The camera pans into a kitchen. A title appears.
Cooking with a fat Italian
Then a computer bot voice starts to talk.
"Hello everyone today I have a fat Italian and one of his friends with me. Today they are going to show you how to make the finest cuisine."
He then throws Mario saying, "This dumb Italian in question."
He then throws me. "And this is his friend, SMG5."
"Hey! Dude, don't throw me like that!"
"Shut up you idiot." The voice says to me rudely.
I grumble a bit.
"Where was I? Ah! Yes. Excellent now we can began."
When he was talking Mario kept looking around the room and I have my arms crossed with a grump face.
"WHERE ARE YOU?!" Mario shouts and then hides behind the counter. "Are you a ghost?!"
"Mario, chill. It's just a person with a bot like voice." Mario ignored me but then the voice speaks up.
"I'm the narrator, you idiots."
"THEIR IN THE WALLS!?!" Mario then gets out a gun.
"MARIO NO-" A arm comes out of the ceiling and bends his gun, causing it to shoot Mario in the face.
"JEEZ YOU ALRIGHT DUDE?!" I speed walk up to him and bend down, checking over him. Just then a chef hat was placed on his head. The arm takes my hat and before I could protest a chef hat was placed on my head.
I help Mario get up as the narrator starts to talk again.
"Since it is the start of a new year we will be making a new years treat."
"I know just the thing!" Mario then try's to find something but can't seem to find it.
Confused I just stand there looking at Mario as if he is nuts.
"Where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!" he takes of the hat and shakes it.
"What are you looking for Mario?"
"MY SPAGHETTI!!!" He takes off his clothes.
I look away not wanting to see...anything...
"MARIO PUT YOUR GOD DAMN CLOTHES BACK ON!" I shout while turned around I covering my eyes.
The arm appears with multiple plates of spaghetti on the counter, waving its finger in a 'no'."No we're not making spaghetti." Mario seems to not like that and goes into a corner sand starts to pout. I don't mind however.
I hope it's something with baking. Like a cake! I want to make one for SMG3 and SMG4. I thought in my head as I turn back around. Thankfully he's wearing his clothes again. Just as I said that in my head the narrator speaks up.
"Stop pouting. We'll be making a cake."
Mario immediately turned around and got hyped. I also am hyped too.
I haven't baked in years.. I stopped when I was younger. Can't wait to bake again!
"Before anything else we will need a recipe. Do you have one?" The narrator ask.
"Yes I do!" I reach in my hat- oh right... "I have a recipe book in my hat can you get it out for me?" I ask the narrator. A book was placed on the counter. "Oh thanks!"
"You're welcome. Mario, do you have one?"
"Yes I do!" He then reached off the screen and brings out a computer. He puts in on the counter and clicks the space button. A video starts to play.
"Wow, actually looks pretty good." The narrator complements. But the video turned into one of things where people smash a bunch of stuff on an item. The narrator didn't like that.
I look back at Mario who now has a shovel in his hand. "Mario no. We ain't doing that typed of sh¡t."
The narrator's arm takes the shovel and hits Mario on the head with the shovel. Mario didn't like that and yelled at the narrator. I didn't like it either and glared at where the supposed narrator would be.
We are both behind the counter, with me looking through my recipe book looking for two good cake recipes while Mario is still thinking of a recipe.
"Give me a real recipe you idiot." The narrator gives Mario a piece paper and a pencil.
Mario writes a recipe on it. He shows it to me first and then to the narrator.
"Then check this out!" Mario is happy for himself. I'm scared for him. Man, he really likes spaghetti doesn't he?
The narrator takes the paper. "Do me a favor and actually try for once." He says rolling it into a paper ball.
"Dude! Don't do that! He is trying! He just loves spaghetti with all his heart!" I yell at the narrator.
"Don't try to stick up for him. He needs a recipe and he is not going to mooch off of you for one."
I grumble and cross my arms.
"Do I need to get you one of your other friends to cook instead?"
Mario got an idea and pulls out... a...? The hell is that thing called? I never really watch or play gmod that much. Mario pulls out a summoner tool and summons SMG4, who is sitting on a chair with his computer. He notices me and waves at me, lightly blushing. I wave back, hiding my recipe book behind me. Mario whispers to SMG4 and SMG4 start to search up a recipe for him. He hits print and Mario has a wire connected to him and a paper comes out of his mouth.
What the f—k did I just witness??? I think as I look at Mario with surprise and disbelief.
Once it was done printing the narrator takes it and looks over it.
"Hm. This seems good enough."
Both of them smile widely and high fives each other.
"Now get out of here." The narrator takes out a removal tool. SMG4 screams and the narrator got rid of him.
Why am I here again? Oh yea... to bake a cake.
Mario didn't like that and starts to yell and scream about his missing best friend.
...what am I a roach? why the f—k am I here?
