Peace.
I felt... a semblance of peace.
The small village seemed to have no troubles as the people in it went about their daily lives.
They were preparing for another cold coming in.
That peace was disrupted when I heard the sound of wings flapping through the air. So many crows flew overhead, cawing, flying as if their lives depended on it.
Something was wrong.
"Run!" I turned to see people were running for their lives.
"It's coming!" A woman screamed.
"Oh no," I breathed, watching as the Fold in the distance was becoming less and less distant.
I raised my hands protectively in front of my face as darkness swallowed me. Trying to summon fire did nothing.
I noticed something ahead. Fire burned on the ground. There was a figure on their hands and knees.
"Astrid." A choked voice filtered through the air, making my blood run cold. I knew that voice. The figure rose to his feet. "Astrid," Kirigan said again. I stared at him in fear and shock.
I let out a small gasp when suddenly, he was right there. Inches away from me, staring down at me. "Astrid." He said again, his dark eyes boring deep into mine, his presence sinking its hooks deeper into my soul.
I gasped awake, breathing heavily as I tried to gather my surroundings.
I felt wood underneath my hands. The ground was moving slightly, and the sea air filled my lungs with every desperate intake of breath. I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes, letting out a sigh of relief and calming down.
I was on the ship to Ketterdam. We were fine. Everything was fine.
I opened my eyes and saw Alina and Mal standing a few feet away, leaning against the railing and staring out at sea. Their shoulders were pressed together as they whispered to each other.
"You okay?" I started slightly at the sound of a voice right next to me, my head snapping to the side. Jesper stood above me, staring down at me with concern.
"Saints, Jesper," I breathed, calming down again. "Don't do that." I scolded. He shrugged.
"Apologies. Bad dream?" He asked.
"Bad dream." I nodded. He sat down on a box next to me, and I was quiet for a moment. "Jes?" I asked, looking up at him.
"I think you meant 'gorgeous'." Jesper corrected with a proud grin, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"You're never going to let that go, are you?" I asked the handsome Zemeni gunslinger. He shook his head with an enthusiastic grin.
"What do you need, oh scary one?" He asked, leaning forward.
"I need your help." I said lowly.
"With what?" He asked curiously, his smile fading slightly.
"With my aim." I gestured to his guns, and he grinned widely.
"Oh, well I can certainly help with that." He said joyously, slapping his hands on his knees enthusiastically.
"But not what anyone can teach me," I said quietly, reaching out and grabbing his wrist gently, stopping him from hopping up. His eyes met mine, and his smile died completely. "What only you can show me." I took his hand in mine, placing a metal coin in it. He stiffened, uncomfortable and wary of me. "I won't share your secret," I promised, but that didn't erase the wary look in his eyes.
"How do you know?" Jesper asked.
"On the skiff. I saw you. And I... I sensed you." I admitted. Now he was curious.
"Sensed me?" He questioned.
"I can do that. Sense Grisha. It used to be only powerful ones like Alina or Aleks- the darkling," I corrected the slip of the tongue immediately. "And if I'm going to protect Alina, save Ravka and defeat Aleks- the darkling-" I corrected again. "Then I have to expand my abilities. Go where I haven't before." I added quietly.
Jesper's eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to be in deep thought, which I didn't know was possible for the easygoing gunslinger.
"You think you can do more?" He asked quietly, meeting my eyes. I nodded, determination filling me.
"I feel I can." I whispered. He hesitated, before he huffed.
"Oh, alright. Here," He put his hand into mine, and I felt the cold coin touch my skin. "I can teach you the most useful thing a thief like me knows. How to turn this," He removed his hand from mine and clasped his hands together. "Into a key." He opened his hands, cupping them together.
I peered over, seeing that the coin was no longer a coin, it was a key. A handcuff key.
My eyes shot to him, and he arched an eyebrow, as if saying 'you ready for this?'. My face set with determination, and I took the offered key.
"Aren't you going to change it back into a coin?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No... you are. And then you're going to change it to a key." Jesper said.
"How?" I asked, confused.
"You remember what the coin looks like. Picture it. Tell your hands what you want. But first, memorize the key, so you can do the same after you change it to a coin." He instructed, and I closed my hands around the key, nodding and closing my eyes.
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It was a struggle at first, but days later, changing a coin to a key came with ease. Jesper left the boat with Inej and Kaz, walking into Ketterdam, but not without parting with a winning smile sent in my direction.
