Marley, Liberio. The Year 854
The passage of time is a relentless force, indifferent to our hopes and fears, and sometimes, we can't help but wonder if we're just passengers on this swiftly moving journey, hurtling toward an unknown destination. It feels like just yesterday we were filled with youthful vigor, embarking on our journey to make the world a worthwhile place to live. We wanted to survive and we wanted to be free!
Now, the years have slipped through our fingers like grains of sand. What remains?
###
Levi was not a man of many words, so why speak? He was a man of swift and forceful action, which was more than fine with Zoë. The more time they spent in bed together the more exhausted she became. The more exhausted, the easier it was to pretend that they weren't on borrowed time, that she didn't count the days, the hours, the minutes that they had left together.
But she did.
She counted days, hours, minutes, and felt them slipping away faster and faster. Not speaking became a burden that weighed down her soul but all that desperate, glorious sex flooded her with a mind-numbing sluggishness.
Whenever the bodily high waned, she felt like crying hysterically. What was the point of cramming as much closeness as humanly possible into a few last days? It did not change anything about the fact that the end was inevitable.
Of course, all ends were. To still be alive after all they had been through was already a gift. She should be grateful, shouldn't she?
Grateful to have found someone like Levi, only to lose him much too soon? She watched his tranquil face when he was asleep - that alone seemed like some kind of miracle, Levi sleeping! For more than two hours! - and felt a choking tenderness constrict her chest. How dear he was to her.
It was so unfair.
Zoë didn't tell Levi how she felt. He was a man of few words because he saw more value in action and she wanted to accept his decision. If he thought he had to go, if he thought his time had come, she had to let him go.
Apparently, it wouldn't matter for long. She was going to forget everything about the Titans and the Eldian race and therefore, she wouldn't remember anything about the Ackermans either. It couldn't be done any other way, Eren had said. No, he could not leave her with any memories.
Zoë wrote things down. It was cheating and she would probably not be able to see it for what it was afterwards: The truth about a doomed life they had lived. Probably, after the Exit of the Founder and the Ackermans, she would read it as a fictional story. If she would read it at all.
"Hey," Levi opened his good eye and squinted at her. "You look like you need some distraction."
"You are lucky I am so strong," Zoë grinned at him, battling tears again. "Any other woman would long have fled your bed by now."
"Yes, I am lucky," Levi lifted his maimed hand, deftly tugging the shirt from her shoulders.
###
Marley, Liberio. The Year 854
I watch as the days turn into weeks, and the weeks into months, our last days together slipping through our grasp like water flowing through clenched fists. The weight of inevitability hangs in the air, heavy and inescapable. The moments we cherished, the laughter, the camaraderie, they all seem like ever-distant memories, vanishing into the horizon of time.
The sadness is a shared sentiment, though we say nothing. We both feel the ache of time's passage, knowing that our last moments together are dwindling. We wish we could slow it down, savor every second, but time, as it always does, moves on, leaving us with memories and the bittersweet taste of farewell.
Funny that we buried so many comrades but never learned how to say goodbye properly.
###
"Ahhhh, Leeeevi!"
Levi was addicted to his name spilling from her lips like this, throaty, fervid, getting him right in the groin like no aphrodisiac could. It was utterly pathetic how often he climbed her, as if a bodily union could change the fact that they needed to part very soon. When he was buried deeply inside of her, moving to the rhythm of passion, he was able to forget ever so briefly that he was an idiot with a death wish, an idiot who put the world before his own life and desires.
His duty.
It was also his duty to have as much sex with Hanji as humanly possible before they needed to leave. A good thing that his dick was of the same opinion and that apparently, he wasn't only humanity's strongest soldier but also possessed humanity's strongest pecker.
Ah, but when he let his brain kick in, he knew that it was only a diversion. That what he truly craved was not sex. It was the closeness. It was the feel of Hanji's skin against his, her warmth seeping into his bones. Just... being with her, holding her, stroking her hair.
It made him happy.
What a gift.