"Oh shut up Mario. At least you have SMG5 with you." The narrator says as he drags Mario off screen.That seems to calm Mario down a bit.
We are all in front of the refrigerator. The narrator speaks up.
"Now that we have a recipe to follow, it's time to get out the ingredients." He says as Mario comes out of the refrigerator and falls on the floor.
"Mario, how the hell- sigh never mind." I sighed in the middle on my sentence, already done with Mario's craziness.
"We will need eggs, sugar, hamburger-" He says as Mario gets out the ingredients and I do too. Narrator slaps the hamburger off his nose. Mario frowns at the narrator, who continues to list the ingredients. "Baking powder, barbecue sau- vanilla extract,-"
Mario lifts up his hat to reveal an angry bird character. "B i r d." The narrator gets rid of the bird and replaces it with, "Whole milk."
Mario, enraged, rummages in the fridge while I put the ingredients on the table with a few of the ingredients I need as well. Mario takes a a baguette. "A GODDAMN BAGUETTE!"
"Stop interrupting me fat ass. Look at SMG5 he isn't interrupting me. So stop it." The narrator says.
Mario starts to cry and whine.
"Mario, come on. Don't you want to make a cake?"
Mario ignores me and continues to whine.
The narrator speaks up. "Fine, pick out the rest of the ingredients yourself."
Mario, pleased with that, rummages frantically in the fridge. I deadpanned at his...craziness. Mario takes out a gallon gatorade? bottle looking at it curiously. He looks left and right. He lifts it to his mouth.
"MARIO NO-!" I shout and tried to stop him but he drank some. Mario shriveled up, screams and flops on the ground, seemingly dead.
"IDIOT!" I shout at Mario's dead body.
"Great he shut up. Let's move on before anything else happens."
A few minutes pass by since Mario woke up but for some reason he thought it was Christmas so he put up a Christmas tree and decorated the kitchen.
"Why the fu-"
The narrator interrupts me. "Before you began your cooking adventure you need to start with preparation." He says as Mario's head rises from the ground.
"Mario get up and focus."
Mario gets up from the ground.
"First off we're gonna need some cooking utensils. You're gonna need a mixing bowl, measuring cups or mixing- he slaps Mario hands since he was trying to touch them- mixing spoon, baking trays, and a gun."
"Why do we need a gun?" I ask, looking at the gun worriedly.
"What he said, we don't need that." Mario agrees, picking his nose and touches the eggs. The narrator takes the gun and shoots Mario with it.
"Ohhh~ that's what it's for." Finally getting it.
"Next, don't forget to clean your hands before cooking." The narrator says as Mario fades into the sink. I am washing my hands and the eggs Mario touched.
"Next, line your tray with baking paper." I put mine on two trays while Mario puts one on his tray. I look at the paper he used and realize it is a Declaration of Independence paper. I didn't bother it since it might just be a copy.
Both me and Mario are infront of the oven, smiles on our faces.
"It's time to preheat the oven, unfortunately children can't operate the oven." The narrator teleports Mario to the far end in a baby bed. Mario cry's.
"Can I operate it then?" I ask, having one of my fingers up.
"No." I then get teleported next to Mario but instead of being in a baby bed I'm chained to the wall my bandanna nowhere to be seen.
"WHAT THE HELL!" I shout as I try to get the chain off of my neck.
"Let's call in our safety guy to turn on the stove." The safety guy does a dramatic thing and turns one the stove to 180 celsius. The guy leaves, passing me and Mario. I'm still trying to get the chain off while Mario is still crying.
Mario and me are behind the counter again with me glaring at the narrator rubbing my neck, which is going to have a bruise on it due to me struggling to get out I would hide it but I can't find my bandanna, Mario is pouting.
"Congratulations. Preparation are complete let's see that smile."
I scowl harder at him. Mario starts to cry again.
Three bowls are in front of us. Mario has one I have two.
"We will make the batter next. Five you will follow your recipe while Mario follows mine. We will need two eggs, two tablespoons of oil, half a cup of butter, one cup of milk-" for some reason the cow is very...ahem flirty ... and try's to get Mario to kiss it. Mario screams and takes out a weapon and hits it.
"One cup of milk and four cups of flour."
Mario misunderstands it and puts an actual flower in it and stirs the batter fast with a proud smile on his face.
"No. Stop. That will be inedible."
Mario denies and tastes it his face scrunches inward.
"Congratulations you now have salmonella. D u m b a s s." The narrator states with clapping hands around the scrunched up face.
While Mario was doing the stuff narrator told him to do I was mixing my two batters. I also sneaked in a mini oven for me cause I don't want them to burn and I know Mario will forget.
"Next step, pour your batter into a baking tin and make sure it's evenly spread."