A gasp came from beside me, and I turned to see Alina shoot awake, a disturbed look in her eyes. I fiddled with the key in my hands as Mal talked to her.
"It's alright, it's alright, it's okay." Mal said to the panicked girl. "More bad dreams?" He asked. Alina nodded, looking over her shoulder at me. Our eyes met, and I could tell that she'd had the same dream I'd had. Or at least one just as bad.
Alina rubbed her eyes, trying to get the image out of her head. I'd tried it before, but it didn't work.
"Same as what you showed me before?" Mal asked, opening up the book, where Alina had drawn a sketch of exactly what we'd both dreamt onto a piece of parchment. It was tucked away safely, hidden in the book.
"That's it," I said lowly.
"Worse." Alina said softly, and I looked up in concern. Great. "Tell me again." She requested helplessly.
"Kirigan is dead," Mal assured her, and I winced. "I saw the volcra take him. No one survives. Astrid?" Mal turned to me, and I pulled myself from the memory of when I lost him, nodding.
"Yeah. He's gone." I said, looking down at my hands, flipping the key into the air, catching it smoothly.
Alina looked over her shoulder, checking to make sure that no one else on the ship was close enough to hear what we were saying. "I keep seeing the Fold growing." She whispered. "Sometimes a little, sometimes in a surge. I don't know what it means."
"Neither do I." I said quietly. I peered over, seeing that Mal was holding her hand. I bit back a smirk. The two had grown a lot closer since we'd reunited. At least they were happy. I don't know if I'd ever feel for someone the way I felt for Kirigan.
The ship bell rang, and I looked up. "Think about what's next." Mal said with a smile.
"Approaching Weddle Harbor!" The first mate shouted. Excitement filled me as I got up and hurried towards the railing, looking out over the sea. The ocean was so beautiful. Despite winter fading back in Ravka, it was warm here. Warm and sunny.
I could see the harbor in the distance, filled with beautiful, colorful buildings, ships pulling in and out of the harbor. I'd always wanted to visit Novyi Zem. I heard it was a safe haven for Grisha.
"This is the first time we've ever left Ravka," Mal said. "We haven't had a good meal or good sleep in about two weeks, and we're gonna change that soon." He added.
"Hot stones in the bed," I sighed dreamily, making them laugh. Alina got up, walking over to us, standing between Mal and I. She leaned her head on my shoulder, reaching out and grabbing Mal's hand, holding it. I put an arm around her.
"Are you going to change your hair color?" Alina asked me. I'd kept it brown since we boarded the boat to Ketterdam. I shook my head.
"Changing it too many times will only draw more attention to ourselves." I told her. "Look." I pointed at the beautiful city, hearing the familiar sound of sea birds.
"Then we get those hot stones to keep our beds warm," Mal said, wiggling his fingers goofily.
"Well, that's if they let us into the country first." Alina replied.
"Think positively," I said cheerfully. Alina looked me up and down.
"You spent too much time with Jesper," She said, rolling her eyes.
"We just keep our cool," Mal said. "We get past the checkpoint, we'll be free and clear." He said with a determined nod.
"See?" I said pointedly. "Positive thoughts." I tapped my temple. She nudged me playfully. I closed my eyes, concentrating, and then opened them, looking down at my hand, opening it.
Nestled inside the curve of my palm was a coin.
I smiled softly to myself. I was getting better at this.
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The huge hall we'd been led to was beautiful. I was still getting my land legs back, so the world seemed to shake a little bit underneath me. Stained glass windows let sunlight in everywhere. They were green and pink, the country's classic colors.
"Have your papers ready!" I heard a customs officer call from where I was standing in line, behind Alina and Mal. "First class, all left line. Returning Zemeni citizens, use the green line."
"I hope we look like tourists from Ketterdam," Mal said, distracting me from observing the huge hall. Right. We're not here to take in the sights, and our papers were forged.
"As long as these papers from Kaz work." Alina replied. As if the world wanted to show us what would happen if we failed, a woman was escorted away by customs officers for having forged papers.
"I'm sure they will. He's an expert, right?" I asked, and they both nodded hesitantly.
"So we go with my plan," Alina said, nodding to herself. "We find the Sea Whip. That's why we're here." She said. "One amplifier might not be enough, so I'll get two." She added.
"Alina, we don't know the risks if we try this." Mal disagreed, concerned. "No Grisha has ever done it before. Not even a Saint."
