Author's Note: Next chapter will be on November 16th. :) We're almost at the end. ^-^
~ Amina Gila
It's been a couple weeks since Mustafar, and Ahsoka has been by his side every step of the way. She's constantly hovering over him, trying to help care for him, and Anakin wishes so desperately he could care for her the same way. She deserves it, deserves the world, but there's nothing he can do.
He feels better, significantly, though there's a deep scar across his chest from the lightsaber. Sidious could easily have taken out his heart.
It certainly isn't pretty, but it's not like anyone will see – except Padme – but it doesn't hurt anymore, and that's what matters.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Ahsoka insists fiercely as they walk down the halls. There are droids everywhere, and it's making his skin crawl. He itches to lash out and crush them, for threatening Ahsoka by their very existence, but that will make this worse.
"We don't have much choice," Anakin replies, squeezing her shoulder. "I'll be fine. I'm not trying to make enemies. We have to end the war, and I have to get you out. He asked to talk to me alone, and if you're there, too..."
"Palpatine used to do that!" Ahsoka snaps back, crossing her arms.
"I know." It hurts, and it's true. Anakin doesn't trust himself in that room with Dooku, either. But this is what Ahsoka's been saying all this time. She's upset that he was leaving her out, so maybe just this once, he shouldn't. If this is for Ahsoka, he needs to start by not hurting her. Besides, she has a point. Dooku could be planning a double game, could be intending to use Ahsoka against him, and he'd have to separate them, first. "You can come."
Ahsoka blinks, twitching back. "Really?"
"I promised," he reminds, "You can come unless he orders you out. Just try not to make him angry."
Ahsoka huffs. "He's a Sith."
"That doesn't mean everything," Anakin reminds. "If I can be better, anyone can."
She starts opening her mouth, about to ask what he's talking about, and Anakin realizes the slip-up too late, but then, the door to Dooku's office slides open. Anakin has never been here before, and it's as large and beautiful as the rest of the place, even if it's just as sinister.
It's dim, and the walls are primarily green, though the windows are yellow. It feels of the Dark Side, of Dooku, and there's an icy-hard edge to it that makes Anakin's skin crawl. In the past, that presence meant nothing but pain, even if in this timeline, he hasn't made a move to hurt Anakin or even Ahsoka, no matter how easy it'd be for him to do.
"Skywalker," he says, as Anakin steps inside, "I believe I requested your padawan remain outside."
"Wherever I go, she goes," he replies shortly. It's far harder than it should be to say that so firmly while looking the Sith in the eye, but much to Anakin's surprise, he doesn't object.
"Very well," he says instead. "Enter."
They step inside, approaching his desk, and Anakin pauses some feet away. Ahsoka's looking around, taking in the surroundings with something half-disgusted, half-awed. Anakin relates to both. This place is so fancy, but it makes him sick thinking about how many planets Dooku left with nothing.
"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Anakin inquires, rigid. He can't relax, not here, not with Dooku so close.
"What are your intentions from now?" Dooku asks.
Anakin freezes, trying not to react outwardly. "I suspect the Republic will believe I committed treason, which, by the law, I did."
"I would advise you not to return," he continues, "They would no doubt execute you."
"Why would it matter to you, if they did?" Anakin queries bluntly. It's true, but he doesn't know why the Sith would be warning him.
"It would be your choice, though a needless loss of potential."
"I'm not joining you, Dooku. I'm not helping the Sith more than I already have. That was as far as our agreement went. It ended with Sidious's death, and he's gone now." How Anakin manages to keep his voice so level, he has no idea. He doesn't think he'll ever stop remembering that moment – the moment he tackled his once-friend off the beam into a lava river. Of all the things in the galaxy he could have done, why did he choose that? If he could, he'd take it back, try to find a way to make it right, but there's nothing.
He went back once. Can't do it again. And he's too afraid to face Sidious, anyway.
"You have potential," the Sith continues, "And you deserve more than what the Jedi have given you."
"That's a lie," Ahsoka snaps, jerking forwards.
Anakin reaches out towards her, silently begging that she stand down because she could make him angry and Dooku could hurt her. Anakin can't live with that happening.
The Sith's eyes are regarding him carefully, and he doesn't like it.