"Okay!" Both me and Mario said simultaneously. I pour my two batter in two of the baking pan pans in front of me. Mario tries to walk but trips on the whisk and yeets past me and bounces around the supposed living room. The batter ended up into an old top hat.
"Oh...Eugh.." I shiver out of disgust.
Mario comes crashing down behind the hat and waves his arms. "Ta da!"
"Oh boy. I can't wait to contract Ebola." The narrator says sarcastically.
I help Mario stand up, who is dizzy as f—k, holding on to his cake batter in a hat. I grab mine as the narrator is talking.
"Now we'll need our safety guy named Pryo to handle putting the cake in the oven." As he was talking me and Mario got triggered. The safety guy walks in all happy but then me and mario cuts in front of him. Mario slaps the safety guy.
"Stop." Mario says as he points at him. I aim my bazooka at him with a crazed smiles my pupils shrinks to look like dots. The safety guy leaves with a frown.
"Stop mocking me and SMG5! We can totally do this." Mario shouts at the narrator. I put my cake in the mini oven and set a timer. I look back at Mario, who's hands are shaking, is struggling to put it in.
"Do you want me to put it in for you?" I ask as I walk up from behind him. Mario looks at me and back at the oven. He shakes his head.
"Mario got this." Determined or scared he throw the cake in the oven. Mario is proud of himself.
I laugh a bit. "Pfft- Well that's one way to put it in!"
"Congratulations. Just don't forget to put it out when it's ready." The narrator warns.
Mario laughs, "pfft like Mario will forget," he points to himself, "See guys! I conquered the stove! I'm the master of the kitchen!"
"No need to get a head of yourself Mario. Don't get too excited or else you might screw up something like I do sometimes..." I blank... I see Mario on the ground inflamed. I shake my head. "What's next narrator?"
"Glad you ask." Mario appears next to me behind the counter. "Next we will make the cakes frosting. We will need icing sugar, butter, and milk." Before I can grab anything to use Mario shoves the milk and butter away and pours the icing sugar on the countertop and... snorts it up.
"WHAT THE F—K MARIO!? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?" Mario ignores me and acts like he is on one heck of a trip. The narrator flicks the label off and shows that it's poison.
Mario stops acting crazy and looks at the label. "Oh okay."
"Oh sh¡t... Mario you need to go to the hos-" I am interrupted by Mario screaming.
What the hell is with everyone and interrupting me today?!? It's getting old and annoying FAST.
After that mess... and after I'm half way done with making the icing I need, the timer went off for me. I take out my cakes- "OW F—K!" I slam the two pans down on a cooling rack and wave my hands crazy. I forgot I took off my gloves... OWWWW
"Is SMG5 okay?" Mario asks worried for me.
"Yea..I'm fine... just burned my hands that's all." I said putting my hands under cold water.
"Do you need Mario's help?"
"No I'm good..thanks Mario. I will be right back. I'm gonna go bandage my hands."
I walk out the room leaving a worried Mario behind.
I come back with bandaged hands to see Mario with several knives in his head. "The hell Mario? Why?" Mario just shrugs.
The narrator comes back. "Okay Mario, I finished puking and I'm-" he sees Mario and takes out his phone and takes a picture. "LMAO dumbass."
"Since you're going with that gross spaghetti frosting chop up these tomatoes and make some pasta sauce." He gives Mario some tomato's. I cover my cakes and my half made icing, knowing this is gonna get messy.
Mario looks at the knifes he has in his head and takes out the katana. He does a reference I don't know and tomatoes exploded everywhere. Cover me and Mario with it.
"DAMN IT MARIO! WHY!" I shout while trying to get the tomato juice out of my eyes.
The narrator slaps Mario upside the head. "Alright now it's time to decorate the cake."
"Oh yea! The cake!"
"Wait- OH SH-"
"THE CAKE!?!?!?" we both look at the oven. Flames are coming out of it. Mario screams and rushes to it. He opens the oven and gets the burnt cake out and kicks the oven outside.
"Oh no..."
"It's okay Mario.."
"Im the master of the kitchen! Thats my impression of an idiot." The narrator mocks Mario.
Mario didn't like it and did it back at him. "Look at me, I suck! That's my impression of yo-" the narrator punches Mario hard in the eye.
Mario looks at the counter top sad and pops the cake out of the top hot. I glare at the narrator while putting an ice pack on Mario's eye. After patching him I take out my two cakes.
"Too late to go back..let's add some frosting and decoration."
I calmly put on my icing and decoration while Mario takes out a Splatoon gun and shoot the heck out of the cake then he starts to put mini plates of spaghetti on the cake. I put some light decoration on both of them though one of the cake has more than the other one.
"Alright let's see how badly you messed this up."
Curtains are placed in front of the cakes. Mario appears in front of it.
"It's time for the moment you've been waiting for!" The curtains pulled back revealing four cakes.
"Wait four? Why are their four cakes?" Mario ask, confused.
