Arnav went back to his room and sat down by the pool looking at the still water. His mind raced in different directions but he held himself from thinking anything.
He mentally thanked Nani for asking everyone to eat first, he would have fainted if not. The day clearly took a toll on him. His wedding didn't happen. His wedding is called off and his sister's marriage is over and he was actually happy about this.
What a joke! He laughed mirthlessly at that.
Tears stung his eyes and he looked up at the cloudless sky in search of the star that he started referring to as his mother.
His own wedding being called off, surprisingly didn't hurt at all, maybe because subconsciously that's what he wanted. He only felt bad cause that would have hurt Khushi a lot, for all he cared, Khushi and him are one, in all the ways that matter. Phere or not, she is his and he is hers, but she would need a wedding again he knew.
She is so deeply rooted in traditions and culture, and after hearing Garima Amma's side of things he understood why and where she is coming from too.
He had always mentally criticized all the women in his family including his dead mother for being so old-fashioned, narrow-minded, and conservative and to be caring for societal norms more than themselves but today he realized they weren't like that by choice.
He had no right whatsoever to judge them because he had no idea what it means to be a woman. In their times, in their circumstances, and in their shoes.
He wished he could release all these women from the shackles of society and ask them to live as they wished, do whatever they wanted.
Something really flipped inside him today. His respect for Garima Aunty, his Nani and all the women in his family grew manifold. Finally landing his eyes on the star he was looking for, he blew a kiss in the air and smiled. He still didn't know the full story behind his parent's death and maybe at this point, there is no point digging things deeply either. But one thing was for sure, his father was once a good person too, he saved someone.
Though what happened later was really unfortunate, he saved Garima Amma. For the first time in many years, he wished not only his mother but his father stayed alive too.
Tears blurred his eyes as all the sweet memories of childhood in Sheesh Mahal flashed before his eyes as if it were yesterday.
"Arnavji..", he heard Khushi's calling as she opened the door and stepped into their room devoid of any light. She is still in her green and pink lehenga dressed as a bride, his bride.
"Here.", Arnav called and she came and sat beside on the ledge of the poolside looping her arm around his and putting her head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Khushi..", he said and she looked at him in confusion.
"What for?"
"May be if I reached early..", he started saying and he put a finger on his lips.
"It was not meant to happen today and it didn't. I am just really glad that you are okay.", she said kissing the wound on his head.
"We can plan for the ceremony..", he started saying when she cut him off.
"I ...I need some time ..", she said looking down and he knew something was definitely bothering her even though she is not saying it.
"We can do it tomorrow itself..", he said putting a finger under her chin and making her look up. "I ...No...I need some time..", she said.
"Is there something that's bothering you? Did Dadi say something...She will be escorted back to the ashram tomorrow itself."
"It's ...its not about that. I don't know how to say it exactly..but I feel like I ...", she tried but couldn't articulate it well and sighed.
"We can discuss all this later..we should sleep now.", she said and stood up.
"Where are those tablets Di got from the pharmacy? And will you have a bath? I will for sure. ", Khushi walked into the room and started removing the pins in her hair sitting in front of the mirror.
Arnav followed her inside and started helping her in removing her pins taking each one out slowly. Khushi slouched back onto his frame and yawned.
"You are sleeping here?", Arnav asked quietly putting the pins aside.
"hmm.", Khushi replied opening her eyes and started taking out her bangles.
"Here, let me.", Arnav said crouching in front of her and slowly removing her bangles after kissing her wrists.
"Today should have been our wedding night.", Khushi said looking blankly at the bed, suddenly sad that the ceremony didn't take place as planned.
"Hey..It was our wedding night yesterday.", he said with a small smirk reminding her of all their passionate moments from yesterday and as expected, she blushed.
"It is one of the sweetest moments in my life.", she said.
"It is the most sweetest moment in my life.", he said kissing her cheek.
Cold breeze wafted inside the room from the poolside and both now felt the familiar heat.
