CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The next couple of days weren't much trouble for Alison, she was back to her midwifery duties as expected and she'd also earned the pleasure of meeting up with Michael and his family far more frequently. Luckily for her the Shelby's and the Gray's had taken quite the liking towards this particular girl allowing her to grow even more comfortable with the bunch than she was prior.
Though despite all of these so called 'positives', one thing was still there, lingering at the back of Alison's mind as if trying to break her little by little until she finally cracks — was Michael Gray truly worth it?
For what is attempting love with a Gray without pain? Without any suffering? Nothing. You see, that's the thing, when it comes to both the Shelby's and the Gray's, they both had one thing in common, they were both capable of inflicting the biggest damage on girls such as Alison. Girls who were almost too fragile to function, some would call it a weak heart, others would call it a weak girl, but most would just put a label on it such as vulnerability.
Five days had gone by as if it was nothing, she was more than enjoying the time she had been spending with Michael yet she couldn't help but feel blameable for those she's hurt along the way when pursuing this relationship with such a dangerous man. But sometimes you have to put yourself first no matter the cost — and in Alison's point of view, this was one of those cases. You see, she's gone through her entire life without a single touch of selfishness in her, she's always been the one to put others before herself so for once in her twenty years of living, this was her chance, her chance at freedom and her chance to finally have the ability to do what she wants to do for herself, no one else.
Thomas and Grace's wedding was set to take place in only a matter of weeks, and even though on the day of being asked Alison had happily accepted their offer of having a place at their special day, it seemed that now she was having second thoughts on whether it would be smart for her to make an appearance or not. What would the mothers think if their midwife was attending the wedding of such people? The only thing keeping her on the path of actually turning up was Michael — if he was attending so was she — he sort of had that impact on her, the impact in which she feels the want to stay by his side at every given moment.
Alison walked swiftly along the cobbled footpath taking trust in her steps to guide her to whom she longed the most when it came to needing advice — Cassie. Considering it had just gone by midday and Cassidy was still caught up in her midwifery duties, Alison had no choice but to await her release from the Jenkins residence by simply standing outside their door until the job had come to an end. Though, God knows when that will be.
Usually Theresa was who Allie would go to when in need of a serious type of talk. However, if Tessa heard Alison utter even one more word about Michael or that entire family, she for sure would be just one step closer to losing her marbles. So, just as any logical person such as Alison would do in that type of situation, she found it best suited if she found a second, more chilled out option when it came to conversations like these. Which is exactly why Cassidy was soon to come in handy.
It wasn't much of a long walk until Alison had eventually reached the front door of Mrs Jenkins house, five minutes to be exact. Anyways, she leaned against the brick wall of the residence for stability, but more so comfort as it was presumed she would be waiting for quite some time. She sighed and patted down her uniform — the dress still looking unflattering as ever — before pulling out a cigarette from the left pocket of her work jacket and lighting it up with a lighter she seemed to be carrying.
As she exhaled, releasing the smoke after taking quite the drag, a small feeling of relief washed over her. Though she does not promote the act in any type of way, smoking is the one thing that appears to calm her completely, as if relaxing her body as such.
Half an hour had soon passed by as if it was nothing, Alison was growing rather bored and displeasured by all this waiting she's dragged herself into. There was no practical reason as to why the girl had continued on with her wait considering it was only for a small conversation, would it not be logical to just have said conversation in the convent instead of awaiting her friends arrival?
Alison sighed before getting herself up off of the wall, patting down her uniform once again to ensure there was zero dirt still latching onto the fabric of it. Just as she was about to take her leave, the front door to the Jenkins house had opened revealing a young, awfully beautiful girl — Cassidy Steele. It appeared as though she was waving off her client as she shut the door behind her almost seeming startled by the sudden presence of her friend, whom she was not expecting in the slightest.
"Allie?" She said, a small shriek coming out of her mouth as she spoke, "What on earth are you doing here? Are you not on your rounds?"
Alison smiled and shook her head, "Not today, it's my day off. I'm back tomorrow though." She sighed shaking her head, "And to answer your first question, I'm here to ask you about something. Well not you personally, it's about me, but I need your advice."
