Aleksander was still kissing my body.
I was hot from what he'd given me, and breathless. My energy felt a bit drained, and I was ready to fall asleep and call it a night, naked, wrapped up in his black sheets, held tightly in his embrace.
A soft moan left my lips as Aleksander nipped behind my ear lobe again. One hand was pinned above my head, his fingers intertwined with mine. The other was tangled in his black hair, while his other hand roamed my body along with his lips.
He let out a soft sigh, lifting his head and staring into my eyes, observing my reddened cheeks and glassy eyes. He seemed proud of himself. Proud of the way he made me feel.
He pressed a kiss to my lips before moving down, kissing my collarbone and resting on the bed, his arm around my body. He stared up at me while I observed him, running my right hand through his hair, tracing the skin of his arm with my other hand.
"What you said earlier," He murmured, speaking clear words for the first time in almost twenty minutes. He propped himself up on his elbow, staring down at me with serious eyes. "About clipping your wings. Is that really how you feel?" He asked quietly.
My gaze moved to his ceiling, and I sighed softly. "I'm a soldier, Aleks. Everyone has their role here. You're our fearless leader, Alina's the Saint savior who's going to tear down the Fold, but what will I do while she's getting ready for that? What will I do after, if I survive? I want to help make Ravka safe. I just think that I'm supposed to be more than a bodyguard to a Saint."
He was silent for a moment, and I looked back down at him. "I understand, and I believe that you were meant for more." He said quietly, his hand tracing circles in my side. "What you said about us communicating, making this work, I want that. I want us. I want you." His eyes met mine, and I felt my heart warm. "I've lost everyone, my little vixen." He whispered, reaching up and cupping my cheek, staring at my face. "I can't lose you too."
"It's okay to admit that you're scared." I said quietly, feeling the emotional vulnerability of the moment. "It's okay to open up to me. I want you to open up to me." I stressed. "Because I want us too. I want you." He leaned up, positioning himself above me again to kiss me fiercely.
"Lead by my side," He whispered into my lips, and I placed my free hand on the side of his neck, my right hand still running through his soft hair. "Stand with me, and together, we can make Ravka safer." He pleaded into my lips, speaking directly to my soul.
I pulled him closer, feeling him press against me as I kissed him, communicating my desire to stand by him through physical affirmation, which seemed to be his thing as much as mine. He broke the kiss and began trailing his lips down my neck again.
My eyes closed as I felt his touch ghost my skin, a soft breath leaving my body as he worshiped me the way no one else had ever before.
I felt him ready to start torturing me again, when someone knocked, and he stopped what he was doing, closing his eyes with irritation.
"Uh oh." I whispered, and we both stared at each other in silence for a minute before we both laughed, breathlessly.
The knocking continued, and Aleksander finally got up, giving me another brief kiss before pulling on his trousers and loosely buttoning his shirt. He left the room, disappearing around the corner. I heard him opening the door, and I felt the need to be dressed in more than his sheets.
I reached for the first article of clothing that was discarded on the floor, which had been Aleksander's black kefta. It had been kicked around a bit. I shrugged it on my naked form.
It was so big on me, it was laughable. I was shorter than him, and his shoulders were wider. I felt dressed in a large nightgown.
"Wait here." I heard Aleksander say softly before I heard his spurs against the wooden floor, and he returned to me, pulling on his clothes properly, his boots already on his feet.
"Is something wrong?" I asked before he even turned the corner. His eyes landed on me, and he halted. He cursed in Old Ravkan under his breath, running a hand over his face, taking in the sight of me, naked, only his kefta draped over me.
He grabbed me by my hips, startling me slightly, and pulling me in for an intense kiss. His heart was racing, and his blood pressure was elevated, I could sense it.
"I hate to leave you looking like this. Stay like this until I return. Please." He begged, running his hands down my body, making me smile.
"Did something happen?" I asked, worried as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned our foreheads together, tucking a strand of my black hair back behind my ear.
"Nothing important, my love. I'll handle it. I'll leave my guards outside until I return. Stay in my bed, vixen. Just like that." He breathed, and I nodded.
"I'll be waiting." I whispered. He left the room, turning the corner. I had barely shifted my body to go back to bed before he came rushing back, pulling my body tight against him, taking my face in his hands and kissing me intensely.
He pulled away slightly, looking down on me with hooded black eyes before he gave me another quick kiss, and then turned to go for real this time.
I waited for less than a few minutes before I felt uncomfortable in just his kefta. I was cold, and not as confident without him there, looking at me like I was the only thing in the entire world.
I threw on some trousers and dug around his clothes until I found a discarded brown shirt. "He owns something that's not black." I said softly to myself, amused.
I heard a creak outside, and stopped moving, freezing in place. My heart pounded as I wondered who it could be. His guards wouldn't have come in, and I didn't hear his spurs. I closed my eyes, praying that they wouldn't find me in the back corner of his closet.
The footsteps came closer, and I knew I would be seen, so I balled up my fists and felt calm wash over me. I was ready to put up a fight.