"But we know what happens if we don't." I piped up.
"No one's ever torn down the Fold before either." Alina pointed out.
"I know you can do it someday, you will get there, I just... don't want to see it kill you in the process, okay?" Mal said to Alina, stopping and turning to stare at her intensely. Alina stopped and turned too, meeting his gaze.
"Hot stones?" She asked with a smile.
A huge grin spread over my face at the way they were close, but to hide it from the two I reached my hand up, itching the side of my nose.
"Ravkan refugees, this line please!" I heard a woman call, and immediately turned. That didn't make sense. Refugees from Ravka? How bad had the war gotten in the last two weeks?
"Refugees." Alina repeated, looking between Mal and I. We were both confused. She moved away, and Mal tried to catch her hand.
"Alina, wait, wait." He whispered, but she crossed the floor, going to talk to one of the refugees. I put my hand over Mal's.
"Just let her." I whispered. Mal and I were on edge, waiting for Alina to come back. When she did, she was pale, and shaken. She grabbed both of our hands, pulling us close together.
"They're not nightmares." She whispered, and what I feared to be true came to life. My blood ran cold. "It's really happening." She breathed. The Fold was really moving across the country.
"We find the Sea Whip." I said decidedly.
"You check the library, I'll ask the fisherman when they return from their haul. You scope out the city, make sure no one knows we're here." Mal added to me, and I nodded. There was a fire lit under our asses. A determination to rush through the job, and tear down the Fold as quickly as possible.
We handed our papers over to the customs officer, who read them, and looked up at us. "Where are you from?" He asked. My heart was beating wildly, and so were theirs. I forced myself to calm down, putting my hands together, asking my heart to slow, and it did.
"Ketterdam." Alina lied, and he believed us.
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When we got to the hotel, I split off to take a look around first, before I'd come back to rest. I was gone for maybe an hour. When I came back, Alina and Mal were gone, leaving a note in code that they'd gone off to do what they were supposed to.
I laid down on the bed, letting exhaustion take me over. I knew I needed to rest for a moment, or I'd drop in the street like a bag of rocks, and then I'd be no use to my siblings.
I was back in the Fold. The volcra screeched all around me. When I looked down, I saw that I was in my black kefta, the white summoner patterns glaring at me, as if reminding me of my shame. My impurity.
I spotted a dark tent, and anger filled me. I was sick of him haunting my dreams. I wanted this to be over. I walked inside, and saw him, standing there in his kefta, his back to me.
"You." I said quietly. The anger I felt dissipated, and I just felt exhaustion. I just wanted to sleep peacefully.
Kirigan turned around to face me. "Like calls to like, Miss Sisko." He said, observing me with a small smile.
"That line doesn't work on me anymore. None of this does." I said with frustration, sitting down on the chair next to me and putting my head in my hands.
"And what do you think this is?" Kirigan asked. I looked up.
"More of the same. Veiled threats and empty promises. A murder attempt sprinkled in for your own pleasure." I added bitterly.
"My promises were real, I assure you. You think you know who you are now because you've suffered for a moment. You won't truly understand the depths of your soul until that suffering leaves you to sacrifice." He was still trying to teach me lessons. Convince me I needed him.
"I've suffered for a lifetime." I snapped. "And what have you sacrificed but the lives of innocent people?" I added angrily. He observed me quietly, and I put my head in my hands again. "You're dead, this game is over." I whispered tiredly. "All the pain, your lies, it's over."
"You need me." Kirigan said, walking over to me, his voice and eyes intense.
"Stop it," I hissed, standing up and shoving him away, moving so there was a chair between him and I. I just wanted out of here. "You're dead, I left you to die. I left you to die." I repeated emotionally, moving away.
"Does that make you feel guilty? Sad?" Kirigan questioned, stepping closer to me. I turned on him. No, no I couldn't feel this way.
"Only because that's who you are. That's not who I am." I said angrily, pointing at myself.
"I know who you are." Kirigan replied.
"You could have stood by me. Instead, you almost got me killed." I whispered, staring up at him in hurt and frustration.
"I would've never let that happen to you." Kirigan said softly, reaching up to touch my face. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, our gazes locked in an intense battle.
"You already did." I whispered, my voice echoing across the tent, the ugly truth hanging over us both. He just wouldn't accept it.
He'd already hurt me enough. Just because I'd barely survived the destruction in his wake didn't mean that I wasn't damaged by it.