Word count: 5709
Perchance count: 24
Per se count: 26
EXTREME TW: Violence(in detail)
Kyle's POV
"All mine" I whispered pacing around my room as the aroma of the fried chicken candle filled my room, "You're going to be allll mine" I laughed maniacally while gently stroking the head of the doll I made of him, "K-kya!"
The next day
I walked up to my locker and RAGED, trying to open it. "Open up, you dumb FREAKING locker!!" I said, slamming my jew fists against the metal, making a loud bang.
Several other students in the hallway glared at me. Sheep... All of them!!
"Kahl, Kahl, calm down! It's really quite simple to open," My extra large jumbo sized pookie wookie bookie senpai explained while helping me open my locker, "See? There you go!" He chuckled as my locker finally opened, I laughed nervously, oh gee wilkers, my senpai is standing so close to me!
I could smell the kfc mashed potatoes with gravy fragrance emitting from his mouth, "Heh y-yeah, thanks, Senpai- I mean daddy- I mean Cartman!" I stammered, my face ALMOST as red as my period blood red locs.
He gave me a strange look and kept spouting about, "I'm surprised you're struggling so much with a dumb locker. Didn't you jews invent the internet and money? This should be easy. "
I wasn't paying attention because of the way his majestic chiseled double chin moved as he talked, the way his beautiful, fat ocean blue eye and fat poop brown eye gleamed as he laughed and how his thin and SEXY lips moved up and down, letting the smell of his fatness waft throughout the air.
I stared deeply at his plump pale lips, GOD I WANNA KISS HIM SO BAD, meow. I noticed him staring deeply into my traffic light green orbs, "W..what?" I asked. Maybe all the love potions I made are finally starting to work!
He just stared at me blankly, his eyebrows furrowing, "I SAID How the FUCK are you struggling to open a locker when you jews are the ones who created things like the internet and money!" He yelled, I almost started to cry! I never wanna make senpai mad..
"O..oh I uh.. I guess I'm just quirky, different, not like other jews, " I explained, scratching the back of my head. He started laughing while walking away, signaling that he was going to class.
I realized I was going to be late and ran to dumb fucking English class, I didn't pay attention the whole class. I was waiting, waiting for history, the only class we have together.
FINALLY, it was time for history, and I RAN as fast as I could to claim my spot next to him. The teacher didn't assign seats, so anybody could sit wherever any day they wanted.
When I arrived I almost BUSTED a TIT. I saw fucking KENNY get touchy with Cartman, AND HE FUCKING STOLE MY SEAT!!!!!!!
When I get mad, I see red.
Cartman's FAT Pov
Kenny and I were joking around when I saw the tall, ginger, jew boy with his sparkling green orbs and his HUGE gyatt staring at us.
He looked uncomfortable almost even mad? I stopped playing with Kenny and went up to Kyle, "Heh you okay Kahl? You look even more mad than your bitch mom when she found out your dad was cyberbullying"
"Oh uh... What no I'm not mad I am just uhm... I'm just practicing my quirked up white boy face...? "
What the fuck is he yapping about? Whatever it was I didn't care cos it's probably LAME. The Jew's been acting weird for a while and I kind of gyatt used to it.
It's still strange though like he's been so fucking weird lately, and not in the jew way.
Like I keep seeing him and his celery orbs staring into me for like a good chunk of class, also he gets so jittery and keeps yapping weird shit, oh and one time his ass TOOK A FUCKING PIECE OF MY HAIR, LIKE WHAT IS THIS? Probably some weird jewish tradition, I hope. He also made me spit into a bottle, but like he said it was for a project (Jew's are all nerds) so I'm not sure if that even counts but like he's just really being TOO quirked up! Kya!
As the bell rang for class to be over I went up to the ginger Jew again and asked if he was okay, "Oh I will be... I will be" He said while tapping his fingers together.
What the fuck?
Kyle (pick me ass bitch) pov
These past few months I've been trying to figure how to make my precious jumbo family sized greasy extra topping pizza order of a senpai all mine, kya!
I've been stalking his every move (VERY stealthily) and figuring out everything about his fat tits self...
