It's been a month.
It's been a month since I last saw Nikolas.
It's been a month since he held me in his arms and uttered three little words that changed my life forever.
You're lost, aren't you? Well, that's because I'm kidding and it's actually only been four days since I last saw him and instead of proclaiming attachment, what really happened was a testosterone stand-off between him and my dear friend Sean.
Sean. The very same man who's currently seated opposite me in our usual cafe. Of course, we were not alone. To my right was Aiden who was engrossed in a fictional book about aliens and the space-time continuum.
The last time I was with the two in the very same seats and the same building, they were arguing wether strawberry or blueberry tasted better. That was also the day I took Sean to my place and the very first time we had sex. Our eyes met and it seems like we were thinking of the same thing.
Today's Monday and our classes were mild because everyone's adjusting to the start of the final term. Just a few more months and I'll be off to college. I didn't know where I wanted to go yet, but Wyatt already had a few universities in mind. And I didn't need to worry about slots since we could just pay the place off.
Going back: I haven't seen Nikolas in four days. It was Thursday when he and Sean put me in between their sandwich. I didn't see a glimpse of him this weekend, and neither his shadow on Monday but I really needed to talk to him because on Thursday, after I got home and finally checked my phone, I found out that the man did indeed reply to my messages of the previous night.
Dick Camillo: i was hoping you'd be there
Dick Camillo: Rose?
Dick Camillo: we need to talk
Dick Camillo: talk to me
Dick Camillo: goodnight
Those were his exact messages. I tried calling him again after I read them but he never answered. During lunch time, I tried knocking on his door only to receive the cold shoulder from the other side of the wood.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled mindlessly through the texts again. I shouldn't be too bothered since he already told me to move on to the next man, but I was.
"Dick Camillo?" Aiden rose a brow as he squinted his eyes at my screen. Quick as lightning, I moved my device away,
"Didn't your mama ever tell you not to mind other people's business?"
I felt a second set of eyes on me. I glanced at Sean to see that his mood's gone sour at the mention of Nikolas.
"Text buddies now?" said Sean.
"What's your problem?" I asked him, showing that I've had enough.
"He's my problem," Sean rose a brow, "I still don't think you should be involved with him. I don't care if you like me back or not—we're past that. But as your friend, I care about you and I don't want you getting yourself into this mess," he sounded as authoritative as Wyatt during his sermons.
"Too late for that," I mumbled as I turned my phone off and shoved it elsewhere,
"Can we please not do this now?"
"I'm sorry, Rose, but I still don't get it," his voice rose, "Why do you constantly throw yourself at him?"
"Why did you constantly throw yourself at me?"
The words must've hurt but they were out before I could stop them.
"Ooh-kay," Aiden spoke up, "Enough. You two are clearly in need of some blueberry frappucinos." He slammed his book close and put it down.
"Strawberry for me," Sean grumbled as he glared into nothing.
"Hazelnut," I said because I didn't want them making a big deal of the two flavors again.
Aiden stood and stared at both of us for an unnecessarily long time. After a few more seconds, it became awkward.
I looked up at him questioningly and he held a hand out. "I never said I'd treat you guys," he scoffed.
"Oh, right," I fished for a bill in my pocket and handed it to the man. Sean did the same. A moment later, the two of us were left alone in the booth.
As we sat across each other in the corner of the cafe, my eyes avoiding his, my mind drifted to thoughts of what could've been. If I weren't such a tainted woman, maybe I would've given Sean the chance he deserves. Maybe if I didn't constantly feel pulled towards Nikolas, we would've been happy together. Maybe if there was no Nikolas, we'd be laughing and talking to our hearts' extent this very moment, with him beside me rather than opposite me.
Maybe if I were ready for a relationship, we would be in one.
I brought my eyes to the boy. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were sad fixed on the table as if he was watching potatoes grow out of it.
"I don't deserve you," I spoke up but his expression remained the same.
"I don't even know why you like me. I'm just a girl who can never make the right decisions.
I'm greedy and I'm confusing and after all the things I've done wrong, I don't deserve to be happy," this time, I also glared at the table.
It was all coming out, too quick and too hot for me to stop. "I don't even see myself settling down with anyone when the time comes," my eyes felt watery and my voice turned weak, "Because who could love someone like me? Whoever it is must have a death wish. I'm scared that I won't be able to reciprocate all the love he'll give. And that'll just hurt me too."
