" ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪ ꜱᴛᴀʏ ᴏʀ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪ ɢᴏ? "
❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀
Raina took a deep breath once she had stepped away from the mic, she listened as the audience cheered and gave a courteous bow and grinned. Her heart was still beating loudly in her ears, she was escorted off-stage to her memeber's who all stood with proud smiles on their faces.
"You did so well Raina." Ni-ki cheered, bringing the shorter but older woman into a tight embrace. Raina giggled and tightly hugged him back, her head resting on his shoulder.
"Hey, move aside, it's my turn to hug her!" Jake whined, pushing the youngest of the group, Raina rolled her eyes.
"Oh shut up you big baby," Raina said with a smile but nonetheless hugged Jake before the others glanced at each other and within a second Raina was held captive between the arms of 7 boys, all tightly huddled together. Raina laughed loudly while grunting and groaning in fake annoyance.
"Ew! Ew! Guys, you're all sweaty. Get off! I can't breathe!" Raina whined loudly, dramatically squirming and throwing her arms in the air.
"Shut up Raina." They all said in unison, which caused all 8 of them to laugh. They all stayed in their group hug for a moment before Raina sighed and patted Sunoo's shoulder, who stood next to her.
"Alright, that's it. No more chick flick moments." Raina commented, pulling away from the circle. Heeseung, who stood in front of her after they had all pulled apart glanced at Raina before his eyes darted over her shoulder. Raina didn't need to turn her head to know who he was looking at, not when she could feel the person in question drilling holes into the back of her head, she slowly turned around.
Their eyes connected immediately and Raina felt everything almost boil over. Almost. The young woman took a breath and Jay placed a hand on her shoulder
"We have 10 minutes before we have to go to the airport. Raina, he doesn't know." Jay whispered lowly to the older woman, Raina nodded slightly and looked at K once again before merely walking past him towards her dressing room knowing he'd follow her and he did, he walked behind her, maintaining a respectful distance.
It felt like an eternity to get to her private dressing room, Raina entered first with K silently stepping in moments later pressing his back against the shut door. Raina stood in front of the small vanity mirror, slowly removing her jewellery only leaving the necklace around her neck.
"Raina," K said quietly through the thick air of tension that filled the room, almost suffocating both of them. K took a deep breath in, his eyes drifting from the floor to her reflection, he curled his fists tightly until his knuckles turned white and he could start to feel the half-moon indents of his blunt nails seeing into the palm of his hand.
"What did it mean?" He uttered. Raina who stayed silent continued to stare down at the wooden desk of the vanity.
"You know exactly what it meant." She whispered and K felt his heart soar and fall to the pit of his stomach at the very same time. He had been waiting, craving, desiring this moment for years yet he didn't know how to react, his mind went blank and any words he thought he'd say at this moment left him. Without thinking K walked forward until he was only a couple of feet from her, gazing at her.
"Say it." He said and Raina for the first time since they entered this room, looked up and at him through the mirror. Tears brimmed her beautiful eyes.
"I-I can't." She weakly said as she shook her head, K clenched his jaw and shook his head.
"Don't give me that. Don't. Not after you wrote a whole fucking song and sang it in front of thousands of people. In front of me. You weren't scared then, so you have no reason to be scared now." He seethed out, desperation curling his voice. Raina shook her head more vigorously this time.
"I can't!" She exclaimed and K had enough.
"Why!?" He yelled back, throwing his arms in the air before glaring back at her.
"Why can't you just fucking say you love me? Is it so fucking hard for you? We both know it, hell the fucking world knows it! So why?" He argued, his voice heavy, his brows pulled taunt in anger.
"Because I'm leaving!" Raina finally yelled back, spinning around to face him. Her words stunned K into silence, frozen.
"We leave tonight! That's why I can't say it! How can I when I can't stay?!" She exclaimed brokenly, she glared and turned back to the mirror. It remained deathly quiet until K let out the smallest sigh, his shoulders slumped as if the world he had been carrying on them had finally crushed him.
"You can Raina." He whispered equally as broken.
"It doesn't matter that you're leaving. Please just say you love me. Please." he pleaded, stepping closer to her. She stared at him through the mirror, the room completely silent.
"K I can't say that, I can't be with you, knowing tonight. I'll be the one leaving you." She quietly spoke, her eyes never leaving him but her body never turning to face him again, all he did was smile at her. a smile that both held happiness and heartbreak.
"Then when the time comes, you can break my heart the same way I broke yours." He spoke just as quietly, taking one single step closer to her. A tear ran down her cheek.
"That's just it...If I let myself have you, even for a moment. the moment I'm on that plane, I won't just be breaking your heart. I'll be breaking my own." Raina stared at him hard.
"Don't follow K. Please don't follow me." With that, Raina walked past him and out of the room, she could hear him calling out for her but when she saw Changkyun step past her in K's path. Raina swallowed thickly and continued to walk, she could faintly hear the two men talking, their voices slightly raised but she blocked it out and made her way to the van that sat outside.
She saw her boys all waiting for her outside of the car.
"Raina please!" She heard K plead, she heard the cobblestones shift from under his feet. K grabbed her wrist and turned her to face him, she could see the tear stains on his cheeks, his hair falling on his forehead covering his eyes ever so slightly, she saw a silently upset Haru who stood just a few feet away, his heart breaking at his best friend.