And a week ago I asked him to spit in a bottle, don't worry I came up with a great excuse fufufu~
You see it was to clone him, because what's better than one humongous gigantic phone number digits of pounds big bookie? Two! Puhuhu~
Though...it failed pretty bad, I asked that crazy doctor Mephesto to help me but all it made was a cartman fetus with multiple gyatts! UGH!!!
So I guess I can scratch that off....
Oh and recently I VERY SNEAKILY gyatt 2 strands of the poopy brown brunettes chocolate shart hair. He probably never noticed any of this because of my JEWISH STEALTH POWERS!! Oh and why hair strands you may ask? Aha, why to add more hair to my doll of course! So I went home and did just that, I counted all the total strands.
"50...51...52! Kya?!"
But that's not all of it was for, you see I had looked up on Reddit.com for ways to make... A LOVE POTION. It said you need DNA, so of course I took 2 strands this time, one for the doll and the other for my love potion, per se.
Ehe aha ehe ahaha kekwheheh puhuhuhu heheh teehee teehee aha aha gyatt gyat heheh fufufufu ehehehehe puhuhuhu~!
One problem though... I just don't know when to use it on him!
But I WILL and then he'll be all MINE! KYA!
But first there's something, or rather, someone I need to take care of. Per se.
Fatty's POV
Something didn't feel right, Kenny still hadn't texted me back even though he's always on his fucking phone! Ever since he finally was able to afford it he won't stop using it!
I just want the answers for the math homework gyattdamn!
I gave up and decided to just steal his homework from him in the morning, poor people don't go to college anyway. If he thinks he can ignore me, I'll beat his ass!
The Morning at Skewl
Kenny wasn't there in the morning OR in math class. That poor asshole is trying to screw me over, and we all know he doesn't get sick, poor people are immune or else they all would've died years ago!
When I walked into history I saw Kyal sitting down where him and Kenny switch out.
"Kahl have you seen Kenny? He wasn't in school today and he didn't answer my fucking texts!" I exclaimed, Kyle just shrugged and started tapping his fingers together while smiling and giggling. What the fuck bro?
"He probably got addicted to crack like those poor." Kyle paused, then used air quotes to say people, "do, and became homeless and DIED! I'm not spending my money on taxes to help poor creatures do drugs! The homeless are the reason for crime in this country. Everyone says we should help them, but I'd rather help exterminate them. The reason they're homeless is because they wasted their money on drugs and expect people like US, well not as much you since your mom is a crack whore, people like ME to pay for them! No longer I declare! We're all just people trying to make our way through the rat race that is life and those STINKY, JOBLESS, UGLY THINGS are NOT fucking helping. Imagine you're trying to get to the cheese in the tube thing as a stupid fucking rat and some BUM is on the side of the tube asking for money, GET YOUR OWN FUCKING MONEY BITCH, per se." Kyle yapped.
Jesus fucking christ I just wanted to get my math homework. And why in the FAT hell is he so kewl now! This is exactly something I'd say!
"Okay jew, of course you'd say that," I rolled my eyes, heh jews.
Just then, a police officer walked in and pulled the teacher aside. Did someone crap in the urinal again? Jesus christ, it's not that big a deal. Perchance.
Yandere Kahl's POV:
After going on my rant about homeless people, which I was only saying to appeal to my Senpai, a police officer came in and talked to my teacher. I think I saw him point at me!!!
I started meowing like I do when I'm nervous. How did they find out I killed Kenny?? Oh my gyatt I'm a bastard!
"Kyle, Eric, this officer needs to speak to you in the principal's office." Our teacher told us, FREAK FREAK FREAK!!!
I walked with Cartman to the office while meowing RAPIDLY, per se.
Cartman noticed my small petite frame shaking like a leaf and put his hand on my shoulder, KYA KYA KYA HAHAHAHA HEHEHHUAH JKAJAJAJAU!!! All mine!!
We sat in the office and I was chewing on my paws- I mean nails meow, when the principal walked in with the officer.
"So as you both have probably noticed Kenny wasn't at school today" She said looking at us with a sad look, fuck yeah I noticed.
"Unfortunately last night he was murdered, now as the two of you are his closest friends, since no one likes Stan; this officer just wanted to ask you some questions to get to the bottom of this."
Muahahhahaha KYAKYAKYAKYA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAY!!!! I KILLED HIM!!!!!