"The people you are hurting because of the war are the ones who deserve better," Anakin replies, daring to take a few steps closer. Ahsoka's arms are crossed, and she has a grumpy look on her face, though she's still watching silently. "The people being harmed by Separatist occupation. The clones you are killing."
"And what of those who see the Republic's corruption and desire to start anew?" Dooku challenges, "Do their needs not matter?"
"I'm not here to discuss politics," Anakin throws back, because he could argue that the Republic is still standing, and he would've once, but that was before he knew who Palpatine was. If Palpatine could betray him, anyone could. He has no idea how much of what he thought he knew was an illusion. Anakin doesn't want to think about it, either. He went through the same thing with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. He doesn't want to think about it happening with Padme, too.
Or his boys, though he could never doubt them. (So, why does he think it would be easier, wouldn't be so terrifying if he did? If he doubted them, he wouldn't be surprised if they betrayed him, too.)
"What I am here for, is to ask you to put an end to this war. Sidious is gone. There is no excuse. If you are doing this for any reason other than your own power, you would call for a peace treaty."
Dooku looks amused, and maybe a little bit proud, though Anakin quite frankly doesn't care to know if that's the emotion on the Count's face. "I will put it to a vote in the Senate," he responds, "Though in the end, it will be up to the Republic to make the final decision."
Anakin has so, so many things he wants to throw back at that. He knew how close peace came, how Dooku had Mina Bonteri killed just so he could end the peace negotiations. Probably, Sidious ordered it, but that doesn't make the fact that Dooku was willing to go through with it alright.
For a brief, fleeting moment, Anakin thinks he can feel... someone. A presence he hasn't sensed in a very long time, something warm and familiar and grounding, an offer of hope and comfort, of something better.
Qui-Gon is still here, just as he was last time Anakin spoke with Dooku. It's gone when Anakin reaches for it, but something about the distant haziness makes Anakin wonder if he's the one blocking it off subconsciously. It's not intentional, though possible with what's happened, and he'll need to... meditate and try to reach him again.
Either way, that was Qui-Gon, and he's still here. It's nearly unreal that once, long ago, Dooku was his master. They were probably close. Anakin has no idea if Dooku was always Dark or not, if he always held traces of the Dark, corrupted person he is today. Qui-Gon must have cared about him.
If the way the rest of their lineage was says anything about it, they probably were. Anakin was close with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, and he knows Obi-Wan used to be close with Qui-Gon. Still, Anakin was... given another chance. The Father had told him he could still make the choice, and he needed to hear that.
"You can still make this better," Anakin tells him, because he thinks it needs to be said. If he's here to end the war, he has to try, no matter how outrageous it seems. He's afraid, but he can't let that blind him. He's been doing it long enough. "Even after everything you've done, you can still find the Light."
Ahsoka's staring at him now. It makes him feel somewhat self-conscious, but Anakin doesn't back down. He can't. Too much depends on it. Ahsoka's future could be depending on it.
"Perhaps when I chose the Dark Side, it was what I intended," Dooku says finally, though the pause was long enough that Anakin is decently certain he's caught off-guard. He can feel the surprise flickering in the Force, dim, but there.
And maybe it's just a little bit on the memory of someone he knew long ago – a youngling who accompanied him on his very first mission as a Jedi Knight, a little Zabrak girl and the first person who tried to set him free and tell him he could be more, that makes him try. "It doesn't matter why, either," Anakin continues. "You can still choose differently, if that's what you want."
"And if it is not?"
Does he want a genuine, blunt and real answer? Anakin is good at those, even if most people don't like what he has to say. "Then you'll burn everything and everyone around you, even those you care for."
Sidious did. Anakin did, though he's trying to make it better. Probably, he'll never really succeed, but he's still trying. And Force, it will probably never get anywhere more than it has this entire time, but he's trying. He has people who need him, and Anakin would do anything for them.
"You are not a Sith, Skywalker," the Count replies slowly, "So, why are you speaking as though you believe you are?"
His hands clench, and Anakin forces himself to keep breathing evenly. Calm. He needs to stay calm. "Am I," he states. His heart is hammering, and Ahsoka must've felt his fear, because she shifts a little closer.
"Would I have mentioned it, had you not been?"