"Go on." Cassie replied raising an eyebrow as she was now growing rather suspicious as to what Allie would need help with.
"Um . . . well . . ." Alison began, "The other day, I was at the Garrison pub, with the Shelby's." Honestly, whilst saying this she had her eyes glued shut not wanting to even take a peep at whatever the horrified reaction placed upon Cassidy's face would be. "And Thomas, you know Thomas, don't you? Who am I kidding, every man and his dog knows Thomas Shelby for crying out loud."
Cassie groaned, "Yes, Alison, I know who that man is, now get on with it."
"Right, yes! Anyways, he sort of invited me to his wedding which will take place in a couple of weeks, two to be specific." She rambled, scratching the side of her head nervously as she said so, "And if I decide to go, I will obviously be attending with Michael. But that's where you come into it, do I or do I not go? I need help, please. I'm unsure on whether to even make an appearance, will it be a bad thing if I do? What will the mothers think? What will the Nuns think? What will you think?!"
Cassidy placed a reassuring hand on her friends shoulder in hopes to calm her down, though in circumstances such as these, it wasn't much help nor use. "Alison Kingsley, calm down this instant! You sound ridiculous girl! I refuse to speak to you when you're acting in such a childish manner. Please, for the love of God, compose yourself."
Alison took a deep breath in hopes to get out of her panic like state, "You're right, my apologies."
"You want my honest advice?" Cassidy asked, linking her arm in with her friends as they walked — neither one of them knew where they were heading to, they just felt the need to move. Alison nodded feeling the dread of what her answer may actually be.
"I say you go for it, who am I to hold you back? If there's one thing I know about you Allie, it's that you can control yourself. Say the worst case scenario happens, though I'm not saying anything will, I know that you will not even shed a tear, as you have self respect and that's the thing most people, including myself, lack. Think of it like a test as such, if you go, and do not enjoy yourself or perhaps find out that in reality Michael is not the one for you, then think of it as a lesson learned. Don't dwell over things that is to come, focus on what is happening right now. And right now that is you and Michael, do not let the Nuns nor anyone else tell you otherwise. Go to the wedding, go with Michael, and if it's successful then happy days, and if it is not, then I'm sure you have an entire line of men waiting for your hand in marriage." She chuckled. "Also, I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you how truly sorry I am about telling the Nuns about you and Michael. Due to my past experiences, I was only trying to do what I thought was best for you."
"You mean it?"
"With all of my heart."
Alison too stifled a soft laugh whilst resting her head on Cassidy's shoulder — "And how will I know if he is the one or not?" She questioned, sighing once again.
"Only time will tell, but when you know, you'll know." Cassie replied, smiling at her own words as it reminded her of when she had her first romance with the boy next door when she was only sixteen. Though, times have changed, people change, that was just over five years ago when the man still had a heart. It's an unfortunate truth considering the two no longer speak, but that's the lesson Alison ought to know — not everything is as it seems, and not everyone will remain how they once were.
"It's weird, isn't it?" Cassie began causing Alison to looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows confused as to what she was going on about.
"Whatever could you mean?" Allie asked.
Cassidy took a deep breath in before releasing the air slowly, "Love." Alison's face twitched ever so slightly at the word, her lips parted as if to speak yet not a single word came out. "Oh don't look at me like that, and don't act so foolish either, you know what I mean."
"But Cassie, in all honesty I really don't. Please, enlighten me." She smiled, now staying silent as she felt intrigued as to what Cassidy was soon to say.
"Love can be one of two things Alison, two things you must be certain to look out for. One being transactional love, and the other being unconditional love." Cassie explained, "If you feel as though love is like a transaction, the relationship feels one sided, as if you feel as though you're giving more than you're receiving. In some circumstances it may seem as if you feel the need to give to earn happiness, but in all seriousness that is not the case at all. And if you feel as though love is unconditional, then that is love you offer freely. You simply love someone and do not base that love on what someone does for you in return. You'd sacrifice everything for your significant other, as they would do for you."
Alison's eyes widened as she now seemed touched by her friends words — she must admit, she got far more out of this conversation than she was expecting. "And you? What is your love like?"