"Well I am making two of those cake for SMG4 and SMG3. I decided to make you one too and made it a surprise! So Surprise!" I do jazz hands on his cake I made. The cake I made for him is red, blue and has some fake spaghetti plates on it.
"You like it?"
"Like it..." Mario says, a shadow on his eyes. I start to worry. "I LOVE IT!!!" He takes his cake and eats it in one bite.
"Pfft! Well I'm glad you love it!"
We all look back at the now three cakes. Mario's stand out from the other two. I take the two of the cakes and place them in there correct colored box.
"I'm not touching that thankfully out victim- I mean special guest , Tari, will try it first."
Tari waves a hello and looks at the cake, excited.
"Well imma head off. Enjoy you two!" I wave goodbye to the both of them. I grab my hat that is conveniently on a coat rack and leave.
I first stop at the castle since it was closer. I go to where SMG4 works/sleeps in and knocks on the door. The door opens to reveal SMG4. He seems excited that I'm here. "Hey man! What brings you here? Wanna come in?" I have my head.
"Nah I got stuff to do. The reason I'm here is because I baked a cake for you!" I show him the cake I made for him. He looks at the cake even more happy and takes it from my hands to inspect it. Before he opened it he realized I'm wearing bandages on my hands and I have a bruise on my neck.
"Dude? What happened to your hands and neck?! Why are your hands in bandages?!" He ask frantically.
Ah.. I forgot to get my bandanna back for the narrator.. "Woah woah woah! Calm down Four! I'm wearing bandages because I was being a dumbass and took the cakes out of the oven with my bear hands and forgot to put on mittens or had my gloves on." I explain.
He didn't seem to calm down a lot but he did a bit. "Are you okay at least?" He says taking my hand and inspecting my bandages hand.
I blush a bit due to him touching my hand. I take my hand back. "Yea I'm fine. Anyways enjoy your cake!" I wave and leave him.
Four watches him walk away. He is still worried for him. He looks at the Kia he is has and closes his door. He opens the box to reveal a blue and white cake with decoration of memes and Beeg SMG4.
"Awww~ he did really good on this! I can't wait to try it!" He takes a fork and without cutting it he takes some cake and eats some. His eyes widens and his pupils grew. "So...GOOD!" He eats the rest of the cake while working on his videos.
I get to Starbucks and look for SMG3. I walk up stairs and knock on the door. It opens to reveal SMG3 looking at me confused and annoyed. "What do you want?" He demands.
"Uh..sorry if I bothered you I just wanted to give you this." I show him the box. "I made cakes today and wanted to give you one."
He looks at the box in my hand and back at me. "I don't like sweets." He stated.
"That's no problem! This cake is spicy for you!"
He seemed confuse but took the box and placed it on one of his table. He looks back at me and was about to speak but then looks at my hand and my neck and points at the bruise. "THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS AND YOUR NECK?!" He yells and takes my hand roughly and looks over it. He lifts my head with my chin with his free hand looking at my neck with the bruise. "Who done this..."
"First ouch. Second I was being a dumbass and forgot I didn't have my gloves on and forgot to put mittens on." I explained trying to get my hand out of his grip. I flushed a bit went he put his hand on my chin.
"You are right you were a dumbass. Did you get both of these checked?"
"Yes I did. Don't worry." I lied through my teeth. I finally get my hand out of his grip. "Now if you excuse me imma go now, enjoy your cake!" I wave and leave.
Three watches him leave. Something's up with him...I know he lied. But why? Whatever.. he looks at the box and opens it. There is a cake that is black and dark purple with decoration of dead memes and himself with eggdog on top. Now he wasn't gonna lie the cake looks amazing but he wasn't going to tell Five himself. He cuts a slice and puts it on a plate and takes a fork and took a bite.
"Holy hell- how did he make this spicy? I can taste it more than the sugar." his pupils grew as he ate more and more of the cake while talking with eggdog.
I got home and relaxed on my bed petting eggcat and hugging mini V as I write in my journal.
Dear journal,
Today me and Mario baked cakes! I was successful but Mario had some trouble...like putting in the wrong ingredients, making the icing, burning the cake... I hope Tari is okay..I sort of left after Tari showed up... Anyhow. I gave the cakes I made to Four and Three. I hope they like it. We'll see about it tomorrow I guess... Also while I'm writing this I decided to do a doodle Eggcat and mini me! Doesn't it look amazing and adorable!
Anyways. I'm tired after today and I wanna go to sleep.. good night journal.
From,
SMG5
I put my journal away, turned off my light, and get comfy in bed. I close my eyes.
Sleep welcomes me.
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JEEZ THIS CHAPTER IS LONG FOR ME....! I also doodles a bit here is Cloud and Storm! Someone called Cloud an idiot and he didn't like it. Tell me if I made a mistake here.
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