He knows why that is, though Anakin doesn't know what to say. He's not going to explain the truth. "I have been working closely enough with you and Sidious." A lie, but all he knows how to say.
"You are aware that isn't what I mean."
Anakin's eyes narrow on him, and he feels Ahsoka coiling in the Force. She's angry at the insinuation, and Anakin desperately wants her to say something. He doesn't want either of them, or anyone, to know.
"I don't –" Talk. And like you know what you're talking about, for Force's sake. "– Don't know what you mean."
Dooku is studying him, assessing. "You are not a Sith, but I can see the self-recrimination, as if you have used the Dark Side. As if you believe you cannot leave it, either."
He inhales shakily, struggling to find calm, center, but ever since that moment Ahsoka walked away from him, he hasn't been able to. He hasn't felt anything except a gaping desperation and emptiness, with an occasional flare of anger. He feels like... nothing, and her loss ripped a hole in him, even if he still has her back.
A version of her, anyway.
But it's true, and Anakin has no idea how Dooku was able to see through him so thoroughly.
Ahsoka will, no doubt, find out eventually anyway. She'd be more upset if Anakin didn't tell her right away.
"Sidious... told me I was destined to be a Sith," Anakin just blurts out finally. "I know it may mean nothing."
Dooku is watching him thoughtfully, and Anakin feels Ahsoka's flare of disbelief. "Really?" she asks finally.
It's far more complicated than that, but it's not like he's about to tell Dooku that. He doesn't trust him, but he has to give some kind of answer. He's not going to give the Sith something that can be used against him so strongly, especially when he's already struggling at the very edge of staying stable.
"Sith lie," Dooku replies at last, "Though he may not have been in this regard."
He doesn't react outwardly, trying not to think and just breathing in and out, just being and watching.
"I am aware you have a destiny far beyond that of the Jedi," Doku continues, "And I will again extend the offer to show you that part of the Force which the Jedi have not."
He's offering to give him a place, somewhere that he can be safe, but Anakin isn't willing to turn on what he knows is right just for that, no matter how desperate it is.
"No," he replies instead, "Maybe the Council don't consider me a Jedi anymore, but that's what I am."
"That will be all," Dooku says, and Anakin hesitates only a heartbeat before he and Ahsoka leave.
***
Ahsoka turns towards her master the moment they're safely away from the Sith. "What was that?" she asks. "Don't tell me you actually believe him!"
"Sidious?" Anakin asks tiredly. He always looks tired, and it... hurts for some reason. There's a distant part of her that remembers a time when he didn't always look like that. "It is... worse than what I told Dooku."
Ahsoka blinks. "...What?" she asks worriedly, because she needs to know.
"Did... you hear the rumors of the Chosen One?" he inquires. "About... how I was born?"
She tentatively nods, which she has, though briefly, and it always sounded a bit strange.
"Sidious is... Technically, my father," Anakin continues quietly. "He made me. Some Sith alchemy ritual, I'm guessing."
Ahsoka stares at him. She doesn't actually know what to say to that. She understands why that would upset him, though she can't really imagine it. "I can't believe that," Ahsoka says finally, shaking her head. "You're not a Sith, Skyguy. You're nothing like him or any of them." It explains some of what's been bothering him for a while, and definitely answers what Dooku asked him, though Ahsoka would still much prefer to just kill him and get it over with.
Anakin gives her a grateful smile, no matter how much exhaustion is lingering in his blue eyes, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, tugging her closer.
"So much is different here," Anakin murmurs. "A lot changed. In my time, Dooku never tried to talk me into joining him. He always seemed to want me dead."
The thought makes Ahsoka's gut flip unhappily. She hates it here, wants to get out, but at least Dooku's failed attempts to talk her master into the Dark Side are letting them survive. She would've thought they could otherwise, anyway, but after the nightmares of feeling Anakin die, after seeing how close it came on Mustafar... she no longer has any such delusions.
Even if Anakin seems so strong and unbreakable, that's obviously not true, and she doesn't really know how to feel about how her past-self hurt him so irreparably.
"Maybe you changed something you didn't realize?" Ahsoka suggests, "Maybe you... caught his attention?"