Resisting the urge to kiss, Arnav slowly pulled back and stood up and walked to his wardrobe. "I ..I will have bath first, you take off the jewellery meanwhile..", he said walking into the bathroom and Khushi nodded turning back to the mirror.
Minutes later once she was done with removing all her jewellery, now clad in just her bridal lehenga, Khushi looked at herself and slowly touched her face where she was slapped.
The swelling has significantly reduced and the bruise was almost gone but it still stung, burned in fact, not just her skin but her soul.
The amount of hurt and humiliation she felt at that moment was truly incomparable.
"Just how dare she hit me?", Khushi thought aloud for the first time and it surprised her why hadn't she ever thought this before.
She had been hit before, by her Amma, Buaji so many times, sometimes because she was just so naughty in childhood, sometimes by her teachers who thought the punishment was a way to set children right. The physical pain was not new to her.
But this time she was hit by something new altogether.
All these times, though she always believed nobody should be allowed to hit someone else, she got hit, its fine, because it's her Amma, her Buaji, and her teachers, who from within, only wanted good for her, they did it cause they wished well for her always.
But what Subhadra Mallik did today, she didn't do it, because she wished anything for her, she just did it from a place of rage and pure malice, she did it because she thought she was entitled to behave that way with her.
Just why did she tolerate that?
Just why did she give that kind of power to anyone?
She was so numbed to react at that moment as she was so lost in the doom of her impending wedding but now with everything else sorted, she felt the burn.
She did nothing but try her best to please that woman from the moment she stepped into Shantivan. Despite all the mishaps, despite the repeated insults, despite everything, she tried to respect her for her age and for her relation to Arnav and what did she get in return?
What scared her the most is how much Subhadra resembled Arnav at that moment. The same gold digger insults, how she didn't even bother to thoroughly know the story before jumping to such conclusions, before making such vile accusations about her and her mother, how she let such callous words slip her mouth with such ease, and more importantly, the rage with which she was possessed to be physically manhandling and hitting her.
Just how dare she?
Arnav's own days of constantly hating her with no sense or reason, his own insulting words, and the number of times he manhandled her, treated her like shit, hurt her with his high-handedness, and forced her to do his bidding are not lost on her.
She turned to look at the poolside and she felt like she was back to the day when he yelled at her and called her the biggest mistake of his life.
She is never going to forget that day.
It's pathetic really how she could put herself in a similar situation time and again, she thought with a mirthless chuckle as hot tears burned her eyes.
Is this the price of love ?, she thought that day and today again.
But love was never the real issue, was it?
That day and today again, it is the same thing, it's the question of trust, respect, and conduct.
Today could have gone much worse in a million different ways, she was glad it didn't but that didn't stop her from worrying and wondering what if it did, how would her parents cope, how she would have coped.
Money, and class difference, were once again at the crux of her position in this house.
Today Dadi said it and tomorrow someone else, would say, she married him for money, that she lured him, heck she knew, Arnav would say it too, one day, in his rage, just to hurt her in the heat of the moment, he would regret it later, would apologize to her just like he did last time, with full heart.
But he couldn't take back his words and she wouldn't undo the hurt those words would cause her.
She, being herself would try and forgive him but how many times?
She loved him with all of her, but that didn't mean she was blind to his nature.
He would dominate her, hurt her with words, and would come back to apologize.
It's in his blood after all, she thought as a lone tear escaped her eyes.
What her Amma told today made her think and feel very deeply, about how much she is like her and how much she hated that.
Anger coursed through her veins as she thought of what Garima must have gone through back in the day and how she herself went through so much too because of both Shyam and Arnav too.
He was the one who forced her into a wedding and guess who gets the characterless, gold-digger comments?
Heck, she didn't want this!
Looking at herself back in the mirror, she wanted to get up and leave, she was all she needed.
But she knew that wouldn't work, she loved him too much for that, she wanted him, despite all this.
But how?
.~*~..~*~.