Flashback to the night before, per se
"That poor asshole, he thinks he can steal MY extra large teddy bear from me!!!" I yelled as I sowed in the hair into the doll that I "stole" from cartman.
I whipped my head to look at my Cartman shrine and grabbed the knife that I promised to use if anyone ever tried to take him from me.
I sneakily snuck into Kenny's house, sneaking in was easy since he's poor. I sneakily snuck into his room, and he looked up at me, clearly awaking from his slumber.
"Kyle? What the hell? Could've texted me if you wanted to hang out. " He laughed, and I started laughing too, but even after he stopped laughing, I kept on going.
After about a minute, I abruptly stopped and said, "You were getting really touchy with Cartman in history today, do you, like him?" I asked and he stared at me blankly before a warm blush covered his face, "I-i-yeah.." He stuttered.
That was all I needed to hear, I pounced on him and started stabbing him over and over and over again. I knew he was dead after the 1st strike since I had been practicing how to perfectly hit the heart but I kept going.
I remembered all the times he took MY seat or joked around with cartman, all the times he asked cartman for a pencil and they touched hands.
I fled the scene, leaving Kenny with a gaping hole in his chest, you see, I took his heart.
Unflashback
"Kahl, can you stop laughing it's very disturbing" Senpai asked and I immediately stopped and frowned, I can't believe daddy doesn't like my laugh!
Fatass' POV
After the interview with the officer, I was pretty pissed about Kenny dying before giving me answers, fucking lame! Perchance
Jew was acting strange again, but when does he fucking not??
So anyways after class I'm just walking getting ready to get out of this lame ass skewl until suddenly I'm Interrupted by a... Nibbling noise?
WHAT THE FREAK THE JEW IS NIBBLING ON MY JACKET!!
"WHAT THE FUCK KAHL GET OFF ME, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled.
Kahl quickly quit and then stared his weed colored orbs into my orbs, perchance.
"Oh uh-uhm s-sorry it was uhm.... I was just....uhm trying to..." Kyle yapped, or tried to atleast. Perchance.
"Whatever Kahl I don't care just get the FREAK away unless you gyatt homework answers" I rolled my orbs.
He then skidaddled away. Perchance.
So then after the green hat goo went, I was about to do my normal business but then the fucking half bald BUTTERS decided he wanted to talk to me, GYATT DAMN IT!!!
"Uhm Eric..." The popcorn topping started to yap. "Yesterday I saw Kyle go to Kenny's house but he said he didnt see him, also I heard Kenny died.... So I think that he may have seen what happened! Kya!"
Oh my fucking gyatt.
"Butters.. " I said, " I do not give a rat's GYATT! Kenny dies all the damn time! "
"Oh... " the bald yellow hair bitch ran away.
Kyle's POV:
Oh gyatt!! I was subconsioncsly nibbling on my fat comparable to a building sized senpai! Kya!
I embarrisngly ran away, but then I heard butters talking to my senpai! He told him about how he saw me go to Kenny's house! FREAK FREAK FREAK!!
I started meowing RAPIDLY but then finally calmed myself, and decided I have a new rival to take care of... Per se.
When school ended I gyatt on the bus and I was about to sit next my gigantic elephant senpai but then... HE STOLE MY SPOT AGH!!
I saw and stared angrily. HARD! BAD!
Why does everyone try to get so close to my senpai!!!!
Suddenly my train of thought was cut off by Stan (fucking emo).
"Hey Kyle... Uhm you've been staring at Butters and Cartman, for like 10 minutes and everyone is kinda freaked out and......."
He kept yapping and I just replied with "Heh I'm not jealous.... 𝓘'𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓳𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓼..."
"What?" the emo fucker replied. "I was asking if Cartman screwed you over what the hell are you talking about??"
Fucking sheep. "Oh, uhm... No senpai-- I mean Cartman is okay--I just... SHUT UP STAN"
Stan stayed quiet for a bit until he started to yap again. That's when I had enough and gyatt out a bottle of vodka and started waving it in front of Stan, "Here go catch it!" I threw the bottle, and he fucking chased it to the other seat, alchoholic bitch, fucking hate em. Per se
Finally some peace and quiet, now I can plan my mischievous and evil plan, I started tapping my fingers together again.
