Juliette
I notice Tom's keys hanging by the door. He must be home. We walk into the kitchen where Tom stood with his hand over a glass of what seemed to be whiskey and a blue manilla file in front of him. A half empty bottle stood nearby. He looks up at us, and it's only then that I notice his eyes are bloodshot.
Before I can speak, Austen must notice something is off because he grabs my hand, pulling me behind him. "H-hey man. What's.. what's going on?" Austen asks as he slowly approaches tom who's eyes were stuck on me. "Watcha got there?" Austen asks looking down at the mysterious blue file. He goes to try and take the glass of whiskey from Tom, but flinches as Tom flexes his hand into a fist and looks at him. He turns his attention back to me and sniffles.
"One last time Juliette." He sniffles. "Why the fuck were you hospitalized 3 months after I left."
Austen turns to look at me, worried. My mouth instantly goes dry. I was beginning to shake, especially with Tom behaving this way. "I had pains from the therapy." I whisper.
He grabs the cup he was drinking from, flinging it off the table. I scream as the glass explodes. Austen manages to grab the bottle near Tom, but it didn't matter. He was already walking towards me. "Why did you go to the hospital Juliette!" He barks louder. "And don't fucking tell me it was because of therapy."
He stares down at me, the blue file in his hand. My full legal name written at the top.
"JULIETTE ANSWER ME!" He screams. "Tom! Stop what are you doing?" Austen growls now standing next to us. Tom keeps his eyes on me, as I stare down at the file in his hand. "You're over reacting, come on." Austen mumbles to him.
Tom's stare was heavy, his eyes were beginning to get watery again, and his face twisted in pain. "Say it Juliette." He hisses. I stay quiet, unable to push out any words. "SAY IT!!" He screams, his face beginning to turn red. Austen grabs Tom's shoulder trying to pull him away from me. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!" He screams at Austen, shaking his head profusely as he begins crying. "What the fuck is going on." Austen asks.
Tom looks back at me, continuing to shake his head at me. "I asked you." He hisses. "I ASKED YOU MULTIPLE TIMES JULIETTE!!" He screams with tears running down his face.
He pushes the folder against my chest. "FUCKING TELL ME JULIETTE!!" He screams as he backs away from me. I clench the folder, seeing my name on it. And I had no doubt about it. He knew. "Juliette what is that?" Austen asks. I look towards Tom apologetically. But he looks at me as if he were repulsed.
Austen takes the file from my hands as Tom and I continue to stare at one another. My eyes were stinging with tears. He looks up from my medical file, staring behind him at Tom who was shaking. "You were pregnant?" Austen whispers looking at me now.
"Pregnant. You were fucking pregnant and you didn't tell me." Tom manages to choke out. "It was never the right time.." I whisper. It never was. He was busy with shows and interviews. Then the Rosie thing happened. Then the Josiah thing. Then the car accident.. and then, he left. "I thought it was best to wait to tell you.. until everything was okay again."
"THAT WASN'T YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE JULIETTE!!" He screams reaching for the file that Austen was barely holding on to. "YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT KIDS!" I scream at him.
"THINGS CHANGE JULIETTE!!!"
"HOW WAS I GOING TO TELL YOU! AND WHY DOES IT MATTER IF IT'S DONE!? IF I LOST THE BABY!!"
Tom flips through some pages tearing something out and dropping the entire file on to the nearby table. "BECAUSE IT WAS MY BABY TOO JULIETTE!!" He screams at the top of his lungs, shakily holding up the 13 week ultrasound. "IT WAS MY BABY AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING TELL ME!!" He lowers the ultra sound turning it towards him and squeezing his eyes shut as if it were too painful to look at the photos. He lets out a sob, holding the ultrasound against his chest, careful as to not wrinkle the series of photos.
He then turns around, needing to hold on to the table as I could see him wanting to crumble to the ground. He lowers his head, weakly slamming his fist against the table. "Fuck Juliette." He groans through his tears. I wipe my own tears, looking towards Austen who was quietly wiping away his own tears, trying to stay strong for our sake. "Tom.." I call out walking towards him. He looks over his shoulder at me, shaking his head. "Get the fuck away from me Juliette." He hisses. I flinch at his words, stopping inches away from him. "I wanted to tell you." I quietly cry. "But I was scared. I was scared you'd resent me. Resent them. And I didn't know what to do. You said you didn't want kids. You left before I could tell you."
He sniffles and looks down at the ultrasound of a tiny little human that at some point was living proof of our love. Conceived during a time where Tom and I were hopelessly in love and genuinely happy. Half of me and half of him. An extension of our hearts and soul.
"Please talk to me." I sob, reaching for him. He grabs my hand, pushing it away from him. "I wouldn't have left had you told me. I wouldn't have resented you or them. But I guess we'll never know. But for what it's worth, I hope Josiah played a good dad." He sniffles, wiping his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "Go to hell Juliette."
He turns around, shouldering me as he storms towards the door. "Please don't leave." I sob chasing after him. He shakes his head, refusing to turn around to face me. "Please, just talk to me. Let's just sit and.. and.. tom please. Josiah was only a supportive friend during the few months I still had the baby." I sob hysterically.
