Warning! Self Harm
The wedding should have excited Viserra but it felt more like a chore than anything. She was far more excited about Dawn, her dragon. Newly hatched and as tame as a cat Dawn was holed up in Viserra's rooms while she was here. She felt Dawn's absence like vice around her throat. She hadn't has a dragon for so many years so now she was half the time worried that Dawn would fly away from her any second the she-dragon got.
"A fine day for a wedding is it not princess?" Tristane asked his words offering brief reprieve from her intrusive thoughts. "Hmm? Oh yes indeed, fine weather it is." she said blankly. Viserra hopped from one foot to another trying to subdue the ache in her feet from standing for so long. She knew Aegon and Helaena's wedding would be a long affair but certainly not so tiresome.
Part of Viserra's ill countenance came from her family or rather lack thereof. Since they'd come back from Laena Velaryon's funeral a huge rift had formed between her family. So much so that her sister Rhaenyra hadn't even bothered to reply to her letters. Viserra for a sick moment imagined her sister tossing those letters with their floral stamps into the hearth.
Viserra forced her eyes towards the ceremony, she smiled a little glancing at the dais where her brother and sister stood facing one another. Helaena's gown was a beautiful ivory and gold that Viserra herself had picked out. Aegon's clothes were a deep emerald so dark it was more black than green. A gold chain adorned his cloak to his shoulders. Viserra glanced to her right where Aemond stood in a similar shade of emerald. His face was cold and his eye showed no sign of humanity. He stared straight forward, glaring at Aegon.
"Stop glaring" Viserra whispered, her voice barely perceptible over the sound of the High Septon's preaching. "I am not glaring" Aemond replied coolly not taking his eyes off the dais. Viserra wondered what exactly he was looking at.
Was it the way Aegon cloak shone in the light of the sept, or the way Helaena's gown glimmered. Did he cringe at the looks of envy and awe in the faces of the gentry. Did he envy his own siblings for the attention they got simply for standing around looking pretty? Or perhaps he envied the look of contentment and satisfaction laced on their grandfathers' face, as if all his dreams were finally coming true.
"Whose glaring now?" Aemond chided, Viserra forced her eyes away from the dais her staring caught the stares of quite a few nobles nearby. Vultures that lot. "I was not" she replied.
"Liar" Aemond smirked, glancing down at her. Viserra swallowed thickly looking away a blush creeping across her neck and cheeks, she hoped Aemond would be gentlemanly enough not to say anything.
Finally after what seemed like a very long time the High Septon finished his speech "Now you may cloak your bride and bring her under your protection". Viserra watched on with a broad smile as Aegon took off his cloak and placed it onto Helaena's shoulder. When they were practicing (after the Hand persuaded their father Viserys) Helaena constantly cringed when Aegon tried placing the cloak on her shoulders. When she did not flinch away Aegon would mess up, either by tripping on the long garment or placing it so that it would fall off Helaena's shoulder.
Viserra understood quickly that Aegon did this on purpose. Neither him nor Helaena wanted this marriage. She knew that they did not make a good match but was too scared to mention it to her father. Aegon was stalling as much as he could. But their grandfather had swiftly put an end to it with a few strikes to Aegon's face.
Viserra cringed recalling how she'd try to stop it, Aegon and Helaena's awkward kiss as husband and wife faded away as the memory made bile rise to Viserra's throat.
She sat in the Small Council rooms waiting for the meeting to commence. Viserra watched lazily as one by one the lords came filing in. She stood up in greeting reaching for the jug of wine to pour for them when her grandfather the Lord Hand came in with Aegon in tow.
"Aegon?" Viserra stated, the confusion plain on her face. Her eyes widened in shock as she took in her brothers' red rimmed eyes and the purple and green bruise sweltering on his neck not so subtly hidden by his high necked tunic.
"Vi, your here" he said, some relief entering his face. Viserra nodded gently not wanting to acknowledge the tension in the room as their grandfather in their interaction.
"Aegon shall be joining us from now on" Otto Hightower said simply before sitting down in his chair. He quickly stood up again as Viserra's father King Viserys came in.
"Your grace" the men echoed in unison as they bowed deeply. Aegon and Viserra stood awkwardly as their father took the seat at the head of the table. There was one less seat than there normally was. Viserra usually took the Queen's seat since it had been empty since her mother had passed. The seat was empty but her grandfather motioned for Aegon to sit in it.
"That's mine-" she began but was quickly interrupted by her grandfather "Princess Viserra I should think you would bear the cups for this session?" he directed the question at her father who smiled at her "I think that's a wonderful idea. You know Viserra, Rhaenyra did the same when she was your age".