Kya kya kya!! Teehahah gyat-hahahah kukiukku ahhahha muahahahahah jajajajaja
Gyattzilla's POV (get it? cause he's fat, perchance)
I've actually gyatten really concerned for Jew's mental health, like I'm at the point where I'm considering admitting him to a mental hospital, again. Perchance.
I was watching the jew tapping his fingers together like a FREAKING psychopath, perchance. Even though I really think he's an evil jew who's clearly plotting something, the way his nimble fingers strum together is kinda hot...
Perchance
I was staring at him when he turned to look at me and I stared blushing HARD, BAD!
He waved at me nervously and I blew him a kiss. WHAT THE FREAK!!! WHY DID I BLOW HIM A KISS
He looked shocked for a moment before blowing me one back and tapping his fingers again, WHAT THE FREAK IS GOING ON??
Joo's POV
YES!! K-KYA!! THE LOVE POTION I DRUGGED HIM WITH WORKED!!! Now he's all mine, ALL MINE!
Kya kya kya hahahahgatygy gyata gyatgyattt teehhehe pupypup fufufufufu ahahahah muahahahahah kyakyakyakya eeeheheheheh!!
My fat senpai kept looking over me, then looking away and blushing.
What a babe 😍
As soon as I gyatt off the bus, I ran home on my hands and knees like the silly baka I am!
I ran up to my room, and only a few seconds after I sat on my bed, I gyatt a text message.
Oh my gyatt, it's probably Cartman asking me out!!!
.....
.....
WHAT THE FREAK!!!!!
Cartman's POV
After a serious weak day of skewl I laid down on my bed with a quick snack of 2 family sized chip bags, a liter of mountain dew (diet), 3 packs of powdered donuts, 15 giant candy bars, cheesy poofs, a pint of double fudge chocolate ice cream, and 3 tacos.
And for some reason, I started thinking about the Jew... Even daydreaming about him.
The way his red curls moved everytime he nibbled on my jacket, the way the giant pimple on his chin dripped with pus, the way his kermit the frog colored orbs stared at me from across every room I'm in.
Oh my gyatt, I like the jew!!
Per se's POV
WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK WHAT THE FREAK!!!
I started meowing RAPIDLY x2 as I paced around my room.
"WHAT THE FREAK?" I finally said out loud, I hesitantly opened up the text.
"Did you read the last chapter from the book"
Sent by Kenny McCormick.
I KILLED HIM?? WHAT THE GYATT?
I ran to my closet where I left his heart in a zip loc bag, and it was gone, but the bag was still stained with the blood.
I killed him! I know I did...
So how is he back?
FREAK FREAK FREAK!
I started meowing RAPIDLY again, per se! I can't let anyone know what I did to that poor piece of shit!
And I still have to kill that fucking ghee piece of shit too! Meow!!
Oh gyatt oh gyatt!!
I barely slept that night, I was meowing all night, per se.
The next morning at the bus stop I was meowing a little, but then Kenny showed up an I was meowing like CRAZY!! Per se.
On the bus, I REALLY wanted to sit next to senpai, but I had to make sure Kenny wasn't yapping to anyone.... So I had to sit next to him so we could talk, per se.
"Hey dude, you get my message last night? About the book---"
I shot up a glare at him and then interrupted, "Don't play dumb with me, I know what I did, and you're not telling ANYONE"
Some students heard me and looked at me, SHEEP ALL OF THEM! Per se.
Kenny then smirked, "Oh that, yeah, pretty crazy you even remembered that."
"What do you mean it's crazy I, meow, remember that, meow?" I hissed
"I die all the time and no one remembers, to be honest I thought it'd be the same this time, and even if I wanted to tell people they wouldn't believe me." Kenny yapped.
I didn't know what the gyatt he was talking about and tuned him out with my meows.
"Yeah okay Kenny I don't really care, so you won't be telling anyone cos no one will believe you, per se?"
Kenny smirked again (what the fuck), "Nah, I won't, BUT I will tell everyone you Like Cartman, I think I deserve to be petty about it teehee"
That son of a GYATT!!
"Kenny you better fucking not or I'll kill you again, per se" I whispered.
"Pfft, and then what? I'll just come back again and tell everyone's gyatt the next day" Kenny chuckled. Broke people should never laugh!!
