I woke up hours later to an empty bed, Lizzie must have left early to go to her audition while I was still asleep. My face felt swollen from how much I cried last night. My eyes were crusty, and my cheeks flushed red. Without a second thought, I picked up my phone and messaged Vanessa right away before sending Lizzie a message too when I saw the time was just after eleven. Elizabeth's contact flashed across the screen moments later.
"Hey baby," she sighed down the phone, the sound of her driving in the background.
"Hey, how did it go?" I asked.
"Really, really well ... I think I got it?" she smiled.
"What did they say?" I pushed, a small smile growing on my own lips.
"They said that they'll send me the script and a contract," Liz replied quickly.
"You definitely got it," I agreed, "congrats my love, I'm very proud of you."
"Thank you," she exhaled, "how are you feeling? Did you just wake up?"
I hummed a yes, "I don't know how I'm feeling ... I feel weird."
"That's okay, that's normal," she smiled sadly, "listen, I'll be home in about ten minutes; do you want sushi or Taco Bell?"
"Sushi please," I laughed out my nose, "pick up a bottle of champagne too."
"Champagne?" she giggled, "seems a bit fancy for a movie day, don't you think."
"As a celebration, from me to you," I smiled, "I won't have any obviously, but you deserve a glass."
"I do," Lizzie laughed, "I'll be home soon, okay?"
"Drive safely, I love you?"
"I love you too angel," she smiled, hanging up the phone.
Placing my phone back in my lap, I rubbed the crusties out my eyes and grabbed Lizzie's hoodie from the side of the bed before crawling out of it and walking straight down the stairs and toward her front room. As soon as I sat down on the couch, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Switching on the flatscreen TV, I looked down at my phone and bit my cheek at Vanessa's reply to my obviously stupid question of 'how are you?'
Vanessa
I've been better
What about you?
Y/N
Same
Vanessa
Can you call? I can't sleep anymore
Without replying, I dialled her on Facetime and let her face fill my phone screen. She smiled at me sadly and placed her phone on her bedside table so she could talk to me with minimal effort.
"You look like shit," I smiled.
She laughed out her nose and nodded, "I know ... you look amazing as always."
"I don't feel so amazing," I replied.
She nodded slowly, "are you at Lizzie's house?"
"Yeah," I whispered, "we're- she's um- we're back together."
"Officially?" she asked.
"Yeah," I repeated.
"That was fast," she exhaled.
I nodded again, "do you think?"
"I just think you need to be careful with your heart Y/N/N. You put on this big persona but you're sensitive and she can really hurt you ... just be careful, please," Vanessa sighed, "I'd hate to see you get hurt again."
"I'm being careful, don't worry," I assured her.
"Okay," she nodded, "Mum's coming home soon."
"Has she been at the hospital this whole time?" I furrowed my brows at her.
She nodded once more, "I feel completely out of my body ... none of this feels real at all."
"I know," I sighed, "I'm going to come down to London for a few days when all the arrangements are made."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Definitely, I miss you and I haven't seen my family in a good few months. I also want to be there for your dad," I smiled sadly.
"I'm glad we're still friends," I expressed honestly.
"Me too, I can't imagine my life without you in it," she agreed, "shit Mum's home, I- fuck I don't know if I can deal with this."
"You're going to be fine; I'll call you later, okay?"
She nodded, "thank you Y/N/N."
I smiled sadly and nodded, hanging up the phone just as Lizzie too opened her front door and walked over to me wearing a pair of leggings and one of my hoodies.
"Hey darling," she exhaled, sitting down next me and taking off her jacket, "you're crying."
"Am I?" I sighed, touching my cheeks and realising they were wet, "shit, I am."
"I got Sushi, will that make you feel better?" she suggested, handing me a small takeaway bag.
"Thank you," I smiled sadly, "congrats on getting the part, Liz."
"Thanks," she smiled shyly, tucking into her food, "was that Vanessa on the phone?"
"Yeah," I whispered.
"Do you want to talk about it or just watch a shitty film?"
"Shitty film," I exhaled.
"Shitty film it is," she smiled, resting her legs over mine and opening Netflix.