How stupid not to realize sooner. How stupid to try and make up for it by gluing himself on top and inside of her now.
Levi loved her like he had never loved before. But he couldn't tell her. Loving her was selfish and did not matter. He would leave this world, she would stay. What difference did love make?
###
Marley, Liberio. The Year 854
The time has come, and my heart is heavy with a mixture of pride, fear, and an overwhelming sense of loss. Levi is about to embark on his last mission. He's always been the embodiment of strength and resilience, but now, he carries a burden that even he can't fully grasp.
We've been through so much together. Our friendship has been a constant source of strength, and his presence has been an anchor for me amidst the chaos of our world. What will I do without him? There have been countless times when I wished I could find the words to tell him how much he means to me. But now, the words elude me, and all that remains is the unspoken love and respect that we share.
It has to be enough.
Levi is stepping into the unknown, to seal the Paths forever, and it's a journey I can't follow.
I'll stand by, keeping the hope alive, even though I know the stars in the sky can't change his fate. Levi has always been a symbol of unwavering courage, and now, it's my turn to carry that torch of courage in his memory.
Even if I will not remember him.
###
The three of them walked a distance away from the city. A precaution. Everything was different. And yet... in the end, it is the same.
... White sand covers the ground, twinkling like a gazillion tiny stars, the sky is painted with trails of wavering light and it feels like home. It is Ymir's garden, the place where everything begins and everything ends. It is their heaven. A sense of peace comes over him. Everything will be alright.
He feels at peace for a very brief moment only though. The Founder is approaching, Levi can feel his forceful presence getting stronger behind the dunes. Maybe Ymir is with him because Levi can pick up two sets of footsteps. No, it's not Ymir. It is Eren. With Mikasa.
This. This has happened before. Remember, it's important.
Levi turns towards the approaching presence but someone grabs his arm and rips him backwards. It is a man with dark hair and pinched mouth, ageless yet clearly ancient, somewhat familiar though a stranger.
"Come away quickly," he commands. "If he gets his hands on you..."
He draws Levi towards a small house made from a white shimmering material. The door opens by itself to let them in and closes firmly behind them, like it's aware and wants to protect them. Everything is shining white here, it's much too bright and gives Levi a piercing headache.
"Who are you?" Levi confronts the man, angered by his rude conduct.
The stranger looks him over quietly with a great deal of authority. "You're here," he says. His voice is strangely breathless and echoes around the white chamber like it has no actual source. "It must be time then."
Yes, it is. It is time. Ack, dammit, Levi remembers why he's here. He remembers everything and it hurts so much his breath ceases. Hanji has already forgotten about me. Get over it.
There's a sudden loud boom that shakes the world and the strange man's forehead creases with worry.
"He's trying to get in."
Levi nods. "He will get in. He has an Ackerman with him."
The man frowns darkly. "Your task is to control the Founder who has strayed. You have to kill him."
"No, that's not going to happen," Levi folds his arms and glares back at his forefather, the First Ackerman. "You're not even real. But I am. And I know what we need to do. Do you have weapons here to kill a god?"
Boom, boom, boom. Is that wood splintering? Eren is in an impatient rage, so what's new. Or maybe it is not rage but desperation. That boy has gone through so much.
Boom, boom, boom, crash.
"Well," Levi says, a grim smile on his lips, "sounds like Eren is inside. Listen, First Ackerman. Whatever duty you think I have to do that, I don't give a fuck. He is my friend and we are going to end this together."
The First Ackerman nods and disappears like smoke in thin air.
###
A million things could have gone wrong. None have.
It seems like a miracle but only because nobody beside him knows how many times he had to try. Hundreds of times. Maybe thousands. After a while, he stopped counting, keeping his sanity became more important.
Now, finally, the future is quiet. He can see the end, the end of the Founder's story. For the first time in his life, Eren feels at peace.
"You cannot expect me to live in this cabin with you!?"
Captain Levi is like a black, threatening cloud marring Eren's perfectly clear sky. Captain Levi is decidedly not satisfied and never at peace.