"What the GYATT is so funny?" I started to reply angrily "You poor people have NOTHING to laugh about! Your situation isn't even funny it's just BAD! Like what the fuck are you so damn jolly about, HUH?! How can you laugh when you can't even afford to eat?! No wonder you poor RATS are poor! Instead of actually working to live better, you get wasted and start laughing your GYATTS off!! And I'M expected to help you guys?! What the FREAK! In this world there are gods and clods, I'm a GOD and your a CLOD, gyatt it Kenny? You see us gods, we are meant to fend for ourselves, not help you STINKY POOR CLODS! It's either get money or die trying, AND KENNY, YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED TRYING! Per se."
I took a deep breath, that took a lot out of me, hopefully it changed Kenny's mind.
Kenny then looked at me and said "Okay that's cool Kyle, I'm still telling everyone."
WHAT!? THIS GYATT DAMN CLOD!!
I knew I had to think HARD and FAST!
"W-wait Kenny!!" I responded in utter desperation. "I'll give you money! After school atleast over 19$!"
Kenny's gaze softened into interest, "Oh shit, deal"
Yes! It worked!! Heh stupid poor people will do anything for money!
Perchance's POV:
I gyatt on the bus expecting Kyle to sit next to me like he always tries to, but instead he sat by KENNY?! What the FREAK?! Perchance!
I started at them for a bit, my face red from anger!
wait a gyatt damn minute.
Am I JEALOUS?!?
Before I could even answer my own question fucking BUTTERS sat next to me!
Gyattdamnit butters!
Even though Butter's gyatt was next to me I was staring at Kyle and Kenny.
What the hell were they talking about that could be more important than ME???!!!
That's when I gyatt a great Idea! I'll make Kyle jealous!
"Hey butters~" I said super loud so everyone and their gyatt could hear me, perchance.
Butters smiled like the FOOL he is.
"Hey Eric! How are ya?" He asked, fucking rainbow chaser.
"Oh I'm great BUTTERS! How would you like to hang out after school?" I asked him, he excitedly nodded his head but the fucking ginger wasn't even looking!!
SHIT I JUST ASKED BUTTERS TO HANG OUT FOR NO REASON!!!
Yandere Jew POV:
After I was done with dealing with important business with Kenny (even though a business is the last thing Kenny would have, fucking poor) I overheard something, something that made my blood BOIL and reminded me of why I wanted to take out that corn flavoring person.
MY TEN TON BOOKIE LARGE INCH TV SCREEN POOKIE SENPAI JUST ASKED OUT BUTTERS?!!
AHHHH WHAT THE GYATT!!!
"Looks like someone's jealous, you gonna kill him Kyle?" Kenny snickered. That sheep!
"Shut the FREAK up Kenny!!" I growled.
My little senpai won't get the chance to go on his date with the half bald bitch, I'll take care of him.
Kya kya...fufufuudu heh heheh teeehehehe GYATT GAYATT!!! AHAHAHHAH!!!!
I started meowing in a mischievous way while strumming my fingers together.
Kenny looked at me for a moment before grimacing and then looking at the window. He doesn't get what my senpai means to me..
If I have to kill every single person in South Park to have him, I will.
They're all sheep, and I'm the shepherd...
Timeskip to after school
Cartman's POV, perchance
What the FUCK was I thinking inviting butters over??!!! I fucking hate him!
Ugh fucking lame.
I was thinking of ways to kill myself to get out of hanging out with that dweeb when I gyatt a notification.
"Hey Eric bad news! I can't cum over today, smell ya later, per se." The text from butters said.
Thank GYATT! I no longer need to kill myself, perchance!
Although I wonder why the ghee weakling couldn't coem...oh well who cares perchance.
Also... the way he was texting, that doesn't seem like Butters?
For some reason I have a strong urge to go see Kyle.
Do I like Kyle?
I skidaddled quickly to Kahl's house, I don't even know why, but it just felt right.
I took the key they hid in their bushes, heh they actually think they can stop me from breaking in again, and opened the door.
I scurried into my beloved Jews room and gently opened the door.
"Sup je--" I was about to greet until I saw a shrine? OF ME??! KYA?!
But not just that, it had a HUMAN HEART, PERCHANCE!!
But before I could let this information settle in, i felt a sharp pain behind my head and everything suddenly went to black, perchance.