"Or I reality-jumped instead of time-traveled," Anakin muses, "But it doesn't really matter. Either way, I'm here, not... where I was. We have another chance, and I want to make it right."
Ahsoka bites her lip, looking away. She can't really speak for her alternate-self, but it still feels like she owes him something. She wants him to be proud of her, to accept her, and it doesn't feel like Master Kenobi ever will. She wants... approval, attention, and it feels so hard to get that from anyone. She shouldn't feel that anyway, because she's a Jedi and Ahsoka shouldn't need anyone like that.
Still feels like she does, though.
"I'm sorry about not getting us out," Ahsoka admits quietly. "When Dooku showed up on Mustafar, and..."
"It's okay," Anakin reassures. "I know there was nothing you could've done. And it might be better here, anyway. The Force... leads us, guides us, even if it's hard sometimes."
The droids escort them down – Ahsoka misses her lightsabers so badly – to a... not quite cell down below. It's small, but big enough for them both.
"When can we leave?" Ahsoka asks, slumping dejectedly onto the edge of one of the cots.
"I don't know," Anakin confesses, "It's... difficult to know. We need to meditate on it."
"Can't we just... take him out?"
"I'll admit it's tempting," he says, with a faint smile, "But we need to be patient. The risks are too high, and we'd never make it off Serenno. You... would be safe on Coruscant, but I cannot say the same for myself. I need to get you somewhere safe, though."
That's the first time it really, truly occurs to Ahsoka that Anakin isn't going to be welcome back at the Republic. The Council will be angry at him, like she was, though she's... gotten over it. She has no idea what to do. But – "I'm not going back without you," Ahsoka replies stubbornly. "I did that last time. I'm not doing it again."
Anakin just freezes, both physically and in the Force, staring at her. It makes her feel like she said something a bit wrong, but she doesn't know if that's him or herself being paranoid. She's been... a disappointment lately, and Master Kenobi is going to be so angry at her. "Really?" he asks, a bit breathlessly.
"I won't leave you," Ahsoka insists, sullenly, crossing her arms. "Not this time."
Anakin's hand presses over hers, warm and there, a promise of home and family and something when she has nothing at all. Ahsoka scoots over to him, and Anakin tugs her into a hug. She climbs into his lap, uncaring of how childish that is, and Anakin wraps his arms around her, tugging her tightly against him. He's warm, but he's here and she's so... lonely and scared here.
Ahsoka presses against him, wrapping her legs around his waist, and yeah, she knows full well, she's being ridiculously clingy right now, but she nearly lost him. Anakin could've died twice over, and Ahsoka can't imagine what she'd do without him.
"You never would've made it as Obi-Wan's padawan," a voice whispers in her mind, that sounds like an echo of something from another lifetime. "But you might make it as mine."
Anakin settles back, cradling her against his chest. Ahsoka drops her head to his shoulder and just clings.
"Can I ask you something?" Anakin asks finally, almost shy.
"Sure."
"What's... it like with you and Obi-Wan?"
Ahsoka has no idea how to answer that. "He says I'm... reckless," she says finally. She certainly wouldn't classify their relationship as good, by any means, because he seems to find her more annoying than anything else. It feels like it's true sometimes, too.
Anakin laughs. "That – you are," he agrees, "But I don't want that changed. Palpatine always used to say the same to me, though. I don't really... know what that says."
It's the first time Anakin has really talked about himself. Not his time travel past, which is somewhat Ahsoka's future, but about himself as a person. She kind of... likes it. "Why do you care about him so much?" she asks, because she always wants to know more about her master. He's... interesting.
"I guess he was the first person who really made me feel wanted," Anakin admits, shrugging one shoulder. "Though I never realized why until recently. But I knew him for years, and I can't just..."
It's hard for Ahsoka to understand that, but if someone she was close to turned out to be a Sith, she probably wouldn't get over it very fast, either. Can't quite imagine that, though. Anakin would never Fall, no matter what everyone claims about him. Other than him, she knows Master Plo and Master Kenobi and Barriss a little, and she can't imagine any of them as Dark Siders.
That's probably the exact problem Anakin's having.
"He's gone now," Ahsoka says finally, still snuggled up against him, and it feels stupid to expect Anakin to find comfort in that. She certainly does – she won't have to worry about him killing Anakin if he's dead.