But I do not want to be cup bearer, why was I suddenly demoted for Aegon of all people, she thought. But still she forced herself to pick up the jug and pour their wine and pretend that she did not feel betrayed.
Eventually the meeting concluded. Once the lords and her father left Aegon poured himself a cup of wine and drank it in more large gulp before walking out. Viserra's lip curled in disgust as she watched her eldest brother the one who her grandfather wanted as King, stumble and stagger out the door. Once he was gone Viserra sank down into a chair as her grandfather poured over some parchments trying to find the courage to speak.
"You gave Aegon my seat. Why?" she demanded forcing him to look up at her. "It far past time your brother joined these meetings child". Viserra grew all the more impatient at his curt response.
"Yes but why force me to pour all your wine and water like some common servant. Besides Aegon is not meant for such things you know that. He can't even make it through an hour without having a cup of wine.". She ranted hoping her grandfather would admit her points.
But he simply shrugged "He's a boy Viserra, he shall grow out of such follies.". At that Viserra grew angry "Why do you excuse his behaviour? Why? You talk of grace and strength when Aegon has none of it.". Viserra snapped.
"And you believe you do.". Her grandfather bit back. "Do you fancy yourself a queen Viserra?" he asked her plainly. Viserra paused to consider "Perhaps I do. Is that so wrong, every girl wishes to be a queen. And I have accomplished far more than Aegon has.".
"You speak of treason child" he cautioned. Viserra scoffed "You speak of it every day" she did not notice the way her grandfathers' eyes darkened as he stood up "Do you honestly think that I cannot see your ambition. You wish to place Aegon as heir. That is why you pushed for his marriage to Helaena you want to strengthen his claim." she completed too lost in her own anger to notice his hand rising toward her face.
When her grandfather placed a strike to her face Viserra was stunned for a moment as white hot pain lanced through her. She stumbled from the impact as tears flowed openly.
"Never again speak of this, child do you understand me" he waved a finger in front of her face and Viserra could not protest, could not argue, she could only nod like a little porcelain doll forced to do whatever its master wanted.
"Everything I do is for us all. If your precious sister Rhaenyra ascends the throne she will put every single one of you to the sword if it meant protecting her bastards. You know how far she goes protecting their honor, your brother experienced is first-hand her cruelty. Still you argue like a petulant child.".
Viserra could not hear him properly she was still reeling from the shock of his slap. Never, not once in her life had someone ever raised a hand against Viserra. Nobody would have dared hurt the rose of the realm for fear of her family's wrath. But Viserra now realized, alone in this cold chamber that her family would not defend her. Where was Rhaenyra all these months when Viserra cried herself to sleep from loneliness. Who was there to celebrate her victories. No one. Not a single person. Nobody other than her grandfather. Despite his harshness perhaps he was the only one who listened to her, who cared for her. It was true wasn't it? He was the only one who loved her unconditionally, he had said so himself.
Viserra gasped when she felt Aemond's long, cold fingers interlocking with hers. He did not force her hand towards him, he simply held her. But he kept looking forward, his face unchanged. Her noise attracted the attention of some of the audience nearby. Yerene who was standing next to her looked at their interlaced hands and threw Viserra a sly wink. Viserra blushed a little as her father King Viserys began speaking.
"Pay attention" Aemond whispered. Viserra rolled her eyes "I am. This has just been going on for too long". Aemond gave a deep chuckle. The sound was velvety and smooth. "On that much we agree.".
"Stop talking both of you" Yerene hissed sharply. For a girl of only twelve name days Yerene Tyrell was a force to be reckoned with. "Don't tell me your actually listening to his.". Viserra countered. Yerene snorted "No but people are looking so stop the chatter" she said.
People were indeed looking. Some lords and ladies were whispering to one another looking at their hands. Viserra consciously wrenched her hands away from Aemond's suddenly feeling too hot. Her dress felt too tight and she was quick to notice the sweat beading on her forehead. Did she have a fever?
After what felt like a lifetime the ceremony concluded. Everyone processed into the throne room for the feast. Viserra watched her father sit in front of the Iron Throne, Aegon and Helaena to his left. She wondered if their father noticed Helaena's red-rimmed eyes or Aegon's pale face. They all knew that after this the bedding ceremony would be expected to occur. Viserra did not know what actually happened during the bedding ceremony.
When she was little her septa said that it was the duty that a husband and wife must do to produce a little child. But when Viserra asked for further details she would quickly to be scolded for discussing such "improper" topics.
She sat between her grandfather and Aemond. Neither of them spoke to her as the musicians played a lively tune and various lords and ladies took a turn about the floor. Viserra watched them wistfully. Aegon and Helaena had had their first dance mere moments ago. But it looked incredibly clumsy despite Viserra demanding they both practice because of Aegon's inebriation. Now the supposed happy couple sat wordlessly side by side. Aegon, practically falling from his chair from drunkenness while Helaena looked down at her lap.