"Did we do the most lesbian thing and rush into this?" I asked, looking down at my food.
Lizzie furrowed her brows and shook her head slowly, "what do you mean?" she replied, a quirk in her voice.
"Your divorce isn't even finalised," I sighed.
"Y-you asked me to be your girlfriend?" she reminded me.
I nodded slowly and closed my eyes, "I want you to be my girlfriend. I love you, Lizzie. I just- I just think we're moving really, really fast; I don't want us to crash and burn. I don't want to ruin this again."
"So ... what do you want to do Y/N?" she asked, exaggerating my full name.
"I want to keep going on dates with you and I want to call you my girlfriend, but I think we should stop seeing each other so much? I need to put myself first and you need to get your divorce finalised and then we- we can talk about this again," I explained slowly, "unless you think-"
"No, I actually agree," she sighed, "as much as I hate to admit it, I've been thinking about this too. I um- I need Robbie gone for good before we move any further."
I nodded and reached over, grabbing her hands, "when I'm with you, I feel like I'm the same carefree teenager again but a part of me thinks that isn't always a good thing. There's a reason we broke up and it's a lot more than you cheating on me. We weren't the healthiest of people for each other and that ended in a lot of arguments. I don't want us to slip back into that. I need to be selfish right now and look after myself ... I need to be my only priority and you do too. You need to still be able to act and do the things you love that don't involve me."
She nodded quickly and let out a shaky breath, "and we're still ... together. You're not ending this, right?"
"I'm not ending this at all. I'm not ending what we are trying to regrow," I agreed with a sad smile, "we're going to be the same Lizzie and Y/N/N but we're not going to push our own separate lives away because we are making more time to be with each other."
"I'm gonna get my divorce settled," Lizzie explained, "I'm gonna start filming for His Three Daughters and start a new garden but I am still going to take you on dates and make love to you and show you how much you mean to me."
I laughed out my nose and nodded, "and I going to plan a stupid gala at work and go and see Ness for her dad's funeral and then when I come back to New York, I'm going to take you out for dinner to congratulate you on getting the part and then, when your divorce is over and Robbie is finally fucking gone, I'm- I'm going to ... see how it goes and not put any pressure on it."
"Yeah, I like that plan," Lizzie exhaled, a small smile on her lips, "And you're still my girlfriend," I smiled.
"I'm still your girlfriend," she laughed out her nose, "and we're not gonna let our relationship slip back into toxic habits."
"Exactly," I nodded, "this was the most mature conversation we've ever fucking had."
"I know," she giggled, nodding her head and pulling me into a hug, "I'm really lucky to have got a second chance with you."
I nodded again in her arms, hugging her back tightly, "I love you so much, Lizard."
"I love you too," she smiled, pulling away and cupping my cheeks, pressing our lips together softly.
Exhaling out my nose, I kissed her back passionately, running my tongue over her bottom lip and letting it dance against hers. As her arms wrapped around my neck, I gently pulled her onto my lap at which she giggled sweetly.
"Thought we were taking this slow," she mumbled against my lips with a small smirk.
"Thought you wanted to make love to me," I remarked.
She hummed and nodded, kissing me again, slower and more sensual this time. I smiled against her lips and tilted my head to the side to meet her movements. When she breathed heavily out of her nose, my hands moved down to her thighs and began to squeeze them slowly and gently.
"As much as ... I want this," she exhaled as I moved my lips to her neck, "your mind isn't in the right place."
"I don't want to think about anything else Liz, let me fill my mind with you," I mumbled against her skin, kissing it harshly.
She let out a soft noise somewhere between a groan and a moan and scratched the back of my neck.
"Baby," she breathed out, "if you don't stop now, I'm not going to want to stop."
"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, pulling away and looking in her eyes to check for her consent.
She let out a shaky breath and shook her head slowly. Hooking my fingers under her jumper, I carefully pulled it over her head and smiled when she helped me.
"Do you want me to stop?" I repeated.
She shook her head again.
With a smile, I ran my hands down the front of her body slowly.
"What about now?" I whispered.
"Don't stop," she exhaled.
"Keep going?" I asked.
She nodded quickly, pushing our lips together again.
Vanessa
I'm coming to New York