I sat on my couch, wrapped up with blankets like a caterpillar in its chrysalis. It was freezing and I had no idea how to turn on the fireplace. My dad and brother weren't here either, so I was stuck here freezing alone on Christmas Eve.
A week had past since I broke down at the mall. I was kind of embarrassed that I expressed such a weakness around all of them, especially Connor. Thea called me though and made sure I was alright. I agreed because I was. I honestly was after crying my heart out. My life had always revolved around my size. I just had to suck it up, even though it wasn't fair.
Brad had also called me the next day. He apologized for being a jerk and I accepted. Obviously it still hurt that he would laugh at me, but there wasn't much I could say. He took the time to apologize, so I must forgive.
That left Connor. He hadn't called me or visited since I cried in his arms. A part of me feared I scared him away, but I remembered his words. He said I was perfect. Those words actually touch me now, even though they didn't the day of. However, I had a feeling he only said that to make me feel better. That was why I tried to ignore the fluttering of my heart when I thought about those words.
Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring. Groaning, I got up and shivered as the cold air hit me. Clenching my teeth, I walked to the door.
I was surprised by who I saw at the door, even though I should of been used to it. It was Connor, wearing a light gray coat and black skinny jeans. He looked perfectly fine despite the freezing cold air surrounding us.
"Come in," I said without any greeting.
I had a feeling Connor wanted to talk or even just hang out here. It reminded me of Thanksgiving. Actually, it seemed like he only stayed over during holidays. That was strange.
I led Connor to the living room, the room I was just in. Thankfully it was clean. There was just my disheveled blankets on a couch. Without a word, I re-wrapped them around me.
Once Connor sat on the separate couch, I asked, "What's up?"
"Nothing. Can I spend Christmas Eve with you?" he responded.
"Sure."
We didn't say anything after that. I just tried to keep myself warm by pulling my knees closer to myself. Sadly, that didn't really help. I didn't know how Connor was totally fine. He was just staring at our family pictures on the wall.
After a few minutes, he asked awkwardly, "Do you want to work on your confidence?"
I shook my head instantly. I really didn't. After my break down, I realized a few disappointing things.
"No," I said. "I'm tired of going in circles. I'm tired of building myself up just to get torn down."
I pulled my knees closer to myself and hugged them. Suddenly I felt a lot colder.
Connor's eyes softened though. "Quinn, you shouldn't let those people get to you."
"I know," I grumbled. "I just can't help it."
Connor sighed softly. He then stood up and walked to the fireplace. I watched him turn it on with ease, making me feel stupid.
"It's cold," he mumbled, walking to where I sat.
I smiled appreciatively at him as he sat next to me, leaving some space between us. The warmth coming out of the fireplace was welcoming. Not as welcoming as the warmth radiating off of him though. Now I understood why the cold didn't bother him.
"Do you have a Christmas tree?" he suddenly asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "It's in the basement."
"Why isn't it here?"
I shrugged. "We're not a festive family."
Connor suddenly got up again, giving me a look like I was crazy. "That's sad. Let's go get it and decorate it."
"Okay," I agreed, intrigued by the idea.
We had finished setting up the tree in the corner of the living room. All that was left to do was decorate. Sadly, the decorations I owned sucked. They were just plain ornaments, tinsel, and lights. Nothing special. Connor didn't seem to mind at least.
As we put ornaments onto the tree, I discreetly watched Connor. He looked more attractive than usual with the fire's light reflecting on him. It defined his features. Smiling to myself, I thought about our friendship.
It was weird. One day he just decided to protect me and look at us now. We were spending Christmas Eve together, decorating a tree. Connor was still a mystery to me though, someone I couldn't figure out. I honestly really wanted to figure him out.
Feeling brave, I asked, "How come you decide to spend holidays with me?"
His eyes darted to me quickly. "None of your business."
Huffing, I muttered, "Sorry for caring."
I looked at Connor after not receiving a response. To my surprise he was staring at me wide-eyed. It seemed like my statement had seriously shocked him.
"What?" I asked curiously.
He shook his head, but a half-smile formed on his lips. "Do you really want to know?"
"Yeah," I replied honestly.
"Do you really want to know?"
My eyes narrowed at him. "Yes Connor. I really want to know."
He suddenly smiled and boy did he look like a god. A small smile fought it's way onto my lips.
"Okay," he said. "Let's finish this first."
I agreed and we quickly did in silence. Even though I was wearing a neutral expression, I was really excited to find out more about him. A part of me wanted to help him if he was struggling with personal problems. After all he did for me that was the least I could do.
Once we finished we admired the tree in front of us. It wasn't gorgeous like the ones I'd seen on TV, but it was the best I ever saw in my house. I had to thank Connor for that.
After admiring it, we went back on the couch. I wrapped myself in blankets again, and Connor sat next to me. This time he sat closer, allowing his incredible body heat to soothe me more.
"So," I said awkwardly. "Why do you come?"
"Are you complaining?" Connor teased.
I quickly shook my head. "No, I'm curious."
He half-smiled as he closed his eyes tiredly, leaning his head back onto the couch. "You know I'm not good at talking about my feelings, but I feel comfortable with you. I know I can trust you."
Before I could thank him with a fluttering heart, he continued, opening his eyes to look at me. "Me and my family aren't on good terms, we haven't been for a while. After a certain situation I don't even know if we're much of a family anymore."
I stared at him, with my heart breaking. Connor had problems and I never knew. He had always been there for me, but I hadn't for him. Suddenly I felt horrible.
"Your family will always be your family," I said gently. "They couldn't possibly hate you."
He shook his head. "No, I really messed up. They hate me."
Tiredly, he ran his fingers through his hair. Only then I realized how exhausted he was. This must take a lot of energy away from him. I couldn't imagine what it was like to be him. My mom wasn't my biggest fan, but at least my dad and little brother loved me a lot. It must suck not to have anyone at home to support you.
"What happened?" I asked, looking at his intense brown eyes.
"Can't say... I'm not ready," he replied.
I really wanted to prod him to continue, I really wanted to know more so I could help him. But if he said he wasn't ready, I wouldn't force him. For now I would be patient. That left me speechless though.
After a bit, I said awkwardly, "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," he said, closing his eyes again.
Feeling useless, I just stared at him. I didn't know what to do and seeing him like this was hurting me. Oddly, I felt close to him though. Closer than I ever been, so I decided to do something I would never have done.
Quietly, I closed the space between us and lay my head on his shoulder. I watched as his eyes flew open, but they softened as they gazed down at me.
Snuggling into him, I half-lied. "I'm cold."
He wrapped an arm around me. "Me too."
I closed my eyes and absorbed his warmth. I had no idea if this was helping him, but it helped me the day I broke down. Sometimes just having someone there with you was enough. No one wants to be alone, so from now on I would always be there for Connor.