"I am sure there are other places for you to go," Mikasa snaps at their superior. If he still is that? They never discussed the practicalities of this living arrangement. That seems very stupid now. Won't they be here for the rest of their lives?
Eren regards the short, angry man before them with much apprehension. His fear of Levi Ackerman is like a worm gnawing away at his insides. It might never go away.
They have been here for several days and they feel like weeks. Time moves differently in this place. Slower? Faster? He doesn't know and it does not matter. The way back will be barred, nobody can re-open the Paths after Ymir dies.
Soon. They will do it soon.
So far, Ymir has granted Eren all his wishes. She has given him a place that looks like a perfect forest, a perfect view, with perfect meadows, with perfect weather, not too hot and not too cold. The air is fragrant from thousands of herbs and flowers. Deer come out to graze, squirrels and rabbits play in the grass.
"Ugh, this is a goddamn nightmare," Levi growls and kicks a pebble so that it zooms through the air and hits the wooden wall of the cabin Eren asked Ymir to erect for them. "Teenage angst is already bad - but teenage romance? I might as well start throwing up and not stop."
He stomps away towards the forest.
"Don't mind him," Mikasa says, grabbing Eren's sleeve.
But Eren kind of feels obligated to mind. He is to blame for Levi's presence after all, everything is his idea. Maybe this place will cease to exist after Ymir dies? Then, their problem will be solved because they will cease to exist too. If this nowhere place will persist though... then he needs to find a solution.
He will talk to Ymir. Tomorrow.
But he has to be careful.
Ymir is already suspicious. She doesn't like Mikasa, and seems to be seeing her as a threat. She is right on point, of course, Mikasa is a threat. Eren explained that he is married to Mikasa and wants to live with her in this place. He told Ymir that the Paths is the only place they will be left in peace, which... is a lie and perhaps isn't.
"Eren?" Mikasa pulls at his sleeve again. "Let's go inside. Make sure to lock the door."
Eren cannot resist her, the way she looks at him, so soft and trusting. He thinks she is in love with him too. Isn't the future going to be marvelous?
If only Captain Levi weren't so angry and scary.
###
What a goddamn, fucking nightmare!
Levi stomped through the perfect, fragrant forest with its trusting, big-eyed deer, fluffy, horny rabbits, and colorful, curious birds. Levi wouldn't have been surprised had they started singing a merry song to the rhythm of the swaying trees. All of this was bloody insane. The place at the end of everything was a perfect, happy forest?! With a stupid love nest cabin high up in the mountains?! Could this get any more frigging childish?!
He was going to find Ymir and tell her to...
Tsk.
That reminded him that they had work to do, but Eren and Mikasa clearly had other things in mind, undressing each other with their eyes like that. Urgh, gross. Levi knew better than to go near that cabin again soon or ever again. Let them get it out of their system.
Afterwards, they had to kill Ymir. If they didn't, this whole fucking plan was going to fail. Seal the Paths forever. End the Titan curse once and for all. Really, they had come this far, so failure was not an option! Was Eren hesitating? Levi had gotten the feeling that the boy was shying away from their last duty. Understandable, but sentimentality was a soldier's certain death.
It's not that I have to wait for Eren to tell me what to do, Levi mused. I can go and kill Ymir right now.
The idea held quite a bit of appeal but only because Levi needed something to occupy himself with. Of course, he could also try to build a house for himself or something, but it was unclear what would happen after Ymir's demise. He sure wouldn't build a fucking house only to then have it disappear with everything else around them.
"Ymir, where are you?" He growled. "Reveal yourself!"
Not that the little brat had ever shown an inclination to obey him so he didn't really expect her to show herself. She was thick as thieves with Eren only. Which, all things considered, could become a major problem down the line. Trust Eren? He had done well in the end, but ... trusting him was asking for too much.
The path turned downwards. It was gravely and the stones were slippery as fuck. Not long and Levi's knees began to hurt. The Survey Corps boots were riding boots, not walking boots. Besides, mountains?
