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Chapter 4
"I'm not her. I'm not my mother." The pain of how hard her youth was remains evident as Madison desperately tries to keep her composure. Matt can't help the irritation that she assumes he feels that way about her. One look at Madison and he knew she was nothing like her mother.
Madison smoothes out her clothes and brushes at the dust on her pants. It's the same as always, no one seems to see her for who she is, but for one thing and one thing only. Once they get it, she's forgotten about and they move on. She's left alone like she has been her entire life.
Matt clamps down on his anger at the statement. It hadn't occurred to him that Madison is anything like Candace. Does he have an interest in her that isn't entirely professional? Yes! Is he acting on it? No. Matt has tampered down his feelings and kept his personal feelings aside.
Watching the color slowly start to come back into her face, Matt sees her embarrassment about what happened in the past. Her tension over her own feelings of inadequacy are what's driving her not that he has expressed feelings negatively about her. Which is definitely not the case. Knowing this is her internal conflict frees Matt from any responsibility for her embarrassment of the past.
Madison sat on the couch, giving herself time to for the room to stop spinning. Matt quietly keeps his eyes on hers. Refusing to break the connection, he maintains eye contact until, under his scrutiny, she quickly looks away. There's more to her anxiety than just her mother's reputation.
Matt takes a seat next to her and gets comfortable before reaching out to touch her. His fingers tingle when he carefully turns her face to his. He barely touches her but the contact burns her skin. The heat warms Madison head to toe, causing a flush to come to her cheeks.
Cupping Madison's face with both hands, Matt waits patiently for her to look in his eyes. She doesn't make the connection and Matt almost lets her pull away. There's something about her, something that keeps him right where he is waiting for her to open up.
It's all Matt can do to not be a Neanderthal, and eagerly toss her over his shoulder and carry her up the stairs to make love to her. To hold her until she cries out that she belongs to him. It is too soon to act on any kind of primal need, tucking the thought away, Matt chastises himself. She doesn't even know him well enough for something like that. He knows what happens when an intimate relationship is rushed.
Madison needs care and patience now, not a physical attack of uncontrolled testosterone. Matt understood if he were to pursue her too fast, she'd shut down on him completely. Any chance he has of solving this case with her help would be destroyed. He's not going to think about sex again. He can't until the case is resolved.
Matt admits his attraction to Madison took him off guard. Normally he wouldn't allow his personal feelings to intrude this way on duty, but there is something different about her. There's an innocence and honesty in her words that match her actions. It's rare to see that in anyone.
The look in her eyes as she stared at him, the fear and innocence unraveled his senses. He doubts she even knows she is doing it. It's not like she is trying to get his attention away from the case, she just has it. Finding out who killed her father and closing the case has to come first.
It is Matt's job to search the house, not Madison's. He will have to deal with the consequences of involving her if they find something. Above it all, it's his job to protect her. From what he could tell, it is possible she is in danger if the murderer is still out there. Separating the job and what he wants is blurring together too quickly.
"I know you aren't your mom, Madison. I don't expect you to be." Matt grits his teeth, battening down any bit of temper that has been set off because she believes otherwise.
Madison nods slowly, feeling the tremors of fear and embarrassments rush through her. Of course, he knew she's not like her mother. She's been invisible most of her life. She knows Matt is telling the truth. "I know. I'm sorry. I don't usually behave this way."
It had been a mistake, to think he felt the electric shock when he touched her. It was her old crush coming to the surface, not an ounce of attraction from him. Madison knows better than to act on her feelings. Matt is out of her league, he always was. Hadn't she had been told many times by the girls in school she wasn't someone he would be interested in? She would get caught watching him in class and be teased. It was humiliating.
Madison couldn't allow herself the luxury of any romantic thoughts of Matt again. A high school crush can't be rekindled. Especially when it was completely one sided. She isn't a school girl, and she stopped wearing rose colored glasses a long time ago. No one saw her the same way they saw other women.
"I know." Matt paused, releasing her to allow his shaking hands to rest in his lap.
Touching her is too intimate. The professional inside his head continues to yell out the warnings that he is crossing a line he won't be able to come back from.
"Why haven't you pushed me away?" Matt hopes it is because she is feeling the same nervous spark of energy that has lit a fuse in the air between them. The air feels thick, magnetic. Every movement he has made seems to push him closer to Madison. He is definitely finding it difficult to fight the urge to touch her, hold her.
"I don't know." Madison whispered softly, denying the reason even to herself. "It won't happen again."
Embarrassed, Madison stood, this time holding the arm of the couch as she kept her own feet under her. She needs to be alone. She needs time to figure out how she wound up in this situation. She needs to find out who killed her father and get back to her life.
Knowing she couldn't do that with him in the room, Madison makes the decision to split up to search the house. "I'll go start searching in the attic. Please, just forget about what I said. Please."
Her plea lingered in the air as she left the room. She knows she has to stay away from Matt or she won't be able to think straight about any of this. He is the only person she has ever had this kind of a response to. What is confusing her is that Matt seems to be having the same response. He was definitely responding to her in a way that he wasn't accustomed to. He is as on edge as she is, either that or Matt feels she is guilty.
