“I am sorry for the wait, we needed to check our own orders for it to match, you know papers are a good way but anyone could write one which looks like the one from the kingdom. We can’t afford this, for our jobs and society.” The guard said, coming at them. “If you’re willing to follow me now, I will guide you to the cell.”
Porchay didn’t really know who answered but he heard some voices, in fact only Kim holding his hand was keeping him in reality. He hated what he just heard, even if he was right, the guard talked as if his Hia had killed people, as if he was a dangerous criminal when he just tried to survive. This kind of mindset just gave him the need to puke, some humans were worth living and others wouldn’t be able to defend their own breath, it was breaking society, it was a hierarchy of their blood and Porchay wasn’t on the highest rank.
He could have been in those cells a lot of time, it could have even happened before he would have been able to meet Kim and reach a better stability, because he had luck, because he had met people higher in the hierarchy, people who deserved to live, unlike them. The boy tried to not be resentful, no one was clearly aware of this before living it and no one had decided that it would be like this, however it was not new that most people loved to close their eyes on misery, it helped sleeping at night.
Porchay could feel venom, poison, hatred, spreading through his whole soul and he couldn’t stand it, he wasn’t like this, he never truly showed signs of hating easily, he even cried a lot when Porsche killed bugs. He was so young and he just got sad, they didn’t do anything more than existing. His Hia had asked for his forgiveness, he had made him laugh and he never tried to kill anyone or any living being which wasn’t a menace for them.
Porchay realised now how they had become the bugs of society, the unwanted one, the people showing to the world that this one wasn’t that pretty, gorgeous and full of beauty. So they had to throw them away in a place like this, throw them even if in the end Porsche didn’t do anything against people, he did something for himself and he wasn’t someone to steal pricey things to get money from it, he would go for food, food which was coming from the plate of rich people, they couldn’t confirm that everytime they did it, it was for sure from someone which wasn’t also in need.
The worst in all of this was that most of the time bugs were attacking their own team, it was easier to take from someone you were familiar with or to take from people who couldn’t have guards to protect them. And it caused more grief and sadness and the high hierarchy was still bathing in the gorgeousness of the world. It was unfair, everyone could agree on this, would they try to change it by risking to lose their own comfort? The question was never asked so whatever the answer, no one cared.
And that place was literally disgusting. It wasn’t cleaned, the corridors were dark with spider web around and dust. It looked awful, it was terrifying, it was scary. They could hear some whines, and the voices of the one who were here, and there, who might stay for years until their deaths. Naturally, Tankun came closer to them, he did not like the vibes, it was not welcoming and the most surprising was that it was the guard which were intimidating and not those voices they heard. They had felt better welcomed in a dirty street by people trying to survive than by that place which should have existed to ensure their security from dangerous people, not from poverty when this was created by the kingdom and not from the one suffering from it.
“Let me tell you…we isolated him because he kinda…I don’t know, he couldn’t live anymore with anyone, he was scaring the others.” The guard said and Porchay’s heart sank more than it had already did. He breathed loudly and when they stopped in front of a huge door, without any glass on it, he turned to them.
“I will go alone.” Porchay smiled at them, letting go of Kim’s hand.
“Are you sure?” Kim asked, worried.
“It’s better for him to meet his brother alone. Don’t you think so?”
The guard looked at the boy and opened his mouth. “If you’re the brother he has been asking about everydays since he arrived…I recommend you to go alone. He might not understand that your friends are safe. I am waiting here, go.” He said, opening the door and closing it behind Porchay.
There was only a small window which was letting a small amount of sun come from it, just enough to create a corridor of light. In one of the corners, someone was curled up on himself. He was dirty, messy, his clothes were dark, his body was thin, his muscles were nowhere to be seen. He looked like the ghost of his brother.
Porchay’s sob came immediately, not able to contain it and it woke up the man who raised his head. He had a beard and his hair was long. He had the eyes of someone who was already far away gone in his mind.
“Did you find Chay…did you find him?” Porsche asked, his voice low and sick.
Porchay said nothing, he just came closer and kneeled in front of him, whatever if he wasn’t like his brother anymore, it was still him, whatever if he was trying to attack him, it was still his Hia and he wanted to show him that he was in security now, that he could trust Porchay.
“Who's…your brother?” He asked, his voice shaking.
Porsche stared at him and had a rictus. “Porchay Kittisawat, small, tiny, young…wait…I am stupid… dead…he will be…for sure…” Porsche said, whispering more at each word until his voice wasn't heard anymore. Porchay closed his eyes and took some breaths, he felt the need to hug him so strongly but he couldn’t, he didn’t want to hurt him because he couldn’t control himself.