"And the war's getting closer to ending, right?"
"Yeah," he agrees, squeezing her tightly, "It is, and we are. We're nearing the end, and I think... we might actually make it there this time."
Ahsoka really, really hopes so.
***
It's not until Ahsoka's finally managed to fall asleep that Anakin sinks into the deepest meditative trance he's managed since when he first talked to Qui-Gon. He can feel so much, and it feels like he's drowning in the Force, at risk of being ripped apart or accidentally disintegrating himself, but he needs answers.
Needs help.
Something inside him feels a little more settled and calmer after talking to Ahsoka. She promised to stay, and that's far more than he ever thought he'd get. They had a non-verbal promise before, and no matter how gutting it was for Ahsoka to leave, looking back, Anakin thinks that might've been better for her. It was better for her away where she didn't have to constantly risk herself or bear the responsibility she did, even if it got... many of his boys killed.
Even if it got him killed.
Something in him is loosening up a little, even if he's exhausted. Anakin can't quite say what it is, but it... does feel like this is where he and Ahsoka need to be, no matter how badly they need to get back to the Republic. He has to talk to Padme again.
Ahsoka didn't reject him (not yet), and that – it's something. Something in the nothing he's been feeling for so long. He doesn't know what to do, how to get her out, but with how insistent she is on staying, Anakin doesn't really... know what to do.
He doesn't want her to go, doesn't want them to be apart from each other again.
That's why he needs to find out.
Either they can continue refusing to help Dooku and stay prisoners, or they can agree to help him and have a chance at leaving. It feels wrong to have to even pretend, after everything Dooku has done to Anakin and the galaxy, but he doesn't think staying imprisoned is exactly... ideal. Ahsoka's not going to like it though. For that matter, the Sith could easily use that against them, destroying all chances of escape. Anakin can't outright see any... sinister intentions, but it isn't as though he could with Palpatine, either.
He's still wondering about the time travel thing, but it doesn't really matter. Either way, he isn't the same person who used to be here. Doesn't change where he is or what's happened.
He misses Rex. And Padme. And Obi-Wan, which is a given, and he'd do anything to make his master proud of him, but that never happens. He doesn't exactly think it ever will. The last time he saw Obi-Wan, they fought about Ahsoka, and Anakin has no idea how to right that or what to do about it.
It takes... a long time before he's even able to reach Qui-Gon's elusive presence. "Master?" Anakin asks hesitantly, quietly, mindful of Ahsoka sleeping.
"Anakin." His voice sounds the same as it always does, but hearing it and finally not feeling like he has to do everything himself, still makes Anakin want to cry.
"What do I do? Dooku wants us to join him, but I don't know what that will mean for us." Anakin doesn't think he could even try, but – but they're in a very tight situation, with very limited options. It doesn't help that Ahsoka's life depends on his choices, too. It won't only be Anakin who takes the fall if he messes something up.
"What do you believe you must do?" It's an open-ended question, not really implying anything either way, unlike how Obi-Wan always was. His master was always strict to the Council's orders first and foremost, and Qui-Gon always followed what he somehow knew to be the will of the Force. For as strong as Anakin is with the Force, he still struggles to feel that.
"I don't know." He doesn't have any idea, and he needs – needs someone else to make that choice. "I don't know if his intentions are sincere."
"As a Jedi, where are you most needed?"
He doesn't know. "I – I need to get back to Padme and Rex," Anakin says. He needs to get back to his men, because they'll need his help, but it's not that simple. "But... I might be able to end the war here. I don't know. I can't endanger Ahsoka."
"Your destiny is elusive," Qui-Gon's voice replies, "And you will always go wherever the Force requires your presence."
"Does that mean I'm needed here?" Anakin asks tentatively – he does not want to stay, not at all, but he can't quite figure out what else that would mean. Qui-Gon was always very cryptic.
"The Force will guide you, Anakin."
He feels Qui-Gon's presence pulling back, withdrawing, and Anakin takes that as his cue to pull back, also.
It's not an answer, but it gave him what he asked, for as afraid of that as he is.
"Are you talking to yourself?" Ahsoka asks, propped up on her elbow, blinking sleepily at him.
"No, but... I think I know what we need to do, Snips."
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