The dam was breaking and I've realized that I've been feeling more human these past couple of weeks. I didn't know how to cope.
"Even if I wanted to make you happy, I'll probably end up hurting you." I wiped the tears away.
Sean cleared his throat. He sighed and closed his eyes, earning strength.
"I get it, Rose," he bit his lip anxiously, "I get that it's for my own good. I told you I'll move on, didn't I? but it's not really something I can do overnight."
Sean smiled sadly, "I hope you find someone who's worth changing for. You deserve to be happy, mi rosa, and I want you to be happy even if it's not with me."
I smiled back at him. "Please stop hating Nick." I wiped the rest of the tears away, "It's my fault. It's me who started it and it's me who keeps pushing."
Sean, agreeing to disagree, simply nodded. "I'll try not to mind, but if he ever crosses a line..."
It sounded like a warning. There was promise in his words. I ignored it because I was starting to accept that I'll never be able to talk him out of his distaste for Nikolas.
"Are we good now?"
"Yes," he smiled brighter this time, "We're good."
-
Thursday. It's Thursday and my ass hurts.
My new schedule was as shitty as it could get with two three-hour long classes for Thursday. I adjusted myself on the wooden armchair for the nth time. I was getting sick of our teacher's voice and it was only the first meeting. So far, I've been ticked off by two pet peeves. First was how she says 'so' redundantly and the second was how she nods her head after each sentence.
I sighed, glancing briefly at the clock. Ten-twenty-two. The last time I checked, it was ten-twenty.
Sighing again, I brought my attention to Ms. Holland. Not a minute later, a note landed on my table just when the old lady turned her back to write on the board.
What is this, elementary school? With a snort, I uncrumpled the pink ball and read.
'I don't want you to think that I'm okay with this, but Mr. Camillo asked me to tell you to meet him during lunch.' in bad handwriting.
Why didn't Nick just text?
I glanced to my right to see Aiden.
If I could have it my way, I'd wait for Nikolas to approach me, but given that the man's struggling with addiction, there wasn't any room for weighing egos. I tuned in to Ms. Holland's blabbering and tucked the note in my bag. I looked at the clock again. I had to wait for thirty-five more minutes until lunch.
"I didn't understand anything," said Jie with the most chill smile on her pretty face.
"Same here," Jeric appeared beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
The girl's hair has been dyed bubblegum blue over the weekend and I came to conclude that any hair color suits her.
"Same," Sean said yawning. Aiden pushed the doors open and we filed into the cafeteria where, as usual, dozens of eyes landed on us before they retreated to their previous items of interest. We walked to our table and I suddenly remembered Maia. How is it that she's so great at hiding?
"I actually have somewhere else to be." They sat down and I stayed standing.
Jeric snorted, "I'm starting to think you're going out of school premises."
"I'm starting to think you have some secret lover," Jie joked and only Jeric laughed.
Aiden, Sean, and I exchanged looks. Sean was the first to bring his gaze down, ignoring the comment.
"If I did, I would've told you," I rose a brow, "I'm doing a paper for extra credit in Philosophy. See you guys later."
I walked out the cafeteria, my stomach grumbling because I didn't bother buying anything. I took the usual route to his office—two turns to the left. This time, on my second turn, I saw someone who's out of place in a private high school.
"Leo?" my eyes furrowed, trying to register the man in beige pants and a baby blue shirt.
"Rosaleen," he smiled, "I was just about to text you."
"What are you doing here?" I pulled him in for a hug.
"You know that boutique being built on the other block? That's mine and I had some spare time so I thought I'd visit. Is it your break time?"
"Yes," I said before getting the feeling that he'll ask me to eat with him again.
"Do you wanna go out?" he stuffed his hands in his pockets and gazed at me from under his lashes.
"Sure, but—"
"Students aren't allowed to leave the premises."
Well, goddamn. Another sandwich?
Nikolas Camillo walked slowly across the hallway and came to stop beside me. The first thing I noticed? he looked like a wreck.
To others, he might've looked okay, but to me? I didn't fail to notice the crumples of his shirt, the way his back's more hunched than usual, the way a few locks of his soft brown hair are out of place, and the way sadness and frustration was evident in my favorite pair of brown eyes.
"They can only be excused by immediate family," said Nick as politely as he could.
