My grandmother once told me that a person is only anxious of being caught when they're is doing something that they shouldn't be doing. Grandmother and I weren't very close, but we did share a handful of moments.
Most of them were warm, hearty memories of spring and summer. God bless her resting soul.
Some memories, though? Well, I cringe when I look back at them.
One in particular always stood out.
It was spring break and Wyatt was out running young adult errands. I was barely a teen and I've just discovered the clitoris and all its wonders. It was a point in my life where I was starting to find out that playing with the body part in between my legs made me feel things things that I was not yet sure if I liked or not. But one thing's for sure: I could feel something weird.
Grams was in the kitchen. The woman wasn't born into a rich family like Gramps so instead of being like my classmates' grandparents who attended galas and dealt with papers all day, Grams spent her daily hours mastering whatever hobbies she could think of, given that we had more than enough money for them.
That summer, she was into pottery.
That summer, she was working on a large bonsai sculpture.
I was bored so I locked myself in my room which Gramps let me paint purple. I let my curiosity explore.
Then there was a knock on the door. Hurriedly, I pulled my underwear and my pink plaid shorts up and turned the knob.
"Why was the door locked?" the woman asked suspiciously.
"I don't like it when people barge in with no permission," I told her. I wasn't lying because it was the truth. Half of it, at least.
"Why? Are you doing something you're not supposed to be doing?"
I shook my head furiously. That's probably what gave me away. The woman sighed and crouched to my level, "People are only anxious of getting caught when they're doing something that they shouldn't be doing."
I think of those words more than I think of the person who said it and believe me, Grams, it guilts me to admit it.
In the act of committing a sin, the fear of being caught turned into thrill after years of getting used to.
I remember my early days of sexual activity. I was so paranoid that I asked my partner to change his condom after every five minutes, double-locked the door to my room, blocked it with a cabinet, and played Justin Bieber on the surround-sound speakers to make sure no one could hear.
And now?
I let a married thirty-year-old man go raw and have his wicked ways with me.
I stared at the very same man for five seconds before I locked the door behind me. Sorry, grandma.
Nikolas didn't mind as I dropped my bag on the floor and took my seat on his lap. His eyes were fixed on the screen in front of him, his fingers typing away.
"So," I buried my face in the curve of his neck, inhaling my favorite scent, "What happened with Wyatt?"
I waited for their conversation to end until the bell rang, indicating the end of lunchtime. Curiosity was eating me alive during my last two classes. With those being done and the day almost over, I was reunited with Nikolas, comfortably sharing a seat.
"He wanted to know if you were having problems or issues in Golden," he cleared his throat. He was still typing, "I told him you that you're doing just fine. It's not as if I'm going to let him know what we've been doing in his house."
"Did he give any other reason why he came? other than dad's orders," I mimicked Wyatt's voice.
"Well, he did mention how your driver seems to be worried about your well-being."
I fucking knew it. And to think I was starting to warm up to the guy. "Why?"
"What do you mean 'why'?"
"What exactly did Jared tell him?"
"Jared, huh? Have I seen him before?"
I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers. The wedding band was mocking me. "Most likely," I said, "during those times that you came to see Wyatt."
"So that's why you were so worried about him last night," Nikolas nodded. His expression turned grim. "Does he know?"
"Not fully," I mumbled, then realized that he could barely hear me. "He's seen how my mood changes a lot and I kinda said I had a crush on a guy who I can't have and yadda, yadda, yadda, he saw us talking the other day and probably had put the pieces together by now."
"Fuck."
"Yeah. Fuck."
Nikolas's relaxation flew out the window. "Did you even plan on telling me this, Rose? or were you just gonna wait until you get caught?" he sounded annoyed again. We're back to that, I guess. He pulled his hand away and massaged his temple.
"I'll talk to him. He didn't tell on me before so I think I can convince him," and what I meant by that was Jared can be naive sometimes.
Nikolas sighed. There were a shit ton of things going on in his head and none of them were pretty. For a moment, I feared that he'd push me away.
I held his face in my hands, thumbs grazing his cheeks. "Hey," I started before he could get more frustrated, "I'll take care of it. If he wanted to tell on us, he would've done it by now."
What I said made sense. Nikolas's shoulders dropped but he still looked worried. Fuck me for wanting to see him smiling all the time and the urge to drive away anything that gives him negative emotions.
I wrapped an arm around his torso.
We were quite for a while, both of us thinking of what to say and how to say it.
"How are you?" I decided to break the silence, "About... last night. Regrets?"
"None yet," he rose a brow, "I just hope it stays this way when Bianca comes home later."
