-Warning: 21+ Action - Mentions of Drug Use (legalized marijuana: for medical and recreational use, legal in Nevada)-
I didn't remember a whole lot of the car ride. I spent over half of it asleep, too exhausted from everything, not just physically; the other half was spent in intense derealization. The only break between the blur of time where I came to the most was the couple times we stopped at gas stations during the hours of driving. I didn't even quite know how long or how far we'd driven.
With each mile that passed by us, it felt as if a weight lifted ever so slightly and yet a thin string to my neck slowly multiplied and tightened like a tourniquet. The freedom almost felt like a noose, slowly sealing my fate as it went over my head.
"Hey. This is the last stop before we get to my place." He cleared his throat after a moment, and I could just see his prominent Adam's apple bobbing in my mind, even if I couldn't focus my vision to see it in person. "Sorry the drive's been so long. I wanted to make sure no one was following us."
I barely managed to make a quiet hum as my response to his words. There was not enough energy in my body to feel much besides empty, numb. In the back of my mind, I registered that we were at a rest stop; the first stop was a small, out of place gas station.
"Come on. I'll get you a snack."
As Nathan helped me out of the car, given my pain and other subsequent injuries, I couldn't help but look at the other vehicles around us. Although it was mid-day, it was overcast and the cars looked almost dull. My eyes caught on the trailers and parked semis, and my breath caught in my throat as I scanned them almost in desperation. There was a solid red semi, and a black Peterbilt, but my heart sank when I realized that he wasn't there.
It was then that I frowned, cursing at myself in anger at my thoughts and for daring to hope, to believe that a sentient semi would be a potential savior from my situation. I could feel the hot, angry tears that threatened to escape my eyes and it only made me more frustrated.
I was almost grateful for the moment to have proper emotions, even if for a second.
As we walked inside, I nuzzled further into my brother's larger sweater. I hadn't packed a jacket, but luckily he had an extra one hidden in the backseat. As Nathan opened the door for us, the bright fluorescent lights hit me all at once despite the daytime light, and couldn't help but squint.
"Need to go to the bathroom?"
My head was nodding before I realized I had responded to my brother's question. I looked around and after a couple seconds, found the sign for the restroom. At first, he tried to escort me there, but after my hushed objections, he relented and opted instead to get our snacks and drinks for the both of us.
With that, I was left to my own devices as I hobbled carefully to the bathroom, doing my best to keep the darkness in my mind at bay.
It didn't last very long.
After my minor breakdown in the rest stop bathroom and then composing myself as best as I could (all though I couldn't suppress the visible distress), we were on our way again, snacks securely in bags at my feet and our main drinks in the cup holders.
I sipped on my slushie that Nathan got me. Cherry was always my favorite, on the rare chance we were able to have one. The sharp cold helped me to focus on the present, pulling me out of dissociation with every sip and coating my sore, scratchy throat.
I cleared my throat after a while of silent driving on Nathan's end, and with a small voice, I finally spoke.
"How far away are we..?"
His eyes briefly glanced over to me before moving back to the road before him. "From my place? About twenty minutes, though I need to make a stop at some point later today at the dispensary and get some stuff, I'm low again."
I frowned in confusion. Dispensary..? "...What kind of stuff..?"
His cheeks flushed a little in embarrassment, his fingers gripping the steering wheel. "Shit, I forgot I didn't tell you before..." My brother let out a sigh. "I have a medical card from my doctor that lets me get marijuana products for my pain and mental health problems. I'm sorry I didn't mention it sooner, I had a lot on my mind..."
To be honest, I wasn't sure on the matter. I'd never really been taught about it, and whatever I did know was probably more fear-mongering about how it was a "gateway drug".
"Listen. Before I use any of it while you're in my home, I'll give you every possible thing I can find on how it affects the body and mind, and medical documents I got from my doctor that help explain everything. You can make a judgement call after that, and until then I'll only use it outside. Is that okay? And no, before you ask, you're not using it either. You're not 21 yet, anyways."
A small, indistinct shrug left me. "I don't mind. I trust you." My voice was tired, strained, but I was pretty sure he could tell I meant exactly what I said.
"Just let me know if you change your mind, okay? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in my home."