Rubbing his hands over his face, Matt knows forgetting anything about Madison will be difficult. He can try, because she asked, and he won't bring it up. But he can't forget it. Matt snorted to himself, like hell he would. He won't be able to think of much else until he figures out what is going on in his head.
His body remained tense as he watched her move out of the room. Matt doesn't understand what's wrong with him. Attraction maybe, but this nervous energy only irritates him. He has never mixed work with personal, now it seems he can't stop. He is overheated and edgy but that has nothing to do with the electric pull going on between them. Every time she gets within a few feet of him, he can't breathe. It all revolves around Madison. That he's sure of.
As Madison opens the doorway, she glances back once then slips up the stairs, as far away from Matt as she can get in this storm. Running again, she thought, but with good reason this time.
She doesn't know him. Yet she remembers what position he played on the football team, how many games he played and could probably remember every game-winning play he made. She knew his parents and his three brothers. The entire family treated her politely, but other than his mother, they remained very distant, knowing her parentage was always a concern. It was humiliating knowing so much about him, when he obviously didn't remember a thing about her.
Madison began to breathe heavily fighting the anxiety, remembering how many times Matt's mother would see her at the school football game. She would ask Madison to sit with her and would share her hot chocolate and share a blanket with her. His mother said it was nice to have girl time with her since she was blessed with all boys. Never once did his mother ever treat her like everyone else did. It's possibly why she feels this connection to Matt. His mother was a blessing for Madison.
"Doesn't matter now." Madison whispered to herself.
Madison straightened her spine and climbed the stairs while giving herself a pep talk. She can keep her memories to herself. She would just be sure those old familiar feelings of embarrassment don't rear their ugly heads again.
She allowed herself to feel free once, when she went to a homecoming party. Matt was the toast of the town and everyone celebrated his win. One of the cheerleaders discovered her crush and made it known to all.
The girl spread the word through the team. To everyone except Matt she made it known that Madison was the party favor of the night. Every other boy at the party then proceeded to make passes at her. Teasing and taunting her. They said that her mother would never say no, so why should she? Madison ran for the first time that night. It seems she has been running in one way or another ever since. After all these years, she still feels the pain of those assumptions that whatever her mother was, she was as well.
Madison rebuilt her life in New Mexico. She remade her past so no one would make those same assumptions of her. On the outside, she displays to those she works with a private, self-assured woman. On the inside she is still the painfully shy girl who was humiliated by a bunch of high school bullies. She keeps men at a distance as much as possible and deters any interest they might have in her. It's not that she is innocent, she certainly isn't a virgin, but she is careful and tries desperately to avoid getting involved with men who could possibly cause more damage to her, emotionally or physically. Matt could do a lot of damage to her heart, if she gives him the chance.
It took Matt a couple of hours to talk himself down from kicking his own ass. He finished cleaning the breakfast dishes and started searching through some of Candace's things in her bedroom. So far, he was coming up empty handed.
As hard as he tried, his mind hadn't been able to clear the feeling of Madison in his arms. The way she looked at him with such intensity and fear, kept replaying in his head. He heard her thumping and thudding around in the attic. She was obviously working a lot harder than he was. It sounded like she was moving furniture around up there.
Maybe Madison was just rearranging everything up there or tossing it across the room to take out her own frustration. He remembered how Lindsey would throw a temper-tantrum and toss anything that was in her path at whoever had infuriated her. Lindsey was vicious when she was angry. Somehow Matt didn't think sweet, shy little Madison was made of the same hateful stuff as his ex.
Madison sat back on her heels and looked around her. The trunks of old clothes, books and letters were stacked high. She had barely made a dent in the process of going through the room, despite being covered with dust and dirt. Her hair was laced with cobwebs and dust, her dark blue sweatshirt was now gray from the dirt that had once covered the top of the trunks she had moved. Lucky for her she had time to burn. It was going to take a lot of time to go through her mother's things.
Perhaps, she should have come back when her mother died. Then she could have gone through all of this and found whatever it was Candace held over Pierce. Maybe then Madison would know what she was looking for. That was the biggest challenge at the moment. She had no idea what she was searching for. What had her mother done or collected that would have been able to cripple her father?
The man was wealthy beyond anything Madison had ever dreamed of. He owned land, businesses, even people. The man was power with a capital P. So, she asked herself, how did her mother catch him long enough to get pregnant and what did she have to hold over his head?
It made no sense. They didn't even run in the same social circle. Madison looked around the dark attic, the single light bulb swayed overhead while the dim light of the day barely seeped through the small window across the room. It was as dreary as her mood.
Matt stood in the doorway in silence and admired her. Even with the dirt, grime and cobwebs, Madison is beautiful. There's pressure constricting around his heart. Unconsciously, he rubbed his fist over his chest. Desire reared up again and Matt found himself fighting the urge to make this woman his own. Doing his best to push it out of his head, Matt focused on the reason he's here: the case.
He is going to need a lot of patience with himself and her, he told himself. Madison isn't interested in getting involved. And she's not the kind of woman who does one night stands. That isn't what he wants either although it might relieve some of the stress he's feeling. She is different and he is going to treat her better than that.