The thought of her sweet sister being forced to marry Aegon of all people filled Viserra with more anger than she thought possible. She begged her grandfather so many times to change his decision but he remained unchanged. Viserra wondered if she took her dinner knife and cut open Otto Hightower's chest would there be a heart still beating inside? Or would it have been rotted away from years of greed and evil. She forced that vile imagination out of her brain.
"A fine wedding is it not my princess" Jason Lannister claimed with an obscenely bright smile as he approached the high table. Aemond glowered beside her while her grandfather sat upright.
"My Lord Hand" Jason said politely tipping his head in deferral. "Princess I wonder if you'd do me the honor of a dance." he asked turning his green eyes to Viserra.
So you may step on my toes for the rest of the evening? Viserra thought. Instead she put on a broad smile "I would be delighted Lord Jason". She did not know why she agreed. Perhaps it was to annoy Aemond or because she was simply bored. But Viserra stood up gracefully and allowed Jason Lannister to lead her onto the floor. She had been gifted silk slippers from the markets of Lys that were said to glide across a ballroom floor. Well, Viserra had her shoes and now it was time to dance.
Aemond's pov
Never once had Aemond Targaryen wanted to kill a man. But after watching Jason fucking Lannister skirt his hand scandalously down Viserra's back as he led her through the dance was grating as it was infuriating. How dare he even think to place a hand on her? He had half a mind to walk to the floor himself and beat Lannister half to death. But he was only a boy of fourteen name days despite being a prince. And the Lannister's were his grandfathers' main allies.
Aemond was not blind to his grandfather's greed. He needed as many lords as he could get to even consider placing Aegon as heir. Which was perhaps why Otto Hightower was so carefully watching his granddaughter dance with the Lannister. Not because he actually wished to protect her. No, Aemond's grandfather's heart was an unfeeling and scabrous thing. He doubted that it even beat anymore.
He could feel people staring at him but chose to ignore it. People would always stare at him now. His dark leather eye-patch was painfully obvious and though Aemond would never admit it it made him feel rather conscious. That was part of the reason why he'd put so much care into his appearance recently. It was all he had.
"Do not ruin this boy" his grandfather chided one seat away from him. Somehow the man could make a threat and converse with people at the same time. Aemond rolled his eye not bothering with a response.
"It should be your turn next" his grandfather carried on. Aemond grabbed a goblet of wine and took one long sip before pouring some more. It's taste was bitter and heavy. But it did help Aemond relax, if only a fraction.
He trained his eye back onto Viserra. Wondering how much trouble he'd get into for slaughtering a lion of Casterly Rock.
Viserra's pov
Jason Lannister was an exceptional conversationalist surprisingly. Although Rhaenyra never liked him, she found him too cocky but Viserra enjoyed someone who could make her laugh. And he was rich too. Which was more of a preference for Viserra not that she was in the marriages market yet. But Viserra knew that to strengthen alliances for her brother marriage would be the easiest way to go about it.
"You must visit Casterly Rock Princess Viserra. It is the pride of us Lannister's.". Jason drawled, his voice slightly slurred from having too many cups of wine. Viserra smiled at him still "Yes I'm sure it's lovely.".
"You know, I once told your eldest sister Princess Rhaenyra that I'd be delighted to build a Dragonpit for my...wife" he said looking at Viserra with a strange gleam in his eyes. Viserra suppressed a gag there was something very displeasing about considering a man who tried to marry her sister. But her grandfather was right. The Lannister's were wealthy and powerful, their armies were large and their fleet was fearsome to behold, though not as grand as that of the Velaryon's. "How thoughtful of you Lord Jason" Viserra said.
"How does your own dragon fare?" he asked her. At this Viserra smiled "Oh Dawn is lovely. Tame as a cat she is but fierce. She burned one my maids when they tried to feed her" Viserra giggled but Lord Jason had a concerned look on his face. "She only likes to be feed by my hand. That and she likes to feast on the rats.".
Eventually Lord Jason led her into a dance. She felt his hands graze too low on her body for her liking. Viserra also felt Aemond's piercing stare burn into her back. Perhaps the Lannister saw it too as he stepped away from her and bid her farewell.
Viserra caught Helaena's arm and pulled her in as the turned about the room. "Are you alright Hel?" Viserra asked noticing how tense her sister was.
"I'm scared Viserra" Helaena said meekly, her eyes quickly darting to Aegon before retuning to Viserra. Viserra held her arms lightly "Scared? Scared of what?" she asked.