At the mention of that, he was back to fully stressed mode.
"Oh," was all I could say.
"There's this full moon and meteor shower later and she thinks it would be romantic to eat outside," he didn't sound particularly happy, but didn't sound dejected either. He's simply okay with it.
Why wouldn't he be? Husband and wife dinner seems nice.
Imagining Nick with Bianca made me sick and being reminded that she's got some sacred hold on him made my head hurt.
"Feel free to call me if shit goes down," I shrugged, "I promise I'll answer this time."
He took a second to stare at my face before saying "Thank you."
I didn't know what else to say. I wanted us to stray away from stress. We just fucked—I should feel victorious. "How was your day?"
He raised a brow quizzically at that, "I know I'm good, but I didn't think Rosaleen Martin would get whipped so easily."
I rolled my eyes and pushed his face away, "You can be so cocky sometimes."
That got him to laugh, finally, but it subsided quickly. "My day was fine," he rubbed small circles on my back, "I got two hours of sleep and woke up with a boner so stubborn that it took me two showers to get rid of it."
"Then, I went to school and dealt with paperwork," he glanced at the ceiling, recalling his day, "This one student's brother came to visit. Then I found out I might possibly get my license revoked. How about you?"
"I didn't get enough sleep because some random guy kept me up last night," I rolled my eyes dramatically, drawing a laugh from Nikolas.
"Classes were boring and my brother came to school to talk to my principal," I shrugged, "Leonel Alexeev dropped by during my vacant hour and made out with me in the janitor's closet."
"Excuse me?" Nick's head cocked to the side.
"Kidding," I smiled and let my hands play with the collar of his shirt. The atmosphere was starting to clear of tension.
"Why make out with Leonel Alexeev during spare hours when your sexy-ass principal is right in the next corridor," he wiggled his brows.
"Oh my god," laughing, I slapped his chest, "I can't believe you just said that!"
Nick chuckled and settled his hand on my ass, his stress balls.
"I'm sorry but Mr. Alexeev is tough competition," I joked, "He's one fine man," this time, I wiggled my brows.
"Competition?" he repeated, "I think you already announced the winner last night," he was pertaining to the way I moaned his name over and over again in the shower.
"Cocky is not a good look on you," I let my hand settle on his crotch.
"Neither is this uniform on you," he tugged at my skirt, "So take it off."
My pussy had changed Nikolas Camillo. I took his lips in between mine as his hands flew to my shirt, unbuttoning the line of buttons down the middle.
The air grew thick and as if something had snapped within him, Nikolas turned into some horny teenager.
Our little sexcapade was short-lived when there was a knock on the door. Nick cursed under his breath and buttoned my blouse as quick as he unbuttoned it. I didn't have time to laugh at the man when he stood abruptly and stormed to the door.
Mr. Camillo gripped the knob and turned, "Wha-" the word died in his throat when he caught sight of Bianca, looking as perfect as ever in a sundress, a cardigan, and her bronze hair in a ponytail.
"Love," she chirped and I found myself mentally gagging at the word.
Nikolas looked dumbfounded for a second before he shook his head once and let a smile appear on his handsome face.
"You're back," he sounded happy, but I didn't miss the nervousness behind his voice. With open arms, he pulled the woman in for a hug. As much as I wanted to look away, I didn't.
This shouldn't bother me. I knew what I was getting into.
"You're back early?" Nikolas said with his wife in his arms.
"I wanted to surprise you," the woman pulled away and planted a kiss on Nick's lips the same lips which were on mine a minute ago.
"I'm surprised," my principal chuckled and discreetly licked his lips. As if sensing my gaze on them, Bianca finally acknowledged my presence.
"Rosaleen!" she wasted no time in crossing the distance and pulling me into her arms.
If I smell like your man, it's probably because he's been inside me.
"Bianca," I forced joy into my tone. I rubbed the woman's back during our brief embrace.
"Welcome back," we held hands and I don't know wether to feel prideful, scared, sick, or defiant.
"Thank you," the woman's smile was bright. She looked around the office, "Didn't classes end an hour ago? What are you doing here?"
I could sense Nick's gaze on me but did better than to face him and raise suspicion. "I was having problems with my college apps and Wyatt told me to seek help from Mr. Camillo," I spared an innocent smile at him, "He's been a big help."
"Happy to serve, Ms. Martin," his smile looked forced which was appropriate enough because it's how he usually acts around students.
"Ah," the wife patted my arm, "Maybe I can check it for you as well?" she offered.
Always a kind ray of sunshine. Fuck you.
