The months blurred together, all the same with nothing changed. If you believed you saw Shoko rarely before, now you were lucky to see her at least once a week.
"You're both finally done." Shoko blew out the smoke as she spoke.
"It was hell." You murmured as you looked off into the distance. Despite it being night and the forest too dark to see through you still looked out. The only shape you could make out was the top of the trees being dense.
"How much do you have left?" Satoru asked her. She tapped the end of her cigarette against the railing.
"Two years, give or take." She shrugged her shoulders. Shoko had accepted her path a while ago. She no longer complained about the lack of free time or how overworked she had already been.
"I can't believe you're going to be a doctor." You looked away from the forest.
"Me either, I hate people." She took a drag from the cigarette. You watched as the end of the cigarette turned a reddish color before returning to grey. She did the same as before, blowing out the air to tapping the excess ash off.
"I don't think you'll have to worry about that." You knew the comment was supposed to be lighthearted but the implications were far from it. Shoko wasn't going to have the luxury of saving as much as she hoped. More times than not, people came back in body bags, not with cuts or scraps.
"What are you both going to do?" She asked.
"The only thing I have left, being a sorcerer full-time now." You could leave but even then what were you going to do? You'd have to go back to school to even get a job good enough to support yourself.
"What choice do I have?" Even if he wanted to leave this all behind he couldn't. Not with the burden he was born with.
Shoko frowned. She hated where everyone was, she hated how just a few years ago the conversation would've gone easier.
There was an underlying tension whenever you all came together. Granted it was rare these days but it was obvious there was a stain left by Suguru.
There was no ceremony, no special awards, or speech given. You all received a certificate to prove you completed and passed your classes.
No one acknowledged the hard work any of you had put in over the past few years. During your youth, the only time when it was acceptable to explore, do new things and live freely without the added responsibilities of being an adult. All of that had been dedicated to striving for good grades, dodging death, and shouldering the burdens of adulthood.
Four years of your life had gone by quicker than you had ever expected. To make it worse you couldn't wrap your head around all that happened.
"I brought you something." You walked into his room. Satoru looked up watching as you walked in with a bag in hand. You threw yourself onto his bed, he moved his feet letting you position yourself across from him.
You rarely announced yourself, it worked better that way. The less you spoke the better things were. Learning how to exist with Satoru had become challenging.
The years you should've spent getting to know him were in the past. You could never go back and redo them, that alone scared you. But you couldn't focus on changing the past. Not when your future was unclear.
Satoru leaned over grabbing what you had brought from outside. In the bag, you had two sandwiches, both different to fit his taste and yours.
His was a fruit sandwich, strawberries, and kiwis that were sandwiched between the sweet cream. You never had a sweet tooth so you didn't understand his appeal for it.
You had gotten yourself an egg sandwich, simple but still good.
The both of you ate in silence, a comfortable one. As long as you didn't force anything it would stay that way.
Before the school year was officially over you had spotted Nanami. With a large suitcase being dragged behind him and a duffel bag swung across his shoulder.
"You're leaving?" You stopped him.
He turned around to face you. Over the last few weeks, you have gotten better. Nanami had no clue how you could do it. How you could still push to live the way you did. Though he had to remind himself you weren't alone.
Suguru's deflection was a loss but you weren't alone and you wouldn't be.
Haibara was the only person in Nanami's year and he wasn't just his classmate. Nanami loved Haibara and everything about Jujustu Tech reminded him of that. It all reminded him that Haibara wasn't coming back.
You had your reasons for staying behind. None that he knew of and you couldn't blame him for feeling bitter about your position.
Nanami had no clue you truly couldn't leave, not without giving up everything you worked for. You had nowhere to go even if you decided to leave, if the higher-ups even let you.
Your best option was to stick by and suffer a few more years until you inevitably died while on duty. That was your only option.
Telling any of that to Nanami would only make things worse.
"There's nothing left here for me anymore." He had accepted it a while ago. You could tell in the way he said it, he was fine with this outcome.
You weren't going to lie and say he had a lot left here because he didn't.
"Let me at least help you." You walked over hovering your hand over the handle of his suitcase waiting for him to dismiss you. Nanami released his grip in his suitcase letting you grab hold of it.
"No matter how much time passes, you'll still be welcomed here."
Nanami hummed. You considered that a win with the way things were going.