He snorts coldly, opening the front door. "I'm glad Maddox could experience what I couldn't." He steps through the door, stopping almost immediately. "I fucked Gia by the way." He growls, slamming the door shut behind him.
Tom
I slam my fist multiple times against the door. "OPEN THE DOOR!!" I scream, continuing my banging. The door swings wide open a few seconds later.
She leans against the doorframe, batting her eyelashes at me. "I knew you'd come around." She giggles running her hand down my chest. I take a deep shaky breath, finally meeting her gaze.
"Oh shit." She mumbles having noticed that I was crying. Her normal flirtatious and seductive demeanor switches off. She looks behind me noticing I'm alone and grabs my hand pulling me into the house. "You look like shit." She says as she leads me to the couch.
"You are shit." I hiss to her. She scoffs and shakes her head. "Don't be a dick. Something happened if you're here and not wherever Juliette is." She says. I nearly flinch at the sound of Juliette's name. I look at Rosie who looked genuinely concerned and who had a point. Why was I here?
The last thing I wanted was to think of Juliette. The last thing I wanted was to feel, but that was impossible right now. I couldn't shut down the way I normally would. Something wasn't letting me. Because all I could feel was pain. An unexplainable pain and grievance that was dominating me. And right this moment, I wanted to feel anything else but this.
I stare down at Rosie's lips, grabbing her face and pushing my lips against hers. Wanting to distract myself in any way possible. Even if it was with Rosie.
"No, let's not do this." Rosie mumbles pushing me away. Only I don't stop. I grab her again, kissing down her neck as she squirms around trying to push me off. "TOM STOP!" She screams pushing me away.
"YOU'RE ALWAYS THROWING YOURSELF AT ME!!" I scream at her. She fixes her hair, and looks at me frowning. "I do that to get on your nerves Tom. Because I find it funny that I make you uncomfortable. But you don't want this. I'm the last person you'd want to do this with. What's wrong?" She asks me.
Rosie had a point. She was the last person I'd do this with. She disgusted me. Not to mention, she was with Austen. Someone I could loosely consider more than an acquaintance.
"I.." I couldn't figure out what I was trying to say. I was hurting. Immensely hurting. A pain I hadn't felt before and that was currently dominating all sense of control I had. So instead I begin crying against my own free will.
"Juliette was pregnant." I manage to choke out. "And she hid it from me." Rosie quietly gasps, immediately her eyes soften and she reaches over, taking me into her arms. "Get the fuck away from me." I manage to hiss to her. But she only tightens her hold against me. "You need this." She sighs as she rests her chin against the top of my head. My body ignores me and immediately falls closer into her arms. "What the fuck.." I groan against Rosie's shoulder. I had this heavy pain in my chest that also felt empty. Like something was torn out of it. My head was spinning. And no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many fucking times I'd tell myself to stop, I couldn't stop crying. The pain was killing me. I felt like I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to shut everything off. Escape to that corner in my mind where nothing hurts. Nothing matters. But I couldn't. For once, in my bloody fucking life, I couldn't escape.
"Stop trying to fight it." Rosie whispers as she continues to hug me. "It doesn't go away so easily."
"You're a bitch." I manage to mumble finding some control. "Why the fuck am I here."
Rosie shrugs. "I think you needed someone to be here for you." She whispers. I scoff and push her away. I didn't fucking need her. Rosie was the last person I would ever 'need'. She was a bitch. A manipulative, treacherous bitch. "I have Bill for that." I mumble. She shakes her head. "Things are different. He's engaged to Alysa. Your girlfriend's best friend."
She had a point. I stay silent, sniffling. "Are you okay?" She asks me. I sniffle again and carefully pull out the ultrasound from my hoodie, looking down at the black and white pictures of a tiny bean shaped blob that I had no idea would have such a hold on me. Someone I never even met. Or knew about until just a few hours ago. Someone that was half of me and half of her. And it hurt. I don't even think hurt was the correct word to describe what I was feeling. But it fucking hurt.
Rosie looks down at the few pictures and softly smiles. "Oh." She whispers in a gentle tone, looking at me for permission before gently taking the strip of photos away from me. She looks down at the images, smiling. "Hey, I thought you hated kids. At least that's what you told me in Arizona." She says. I snort. "I do." I manage to mumble with a raspy voice. Something cramps in my chest, as if I weren't suppose to say that. "I did."
I shake my head. "I don't know anymore." I whisper looking down at my shoes. "I don't know why I'm crying about it." I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. "It happened. It's done. She lost the thing."
Rosie looks up from the pictures at me and frowns. "I think your upset because maybe a part of you is mourning them."
I scoff, finding her comment to be fucking stupid. Mourning? What the fuck did I have to mourn. "I never even met.. it. Never knew they existed." I mumble. "Juliette hid it for almost 4 months. So what the fuck am I upset about. There's nothing to mourn."
"Because you love anything that has to do with Juliette. And this thing.. isn't just a thing Tom. This was your baby. Not some thing. Not someone else's baby. This was your baby, Tom."