Insane Jew's POV
I was meowing RAPIDLY as I paced around my basement where my senpai lay.
Oh gee, wilkers, what have I done MEOW MEOW MEOW!!!
Flashback to after-school
Kenny approached me in a poor way behind the school, "So you have more than $19 for me?" He smirked
I sighed and took the bag of gold off from around my neck and handed it to him.
"That should be around $27, per se," I sighed, and he gasped.
"HOLY SHIT!!! IVE NEVER SEEN THIS MUCH MONEY IN REAL LIFE BEFORE, " He exclaimed
Of fucking course he hasn't, you see, when homeless and poor people get money they immediately go and waste it on drugs, per se. That's why they never have money for food or bills. The reason his family is poor is because they're lazy pieces of shit similar to cockroaches. Nobody likes cockroaches but the sneak their way in like the fucking freeloaders they are and you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try! You can buy a spray or play catch with a $5 bill but, they always come back.
This time, however, he will not be coming back.
Every jew carries around 2 bags of gold, a fake one, and the real one. Kenny just took the fake one.
Kya kya kya hahahah gyataga6atat!!!
After Kenny ran off with his "money," I raced home and grabbed my knife, it's time to take care of another problem.
I quickly ran to Butters house while meowing mischeviously, and knocked on his door, per se.
After a few seconds, the heart burn inducing condiment opened the door.
"Oh heya there, Kyle! What are you doing over here!"
I put on an innocent jew face and said, "Oh, you see, Butters, I need to show you something super cool at my house, meow!" I meowed mischievously, you see, per se, there was no cool thing at my house.
When we arrived at my house I grabbed his hand and forced him into handcuffs, no bald bitch is gonna try and steal my man without punishment.
"Kyle..what are you doing!" Butters asked, and I shushed him.
"Is this some kind of game like cops and robbers?" He asked while fiddling with the handcuffs
"Uhm yeah, sure," I responded, and his face lit up.
"I love that game! But I uh, I don't think we're playing it right. I think that you're supposed to -" He yapped before I interrupted him by stabbing him.
His face went blank, and his eyes stared into me with a sad look. His mouth was still open with the words he was about to say on the tip of his tongue.
I then, of course, took out his heart and placed it near my ground, near the rumbling extra large order bookie shrine, per se.
I then cleaned off the blood from my jew arms and started laughing maniacally.
Kyayakyat hahah teehee heheh gagahah gyatgyatgyat hyahyayhya hehehhe mwahahah puhuhuh kehehehh!!! ALL MINE!!
Per se.
As for the body I placed it in the basement to let it fucking rot ig, no one goes down there anyway.
Just as I finished up the homewrecker I heard my door open and saw my senpai looking around my room!
FREAK FREAK FREAK!!!
I saw him looking at Butter's heart that lay on the shrine, and then he looked over the shrine.
I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE SO I GRABBED THE NEAREST STALINADE BOTTLE I HAD AND SMASHED IT OVER HIS HEAD!!
I dragged him down to the basement, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life since he weighs 500 fucking tons.
Per se.
I stayed there for good 2 hours and waited for senpai to awaken, I started tapping my fingers again while meowing mischeviously, "HAHAH ALL MINE"
500 ton victim POV:
I finally regained my consciousness, adjusting to the light and then realized that, I WAS TIED UP?!! Erm what the GYATT?!
From checking my surroundings it seems I am in a basement? Perchance??
I then noticed there was figure infront of me, as my eyes adjusted I realized, it's Kahl?
"Jew?!?!" I said in confusion.
The jew then turned around locking his green m&m orbs into mine and smiled, perchance.
"Oh golly gee! You're finally awake kya!"
Was he waiting for me to wake up?
"Uhm where--"
"Where are you? Oh yes, I believe I do have some, meow, explaining to do per se" Kahl interrupted.
"Ahem." He began to yap. " You are in my basement, per se! I didn't expect to have you here this early on so sorry if it was all so fast and unexpected, meow! Oh and sorry for knocking you out kya! I just gyatt so nervous! Meow!"
Yeah no shit it was fast and unexpected.
"Well why'd you have to fucking tie me up?!" I yelled at him, I could see him tearing up.