You walked beside Nanami silently all the way even helping him load his things into the car. Before Nanami could get inside, and leave Jujustu Tech behind you stopped him.
You debated telling him but there was no harm. "I hope everything goes well for you."
"Same for you, we both deserve it," Nanami muttered.
After Nanami left you couldn't stop thinking about his decision. Not just leaving it all behind but a fresh new start away from everything.
A few weeks of sitting on the idea you decided you were going to find an apartment in Tokyo. Close enough to school grounds but far enough to be on your own.
You finalized the idea when you signed the lease to rent.
The next part was getting everything from one place to the other. It wouldn't be as hard as you thought at first. There wasn't much you had to bring over. All the furniture you needed was already bought and installed.
"You're leaving too?" Satoru was standing by the door of your dorm. His arms crossed over his chest, he was staring at you with an unreadable expression.
You knew how it looked right now. Nanami had left then he came in to see you packing up.
"I'm not leaving." You mumbled as you continued to place things into the cardboard box. He walked into your room.
Closing the box flaps you taped it shut. Moving around your room avoiding Satoru you stacked it onto the other boxes.
"It looks like it." He watched as you continued to pretend he wasn't standing in the middle of your room.
"I'm just moving off campus so don't worry." You were finishing up. The entire room was cleared, any traces that you lived in it were gone.
"I'm not worried." He said bluntly. Satoru managed to break you out of your trance. You stopped and turned to face him.
He could see by the look on your face he pushed you towards the edge. Something he seemed specialized in.
Not even he could pinpoint why he had said it. Maybe it just slipped out. He didn't mean it? Did he?
Satoru wasn't worried but he didn't know how to express himself. Suguru wasn't there to reprimand him anymore. He needed to learn how to do things on his own and figure out how to do things too.
"Then why are you here?" You exasperated.
You had no clue when the resentment started. It must've been over the last month. When you weren't silent with Satoru the conversations always led up to arguing.
The blame was placed on the lack of communication that always came behind. You didn't know how to speak to him.
If you were outside his room at any given time of the day that's when your relationship with him was strained.
You weren't willing to put up with any of it anymore. A never ending cycle was something you could work with but not when it included a forceful friendship. If you couldn't exist out of the silence then why would it be worth fighting for? There were more important, bigger things to deal with.
The comfort you found in each other was still there but moments like these made it easy to forget.
"Let me help you." He blurted out. Satoru had no clue what the implications were. Was he supposed to help you move? Maybe it was more but he didn't know.
You stared up at him with wide eyes. He never made any sense. You scoffed and turned away. Your focus was on packing to get everything out.
Satoru grabbed the box from your hands. He placed it back down. You reached out and grabbed it back and he didn't. He took it from you slamming it back down.
"Stop touching my stuff." You raised your voice as you went to push him away. But your hands never reached him. Only to be stopped just short of his torso. The infinity between you and him didn't help your brewing anger.
Satoru immediately noticed his mistake but he was too late. Once he removed it your hands were back down at your sides.
Ever since he learned how to control it he never bothered to put it up around you. Not because he didn't think you were a threat, he just had no reason to.
Despite your differences, he knew you would never try to harm him. It didn't matter how much he annoyed you or got under your skin.
The last thing you would do was try anything against him.
"I think we just need some time apart. It'll do us both good." You walked past him with the box in your hand. Satoru didn't dare to try and stop you.
He didn't know what to do. Satoru could've followed you out, run after you but what good would it do?
Doing that could be the final push. If he didn't follow you, then he could be letting you go.
Satoru wasn't ready to put an end to whatever he had going on with you. He wouldn't admit it but he relied on you to get through the long nights.
But his guilt crept back up making him unable to move. He knew if Suguru was here, he wouldn't be debating it right now. Satoru would let you leave without a second thought.
If Suguru walked back onto campus grounds, he would leave. Satoru wouldn't chase after you.
Not even the thought of you doing the same eased his conscious.
You wouldn't pick Satoru over Suguru. But he knew you were a good of a person enough to not abandon him.
Satoru decided to make the easy choice, the safe one. He left your room with no intention of following after you.
Once you returned to grab the rest of your things you were disappointed to find your room empty. You felt foolish for expecting anything else. Shaking away the feeling you went back to loading up the truck you rented for this.
Yaga had spotted you on your way out, you hadn't bothered telling him you were leaving. You knew that was bad on your behalf, he had spent a large part of your youth looking after you.