There wasn't a lot of energy left in me, but I managed an exhausted nod. Still, I didn't think it would bother me. After all, he said it helped and had an official doctor's recommendation. It was his choice, after all. If it helped him and I wasn't made to use it, who was I to tell him no?
We finally arrived at Nathan's home, which ended up being in a sizeable yet homey apartment complex, with single floor apartment buildings in varying shapes. His' was towards the back of the property, each of the apartments small but cozy looking from the outside. As we pulled into a parking space, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. It was such an unfamiliar place, but I actually quite liked it despite my nerves.
"We made it," I breathed out, eyes blown wide as I watched the trees swaying in the gentle breeze. Even if the sun still wasn't currently out, the trees and the grass still looked beautiful.
Nathan watched me quietly from his seat, opting to not say anything. He didn't want to interrupt the current moment for me. For several minutes, he simply watched as I stared out of the windows, watching the leaves on the trees and the birds, and shying away slightly whenever I saw a person despite the tint on his car.
Eventually, though, he put a gentle hand on the top of my knee, patting it to get my attention. I still flinched, but as soon as I made eye contact, I relaxed somewhat again.
"You ready to go inside, see your new home?"
I looked at our surroundings again, even turning all the way around in my seat to look out of the back window. There was sunlight now barely filtering through the clouds, scattered rays dancing across his back windshield that briefly mesmerized me. After he called my name in question, I finally turned back around to him.
"I think so.."
"Hey, don't worry too much. The people that live here are really wonderful and pretty much stay to themselves. Plus, there's a lot of cats, too, they love attention. You'll be okay here, I promise, and I'll make sure of that."
Hesitantly, I nodded at his words, still not fully convinced. Still, I had to trust my brother; he was all I had and he had never hurt me or steered me wrong.
Once I had agreed, he fully shut the car off before getting out. I started to open my own door, but froze once the fresh air started to hit me again. It smelled distinctly different here; it almost smelled wrong. All I knew was the outdoor smell at Ryan's, this was new and unfamiliar-
Nathan's face appeared in the window before he gently pulled the door open, giving me a small sense of reality despite my spiraling thoughts. "Come on. I'll lead you inside." A hand appeared in front of me, and I realized it was his as my eyes trailed up the wrist, arm, and shoulder back to his face again.
I gave a tiny, brief nod before shakily placing my hand in his', and with little effort he helped me out of the car. Even if it was only a two door, it had a surprising amount of room and maneuverability, and he managed to easily help me pull my legs out and guide me to my feet. I held back whimpers of pain as I shifted and my weight settled more on my feet. For the most part, luckily, I was silent besides contorting my face in pain and the occasional whimper. My brother gave me soft words of encouragement, telling me that I was doing a good job. In a way, it felt almost childish, but the overwhelming majority of me was simply just grateful for the positive words.
With his guidance, we both slowly walked together to his front door, even if it took four times as long. The entire way, he gave me soft words of encouragement, his hands gently guiding me from the parking lot pavement to the sidewalk, and eventually his front door mat. He fished his keys out of his pocket and fumbled with them for a few seconds with muttered cursing before he found the right key and unlocked the door.
Whatever fear I had before, it instantly disappeared as soon as the door opened, and a grey streak immediately came running out of the apartment, meowing loudly and circling Nathan's ankles excitedly. All my prior thoughts of worry, panic, all died once my eyes landed on the young cat.
"You have a cat?"
He was beaming proudly at me as he scooped up the grey furball. "Yup, she found me a few days after I left home. Wouldn't leave me alone since, so I kept her. I mean, after all, she chose me," he said, cooing at her in his arms before rubbing her ears and giving her a small kiss on her head. "This is Ember, though I almost named her Coal as a pun before I realized 'he' was a 'she'.."
She was a gorgeous cat, clearly young despite her full adult size. Solid grey fur and greenish-yellow eyes that seemed to entrance you, it was clear she was an intelligent creature. I watched as she rubbed her face against Nathan's nose, and I couldn't help but smile at the loving gesture. The two of them definitely had a strong bond, and given the just over three years together, it made complete sense.
"It's okay if you want to pet her before we go in. Would it help?"
I didn't particularly think it would help in any way, but it definitely wouldn't hurt. Without hesitation, I lifted a hand to carefully thread my fingers into her fur, and her purrs rippling under her skin tingled delightfully. I felt warm, my shoulders untensing and my body relaxing. Ember turned her gorgeous eyes to me and chirped at me, eyes lidded before licking at my hand. I giggled at the rough texture of her tongue.