His soul broke into millions of pieces. He had thought about seeing Porsche again, and saving him and helping him. He had thought a lot about this, but not this way, not like this. He wanted to bring him back home, to cuddle, to just protect him the right way. He never thought that he would have felt this bad on the day they would have been reunited.
“Hia…” Porchay said, shaking.
“Why…are you calling Hia?” Porsche asked, his eyes angry.
“Hia…It’s me…Porchay…”
“Stop lying!” Porsche suddenly screamed. He scared Porchay who just stayed there frozen and then his brother caressed his cheek and denied once again. “You can’t be Chay, he is tiny, he is small, he is adorable.”
Porchay wasn’t anymore that description. He could be adorable but not like a child, like a grown young man. He wasn’t small or tiny, he had grown in height, he had developed more muscles by fighting more, he was looking stronger mentally and physically. He was marked by all that he lived and it could be witnessed in his pupils. Porsche always gave his best to never expose his brother to too much violence but without him being around he had seen it all, it shaped Porchay into who he was today and Porsche couldn’t see anymore the innocence he had tried to protect.
“Hia…it’s been years, I just grew up…” Porchay desperately told him.
“Where is Chay?” Porsche asked, his eyes filled with tears.
“Hia…if you weren’t home in time…I should look at the sky and your…your spirit would be here…” Porchay began to cry telling back to his brother what always gave him strength when he had needed some. He was desperate now, he was feeling so unalive witnessing that he couldn’t come to help Porsche to see Porchay in his growing self. He just wanted to find his family back, he just wanted to bring him home.
Porsche was silent. He was observing Porchay after his last words, looking extremely suspicious towards the young in front of him. No one other than Porchay knew what he would have said. But this wasn’t Porchay, this wasn’t at all. He said that he was. But he couldn’t be. Everything was really confusing for Porsche whose mind began to hurt from his too long focus on the world, he had been lost so much years into his brain, trying to get a grip, trying to get a sight of Porchay in his memories, calling his roommate by Porchay’s name, scaring them away.
Porsche touched the cheek of that man again. He cupped it, he stared at his face, at that expression, without thinking about the body, without trying to see another child’s body which was the only way he had to remember Porchay. He observed the bangs which didn’t move at all through years and those pupils, the one he had stared at so much because it gave him hope for the world, and thinking about them in that cell gave him the sensation that Porchay was around.
“Chay?” Porsche whispered back, his voice looking even more unstable than before.
“Hia…it’s me. I found you.” He smiled, between sobs, shivering because he might have found the way to touch his Hia’s heart, even if it had been damaged. He might have helped his mind to find a road back home.
Porsche pushed him in his arms, screaming loudly and the sound was heard through the door. The guard worried just opened it a small amount to see them crying loudly, hopeless screams.
Hopeless loud sobs and shaking voices which gave thrills to everyone who heard it.
—
Kim was glad that Tankhun explained to him that he might need to stay away from Porchay for a moment, not too long, just enough time to get into the brother’s head that they weren’t a menace, that they were friends and that he didn’t have to be scared.
Porsche looked untamed. He was a mix between wild and between used to the society rules. Kim got a mirror, it was hard to see but Porsche looked completely out of reality and even if it wasn’t the same thing, the same way, even if Kim was calmer and not attacking people when he saw Porchay for the first time, he still felt close to Porsche. He felt that something was keeping him for now from a stability he was still himself trying to find. In a way it helped Kim a little because he thought that in the end in this world he wasn’t the only one to be totally left apart and he wasn’t the only one to have difficulties to open the common doors when he had been trapped into another universe for years, Kim the rules and Porsche his utopic brain keeping Porchay close to him, only his image.
This was why when they got closer carefully and Porsche crushed Porchay in his arms, cursing at them and not letting them approach, they said nothing. They waited for the boy to help his brother calm down. He repeated a lot that he was okay, he was good, he was here. He hugged him tightly. That they weren’t here to take him away, they weren’t here for this, it was okay. He cradled his brother while being in his arms and Tankhun and Kim could see Porsche break down and not being aggressive at all anymore, just melting under Porchay’s voice, because he was here, he was against him, his baby brother was back into his world, he wasn’t alone anymore, he didn’t lost him, he was live, in his arms, alive.
—
“Of course we are taking him!” Tankhun said offended at the guard giving him the idea that they could still refuse the letter, they could still let him in. It wasn’t an order from the king himself, it was an order to let his family bring him back home, if the family decided to not do it, it wouldn’t be a problem.
