especially after her father died, she would ask her mother if she could sleep over at his house, then she'd make him sneak out to the roof and they would just look at the moon and the stars, mostly in silence. He wondered if they would ever return to the roof of his house to gaze at the stars.
Y/n's hand suddenly trembled in his. He thought she'd started crying for a moment, but when he looked at her, she was shivering. That was when he noticed she was only wearing a thin blouse and no jacket. ''Shit, Y/n, it's cold. Why didn't you take your cloak?'' Jean pulled both of them to sit, quickly wrapping his cloak tightly around Y/n. ''Here.'' He pulled the hood on her head as well.
Her shivering stopped significantly. She faced Jean, though she was looking over his shoulder, her eyes spaced-out as he finished tucking her in his cloak. ''Why'd he have to go, Jean?''
He pursed his lips. ''I don't know, Y/n. But don't worry. I'm here.'' He wasn't sure if that was good enough for her. If he was good enough for her. Not knowing how else to console her, Jean pulled her in a hug, letting her nuzzle her face in his shoulder. She curled into herself as Jean held her, almost sitting across his lap. She didn't shake or let out any sounds, but Jean felt the wetness on his collar. He rested his head on top of hers, holding her tightly as she let her pain out.
———
''Y/n, get up or you're gonna be late!'' Mina called from somewhere behind her.
A groan. She nuzzled further in her warm covers. They smelled different than usual, but familiar. Nice. Comforting. She couldn't quite put her finger to it, but she didn't want to move. ''I don't want to.''
''We're going to Trost today!'' Sasha reminded her.
Y/n's eyes snapped open. ''Right!'' She sat up, her blanket pooling at her waist and something sliding off her shoulder. Looking back, she found a green cloak spread over her mattress and pillow where she'd been laying before. The hell? Hold on. ''How did I even get back?''
''Jean brought you a few hours ago.'' Y/n looked at Mikasa in shock, not even realizing she'd spoken out loud.
''Huh?'' Y/n thought back to last night. The last thing she remembered was Jean holding her as she silently cried. Had she fallen asleep? ''He did?''
''Yes! It was so cute!'' Mina gushed. cupping her hands. ''You were all bundled up in his cloak when Mikasa opened the door, he tucked you in and everything!''
Sasha nodded in confirmation. ''He was even smiling! Does he have a thing for you?'' She asked.
Y/n's eyes widened. ''Jean? No, no way. Why would he like me? We're friends.'' Y/n's heart skipped a beat at that. There's no way Jean likes me. There's no way I like him, either. He's annoying. But yesterday . . . he was so caring. She shook her head. Stop this.
Jean was already at the mess hall with Marco and Connie when Sasha and Y/n made it. The girls grabbed their breakfast; Jean had started getting up just as they'd made it to the table. ''Jean!'' Y/n called, rushing over to him. ''You done already?'' His plate was empty, as was his cup.
''Good morning to you, too,'' Jean said. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes, though he had a lazy smile on his face. ''You want me to wait for you?''
Y/n shook her head. ''I'm not hungry. I'm sure my mom has cooked me up a feast at home.'' Y/n put her food on the table, pushing it closer to Sasha. ''You can have my portion, too.''
Sasha's eyes lit up as if Y/n had offered her a bar of gold, not stale-looking eggs. ''THANK YOU!''
Jean returned his plate before he met Y/n outside the mess hall. ''You feeling better?'' Jean's hands were in his pants' pockets again. Y/n wanted to roll her eyes at the funny way he was walking.
''Yeah, I'm fine.'' Y/n handed him his cloak back. ''Thanks for everything yesterday. Sorry I woke you up.''
Jean unfolded the cloak and threw it over one shoulder, shrugging. ''Don't worry about it. I'd rather you wake me up than . . .'' He trailed off and cleared his throat. ''Did you manage to get some sleep?''
''Oh, yeah! I don't even remember falling asleep last night. Thanks for bringing me back.''
''Yeah, you fell asleep pretty quick after . . .'' he trailed off again. Y/n was glad he didn't mention it. She would die of embarrassment if someone overheard that she fell asleep crying in Jean's arms. Ymir would never let me live this down if she hears.
She thought back to what Sasha had said. He was even smiling! Does he have a thing for you? ''You know, Sasha said something funny earlier.'' Jean hummed in question. ''She said you were smiling when you brought me back. Were you really?''
Jean scoffed. ''And you trust Sasha if all people? It was dark! How would she have seen? I was just glad I didn't have to haul your ass around training grounds and avoid Shadis anymore!''
Y/n knew he was joking. This was the normal way they talked to each other and she was glad he wasn't babying her after last night. But why did his words kind of hurt? Y/n laughed. ''I know you enjoyed playing the knight in shining armor, Jean-Bo!''
''Shut up, I know you enjoyed wearing my cloak, too.'' Jean smirked, returning the friendly-fire. ''I'm sure you didn't even want to give it back, did you?''
Her eyes widened slightly. Did I want to give it back? Why wouldn't I? ''As if I'd want your stinky, horse-shit smelling cloak!''
Jean narrowed his eyes and nuzzled his nose on his shoulder, sniffing his cloak. ''It just smells like laundry detergent! I wash my clothes!''
''Oh my, Jean-Bo doesn't need his mommy to wash his clothes anymore!''
Ymir and Christa exited the mess hall, watching as Jean and Y/n bickered loudly a few meters ahead. ''Are you sure those two dumbasses don't like each other, Christa?''
Christa shrugged. ''I don't know. Y/n has never expressed having a crush, has she? But they seem to care about each other a lot . . .''
Ymir smirked. She threw her arm around Christa, bringing her closer. ''Not as much as we care for each other, though, right?''
Christa's cheeks grew warm. ''Y . . . Yeah!''
As Ymir and Christa passed the two, Y/n snatched Jean's cloak from his shoulder. ''HEY!'' She started running away as he chased right after her.