She hands me back the photos. I look down at them again, feeling that burdening pain once more as I look at the outline of their little body. A painful, fucking painful lump forms in my throat accompanied by the sensation that something was being ripped from my chest. I choke on some tears, turning away because I didn't want Rosie to see me this way.
"I think a part of you knows that. And I think that part of you loves this baby." She scoots closer to me, and holds my hand. "How can I love someone if I never even met them?" I mumble.
"Because that baby was an extension of you. Part of you. You never met them, okay.. but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to love them. Wherever they are, wherever they go or whatever they may be now, they're always going to be your baby and you'll always be their dad."
Dad.
The word alone terrifies me. That was the last thing I wanted to be. Because a person like me wouldn't be capable of protecting and loving someone dependent of me. I was barely making it with Juliette.
"I don't think I'm made for that." I scoff, wiping away a few more tears before I look back at Rosie. She smiles and squeezes my hand. "You're not a bad person, Tom."
I look down once more at the images of what could have been, but weren't.
"Hey, Rosie." I mumble. "I'm.. really.. just really fucking hurting." I choke right as I begin crying again. She doesn't hesitate in grabbing me from my neck and pulling me against her. I stop fighting and let myself become consumed by this fucking hell I was currently living.
Rosie places her hand against one side of my cheek, the other wrapped around my body. I could smell her rose and vanilla perfume, and for once, it was actually comforting. I let myself be comforted by her. Not because I was sexually attracted by her, or because I was trying to spite Juliette, or because Rosie was always teasingly throwing herself at me. But because in a sense, in some twisted and fucked up way, Rosie understood me better than anyone else. Maybe it was her own trauma, her own hell she lived as a child after being sexually abused and essentially being prostituted by her mother, or the way she was raised to use her looks to manipulate men, whatever it may be, Rosie was also dealing with her own inner darkness. A darkness that would instead manifest itself into the flirtatious and promiscuous Rosie we all knew. That was her defense mechanism, a way to protect her fragile self who was constantly at battle with herself. It was her way of escaping the memories that tormented her. And occasionally she would find moments where she could escape. I noticed those moments more frequently when she was around Austen. I think Austen kept her sane and grounded the way Juliette keeps me here.
"I should have been there. I should have been the one to have taken care of her. I should have stayed." I groan against her. "This is all my fault. Juliette lost the baby because of me. Because I was too fucking selfish to stay."
"This is NOT your fault, Tom. It's.. it's my fault." Her voice had suddenly become uneven, and I could feel her shaking. A tear hits my hand. "It's my fault." She whispers hoarsely. "I ruined everything that day. It wasn't you. I was the one that drove Juliette to get in that car. This wasn't you. It was me. And I'm so sorry Tom. I really am. I don't think I've ever apologized to you."
"I just want to stop feeling. I want it to stop." I mumble, finding the slightest strength to momentarily stop crying. Rose sniffles. "I don't think you can this time. This time is different. It'll hurt for a while. But eventually you'll find it'll get easier. But even then, you'll always feel an empty little space in your heart and a sadness when you think of it. But that'll be your reminder that they were real."
I quietly hang on to her words that sounded stuffy. To the sincerity behind them and the pain hidden behind her soothing tone. Rosie had been through a lot as a child. And I'm sure she'd kept most of it bottled up and hidden.
"How old were you?" I ask.
She sniffles, quietly sobbing for a few moments before finding the strength to answer what I suspected to be true. "I was 16." She finally whispers.
"Josiah's?" I ask remembering Rosie and him had started dating when they were 15. But she shakes her head and pulls away, instead burying her hands in between her thighs. I would have loved for it to have been his.. at the time." She shakes her head again, wiping a few tears away from her waterline with her finger. "I couldn't tell you who it was. Only that it was for a different debt my mom owed."
"But even then. It hurts. The possibilities. The person they could have been. Should have been.. If things were done correctly." She shrugs and looks at me, forcing a smile through her tears. "It'll hurt for a while Tom. But be glad it was at least with someone you genuinely love. I'm sure she's still hurting too. Don't hate her because of this."
I look down once more at the photos in my hand of what should— was my child. "Do you think I would have fucked them up?" I ask her.
She lets out a strained and gentle laugh, shaking her head. "Maybe just a little." She teases me pinching her index finger against her thumb. "But I think we're all a little fucked up anyways. You would have been an amazing dad, Tom."
I sniffle, and nod trying to believe her. I accidentally make eye contact with her. Both of us smile. "I forgive you, Rose. For everything."
She closes her eyes, chuckling once in relief before opening her eyes that were once more glossy. "I still hate you though." I tease her.
She smirks and playfully shoves me, causing me to finally laugh. "You make me sick." She scoffs teasingly. We both begin laughing, finding some comfort with one another.
There's a loud knock at the door, multiple voices. I look towards Rose who was just as confused as she gets up and goes to open the door.
"Hey, he's—"
There's a loud slap, followed by Rosie hissing in pain. I stand up and rush towards her, but stop as Juliette looks at me angrily and with tears in her eyes.