Nikolas was the only one staring defiantly this time. Leonel didn't have some possessive hold over me the way Sean did. Leonel knew his boundaries; he's a friend, that's all.
"Pity," he smiled kindly at Nick, "I guess we can catch up another time?"
"Yes, I'd like that," smiling sweetly, I let Leo pull me in for another hug. I could feel a set of eyes penetrating my neck.
"Bye," I said before my friend headed for the door, "Be careful," I added.
Just when Leonel had his back to us, he turned. "Oh, I almost forgot," he waved, "Wyatt invited me to come over on Saturday. See you then," with a wink, he was off.
Once he was out of sight, I faced Mr. Camillo who was already watching me.
"Did you get my message?" he asked in a voice too cold for my liking.
"I did," I tilted my chin up and his eyes fell to my lips. His jaw ticked once before his brought his eyes to one side of the hallway.
"You didn't plan on going at all," he said with finality. Nick scoffed, "I would've appreciated you telling me."
"I was gonna go, I swear," biting my lip anxiously, I scanned the hallway. Seeing that no one's in sight, I grabbed his hand and felt him flinch, pulling it away.
"Sure didn't look like it."
"You're the one who didn't answer my calls, you know," I put my hands on my hips and glared at the man. He glared back.
"And you're the one who said to contact you anytime."
"I fell asleep," I waved my hands exasperatedly, "I was a tired girl who fell asleep."
"A girl," Mr. Camillo said sternly, "That's exactly what you are. I don't know what I was thinking getting myself involved with a teenager.
"So you regret it?"
"I do," his voice raised and instead of feeling hurt, I felt angry. We were inching closer and closer to each other—enough to be deemed inappropriate.
"You know what I got tired of?" I started, "I got tired of you and your confusing fucking game."
"I'm playing a game?" he pointed at himself, "Weren't you the one who wanted me while fucking Sean Caron on the side? And Leonel, did you sleep with him too?"
"I stopped because of you," I spoke through clenched teeth, "I gave you a decision to make and you told me to move on to the next man. I don't see why you're so bothered about Leonel or Sean, Nikolas."
His chest heaved. He was trying to calm himself. I suddenly felt hot being in an empty hallway with Camillo and knowing that any of the rooms on either side of us were empty.
"I hate you," I spat. I didn't really hate him—far from it, but in the height of the moment, the words slipped out my lips.
Something snapped behind his eyes and before we knew it, Nick had swung the door to—haha—Mr. Devon's classroom, grabbed my wrist, and dragged me inside. The lights were off and the blinds were drawn but I could still see Nikolas and all his frustration. The door locked behind me and I my back was slammed against it at exactly the same time his lips slammed against mine.
I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible. Heavy breathing filled the room and a whimper escaped my lips when he held me by my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist. He settled himself on Devon's chair and his fingers gripped my ass—nails digging into my skin.
My tongue slipped between his lips. I cocked my head to the side to deepen the kiss and not long after, his fingers gripped the back of my neck to hold me in place. I wanted to make him hard. I wanted to make him so hard it hurt and I wanted to pull away just so he could regret everything hurtful he said.
My lips placed gentle kisses from his jaw to his neck, prioritizing the sensitive spot by his ear. I drew his earlobe in between my lips just as my hand cupped the hardness in his pants.
Nikolas gripped my arms and pushed me away just enough to put a few inches in between us. My principal's lips were parted and his eyes were dark—black, even, from the dim lighting.
With the most seductive grin I could muster, I let my fingers unbutton my shirt slowly. As I did so, his hands settled on my hips and moved me so I was grinding against his bulge.
Once the blouse was off, his eyes devoured my chest before his lips did. Every little kiss he laid against my skin sent shivers. I reveled the feel of him. My fingers tangled themselves into his hair and tugged. In response, he groaned.
"You like that, don't you?" I whispered against the man's ear.
Camillo pecked me on my lips and as he licked his, he moved the cup of my bra down to reveal everything. He kissed the left one gently before drawing it into his mouth. His hands continued to move me against him. I moaned every time the hard lump in his pants rubbed against me. I needed him inside.
But that can wait.
My goal was to show him what he'd be missing.
I took over. I wrapped my hand loosely around his neck, mimicking his past actions. I bit his lower lip and tugged, eliciting a moan from Nick.