"I've never even seen mountains in real life," he scoffed, "fuck this."
And then he thought of Hanji and it hurt so much in his chest that he had to stop to catch his breath. She would appreciate these mountains. He could just imagine how she'd freak out about the quality of the air - it was much too thin, it made him feel like an invalid geezer - the snow that capped the peaks, the question of how the fuck mountains even became mountains. He had chosen to leave her behind for this? This?!
"She has forgotten me," Levi murmured his mantra and continued down the path with as much stoicism as he could muster.
Not that he found the solace that he craved from that thought. But it was the truth, her memories of him had been erased the moment the Monkey had screamed and she was probably frolicking around with some doctor now, she liked those bloody assholes. Grütter, most likely. Urgh, Levi felt like throttling him with his bare hands even though he had actually asked him to take care of Hanji.
Zeke's scream through the radio had been terrifying. Not because of the actual sound but because too much hinged on it. Eren had cried afterwards and that was that - apparently, it had worked. It made Levi wonder whether the Monkey had kicked the bucket by now. He should have, sick as he had been, but Levi couldn't be sure. Theoretically, Zeke Yeager might continue to live after the Titan powers left the world. His body may be damaged severely, but there was no thirteen year rule anymore. Besides, Marley's doctors were really good.
Fuck the Monkey. He's a miserable piece of shit and I don't care.
The asshole had taunted him until the very end, what else. "You want to kill me, don't you, don't you?" Oh yeah, Levi had wanted to drive a knife into his eye sockets and twist it until brain matter oozed out. He had wanted it so much he had started to shake with suppressed rage. The other man's laughter had been torture. But whatever people said about him and his anger management problems, Levi had a lot of self-control. Wherever Erwin was, he certainly wouldn't mind a promise that had been broken given everything else at stake.
I am in a shitty forest with love-sick teenagers, old friend, Levi thought bitterly, for the rest of my life. Is that the heroic death you foresaw for me?
Levi slipped and almost fell. His cursing echoed from the trees.
"Ackerman," a soft voice said. "You came to see me?"
Further down, where the path leveled out and disappeared into what looked like dense fog, Ymir stood, small and shivering, in rags that showed just how malnourished she was.
"Er... yes," Levi grumbled, brushing some dirt from his trousers. "In fact, I have."
The knife he had taken from the Ackerman stronghold was hidden from her view underneath his shirt but Levi suddenly felt very self-conscious about it. An eerie feeling told him she knew exactly what he carried.
###
In the cozy cabin, the soft, flickering light of the fireplace paints warm, dancing shadows across the room. It is getting dark outside. Eren and Mikasa sit on opposite ends of a rustic, worn-out couch. He doesn't know what to say. They have been through so much together, their lives entwined by the bonds of friendship and shared hardships, by death, joy, despair ... but now... he has no words.
Mikasa clears her throat, her gaze fixed on the flickering flames but she too, doesn't speak.
Eren takes a deep breath. "So. We... you know, do we...?"
Mikasa looks at him. Her eyes are dark and smoldering and it becomes very warm all of a sudden. "If not now, when then?"
Her fingers start toying with the edge of her scarf. She is nervous. So is he. Bloody nervous. Eren reaches out to gently place his hand over hers. "Mikasa, I want to thank you for always being there for me. I couldn't have done it without you."
The air seems to further thicken with unspoken emotions. They both know that their connection runs deeper than friendship or family, that the love they feel for each other is undeniable.
Mikasa swallows hard, her voice trembling as she continues, "Eren, what if I become pregnant? What if we have children... here? There is no future for them."
He feels a surge of pride because yes, he has thought of everything. Even if he stole the idea from his brother.
"I told Ymir to take away our ability to procreate," he whispers. "You, me, Captain Levi. We cannot have children, never will be able to. How else to make sure it ends with us?"
Mikasa pulls a disgusted face. "Ew, why include Captain Levi...? What did you think he'd..."