"Thank you, but no," I reached for my bag on the floor, "I'll be finalizing it with my brother later."
"How is your brother?"
"He's fine as always," I waved dismissively, "I should get going, Bianca."
I glanced at the doorway to see that Nikolas was blocking it. He was watching our interaction.
"Goodbye, Ms. Martin," the man nodded sternly.
"Bye, Mr. Camillo," I returned the gesture, "Thanks again for your help."
The double meaning in his parting line didn't go unnoticed, "Please, don't mention it."
-
Big, bright, round, and, glowing.
The words could only be describing two things I know of: Mr. Devon's bald head or the moon.
Tonight, it's the moon.
"I'm glad you made it," I heard the sincerity in Sean's voice. For the past few days, I wasn't really sure if he's okay, but tonight, under the natural glimmer of the moon, with his pearly whites on display in a breathtaking smile, I can safely say that he's recovering.
"Yeah," I took the hand he offered and pulled him in for a hug, "I didn't think Wyatt would let us borrow his G Wagon at ten PM."
And with no Jared supervision, in fact. I guess Nikolas did a good job convincing him that I was okay at school. Or maybe he figured that this is what I needed to be better.
"Sorry if it's unexpected," he said against my hair, "It was Jie's idea."
I pulled back, "Sounds fun."
"Did you bring the drinks?" Aiden emerged from behind Sean. His hair was wet with seawater and his shirt was nowhere to be found. On his bottoms were orange swim shorts.
"Yeah. Get them out the back," I tossed Aiden the keys and he got to work.
Sean and I walked down the stony path that led to the seashore. In the distance, I could see Jie and Jeric setting up a tent. When they saw me, they started walking.
"You know I won't stay late, right? We have school tomorrow,."
"That's why we're not going," Jeric said in a matter-of-fact voice.
"I'lI be alone the whole day there then?" I crossed my arms.
Aiden spoke as he put the drinks on the blanket, "We as in obviously you too."
"Your call, babe," Jie told me, "You either not go and enjoy the beach with us or leave early, go to school the next day and be stuck with Jack Howell or Maia Rivera."
"Demons," I mumbled as a smile broke through.
It's not like my academic life was at its climax so I guess taking a day off wouldn't hurt. My sex life, however...
I paused, thinking about Nick all of a sudden. So what if I don't see him? For all I know, he's busy drinking wine and eating steak with his beloved Bianca .
I shouldn't be bitter about it but I am.
It's just sex, Rose, I reminded myself, grow uр.
"Rose?"
"Rose."
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?" asked Jeric, "You kinda zoned out."
"I'm fine," I shrugged, "I just thought of my brother. I gotta call him, excuse me," without waiting for their response, I walked away from the small crowd.
I slipped my slippers off and stood at the shoreline—the cold water splashing my feet and lowering the sand underneath me. I pulled my phone out my pocket. I haven't gotten messages from Nikolas so I assumed everything's going well.
I texted my brother, informing him that we'll be sleeping somewhere else. After putting my phone back into my pocket, I hugged myself, rubbing my bare arms to bring warmth against the cold breeze.
"Here," Aiden appeared beside me. I took the bottle of beer he offered and we walked to the dry sand, sitting down and facing the ocean.
"Thanks," I muttered before drinking the cold refreshment.
"It'll start at twelve," he told me, referring to the meteor shower. I've never been an avid fan of the outer space, but while an opportunity of witnessing a natural phenomenon is presenting itself, why not take it?
I nodded once and we fell quiet.
"About Viktor..." Aiden finally started.
"What about him?"
"There's nothing going on, okay? If there was, I would've told you," he explained, "We're friends," he shrugged, "Nothing more and nothing less. He brings up the occasional flirting, but after all the times I've rejected him, I think he got the message."
"After all the times?" I repeated, "How much have you two been hanging out, exactly?"
"We didn't plan it, you know," Aiden shrugged, "I came across the man one day at our favorite cafe."
"Then?" I was amused, hearing how my two worlds collided on their own.
"He came up to me like 'Hey, you're Aiden, right? Can I buy you a smoothie?'" he chuckled, "Your friend doesn't beat around the bush."
"Then what?"
"I refused but he kept insisting so I let him pay but also let him choose," Aiden sighed, "That asshole chose blueberry."
"Must be fate," I teased as I remembered how much the man loves his blueberries.
"Then, he started coming to my practices outside of GA," my friend scratched the back of his head, "And I didn't wanna be rude so we hung out after my sessions. Turns out he's a great guy."
The look I gave him was teasing. There'd be no issue with me if it weren't just friendship. I was glad to be a bridge.
