Chapter song:
Scene One - James Dean & Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens
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"Can I please take off this blindfold?" Katie whines, placing her hand over the black bandana covering her eyes.
Keeping my left hand on the steering wheel, I use my right to pull her arm away from her face. "Absolutely not," I scold her. "We'll be there soon."
She groans loudly as she crosses her arms over her chest in frustration, making me chuckle quietly.
"Is this it?" She asks, my brows furrowing in confusion as my eyes flick in her direction.
"Hm?"
"Is this when I find out you're actually a serial killer, and I'm just another one of your victims?"
I roll my eyes, a smile growing on my lips. "You're so dramatic," I laugh, shaking my head. "Princess, if I wanted you dead, you'd be gone already."
She giggles to herself, resting her head back against the seat's headrest as I slow the car down, and turn the steering wheel to the left to pull onto a dirt road. The car shakes each time we drive over a rock, or bump in the road, and Katie grips the door to stabilize herself.
After a few minutes, we finally reach a clearing that looks out over the city. The sun is setting, casting purple and orange hues on the clouds, and the surrounding aspen trees.
I stop the car, putting it in park and unbuckling my seatbelt.
"Are we here?" Katie wonders, letting her own seatbelt go.
"Yes, we're here," I chuckle. That's only the fifth time she's asked me that since we left my flat.
I open the door, jogging over to her side of the car to help her out. With her hand in mine, I carefully lead her over to the spot I have picked out to watch the fireworks.
"Okay, now you can take the blindfold off," I tell her.
I watch as she reaches up to pull the bandana up, and off of her head. She glances around curiously, gasping when her eyes land on the blanket laid out over the dry grass. A large cooler lay in the corner to hold the colorful quilt down, with two plates, and two wine glasses situated on the fabric.
Her head snaps in my direction, her mouth agape as she stares at me. "A picnic?" She asks quietly.
I hum, nodding my head in response before making my way over to the blanket. I crouch down, opening the red cooler to pull out the bottle of Benovia La Pommeraie Chardonnay to uncork it.
"Come sit down," I say softly, gesturing to the blanket with a nod. "Please."
A smile appears on her face before she walks over, and plops down on the blanket, crossing her legs in front of her. I reach for one of the empty wine glasses, and fill it halfway to hand it to her. I fill my own glass before taking a seat next to her, lifting the white wine towards her.
"Cheers to us," I whisper. "And cheers to going into the new year together."
She rolls her lips into her mouth, biting back her smile as she clinks her glass with mine before taking a sip.
"It's beautiful up here," she hums, taking in her surroundings with wide eyes. "How did you find this place?"
I shrug my shoulders, reaching for the bluetooth speakers sitting next to the cooler, and putting on her favorite playlist - early two thousands, post-hardcore.
The music drifts through the speakers as I turn to face her, tucking my legs up against my chest.
"I was just driving around to clear my head one day, and happened across it," I explain. "Technically, we're not really supposed to be here."
Her eyes widen, and she lightly smacks my leg with the back of her hand, making me laugh. "What?!" She gasps.
"Yeah, I guess it's 'private property', or whatever," I mock the 'No Trespassing' signs posted along the road up to the clearing with air quotes. "It's New Years eve, no one is going to be up here."
She rolls her eyes at me, but I can see her fighting to hold back her smile. "You're unbelievable," she shakes her head. "If we get arrested I'm blaming you."
I smirk, nudging her knee with my black Converse. "Relax," I assure her. "We're not going to get arrested. If anything, we'll just get a ticket on our records, and have to pay a big fine."
She shoots me a glare, clicking her tongue in annoyance. "Harry!" She huffs, making me throw my head back with a laugh. I can tell she's trying not to, but eventually she gives in, laughing along with me. "You're such an asshole."
I reach over, wrapping my arm over her shoulders, and around her neck to pull her close. She squeals as she struggles against me, and I lean down until my lips brush against her cheek.
"Yeah, but I'm your asshole," I whisper in her ear.
She turns her head to look at me, her beautiful eyes meeting mine. My heart begins to race with her gaze on me, and I place my hand on her cheek, stroking her soft skin gently. She hums, leaning into my touch as her eyes flutter shut, and I take the opportunity to examine her features.
Her pink lips are full, the corners turned upward into a relaxed smile as the last few minutes of sun light reflect off of the single stud nestled in her Cupid's bow. Her dark brows frame her eyes, and although they're closed, I can picture her breathtaking irises; golden-brown, like the afternoon sun shining through a glass of whiskey. I have them memorized, branded into my brain like they're part of me now.
Like she's part of me now.
My breathing picks up, my skin that's in contact with hers tingling with electricity.
Fuck, I love her. She's everything; she's the reason to keep going, to keep living.