"Mikasa," Eren interrupts her decisively. "You must not hate him. You know how much he has sacrificed for this cause."
Mikasa presses her lips together, then nods reluctantly. "I guess. Commander Hange is better off without him though."
"Don't be mean," Eren cups her face. "It doesn't become you."
"I cannot forgive him for what he has done to you," Mikasa pouts. "He is such a brutal thug."
And she is beautiful. Eren cannot believe that after all this time, he can let himself think this, can let himself want her without feeling guilty. Love is a selfish thing but here, now, he can be a little selfish.
"Mikasa," he whispers. "All this is behind us."
"Yes," she whispers back, leaning towards him. "I guess it is."
Their lips finally meet in a soft, passionate kiss. The fire crackles in the background, casting a warm, comforting glow over them.
This feels like a long, long dream. The Founder's Dilemma is finally resolved.
###
She's a child.
Levi stared at the scrawny girl before him. She looked like a child from the Underground. Actually, she looked like a girl he had once played with down in the perennial dark. The girl had croaked miserably from diarrhea.
I can't kill a fucking child.
But the being before him wasn't a child, was she.
"Don't be fooled by my looks," Ymir told him with a smirk. "I'm thousands of years old."
"And can you read my mind?"
"I don't have to." Ymir lifted an accusing finger and pointed it at his face. "Ackerman, you don't belong here!"
"Can't say I disagree," Levi murmured, cocking his head to squint at their Goddess. Her eyes stayed hidden in the shadows that fell across her face. "But shit happens."
"You messed things up," Ymir threw at him, the force of her anger not at all proportionate to her tiny stature.
Huh? Levi frowned at her. He had done what?
"You will not kill me," Ymir added slyly.
"Is that so," Levi squinted harder. Fuck this shit. She knew what they were planning. Had Eren told her? Or was she omnipotent and they had underestimated her.
"Nobody will," she seemed smug and satisfied. "I will remove myself."
"Fine with me," Levi put his hand on the dagger. It was solid like nothing else was solid in this world and eerily warm to the touch.
"But before that, I will kick you out," Ymir grinned toothily.
"Kick me..."
"Out!" Ymir screamed. "Out!"
###
There is something... something...
Eren shoots upright, his heart pounding. The embers in the fireplace glow moodily. The fire is almost out.
"What is it," Mikasa murmurs sleepily.
"I thought I heard something," Eren says, pulling up the blanket so that she is fully covered.
But there is nothing. In fact, everything around them is utterly, beautifully silent.
She is gone.
He knows it instinctively. Tears shoot into his eyes. The Paths are closed. Has Captain Levi killed her?! But Captain Levi is...
"He's gone too," Eren presses out. Why. Why?
"Come back to sleep," Mikasa urges him. "We don't need him here."
But where has he gone? Will we see you again, Captain Levi?
###
Marley, Liberio. At the end of the Year 854
I find myself in a world that is both familiar and utterly foreign. It's as though the pages of my life have been torn out, and I'm left with nothing but blank spaces. The world around me feels like a vast, empty canvas waiting to be painted with memories that will never return. It's a haunting feeling, knowing that something crucial has been taken from me.
The people I meet speak of a shared history, of struggles and victories, but those stories are like whispers in the wind, lost on deaf ears. I am a stranger in my own life, adrift in a sea of forgotten moments.
I sense that something precious has been taken from me, something I can't quite define. It's as if a piece of my soul has been removed, leaving me incomplete. There's a hollowness that lingers, an ache for something that remains forever out of reach.
In this unfamiliar world, I must rebuild my life, piece by piece. I may not remember the past, but I can choose to shape my future. It's a daunting prospect, but one I must face with courage and determination.
I'll write in this diary, hoping that the words I put down will help me make sense of this blank canvas and find my way back to a life that once was. For now, I'll embrace the unknown, knowing that in time, new memories, new experiences, and new connections may come to fill the void.
Who were you? Who have I lost? Please come back to me.