"Looks like you've got a lot more to search up here than I had down there." Matt made himself known at last.
He remained where he was, leaning against the door jam watching her. It took him a full five minutes to gain his footing before saying a word as it was.
Her head jerked up and saw him standing there, too manly, too broody, too handsome for his own good. The butterflies began flapping their wings again in her stomach, making Madison feel sick. Her nerves have her jumping at shadows and she's getting self conscious from the look in his eyes. Quickly she begins brushing at the dust that is covering her.
The silence that greets him has Matt taking a step back to try his approach again. "Want some help?"
"My mother was a pack rat." Madison murmured, brushing her cobweb-covered hair out of her face. "I think we might be searching for the needle in a haystack up here." She spoke with her back to Matt.
Matt took the initiative and walked to her kneeling in front of her, he moved the stack of letters she set in front of her to look at. Curious now, Matt wants to know what makes Madison tick. He followed his gut instinct and stopped fighting this pull to her. What's the worst thing that could happen if he gave in? He might lose his job just because he got this beautiful woman, who happens to be the only suspect in his case, in his bed?
"I guess there are better things we could do in a haystack." His fingertips brush tenderly over her cheek to remove a smudge of dirt.
It was that darkened look in his eyes that made Madison want to run away again. He has desire written all over his face. His body is too close and his voice is dripping with innuendo. It's tempting, so tempting, to let him take her, to just forget it all and give into the moment. God, she wants to, but she can't. In the end, she would just end up like her mother had - seduced by a man with nothing left. She won't allow that.
"I think we're safer with the needle." Madison whispered her refusal. Not breaking her eye contact she watched his face for a response.
He hid his disappointment well, giving her only a second of hurt in his eyes before the facade slammed down. Keeping her thoughts out of her eyes, she turned away to continue her task. When Matt reached out to stop her, she continued her retreat. Reaching for more letters, Madison went back to the task at hand.
Not accepting that this feeling was one sided, Matt followed his instincts and caught her hand before she pulled herself to her knees.
Straightening, knee to knee, he pulled her body against his. It wasn't an aggressive move as much as it was seductive. He wasn't the dominant type. But he knows what he wants, that's her.
He brushes the dirt from her face before slipping his hand to the back of her neck. Softly stroking her soft skin, Matt nudges her closer. Those emerald eyes darken, deepen, as he stares at her.
"I won't hurt you. I promise Madison, you're safe with me." Matt whispered as he lowered his head to hers.
Her heart was pounding as she waited, petrified over what was happening between them. Cupping the back of her neck, Matt moved in closer. His eyes never leave hers, expecting a push or slap to stop him. Those doe eyes widen watching him, as he moves those last few inches to make contact. Instantly there is a sizzle of electricity as his lips touch hers.
Brushing his lips over hers, Matt doesn't push - too hard. Testing kisses, soft, quick, as if he wasn't sure she would accept them. If he only knew what was boiling inside of Madison, he wouldn't feel the need to test, to probe, he would simply take. She wanted him for years and now he wants her. Her! It boggles her mind.
He is kissing her, her! The wallflower who stayed in the shadows of her mother's reputation. The girl who was teased and bullied because her mother made such terrible choices. The girl who ran away from here never showing anyone who she really was.
Allowing her thoughts back in, Madison froze in his arms. She knew she could never measure up. Suddenly she couldn't move to reciprocate his kisses. Her hands were shaking in tight fists against his chest.
"Stop thinking, Madison. Just turn your brain off for a minute." Matt whispered against her lips. "Don't run away from me."
Cautiously, his hand slid up her back. The heat of his touch penetrated through her skin, warming her body, shocking her as the electricity ripped through her. The intensity was too much, too fast. She has never experienced anything like this.
Suddenly, Madison was gripping Matt's hair, pulling his lips to hers, locking her body against his and kissing him back with a desperation that was sure to break her into pieces by the time they were through.
When Matt felt her let go of her fear, felt the potency of her need, he knew this was as far as it would go - for now. The velocity of the rise of her passion surprised even him. He didn't realize how much coiled up need was unattended inside of her.
Slowly, Matt pulled back, taking a cleansing breath to regroup. "You grew up nice, Madison." Matt stated, smiling as his fingers gently brush over the curve of her cheek. "Don't sell yourself short."
She felt exposed, embarrassed, and extremely confused. The heated look in his eyes took her breath away. She can't recall anyone ever looking at her this way. For the first time in her life, she felt like it's safe to want him.
Taking a shaky breath, Madison lets her hands stroke up that hard chest. Oh, that's one very nice chest indeed. His heart is pounding against the palm of her hand. Afraid he will reject her, Madison's hands shook badly. Her nerves are starting to kick into gear.
Knowing he can't take this further, Matt swore to himself. He has to draw back. He needs to control himself, at least a little while longer. He still has to prove her innocence in this case. Besides, he doesn't know how long she plans on sticking around. She just might go back to her life and move on. They barely know each other, yet she is all he wants now.
Just one more kiss, then he'll stop, he told himself as he pulled her closer again. Matt's lips made contact with hers, immediately he couldn't think of anything but Madison. She is all that matters.
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