I wanted to tell her about Caroline for so long, but I was afraid; I didn't know how she would react.
Would she be jealous?
Would she think I had too much baggage?
Would she want someone more stable, more put together than me?
None of those fears came to fruition, though. She held me while I cried, sat with me as my grief consumed me. Even after all these years, losing Caroline feels as fresh as if it had happened yesterday, and Katie saw that. She understood that.
She's lost more people than I can even fathom, yet it made her stronger. It made her a better person.
Why on earth would she choose to be with someone who became the opposite due to their grief?
Losing Caroline made me cold. It made me angry, and bitter. I fell into drugs, and violence, but somehow, Katie sees through that. I'll never understand why she's chosen me, but fuck, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove to her that she hasn't made a mistake by doing so.
I inhale deeply before leaning down to rub my nose against hers, her eyes slowly opening. I press our lips together; the action is soft, and careful, like if I moved too quickly it would scare her away. I slip my tongue past her lips, craving the taste of her, wanting nothing more than to consume her.
Our kiss slows, and I pull away as Sleeping With Sirens begins to play, Scene One - James Dean & Audrey Hepburn filtering through the speakers.
Stay for tonight
If you want to, I can show you
What my dreams are made of
As I'm dreaming of your face
"The fireworks should be starting any minute," I clear my throat, placing one more kiss on her lips before turning to face the city. She nestles into me, and I wrap my arm tighter around her to hold her as close as possible, wanting to feel every inch of her body pressed against mine.
As if on cue, a bright burst of purple shoots upward before exploding in the dark sky. Katie lets out an excited gasp, her hand gripping my leg tightly.
"It's beautiful," she says in awe as a succession of yellow fireworks dance in the night.
I've been away for a long time
Such a long time
And I miss you there
I can't imagine being anywhere else
I can't imagine being anywhere else but here
"Yeah, it is," I whisper, my heart racing as the colors flash in front of me.
I've always loved fireworks. I love the feelings they evoke in me; amazement, curiosity, reminiscence.
I see Caroline in fireworks. I see the New Year's eves we spent together, laying in the snow to watch the bright displays of color.
I see my mum, and the holiday parties she threw for me, and my friends when I was young. I was so happy, and carefree back then. Her and I had such a strong relationship; I miss that every second of every day.
Now, I see Katie. I see our future together. I see our love growing, and blooming until it envelops the both of us. Until all of our pain is muted by the love we have for each other, and the life that we share.
How the hell did you ever pick me?
Honestly, 'cause I could sing you a song
But I don't think words can express your beauty
It's singing to me
I glance down at her, my heart in my throat as I watch her stare at the sky with a look of amazement on her face.
Fuck, she's beautiful.
I want to watch her face light up for the rest of my life; I want to be the reason for her smile, and the reason for her happiness. I know she doesn't need me to be happy, that much is obvious, but I will do everything in my power to ensure she doesn't go a day without feeling joy; a day without feeling loved.
How the hell did we end up like this?
You bring out the beast in me
I fell in love from the moment we kissed
Since then we've been history
My chest warms as she tightens her grip on my leg, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as the fireworks crackle loudly ahead of us.
She looks like she doesn't have a care in the world. Even with everything going on in our lives, she's fully present with me, like this moment is the only thing that matters.
I love her.
Fucking hell, I love her with everything that I have.
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Finally, she notices me staring at her, and she furrows her brows in confusion. "What?" She asks with a tilt of her head.
I purse my lips, my heart pounding so strongly that I'm worried it's going to burst out of my chest. Anxiety builds low in my abdomen as I inhale a shaky breath.
I'm terrified of these feelings, but when I'm looking at her, everything feels okay. More than okay, actually. In fact, everything feels good.
After years of believing that I was undeserving of feeling anything but sadness, and anger, I'm finally happy.
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me
"I love you," I choke out, my cheeks flushing from the adrenaline coursing through my veins. "I love you, Katie. I love you more than I ever thought was possible."
Her eyes widen as they flick back and forth between mine, my stomach dropping the longer she stares at me in silence. My hands tremble as I push my hair back with my fingers.
It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
And I can't fall asleep
I lay in my bed awake at night
"Y- You don't have to say it back," I ramble, taking her hands in mine. "I just needed to tell you. I need you to know what you mean to me."
"Harry," she whispers, her eyes glossing over as tears pool at her water line.
"I love the way that you're able to look on the bright side of things, despite everything that you've been through," I continue, the words rushing out faster than I'm able to think. "I love the way your eyes light up anytime a song you love comes on. I love how passionate you are about even the smallest things. I love that you listen to me, like actually listen. I love that you understand me, and that you've always made an effort to understand me. I love how kind you are, and how devoted you are to your friends. Fuck, I just- I love everything about you."