I got up and stood between his legs. With his eyes on mine, I reached behind me and unclasped my bra. As I shook my hair, I felt the long, flowy waves of black down to my waist. I let my bra fall to the floor.
He reached for me but I slapped his hands away.
Before he could protest, I turned around and sat on him, letting his bulge be pressed in between my cheeks. Then, I moved.
"Fuck," I heard him mutter.
Yep, an ass man indeed.
I ground myself against his hardness and felt it twitch underneath the material of his pants. When I felt his hands on my hips, I pried them off.
I turned my head to the side enough to see Nikolas's face. His eyes met mine before his jaw tightened and before his head fell back. I kept going—humping him at a steady pace. I continued for a while before he tugged my hair. He bared my neck to him and he spoke against it.
"I wish that fucker Alexeev could see you right now."
His words did things to me. I was drenching. He smiled and it looked cocky. It took all my self-control to stand up and put distance between us.
He look confused for a second before he attempted to stand. I pushed him back down.
"I told you before," I was breathing heavily. I should've been chilly from being naked but the way he looked at my body had me sweating, "If you don't plan on shoving your dick inside me, then I advise you to stay the fuck away."
He looked stuck in disbelief as he watched me put my clothes back on as quick as it took me to get them off. Before I left the room, I leaned down and made out with the man. He poured his frustration into the kiss, his lips hot and controlling.
My parting words were "See you around."
-
"Happy Friday the 13th?" Jeric said as his finger poked the small bump on my forehead. PE's been moved to Friday afternoons—the exact time when my body is anticipating weekend sleep. This time, I was so sleepy that receiving a volleyball was an impossible feat for me.
"Stop it", I grumbled. The three boys laughed and teased me further, poking and calling me a unicorn.
It wasn't as severe as the one Jack had given me with his ladder—that one lasted for days. This bump was smaller and would probably subside before I go home. Nevertheless, it hurt like a bitch.
After an ice pack, I was feeling better. I was the last one to get dressed back in uniform. When I exited the shower room, Jie was waiting patiently for me.
"Sorry," I told her.
"It's okay," she said, "Are you still up for some pizza?"
I sighed. After the little scene at the gymnasium, I was yearning for a proper bath and some ice cream. Plus, I'd have to reason with Jared again.
"I don't think so," I told her, "I need some rest."
"I understand." We started walking down the stairs. Eventually, we parted ways.
A male figure clad in black was blocking the main doors. It was Nikolas. He was wearing a black sweater and black jeans, hands tucked into his pockets.
"Excuse me," I said. He didn't move. "I said excuse me."
"I didn't answer your calls because my phone broke. My wife tossed it across the room when she got home and found me passed out on the floor."
He was talking as if making the most out of a surge of courage to confess, "We fought a few nights before about the pregnancy thing. I can't give her what she wants. I don't want a family, not yet. Her family's been wondering why not yet and that's just pressuring her more. That's why she's been working so hard lately with her job and that's why she's been making me give in." He was staring at the ground with such dejection in his eyes that I started feeling for him.
"She left again," he scratched his nose, "She left this morning."
I gave him some silence to show that I understood.
"I could either drink about it or talk to you," he closed his eyes, "I chose based on my liking."
"I'm sorry," I said clearly. We should've talked about it first before spitting at each other's faces.
Mr. Camillo nodded once and stepped to the side, clearing the entrance. I glanced nervously around us.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" I asked. "You said Bianca's away and my brother's out on a date with Charlotte. I can cook, I promise." Well, I can cook eggs and bacon, instant noodles, and cereal.
Yes, cereal.
We both knew that there's more to my insistence than just dinner and friendly company.
We both knew that the night would take us elsewhere.
We both knew about the fantasies that we could fulfill—the ones we imagine at night but are too humane to make known to the world.
We both knew that we'd be twisting the knife and pushing it deeper—so deep that it could cause a wound that'll never heal.
We both knew.
I could tell that we both knew because the look he gave me spoke volumes. It spoke dirty things that would make even the devil blush. It spoke of sins so heavy that no number of Hail Marys nor an eternity of penance would be enough to forgive it.
You know what sound my ears weren't expecting to hear?
It was his "Sure. I'll see you there."
And you know what my eyes weren't expecting to see?
It was Jared through the window, standing in front of my car, watching.