When the person finally made themselves visible to me, I looked up at the tall man dressed as a palace guard, and hesitated for a split second, before I took in the cruel look in his eyes, and knew he was a threat. I lashed out, and chaos ensued from there.
I was so focused on my own survival, I was only registering our vicious, bloody fight in pieces. Broken fragments.
I remember him throwing me against the closet door frame, my head smashing into the wood, the dizziness that accompanied it. He tried to wrap his hands around my throat, but I smashed my arm down on his, knocking his hand away.
I remembered the way I burned his arm, and he screamed in pain, and the way he used his heartrender abilities to kill the other guard who came rushing in. The poor woman dropped dead in an instant.
Every time I got the drop on him physically, my mind too fuzzy from the head injury to properly aim any kind of Small Science attack, he put his hands together and started trying to crush my heart. It was everything I could do to avoid that.
I remember rolling the two of us over the bed and doing my best to stop him from connecting his hands and killing me. I remembered putting my hands on either side of his face and burning him alive, so quickly that he didn't even have a chance to scream.
There was blood all over the place, and I was hurting. I felt guilty for ruining Aleksander's bedroom, and his clothes, because I had been cut by one of this random guy's many knives.
How many knives does someone need?
He seemed to never run out in the quick altercation.
I dropped the body to the floor with a thud and rose to my feet with a groan, placing a hand over my side. I found it hard to breathe due to my cracked rib.
That was probably from getting thrown over a desk before I burned his face. And my throat hurt from him trying to choke me.
Bloody rude, that was.
And then I felt this blast of air hit my body, and I collided with something that gave way. Glass, I think.
I had this falling sensation in my gut, before pain exploded through my body, and I blacked out.
Aleksander
I didn't want to break the news to my little vixen that her friend was dead. It broke my heart, imagining her face. Marie was one of her only friends here.
I didn't know how to tell her.
I didn't know how to tell her that Marie was dead because of a failed assassination attempt on an oblivious Alina, who was still at the party engaged in enthusiastic conversation with Fedyor and Nadia.
I opened the door, and looked around my study. The first thing I noticed was my papers were out of place. I walked over to them, and saw a smear of blood on the table.
A handprint.
Cold washed over me.
Where were my guards?
Where was Astrid?
"Astrid?" I called out, my voice catching as I turned around, seeing a small hand on the floor. There was a body in my bedroom.
I slowly stepped forward, my breath rising in my throat, afraid of the sight I would come across.
I let out a shaky breath upon seeing that this hand didn't belong to Astrid. It was one of my guards. A heartrender had clearly killed her.
Taking in the sight of my room, I saw another body. The hand and face were burned badly. I could only imagine this was the heartrender, and Astrid had finished him off.
But where was...
Broken glass littered the floor as I slowly looked up, taking in the broken window. Blood was on the window sill and the remaining glass.
"Astrid!" I shouted, running forward, paying no heed to the broken glass cutting my hands as I peered down into the courtyard, the darkness making it hard to see the empty clearing.
My entire world came crashing down as I felt my heart shatter like the glass around me, and my soul became as dark and hollow as the fold.
Astrid lay on the ground outside the palace, her body bent and broken. She was unmoving.
I ran out of my quarters faster than I had moved in my hundreds of years, grabbing the first healer I could see on my way down the hall. I yanked the young girl by the back of her kefta without a word. I couldn't manage to speak. People turned to see what the fuss was about, but the party had already moved into the banquet hall for dinner. The only ones who saw me were my Grisha.
After being yanked unceremoniously, the Healer girl rushed after me, barely keeping up with me as my long legs carried me down the staircase three steps at a time. I slammed open the palace doors, the cool night air hitting me like a wall.
My feet pounded across cobblestone as I carried myself across the courtyard, and I fell to my knees beside Astrid's body.
"Astrid," I said in a broken voice, tears welling up in my eyes.
Her chest heaved as rasps left her. Her blue eyes were barely open, and there was blood trailing down her lips, and pooling on the ground underneath her head.
"Oh, Saints!" The Healer immediately started trying to fix her body, and I knew that I would forever be haunted by the strangled gasps that was her... trying to breathe.
I could hear the blood pooling into her lungs, and I felt so helpless.
"Don't leave me." I begged softly, touching her cheek, making her turn her eyes to me. There was a daze in the way she looked at me, like she wasn't completely there. "Please, please."
Despair.
There was no holding back the quiet sobs as I begged my little vixen to come back to me, but she was fading faster than the healer could heal.
"Sq-" She choked out, blood spurting out of her mouth, and I felt my body tremble as hard as hers at the horrific sight. "Squ-" she choked, and the Healer put a hand on my arm.
"She has to stop speaking, or she'll drown in her own blood before I can fix her ribs." The blonde said urgently.
"Squaller?" I asked Astrid. Her chin moved down, ever so slightly. She was trying to nod. "I understand. I understand, don't speak. Save your energy." I begged her, and her eyes moved, staring up at the stars.