"I love you. I love you with everything in me, from the moment you stumbled into me in that elevator in I-Land till now...I let you go once Raina, I was a coward and I let you go and broke us both and I'm not about to do it again, so don't ask me to. Don't tell me not to follow you." K poured out, poured out his heart, laying everything bare for her to see. Raina gazed up at him, her tears falling from her eyes, she saw him, she saw everything he wanted and needed her to see everything he was willing to let go of for her.
"I can't ask you to just drop everything. I can't just rip you from this life you've created. Your leaving may have broken me but had you stayed, we both know you wouldn't be happy, not like you are here. This is your home K, mine...Mine isn't." Raina choked out through her tears. K merely let out a weak laugh and shook his head, cupping her hands into his own.
"Good thing I'm not asking for your permission." Raina shook her head softly, retracting her hands and pushing him away softly. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and took a deep breath before looking at K.
"Goodbye K," Raina said as stoically as she could, bowing her head ever so slightly before turning on her toes and heading to the van where her 7 boys stood waiting for her. All of them feeling helpless, Heeseung took off his jacket and softly put it over her shoulders as Ni-ki opened the door and clasped her hand in his to help her inside. Sunoo had dropped his own jacket over her lap once she was buckled in.
"You guys can go say your goodbyes." She quietly spoke, and the group of males looked from Raina to where K stood. Raina sent them a small smile, though it was forced, and with a soft push to Jake, who stood the closest to her reach they all nodded. Jake gave Raina a comforting smile and the softest kiss on her temple before carefully shutting the door. Raina didn't turn her eyes to watch them hug and share their goodbyes with K, knowing if she did, she'd open the damn door and run into his arms, her job be damned.
So Raina remained with her eyes ahead staring at the back of the seat in front of her, her hands fisting Sunoo's jacket. Moments later, the boys opened the van doors and slid into their seats, they all said nothing and then they finally drove off, leaving K standing there, starting at the van with Haru by his side.
Raina did not utter a single word as they drove to the airport, she didn't speak, didn't cry all she did was lean her head against Jungwon's shoulder and closed her eyes.
Hours had passed, and K knew Raina and the others had been well on their way back to Korea. So here he sat, on his mother's couch staring at the photo of him and Raina from I-Land, he remembered this photo being taken, it was that night the producers showed the contestants the fan videos and the clips the contestants had recorded for each other. He remembered goofing around with Raina and Nicholas had snapped a picture of them, Raina jumped on his back with the biggest grin on her face causing him to nearly face-plant in that moment.
"Honey, what's the matter?" His mother urgently asked him when she had come into the living space to see her son crying and sniffling.
"Why aren't you at your apartment? Did something happen? Are you hurt?" She fired questions at him, finding it extremely out of character for him to be this emotional. He had always been a softer kid than other boys, and cried a little easier than others but never had she seen him this broken. She wrapped her arms around her boy and rubbed his back trying to soothe him.
K had calmed down a few minutes later, he sniffled and pulled away from his mother's embrace, it wasn't until she saw the photo he had been clutching onto did everything connected. Although she had never met Raina in person, she knew she was the young lady her boy loved and cherished. He would speak to her about Raina every chance he got during his time in South Korea, to the point where she knew pretty much everything about Raina Park, and when he disappeared and came back to Japan, she grilled him about leaving Raina brokenhearted. To K's mother, Raina Park was a strong respectable woman and for that, she had earned her respect.
"Talk to me." His mother softly spoke and K sighed heavily before looking at his dear mother.
"She loves me back mum...But she had to leave.She loves me but didn't want me." His mother hummed softly in response, her heart breaking for her boy.
"She loves you...And you love her, why did you let her go, son?" K looked at his mother in slight confusion.
"Because she asked me too...She pleaded with me to. I didn't want to but..." His mother grabbed his hand that wasn't holding the photo and squeezed it gently, looking at him with soft eyes.
"Your father and I, our love story is very similar. I left him without a word when we were very young because I was scared and when we met again years later, although it was rough and hard for a long time we fell in love once again and when I had to leave once again, he followed me and neither of us regret it. The pain and heartbreak you go through heal, it takes time but it heals. We make mistakes, and we regret, that's just how we humans are. But love is stronger than most people give it credit for, when you find someone like Raina, you can't just let that go." She wisely explained to her son, eyes softly looking at him as he processed her words.
"So...What do I do?" He asked, his mother gave him a long knowing look and smiled gently at him, she pointed at the photo in his other hand.
"You follow her. Everything be damned." She responded. She gave him a soft kiss on the head and patted his head.
"Now, go home and get some sleep, I'm sure you have a lot of things to do and sort out for the seeable future." K smiled at his mum, a new sense of hope and determination engulfing his heart.
"I love you mum." The older woman grinned but before she could say anything back, a loud snore echoed from the bedroom. The mother and son looked at each other before quietly laughing.
"I better get back to bed before your father wakes up and throws a fit." She giggled and K just nodded and stood up, walking to the door.
"Goodnight K."
"Goodnight mum." K responded before opening the door and softly closing it behind him. Raina may have left, but this wasn't the end of their story.
A/N
WE ARE ALMOST AT THE END!!!! IM BOTH HAPPY AND SAD ABOUT THIS FACT!!
- this is Lyn, signing off