since the night heeseung had slept in your lap, neither of you had shied away from little touches of each other. like hands casually sliding over each other's when he passes you the milk for your cereal, laughing into each other's bodies, and more naps with heeseung's head in your lap.
you told yourself that it's no different than hanging out with your other friends. that you guys are just friendly with each other. there was no romantic feelings between you and your best friend's older brother.
you knew you and heeseung were getting more comfortable with each other, but when he barges into the bathroom while your mid-shower, you had to re-think just how close you two were.
"sorry!" heeseung immediately calls out as soon as he enters the bathroom, "but i gotta pee so bad and i need to leave!"
your mouth drops open as your eyes widen. you instinctively cover your body even though the shower curtain is covering you completely. "it- it's fine." you hear him shuffling around through the sound of the shower's water hitting the tub. tyring to ignore that there is only a thin layer of fabric covering your naked body from heeseung's gaze you ask him "where are you going?".
"uh, jaehyuck's having a party tonight and jeongin's been outside waiting for me for almost ten minutes now and he's pissed."
"oh, ok. have fun."
"i will, thanks!" are heeseung's last words in the bathroom before he's shutting the door and leaving.
once you're alone in the shower again, you wonder what you should do tonight since heeseung's gone and it's friday night. you wonder if hana would want to hang out at the old cafe you two used to frequent before she moved out. but the odd's are low since she'd probably rather go to a bar and "start her weekend off right". you laugh to yourself as you perfectly hear hana's words in your head. but still, you figure you would try.
your efforts immediately fail as an hour later you open the door to hana dressed in her 'ready for the bar' outfit glaring at your 'ready for the cafe' outfit.
"no." hana states as she glances up and down at you, shaking her head. "it's friday y/n! let's go drinking! you can study for the other two days of the weekend!"
"ugh," you move aside and plop down on your couch, hearing hana close the door behind her wander around her old apartment. "i hate going to bars!"
"yeah well you need to get away from "studying" places every once and a while!" hana's voice rings from your bedroom. you sit up on the couch, realizing your head was placed right where heeseung's face was pressed against your thighs a few weeks ago.
"we don't have to study at the cafe!" you call back to her.
"but you'll be thinking about studying!"
"i'd probably be thinking about studying at a bar, too!"
"not if you'll be drinking and," hana's voice gets clearer as she continues, "wearing this."
you turn to look at her as she emphasizes her last word. in her hands is a tight black dress that you have never worn before. it has thin noodle straps and is made of silk. "no."
"yes!" hana answers, "and since when did you have such a cute dress?"
"ugh," you plop down onto the couch again, "i don't know, a while ago. it was stupid of me."
"c'mon y/n, it's gonna look nice on you!" hana pushes your legs so she can sit beside you. "plus, i already ordered a taxi and it'll be here in five minutes."
"what?" you sit up with wide eyes.
"you better hurry and get this dress on!" hana grins at you, allowing for you to grab the dress and run off to your bedroom to change.
hana's grin doesn't leave her face, even when you're sitting across from her at the table in some bar she's chosen to take you to. since it's friday night and you live in a popular school town- this bar is practically packed. you glance around nervously, always hating big crowds of people.
"so, what's it like living with my brother so far?" hana asks you, sipping her drink through her straw.
"it's fine." you shrug, mimicking her actions with your own drink. maybe getting more alcohol in your system will take away your anxious thoughts.
"oh come on!" hana exclaims, "this is like the one hundredth time i've asked you and it's always the same reply. and i've noticed you never even mention him to me either."
"well what do you want me to say? living with him is fine, it's normal." you defend yourself, flashbacks of every not-so-normal roommate encounter you've had with her brother the past month and a half.
"well i mean do you talk to him?"
"hana, i kind of have to, because you know, we live together." you roll your eyes at your best friend.
"well what do you talk about?"
"i- i don't know! normal things! what's this all about?"
hana shrugs and sits back into her seat, "nothing- it's just ever since he moved in i don't hear anything about him, like does he even still live there?"
"yes, he lives there." you shove her legs with your foot playfully under the table, "and it's just there's nothing to say. we're roommates- that's it."
"so you guys aren't like, friends?" you think about it for a moment, are you and heeseung? friends? you suppose you see each other at some of your worsts, like right after waking up, or all sweaty from dancing. you share things about your day and food. but those are things that just come with being roommates. so, you shrug. "what do you mean? you've lived together for two months and aren't friends?"
"well i don't know! i haven't asked him if we're friends or anything- nothing like that has come up!"
"do you guys know things about each other? like share things like that?"
"yeah, some things."
"like do you know who his stupid friends are?"
you think about it for a second. every time you've seen heeseung on campus he's been by himself. and he's only briefly mentioned jeongin a few times. so you've assumed to yourself that jeongin must be his best friend. "only jeongin. but i've never met him or anything."
"ah jeongin!" hana nods, "yeah he's one of the nice ones."
you tilt your head, "what do you mean?"
"heeseung hangs around with the Sigma Fidi guys- the ones that are all born in 2001."
"the ones that completely ruined the library last year?" your mouth drops open in memory of how the beloved library- the only place you could find peace- was entirely flipped upside down last year.
"yep, those guys."
"oh my god!" you sat back in your chair in despair, "that took weeks to fix!"
"i know, i clearly remember how much you complained about it when it happened." you ignore hana's playful smile as you try to take in how someone as nice as heeseung could be friends with people who are capable of tearing apart such a beautiful place. "anyways, there's the yang jeongin guy you've heard of. i guess him and heeseung have been friends for maybe ten years now?" so you've correctly assumed that they're probably best friends. "and jaehyuk, beomgyu and theo. there's more but those are the ones that heeseung usually hangs around with."
"and all four of them ruined the library?" you ask hana, still not comprehending it all.
"mm, i think so." hana nods, "i never really asked heeseung about it so."
"oh."
the music in the bar is suddenly louder, playing some song you've never heard of and are far too busy mentally to even decide if you like the song or not. you would've never thought that heeseung would be the one behind ruining your sanctuary last year. even after speaking to him about the library so many times! you remember how distraught your favourite librarian was when you walked in after opening hours. the books were pushed onto the floor and ripped. the tables, walls and ceiling had spray paint all over it. all the flowers that even you watered sometimes were ripped from their roots and dirt was mucked throughout the entire room. not even one bookshelf was together after being stepped on and smashed. you remember how much you struggled to find a calming place to sit at school for months afterwards.
"what're you thinking about?" hana asks you, nudging her foot against your leg.
"nothing."
"then let's go dance!" before you can refuse, hana is pulling you up, leaving your drinks and table behind to enter the very crowded dance floor, pushing your new revelations of heeseung out of your mind, at least for awhile.