"General!" Feydor and Ivan rushed outside, Zoya behind them. I looked up at Zoya, feeling rage settle my bones.
"Was this you?" I snarled, darkness filling the courtyard. I felt an affection for Zoya, that was always true. But if she had done this...
I would cut her down.
"It wasn't me!" Zoya exclaimed, outraged at the accusation and confused.
"It wasn't her, she was with me." Ivan said, putting his hand up, stopping me. The shadows didn't cease.
"Someone did this to her!" I screamed, my voice echoing in the courtyard, making everyone flinch back in fear.
My enraged state scared even Ivan. My unshakable, most loyal acolyte. My eyes turned to him, and I shook with rage.
"You find who did this to her. You find the squaller. And you bring them to me." I spat.
"Oh no." The healer's words snapped my focus back to her. The worst sight I could imagine unfolded before my eyes.
She stopped moving.
Her eyes stared at me, unblinking, completely out of focus. No breath left her lips. "No no no no." I sobbed, gently picking her up so she rested in my lap.
I cradled her body in my arms. "Don't go. Don't go. You can't." I wept, tears falling from my eyes, landing on her face. "Don't stop." I said to the healer, my voice breaking from grief.
"But General-"
"I said don't stop!" I screamed, and she flinched back. "Fix her body!" I demanded brokenly. "Fix it!"
If she fixed her body, everything would be fine, and Astrid would come back like before.
She would come back.
She had to.
She nodded, afraid, and continued to move her hands, healing her body. But I couldn't feel her anymore. Not like before.
Her presence, her life force, it was slipping through my fingers, and no matter how hard I tried, or how tightly I held on, I could seem to keep her here.
"Please." I cried out, leaning my forehead against hers. I felt a scream build up in me, and lifted my head back, letting out the broken wail that was building up in my chest like a wildfire.
Shadows exploded from my body, the tree off to my right splitting in half with a large creak.
The sound of it crashing to the ground... that was the sound of my life being ruined. The Healer ducked to the ground, covering her head with her arms, trembling in fear.
I had peace. I finally had peace.
But it was ripped from me.
I leaned my forehead against hers, remembering her smile, her laugh.
I want us. I want you.
Her voice echoed in my head as my body trembled from the sobs that were about to break me in two. The Healer shakingly returned to healing Astrid's broken legs.
"Oh Saints." I looked up to see the Healer stop moving, lifting her hands up and leaning back away from the body.
"What are you doing? Don't stop." I snapped emotionally.
"She's healing herself." The Healer choked out in fear, and I looked down at her body.
Sure enough, the cuts were fading. Her broken limbs were straightening, and the feel of her body began to feel right again. Hope started to rise in me.
But she still lay unmoving.
And just like that, the hope faded.
I lowered my head, silent sobs shaking my body, the darkness I commanded filling me again.
But then I remembered... Morozova's tale. The little boy healed after being cut in half. I looked down at her. I could bring her back. With Merzost. I didn't know that story before. I could've saved Luda. But I knew the story now. I could save Astrid.
"Leave us." I spat at the healer, who immediately jumped to her feet and ran away, as fast as she could carry herself. We were all alone, in the darkness. Just us.
I straightened her body so she was curled up in my arms as if she was just sleeping peacefully.
I stroked her messy black hair back, running my finger through that white streak, and I touched her face, wiping the blood on her cheeks and mouth away.
"It's just us now, my love." I whispered. I leaned my forehead against hers, still stroking her cheek. "And we are all we need anyway." Black veins ran up my hand, and I felt the darkness in me surge. "Come back to me, my Elemental. Come back to me." I begged.
I knew it would take a lot from me. Which is why I was so confused as to why I had only just begun when colors started to appear. I took in the sight of her, the air around her face shimmering like a rainbow. Something was happening.
I was in awe.
She was coming back to me. I looked down at her. She was fighting to come back to me. And the Merzost was clearing the way for her.
"Come back. Come back." I begged tearfully, giving into the darkness again. "Come back."
Her body seized out of my arms and she fell onto her hands and knees on the ground beside me, a great gasp sucking air into her body, before she violently vomited.
She vomited the blood that had been left in her lungs, gasping and choking on air for a moment as the air around her continued to shimmer, and the black veins in my hand never left.
"Astrid. Astrid." I got her attention, my emotions running high, my voice thick and breaking. She looked up at me. "Tell me what happened." I implored her urgently, trying to remember she was probably in shock.
"Heartrender guard. Squaller. Window." She closed her eyes, leaning her head into my shoulder. "Owww."
I closed my eyes, pulling her into my arms and sighing with relief, grateful she still had the smallest sense of humor to be capable of giving me her signature complaint of pain.
Her body started to shake, and before I knew it, tears were falling from her eyes, and she was crying into my shoulder.
"I thought I was dead." She whimpered into my neck. I looked over her shoulder and the hand that was resting on her back, seeing that the black veins had still yet to fade.
"So did I, my love." I said, clenching that fist, knowing I had to hide it from her. "So did I."