And I'll fall in love
You'll fall in love, it could mean everything
Everything to me
This could mean everything to me
Her bottom lip is trembling now, the tears spilling down her cheeks. My eyebrows pinch together at her unreadable expression. I can't tell if it's sadness, anger, or happiness that's painted on her face. Whatever she's feeling, it's not obvious, and that causes my anxiety to rise, nearly making me nauseous.
"I don't need you to say it back," I repeat. "If you don't feel that way, it's okay. No matter what, I'll keep loving you. I'll always love you."
"Harry," she whimpers, shaking her head. "I love you, too."
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
My eyes widen, my mouth going dry as I blink a few times in an attempt to process her words. "You- what?" I breathe.
"I love you, too. I didn't think-" Her words get caught in her throat as she brings her hands up to wipe her wet cheeks. "I've loved you since you took me to Santa Monica. You gave me a sense of peace that I thought I'd never experience again, not after the car accident. You said things that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I knew that I would always be yours after that."
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever
My eyes begin to burn with the threat of tears, and I sniff in an attempt to hold them back. I shake my head with a raspy chuckle, my brain still trying to wrap around her admission.
She loves me?
After everything I've done to her, after the way I treated her, she loves me. She fucking loves me.
The way that we are
Is the reason I stay
As long as you're here with me
I know I'll be okay
"I've never told you why I treated you the way I did when you first started at Blackhouse," I say, my heart clenching as I think back to the hurtful things I said to her.
God, I was such a prick.
"Harry, you don't have to-"
"I do. You deserve to know," I cut her off, shaking my head before I continue. "I was a complete asshole to you, for no reason other than you were there. You walked through that door, and you looked so shy, and nervous; I knew you'd be an easy target. I made these assumptions about you; that you were spoiled, that you didn't know what you were doing, that you were stupid. I made those assumptions to justify my actions. For years, I've wanted to break people down in the same way the world broke me down. If I couldn't be happy, then no one could."
She nods her head in understanding, with sadness and compassion etched on her face.
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay, please stay as long as you need
"Then, Louis said your name," I clear my throat, my heart feeling so heavy I'm sure it's about to fall into my stomach. "Caroline's middle name is Catherine. He said your name, and I got so fucking angry. I left England to get away from her memory, to escape all of the pain that she left behind, and then you showed up. It felt like just another reminder that she was gone."
Her thumb strokes the back of my hand softly, her glassy eyes focused on the gentle action. "I'm so sorry," she mutters.
I grip her chin, lifting her head so she's looking at me. "You don't have to be sorry," I tell her firmly. "How was any of that your fault? You didn't do anything wrong. You were so fucking kind to me, Katie. Even after I was horrible to you, you cared about me. I mean, you walked into that godforsaken warehouse because you were worried about me."
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me
I inhale deeply, before sighing. I've never been one to say sorry, and although I'm plagued with so much guilt that it feels like it's suffocating me, this apology is incredibly difficult for me.
Ultimately, I decide to swallow my pride.
"I'm so sorry, princess," I say breathlessly, lifting my hand to cup her cheek. "Fuck, I'm so sorry for everything. You never deserved that, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."
It goes to show
I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
Katie looks at me as if she's trying to find any trace of dishonesty behind my words, and I don't blame her. I wouldn't trust me, either, but fuck, I hope she gives me a chance to show her that I mean it.
Finally, a choked sob escapes her, and she leans into my hand.
It goes to show
I hope that you know that you are
Please stay, please stay as long as you need
"I love you," she says between her cries. "I forgave you a long time ago, Harry. I see you. I see who you are. I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere."
Suddenly, all the tension I had in my body dissipates, and I feel like I can breathe again. The guilt I've been carrying for so long remains, but the weight of it isn't crushing me anymore.
She loves me, and she's with me.
It goes to show
I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
With both hands on her cheeks, I pull her towards me to press my lips against hers. The heat of her skin warms me, as if I've been frozen for years, and she'd been the cure all along. My right hand slips into her hair, tangling in the soft strands, to bring her even closer.
It feels like I will never be close enough, not until I'm able to fuse the two of us together.
Not until her soul is tangled with me.
A soft whimper falls off of her lips, muffled by my mouth, as our tongues dance together. I move to grip her hips, pulling her towards me until she's straddling me. Her arms snake around my neck as I hold onto her back tightly, my fingers digging into her shirt as if she'll slip through my fingers if I don't.
It goes to show
I hope that you know that you are
Please stay forever with me
"I love you," I mumble against her lips, my hands trailing all over her body, wanting to feel every inch of her.
"I love you," she whispers, making my heart flutter as she presses her chest against mine.
She loves me.