"The bedding. It shall commence soon." Helaena whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. Viserra creased her brows in confusion. The bedding deeply confused Viserra. All anyone ever told her was that it was the duty of a husband and wife. What could be terrifying about it?
"What happens in the bedding Helaena?" Viserra asked seriously. Surely it had to something dreadful if Helaena was frightened like that. But Helaena only shook her head. "I'm sorry grandfather said I couldn't tell anyone, especially you.".
Viserra frowned, why would her grandfather or even her father not inform her about this? Was it something only a mother could discuss?
"Don't be afraid Hel. I'm sure whatever it is it won't be so bad" she said not knowing what else there was to possibly say.
Once the ceremony was decidedly over. The High Septon led Aegon and Helaena away from the Great Hall. As the left Viserra heard some of the Lords whistling and cheering as the drowned in their cups. Some of the Ladies turned red and whispered among themselves. Viserra decided to take her leave. She stood from the table bidding her father and grandfather goodnight before exiting quietly from the Hall leaving the guests to their merriment.
"Do most brides feel sad on their wedding day Ser Tristane?" Viserra questioned her guard. Tristane looked at her with an odd expression.
"Well...um Princess" he stammered. "Give me the truth of it" Viserra said sharply "or do speak nothing at all.".
Tristane nodded "No. I have always believed that marriages must be made for love. Not for an alliance or the greed of men."
Viserra sighed "Such luxuries are not afforded to those in a position such as ours Tristane. We take what we are given or we take what is not ours.". Viserra did not know when she grew to be this wise.
"Still Princess it does not make it any less unfortunate". Viserra hummed in agreement.
They arrived at her chambers and Viserra wished him goodnight as she left Tristane to guard the door. When she entered she saw Nadia sitting on her bed with a smile.
"Finally. Gods the head maid Talya will have my head for lingering here so long" Nadia said casually. Ever since they'd arrived from Driftmark Nadia and Viserra had grown closer every day.
Viserra giggled "Thank you for waiting, oh my knight in shining armor". Nadia laughed and feigned a bow. "Of course you highness. Anything for the Princess" she mocked.
"What is that?" Viserra asked and Nadia's smile turned even more brighter "Correspondence" she then paused for dramatic effect "From Dragonstone.".
Viserra gasped and lunged at the letter in a most unladylike manner. She had been writing to Dragonstone and Driftmark for months and received no word. Her last letter had been to Rhaenyra, inviting her to the wedding and still she'd received no response. But now it had finally come. Viserra tore open the wax seal not bothering to look more closely at it. A huge smile formed on her face as she expected a long letter from her eldest sister.
To the Princess Viserra
We on Dragonstone have received you correspondence over the last few months. We kindly ask you to cease this folly at once. It is best if our families remained separate. Hostilities from Driftmark are not easily forgotten child. Neither Jace, Luke nor I have any interest in your letters. Spare the ravens extra journeys and stop writing. You have become a burden Viserra and your presence on Dragonstone is not wanted.
Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen, First of her Name, Princess of Dragonstone and Heir to the Iron Throne.
Viserra's smile dropped, she felt like throwing up. Nadia noticed "What's wrong? What does it say?" she asked. Viserra felt a sick feeling in her stomach. A pit opening. The voices in her head calling her foolish. They did not want her. They did not speak to her. Viserra's tears came freely. "Nadia can you leave please." she begged.
"Yes of course. I...if you need anything send for me". Viserra would not. She never asked for help. She never wanted to be a burden, to anyone. She nodded to Nadia who left slowly. Once Viserra was sure of her receding footsteps she began to weep.
She had written countless letters to Dragonstone. To Driftmark. To Rhaenyra and Jace and Luke and Baela and even Daemon for gods' sake. She was so fucking lonely here. Not a single person wanted her. Not a single person cared for her.
Foolish girl. Stupid girl. Still pretending to be in her little stories.
But Viserra loved stories. Only now did she realize that perhaps she confused fantasy for reality. In the real world little girls got their dreams crushed and their childhood stolen. They lost their mothers, and their brothers hated them. They were married off, or mocked, or humiliated. Or they were ignored.
Viserra ran into her bathroom staring into her mirror as she watched her face go read with tears. Then suddenly, she hit her right hand against it. Once. Twice. Thrice. Over and over. White hot pain lanced through her making her vision grow dizzy. She bit down on her tongue to stop herself from out and for a moment all her frustration, all her pain was gone. Replaced by a physical hurt. The voices were finally quiet again as Viserra surveyed the red hot blood coating her arms. It was bruised and red too. Viserra thought that the red looked so lovely. Like the dresses Rhaenyra wore. She was never able to capture the color quite well with her paints but this. The plush red of her warm blood it was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
And so it begins guys...