Saying goodbye to him would've felt like it was permanent. You weren't going to give up on him being in your life, just circumstances change. That meant you needed to be on your own for a while.
A place where you could become your person, free of expectations, or others.
Settling into your new apartment was even more challenging. You forgot the whole idea was to be far away from everyone so you could have a moment of silence. But it was too quiet. There was barely anything to fill it.
You didn't have the money to fully furnish the apartment. The only things you had were the necessities.
To celebrate your first night alone you bought a large order of takeout, eating it on the floor of your living room.
The table you bought was still in the process of being shipped.
After the first night, it became a routine. You ate alone on the floor of your apartment. When your table was delivered you couldn't bring yourself to eat on it.
For a strange reason, you found comfort in sitting on the floor, huddled over, with your food propped up on your lap.
Once you ate you would drag yourself into the shower before crashing onto your bed. The next morning you'd wake up, and check through your call logs.
You'd leave the apartment go do what you were told then return.
After a few long weeks of repeating the same night over and over you decided to change it. You had bought a pack of cigarettes from the convenience store down the road.
Unraveling the plastic wrapper you shoved it into the pockets of your pants. You remembered when Shoko had offered it to you and the only impression you had was that it tasted horrible. There was no doubt that it still didn't taste bad. Why not try again?
Sitting out on your balcony you pulled out a single cigarette from the pack, lighting it between your lips.
You waited a moment before inhaling it. Immediately you regretted the decision as a whole. The smoke hit the back of your throat drying up your airways.
Before you could release the smoke it involuntarily came out. You choked out a cough before sucking back in the air to your lungs.
"It's still bad." You winced as you stared down at the cigarette.
You didn't think it through as you brought it back up to your lips inhaling.
After the third pull your lungs had opened up, and the burning sensation had relieved.
Now you had something else to add to your routine. Granted you weren't the biggest fan of the taste you didn't mind it.
Three months after moving in you finally got a visitor. Their knock was gentle, you tried to think of who it would be so late in the night but no one came to mind. You didn't know enough people to even guess out of a handful.
With the unlit cigarette still between your lips you opened the door.
Satoru was standing there. The last person you expected to show up.
"Gojo?" You immediately snatched the cigarette from between your lips shoving it into your pocket.
"You smoke now?" He pushed past you to get inside your apartment.
You noticed from the way his eyes wandered around taking in everything.
Pretending you didn't hear his question you closed the door to follow after him.
"Why did you come this way to judge where I live." You walked around him continuing to ignore the way his eyes followed your figure.
You wanted to ask how he found out where you lived but you figured he must've just asked Yaga. He wouldn't hold it back from Satoru if he knew you would benefit from him showing up.
"I'm not judging." He said lowly. You turned to face him, narrowing your eyes as you stared at him.
He could see you were analyzing him the same way he just did to your living space.
You noticed the months apart did something to not just you but him too.
Satoru looked exhausted. Before he was able to pretend like everything was okay. He could fake a smile and get through the day by being obnoxious. Now he could barely do it anymore. He had no one around him so he didn't need to pretend anymore.
You disguised yourself, pretending you needed time apart to heal and discover yourself. All that time did was make it worse. The ache in your chest had grown larger than before.
It had gotten to where you found yourself reliant on the tobacco you swore to hate. Your furniture was clean and untouched because you couldn't bring yourself to use it.
The thought of sitting by yourself at a table each night was a reminder. One that you couldn't handle on your own.
"Why are you here?" You watched as he walked over. He stopped just short of your arm's reach. Satoru threw himself down onto the couch in your living room. He tugged at the sleeve of your shirt pulling you to sit with him.
You planned on asking the question over and over until he finally answered. Before you could ask him again he stopped you.
"Let me help you." He wasn't asking. Satoru didn't need to ask to get the things he wanted, he could just take them.
"I don't need your help." You didn't want any part of him. You left so you wouldn't need his help.
"Stop being a baby." Satoru groaned.
You remained silent. Not wanting to give in to him but also hating the idea of going back and forth.
When did you become so stubborn? Satoru wanted to tell you that it wasn't from pity or obligation. For the first time, Satoru wanted to help you and be by your side.
Maybe he was too late or now was the perfect time to try. Whatever it was he was going to make the effort.
It was finally his turn to pick up the weight and help you carry it.