Nathan, on the other hand, was beaming at the entire scene, blinking back a couple relieved tears occasionally. I couldn't see it, considering I was temporarily distracted by a cat, but he was grateful for it in that moment.
"Come on, I'll show you Ember's palace," he finally said, giving me a smile as I looked up to him after petting his cat for a few moments. I gave a glance to the open doorway, then back to him and his cat, still contentedly in his arms.
I mean, it was her palace after all. Everyone knows cats are the queen (or king) of the household, and they know it. Plus, if she loved to live here, surely it wasn't any cause for concern.
I knew it was stupidly silly to be afraid to go inside my own brother's apartment, but new places were terrifying, especially right now.
"...Could she lead us inside...?"
A steaming bowl of fried rice appeared in front of me on the coffee table in front of the couch where I was lounging. My stomach rumbled loudly as the smell hit my nose, and I was eager to snatch the chopsticks out of my brother's hand to dig in.
"Oh my god, I forgot you said you were making food, thank you," I groaned out, grabbing the bowl and immediately stuffing my face. I could almost die in that moment when the delicious food hit my tongue, the taste beyond exquisite. Nathan laughed at how I was practically scarfing it down.
"Woah, slow down, I don't want you choking," he laughed quietly. "You act like you haven't had food in months."
I spoke around the food in my mouth, not giving a single care as I shoveled another bite in. "Not good food," I corrected, my words slightly garbled by the food. "You know Ryan can't cook for his life."
Nathan rolled his eyes and uncrossed his arms, leaving his spot against the wall nearby. "Oh yeah, that's why he made us learn. God forbid he'd learn how to do anything in life."
Ember, noticing Nathan was getting closer, chirped from where she rested, on top of the couch backing next to me. I gave her a smile and some scritches behind her ears, to which she happily leaned into and purred, before greeting her owner once I stopped.
"Hey, Mika?"
I hummed at my brother, swallowing my bite as I looked at him.
"Are you gonna be okay for a little bit for me to go pick up my stuff at the dispensary? Ember will keep you company."
In that moment, the soft peace I'd been feeling since I'd finally gotten settled a couple of hours ago died. I averted my eyes, looking at his cat instead, surprised to find she was already watching me intently.
"It won't take me longer than around thirty minutes, okay? It's luckily not too far away and I know most of what I want already. I just need to go now rather than later since its already getting late, and they close soon."
I couldn't argue his points, but still, something didn't sit right. I didn't want to be left alone in a new place so soon, and what if something happened to him? It was different now when I was here, I wasn't as worried before since Ryan had me to focus on.
But I also couldn't tell him no, I knew that. I knew it helped him, and I couldn't tell him no simply because I wanted company.
"...please be safe, okay?"
My brother couldn't help but give me a small, genuine smile, reaching over to ruffle my hair. I tried to swat at his hands with objections, instantly annoyed at my hair now being messed up, and he laughed.
"I will, I promise. You just stay here and watch some TV or raid the fridge, I don't care. What's mine is yours." He stepped away, turning to get his shoes near the door.
"You'll be okay, right?"
"Oh yeah, it's an easy drive in a good part of town. If you want, once you turn 21 I can take you there and show you what they've got. There's a lot of stuff specifically made or grown for anxiety, pain, all sorts of different effects, and there's some stuff there that you can take now for both of those that you don't need to be 21. I was thinking about surprising you with some CBD gummies later on that I've used that help me a lot, if you ever wanted something to calm you down. There's no legal loops with CBD, you won't need to worry about it."
I thought about it for a second before finally nodding. I didn't know a lot about what he was saying, but I knew he was a safe person to trust on this matter. "If you think it's safe for me and you won't get in trouble, I'll try it," I finally said with a nod.
Nathan gave me an easy smile as he finished getting his things together before heading back to me. "Keep Ember out of trouble for me, she can be a little mischievous sometimes."
He left only moments after, giving me a reassuring smile before closing the front door behind him.