"No," Aiden narrowed his eyes at me, "Just friends," he said with finality.
"If you say so," I sang.
I looked straight ahead, admiring the moon above us. The sky was clear of clouds and a million stars painted the dark blue scape.
I felt his eyes on me before I heard his words.
"I saw Mr. Camillo on my way here."
My head snapped to Aiden, "Where?"
"I drove past a restaurant in town. They have a viewing deck for the meteor shower. He's with Bianca," Aiden licked his lips and brought his head down, "They looked happy."
Of course they are. They're reunited. Why the fuck wouldn't they be happy?
"Rose, we both know that I don't like telling people off and I'd rather mind my own business," he sighed, "And I know I've told you this before, but I really don't want you to be involved with Nikolas."
I only kept staring up. Aiden scooted closer to me.
"When I saw him earlier, I saw this... happy married couple a-and I haven't known you for long, but I really care for you," our eyes met and all I could see was concern. "You're one of my best friends and it would be a bummer if I had to go after my own principal with a baton because he hurt my best friend."
"Aiden, I—"
"I'm not finished," he raised a sassy finger in front of my lips.
"Ruining a marriage isn't the worst thing a person can do, but it's close to it," his lips formed into a thin line, "I just want to look out for you."
"Aiden, Nikolas and I had sex already."
Aiden paused as his face remained blank.
I waited for a verbal response.
But the response came from behind me.
"What?"
My head whipped to Jie who stood meters behind us.
"I didn't know you were there," my response was stupid, but the words were out before I could think.
"Obviously," Jie scoffed, "I-I," her eyes went from me to Aiden, to me again, and back to Aiden, "What?"
"I can explain."
Ah, the famous line.
I got to my feet and started towards my friend.
"Please," Jie put her hands on her hips, "Explain."
She didn't look happy or mad, only shocked—purely shocked.
Aiden stood as he scratched his head, "I'll give you two some privacy."
As Aiden walked away, I stopped in front of Jie.
"You and Mr. Camillo?" she waved her hands exasperatedly, "What the fuck?"
"Please calm down and lower your voice, Jie."
"I knew you were messing around with someone and I always thought it was Sean, but Mr. Camillo?" her voice turned shrill at the last word, "H-How? And since when?"
"I'll explain everything, jesus," I covered the woman's mouth.
A woman's mouth one of the loudest weapons on Earth.
She grabbed my hand and pulled it away, "You better start now."
"Fine," I sighed, "Let's start from the beginning..."
-
"What the fuck."
"Aiden said the same thing."
Jie took another potato chip into her mouth. The boys' laughter was a faint sound in the background and I spared them a look Jeric and Sean were holding Aiden horizontally by the arms and by the feet. After a count to three, they tossed the boy into the seawater.
Jie recomposed herself. Then she reached for my hands.
"Rose," she started, "First of all, I know we're not the closest in this group, but I promise that I'll keep this a secret."
"But second," she continued, "what the fuck? Why would you do that?" she looked both concerned and annoyed like a mother who can't understand why her kid bullies other kids.
"Third," she closed her eyes, "What now?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," she emphasized her words and shook my hands, "Aren't you afraid of getting caught?"
"We're not gonna get caught," I pursed my lips.
"And how long will you keep this up? Graduation's in three months," she said, "I'm sorry, but I just don't see any possible good ending. And I'm wondering why a person like you," she looked me up and down, "would put herself in such a losing position."
That made me pause. I've been avoiding those thoughts.
"Then I'lI keep it up for three months," I said reassuringly, "I'll go to college right after that and Nick and I won't see each other anymore."
I didn't like what I said and it felt like a lie while I said it.
"Oh, Lord, " she groaned, "Nick? That's what you call him?"
I shrugged, "We're past the formal name basis."
"You're past a lot of bases," she told me with wide eyes.
I glanced at the boys again. Seeing that they're busy, I continued. "Look, I appreciate that you're gonna keep this a secret but I can handle my shit, I promise."
"I really hope you do," she squeezed my hands.
I didn't like that she pitied me to much. Not just Jie, but for anyone else who'd find out—if they find out—I wouldn't want them to pity me. But then again, it's not like they'd applaud me for being such a whore.
"Why do I feel like this secret's gonna bring us closer?" I said, clutching at the bright side.
She laughed nervously, "At least we're getting something out of it?"
I heard male voices coming closer. The boys were retreating.
"Can we please ignore it for the rest of the night?" I asked.
"You girls planning on getting wet or what?" shouted Jeric. Jie rolled her eyes at her boyfriend.
"Sure," she told me, "I got you."