Cassidy grinned, "Me? I do not need love, I'm my own woman and as long as I live it shall stay like that. You see, I will grow old, lonely and isolated but I don't mind that in the slightest, it sounds peaceful to me. But that is not to say you have to do the same, you my darling, are capable, and worthy of love."
"Are you suggesting to me that you are not?" Allie questioned raising an eyebrow, "If so, then do not think like that. If anything you are much more deserving than I'll ever be. I don't understand, why do you not attempt to find someone?"
"As I explained, I do not need a man to survive. I'm doing perfectly fine by myself. There's only one thing I want out of this world, freedom." She chuckled.
Alison's eyes closed slightly, "I find you and your life choices empowering and I do not like it. There must be someone you ought to love though, is there not?"
"Well I suppose there is one person, but he's cruel, and does not deserve me." She sighed, "But if he changes, I would go running back to him in a heartbeat. I mean how could I not? There's nothing in this world you'll ever crave more than your first love. But I know he's married with children now, so there's not much I can do about that."
Allie removed her head off of her friends shoulder and took a halt in her steps — Cassidy turning towards her in confusion. "You know, I've noticed that you keep repeating the word love. But me and Michael are not in love, we're not even official for crying out loud!" She groaned, throwing her two hands in the air.
"Love isn't always about being someone's official significant other, you can choose to love him, or you can choose to not, the choice is yours." Cassie smiled. Cassidy was a calm woman in most cases, she preferred to keep her thoughts and feelings to herself. Alison could never understand why, yet on the other hand she knew some things in people's lives were made to stay private. Cassie had loved, she had lost, and she had her experience of life even if she was at such a young age — she's had her cake and ate it, now it's Alison's turn. "I'm not saying you should love Michael right this second, but stop holding yourself back. Do not focus on other people nor what they think of this relationship, that belongs to you. Your heart is the one thing you'll have in this world for free and it's yours to give, don't make yourself regret that."
"I understand all you are saying — but what's with this sudden change of heart? I mean when I first met Michael you were completely against him and the idea of the two of us being a thing. What happened?" Alison asked falling confused. But as expected, Cassidy only let out a light chuckle before replacing it with her smile once again.
"As I stated earlier Allie, people change. I've changed, I've learnt to not get in the way of the things people want." She said quietly, pulling her coat further around her shoulders, "I've never mentioned this before, but Michael reminds me an awful lot like that boy I used to depend on back when we were only teenagers."
Alison gasped almost suddenly, "Tell me, who is this boy? You keep mentioning him, yet I have zero ideas as to who he actually is."
Cassidy shook her head slowly whilst attempting to stop the grin that continued growing on her lips. Allie groaned at this considering she was far more than intrigued as to who this mystery man could possibly be. "That's for me to know, and me only. But I suppose I will say one thing."
Silence . . .
"You didn't think you were the only one who's been with a Blinder before, did you?"
AUTHORS NOTE —
Honestly I have no idea what to say except I'm back I suppose. Not going to lie I had a huge writers block if you couldn't tell considering I haven't updated this book since October 13th whoops. This chapter isn't too long though as I thought it would be best to at least post so you all don't think I've abandoned this book completely sort of like I did with my John Shelby fanfic (I'm sorry I just got so bored of that book)
Anyways, I want to clear some things up about Cassie. I know at the beginning of this book she was fully against the idea of Michael and Alison, and at the end of this chapter she reveals she was once with a Blinder. The only reason she was ever against the two in the first place was because of her past with one of the other Blinder's so it's like her attempt to protect her friend for what may occur. Let's just say it's her character development.
Cassidy is twenty seven when this is set (season two of Peaky Blinders — season three) so that may or may not give you an idea of who her past lover is, though I am not revealing anything yet. That's a seven year age gap between her and Alison even though they're best friends but oh well! (Do I do a chapter based on Cassidy and her secret 'teenage lover'? 🫣)
Also I am aware that Tommy and Grace's wedding is coming up even though they get married in the third season. However, I have decided to push it forwards a little, mainly for the fact that I need to put some decent action/events into this fanfic.