"Senpai please don't be mad I just- I COULDN'T LET THEM TAKE YOU FROM ME! YOU'RE MINE ALL MINE!" Kyle yapped, perchance.
What is he talking about??
"Uhm Kahl, you couldn't let WHO take me?! What are you yapping about?!" I asked.
"They were in the way, in the way of US senpai!" The jew replied while tapping his fingers. "So I killed them HAHAHAHA ALL MINE!"
What? Was he talking about....
"Wait are you talking about Kenny?! When he was murderered yesterday? YOU did that? Perchance?"
Kyle shot his lime orbs at me again and started twiddling his thumbs. "I had to senpai, meow! It's to make sure nothing could get in between us! KYAAHAHAHA"
"And Butters??" I asked even though I knew the answer.
"Oh Butters? Well I killed him too, per se! Hehehe~" the insane jew replied.
Just then it all started to piece together, the psychotic laughing, the meowing in the hallways.
He's not just a jew, he's a straight up psychopath.
"K-kahl... What I am I supposed to say to that.."
"It's perfect this way Senpai... no one can get in the way of US." He said moving closer to me, a creepy smile slowly consuming his face. "I love you Eric Theodore Cartman." He kisses me.
When he kissed me, I expected to feel nothing, to be disgusted even, but instead it felt like fire works! Perchance!
Now that think about it, maybe the whole yandere jew thing is just really hot!!
Kyle then suddenly pulled away all flustered and shit, perchance.
"K-kya s-sorry if that was too soon senpai I- I was just so caught in the moment and and--"
"Shhh" I said to my yandere jew. "It's okay okay it's okayyyy, I like you too... Actually this whole yandere thing is pretty hot, that kiss felt good, perchance."
The jew then looked away as he turned more red. "You only love me cause of the love potion I disguised as tea"
The tea? That's right he did offer me some that one time, but it looked like dogshit so I didn't drink it.
I smiled and looked at his broccoli orbs. "I didn't drink that because it looked fucking rancid, I love you bc of you are my jew"
He came closer and smiled like a cute baka," Kya! Then it is true love hehe! It was all worth it kya!"
"K-kyle" I breathed out and he put his hand on my face smearing Butters's blood all over me.
"Yes?" Kyle looked submissively into my bisexual colored eyes.
"I'm all yours"
He started giggling and meowing RAPIDLY, with happiness this time.
I started to play with the ginger's hair, then wiped off the blood from his face, "Red hair, red blood."
*Timeskip to the next day on the bus*
Kahl and I were finally able to be together without any lame bitches getting in the way, but as we sat together on the bus Stan came up to us, or Kyle I should say.
"Hola mi judio guapo" The alcoholic said, the fuck does that mean?
"Stannnn stop itttt k-kya!" Kyle said in a pick me way...
WHAT THE FREAK!
Grrr the demons!!! HOW DARE THAT EMO FUCKER GET CLOSE TO MY JEW!!
He will pay, perchance, per se. Perchance
Crazy Jew POV:
After school, I was ready to see my comically large could-cure-world-hunger-with-all-the-food-he -eats pookie cinnamon roll, I didn't see him in his usual spot ermmm, what the FREAK!
I started having senpai withdrawals and started meowing SLOWLY.
The bus driver shut the doors and started to drive.
What the freak! I've gyatt to gyett off this bus!
I jumped up dramatically and yelled, "STOP THE BUS!" The bus driver flipped me off, so I pounced on him and started trying to take the wheel.
The bus was swerving and all the students were screaming and I heard one yell, "Kyle's gone crazy!"
I smirked and replied proudly, "Crazy in love!"
The bus driver hit the brakes, "Jesus christ fuck you can get off" I leaped happily off the bus to look for senpai.
I started calling his name, but there was no response. Did he get lost???
I started to call his phone and heard it.. on the roof?
I ran up quickly, thinking he gyatt stuck there, but when I arrived, I saw the most horrifying sight.
I saw Eric hunched over the body of my alcoholic best friend.
"H-honey bun?" I whispered, he quickly turned around smiling.
"Now we can be alone, together." He smiled while wrapped his blubbery arms around me, "I love you, Kyle. I couldn't let him get in the way of our happiness," He whispered into my ear per se perchance.
I tried to wrap my arms around him, "I'm all yours"