Silence fell over the apartment as soon as his presence was gone, a lack of noise that was entirely too uncomfortable without another person. I nervously watched my surroundings, eyeing Ember who was curled into a circle on the couch cushion on the other side. I guess it was better than being truly alone, at least... I wasn't used to a pet or an animal in our home. I felt weirdly awkward sitting next to her, but she barely paid me any attention. Occasionally grooming herself, mostly she was just curled up on the opposite end of the couch.
She was pretty cute, I had to admit. Plenty of personality as well, that much I could already see. Her half-lidded greenish-yellow eyes met mine, and she let out a quick chirp at me while she stared for a moment.
"I hope Nathan gets back soon," I sighed to her after a moment. She chirped again at my words, resting her head on her paws again and closing her eyes. I watched her calm demeanor for several long, almost silent moments, using her as a sort of gauge whenever there was a sound that scared me. Her ears would twitch depending on the sounds she heard, but for the most part she seemed relatively unphased by the somewhat distressing sounds of the apartment.
At some point, I ended up falling asleep on the couch from my exhaustion, slumped over in a somewhat awkward position, which is how Nathan ended up finding me when he came home around an hour later. I barely even stirred when the door opened, far too deep in sleep.
He froze momentarily as he stepped through the threshold, eyes locking on my limp, exhausted frame on his couch. His furrowed brow contorted from concern to confusion, his prior paranoia somewhat muted by seeing my slumbering frame. He shook his head, trying to rid his mind of his thoughts, carefully stepping fully inside and closing the door behind him. He took extra effort to make sure the bag he was holding was as quiet as he could possibly make it, cautiously stepping lightly on the linoleum flooring to not disturb my sleep.
Nathan still, however, couldn't fully shake the unnerving feelings from his trip as he settled back in to his own home. Nervously, he looked over to the front window, thankfully finding it already drawn closed with the blinds. He normally left them open for Ember to look out, but I must have pulled them down and closed them before I ended up falling asleep.
He really hated that he knew why I would close the blinds. He knew it was less the light bothering me, and more fear of being watched, or worse, found. Nathan's amber colored eyes double checked the door's lock, making sure he'd locked it behind him just in case.
With a sigh, he finally started towards his room, only to stop at the incessant chirping at his ankles and the claws digging into his calves- He'd totally spaced out again and forgotten most of his surroundings, and Ember was hell-bent on showing him exactly that. Ember stared at him, claws still in his pant legs as she stretched, her large, slitted eyes watching him intently, chirping at him.
His paranoia melted away a little as he picked her up around the bag hanging from his arm, her purrs instantly helping to settle his restless mind. Ember instantly relaxed in his arms, snuggling in and rubbing the side of her cheek against his arm aggressively. He gave a tiny, half-hearted smile as he carried her into his room further into the small apartment, giving me one last glance beforehand. I was still sound asleep, and he was grateful.
His darker thoughts returned as he made it into his room, setting Ember down on his bed before sitting down himself with a deep sigh. Absentmindedly, he dropped the bag next to him on the floor while he held his cat, careful to not disturb her too much before he sat and placed her on his lap. For a moment, she was disgruntled by the disturbance, but once realizing how warm and comfortable his thighs were, she settled pretty quickly. Nathan watched her for a brief few moments, before finally fishing out his phone from his pocket with trembling hands. He didn't even realize they were shaking in the first place.
He opened his messages, staring blankly at the screen. There were several pinned chats in his messages, but the one that stood out to him immediately was the single chat that his messages hadn't sent through. Lilian Frost.
His fingers typed on their own, soon to join the multiple other messages that had either sent and not read, or failed to send at all.
Lilian, please call me or text me as soon as you see these. You're freaking me out with not responding for so long. Please be okay.
With a heavy, shaky sigh, he sent the message before tossing his phone to the side. He knew it wouldn't do him any good to keep dwelling on the matter when it had only been a few hours since her last response, and it wasn't entirely uncommon. Not usual for her, but it certainly wasn't out of character.
Might as well smoke and sleep for a little, given how long the day had ended up becoming. All the driving had exhausted him alone, not to mention the emotional toll of everything that had happened in only a few hours now. Ultimately, though, he was grateful. His sister was now safe, and he could make sure of that like he was supposed to.
He had to be content with that.
———
I swear I promise Optimus will have a heavy influence in the next chapter! Their second meeting is coming next, promise 🖤 As you're reading this, he's working diligently to find Mika.
I hope you enjoyed!
-RB