“Well, then be faster because I have to work.” He said a little annoyed. “And also if anything happens to you because of him, we would not be responsible for it.”
Tankhun rolled his eyes and nodded. He then looked at Porchay and show his transparent watch to hurry him to get his brother out.
Kim was against the wall, not approaching them while Porchay was still reassuring Porsche. He knew that he had one more thing to try and to do before they could walk away.
“Hia…” Porchay whispered to his brother who raised his head to him.
“Tell me.” He said, looking more like himself but Porchay wasn’t too optimistic about this.
“There is one more thing that we need to do to get home together.”
“What?” Porsche pleaded as if Porchay had menaced him to let him here.
“You need to meet my friends.”
“What friends? You don’t have friends Chay…”
“I do…” Porchay hugged him a little tighter and poked his cheek. “I need you to welcome them Hia…you know, they saved me…they helped me, they love me too…”
“Did they?” Porsche asked still reluctant at the idea that this was possible.
“They did…I just want you to know that they are totally safe, you are in security with them…they even came here to help you…”
Porsche nodded quietly. He slowly began to pull himself from Porchay’s arms and he looked at Kim. He stared at him and bit his lips. “Are you…one?”
“P’Kim come closer.” Porchay said and he saw Porsche’s eyes panicking and his body wanting to hide inside of the wall but he took his brother’s hand in his own and he saw his face being more worried than totally panicking.
Kim kneeled closer but he still kept some distance.
“Hia…this is P’Kim…” Porchay tried to think about it, how he should introduce him but he never liked lies and they never lied to each other. “He is my lover.”
“You…you’re what?” Porsche asked, his voice breaking even more.
“Lover.”Porchay repeated and he took Kim’s hand to put it on his heart. “He protected that part.” Kim smiled shily but he couldn’t come to talk, he was scared, for one of the first time he was really scared to say something that could make Porsche hate him. He wouldn’t stand to provoke this so he just smiled. “And behind us, it’s Phi Tankhun…he is Kim’s brother…and he protected all of this, and all of us…” He explained showing both of their bodies.
Porsche observed him and he looked at Porchay after and it didn’t look like his brother was lying. It might be real all that he said. He didn’t have any energy at all, he didn’t have it so he just nodded tiredly at them.
“We are going home all together, okay Hia?” He asked and Porsche’s mind laughed histerically but silently. He was worried that he would have attacked them and he looked at his nails, eaten to blood and Porsche ironically smiled, even if he would want he didn’t think that he would have the strength for it.
—
Kim was the one to take Porsche on his back, he was the strongest between them three and Porchay had a secret hope that it would help them to not begin on the wrong side.
Tankhun had been a little less reasonable looking at the state of them and he preferred to take a better carriage, looking more fancy and more comfortable. Porchay didn’t blink, for his Hia, he could close his eyes on this. The oldest was sitting alone on one side. Porchay was in the middle, Porsche was curled up between the left side, his head on his brother’s laps and Kim was sitting on the right side.
Their hands were intertwined but to be honest Tankhun was annoyed because he saw that it wasn’t enough, because he could see Kim leaning the closest he could against Porchay, because of that he was more brotherly wheeling and also third wheeling at the same time.
“Okay lovers, I am not looking for some seconds.” He said, putting his hands on his face. “Feel free to do whatever kisses you want and need and don’t look that empty please.”
Porchay couldn’t stop the giggles coming from his mouth, Tankhun was always bringing laughter and happiness towards them, he was thankful.
Kim stared at Porchay, waiting because he had no idea about what to do, and he didn’t want to wake up Porsche at all.
“Don’t look at me like this…” Porchay whispered in his ears enough for no one to be able to understand what was pronounced. “Just take what’s yours…” He blushed too seein Kim’s eyes sparkles and he just leaned more to reach his lips, kissing and kissing, slowly and purely, just to get the comfort they had needed and they couldn’t get with Porsche not sleeping.
It soothed Porchay for real. He tightened his hold on Kim’s hand and let go.
“Phi…it’s good now…thank you.” He told Tankhun who looked proud of his idea.
Porchay let his head fall on Kim’s shoulder and he closed his eyes, feeling the heaviness of his brother’s life on his lap, feeling that he was finally back with him, feeling that he was alive.
He wondered how he would act. He wondered how he would accept it all when his brain would be clearer, when he would have rested enough.
A lot of things had changed, and Porchay himself. He didn’t know why, he was beginning to feel bad. He had grown up without him. He had also become what Porsche had tried to keep him from. He wasn’t the sweet sunshine his brother knew. He might look like a stranger to him.
Would his Hia still love him?