This is the Halloween and birthday post you get.
A DAY BEFORE HALLOWEEN AND NEARLY AN ENTIRE MONTH OF PROCRASTINATION PLUS A BUNCH OF BIRTHDAYS I PRESENT TO You WHATEVER THIS IS
Maine: you dress like it's the 90's
Britain: I won't take that as an insult
Maine: the 1790's
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West Virginia: MY PINKY HURTS BECAUSE A BUG BIT IT
West Virginia: NO ONE GETS BUG BITES ON THEIR FINGERS
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Germany: shut up
Poland: make me
Germany: alright *leans in*
Germany: *smacks duct tape across Poland's mouth and shoves him in a body bag*
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Kentucky: Thine octopus
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Delaware: FUCK
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California: buckle your seat belts mother fuckers, because in eight short pages I'm going to learn you a thing that I only learned myself about two hours ago, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 4-am-redbull-induced-self-hatred-fuelled-writing-extravaganza-
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Louisiana: a little bit of Monica in my life
Ohio: a little bit of Erica but my side
Massachusetts: you messed up, start over
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Florida: GUYS!
Florida: the 80's are back!
Florida: star wars, high waisted jeans, over sized sweaters, flannels, horrible republican government, conflict with Russia, the ever impending threat of Nuclear Anihilation, srunchies-
Oklahoma: synthpop, bomber jackets, a tyrannical mad woman runs the UK, incompetent child runs the US, the entire world's in an economic crisis, doctor who
Missouri: is this we didn't start the fire?
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Oklahoma: hey, what does LEL stand for?
Alabama: licking everyone's locker
Oklahoma: ok
Oklahoma: wait
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Tennessee: hey there, lamp post
Montana: huh
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Alabama: sentient tree
Arizona: nope, I'm not taking your shit today
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Rhode Island: Venti Carmel Frappuccino
New Jersey: are-are you talking to me?
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Georgia: Heya, extra long baguette
Netherlands: for the last time I'M NOT FRANCE
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Texas: Microphone stand, how's it g-
Alaska:
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Russia: my mom got mad at me because I cut myself with the scissors I bought from Walmart
Russia: its not my fault they were out of razors!
Russia: can't cut my life into peices with these saftey sisors!
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California: notice how all of humanity has just gone downhill since they declared that Pluto was not a planet
New York: #wrath of Pluto
Oklahoma: Actually, Pluto was the Roman's name for Hades. They named a planet after a God of the dead then revoked its planetary status and thought everything would be okay. You fools
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Nevada: the fact that there are animals who can see colors which I can't means there are colors that exist that is literally impossible for me to envision is such fucking bullshit that I wanna rip open a couch and eat it.
Idaho: humans have three types of rods for processing color. Mantis Shrimp have 16
California: Fucking shrimp. I will NOT be jealous of food.
New York: that's not food. That's tiny shrimp bullet that can break through aquarium glass
California: *the more you know*
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China: it wouldn't be invading America if America didn't exist
China: *proceeds to absolutely destroy North America*
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"I'm still waiting for that hot make out sesh between you and China" - Japan to North Korea
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Georgia: if the older generation tries to make you feel bad just remember that we weren't the ones who betrayed Pluto and took away its planet status
Nebraska: words can not express how happy it makes me that we are all so collectively offended about Pluto
Texas: never forgive
Texas: never forget
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Rhode Island: why tall friends are great
• They are towering fortresses good for take shelter from sun, rain, and vicious birds
• Excellent hiding spot
• They provide a path in crowds so we small ones can get through
• Can use as large pillows 10/10 would recommend
Rhode Island: Drawbacks
• What do their faces look like
• They're always looking around like 'SHIT where did my small friend go did I lose them' worry not tall friend I am down here
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Kentucky: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?
Kentucky: NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN
Oklahoma: IT HAS MOON'S!!!! IT HAS MOON'S!!!!
California: WHAT. WHAT!
New York: PLUTO YOU FUCKING DID IT!
Nebraska: VIVA LA PLUTO, YOU DID IT!!!
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America: the sun has come out
Canada: the sun is gay
Japan: *white girl voice* why are the hot ones always gay
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Alabama: *looks in Utah's direction*
Utah:
Alabama: why are you running?
Alabama: WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?
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Nebraska: let's not forget that 'Fandom' is 'fanatic domain' shortened
California: oh
California: oh. I thought it was like, a kingdom of fans.
California: huh
Oklahoma: my life is a lie
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Alabama: I ALMOST GOT INTO A CAR CRASH AND MY LAST WORDS WOULDVE BEEN THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE A DI-
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Japan: today I explained to a guy what shipping is.
Japan: in the beginning he was quiet but when I started to panic he smiled and said: "it's really cute that people see love everywhere, even if it's not officially there."
America: KEEP HIM
Canada: THIS MAY BE IRONIC, BUT I SHIP YOU
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New York: I can't hang out tommorow, I'm too busy doing nothing alone, sorry
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Arkansas: *sneezes*
Alaska: goodnight
Washington: *laugh*
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Alabama: it's kind of funny how when you start to get older that you start to enjoy the things that you used to hate as a kid
Alabama: like taking naps and gettin spanked.
Virginia: that second one is kind of unexpected
West Virginia: but no one is disagreeing
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Texas: Is that are knife or are you just happy?
New Jersey:
California: Fuck yeah he's got a knife everyone run
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Texas: IF YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT
Texas: HISTORY IS JUST A BUNCH OF BEDTIME STORIES ABOUT A BUNCH OF PHYSCOPATHS WHO0 WANT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
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New Jersey: why don't I know all the lyrics to a song but that lil voice in my head do?
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Florida: my favorite insect is a fly because its name is what it does.
Georgia: so does a bee
Florida: ah, yes, the allusive bee, known for beeing
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New York: fuck
Official-fuck: you called?
New York: shit not you
Official-shit: OK and???
New York: HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE?
New York: don't do this to me
Official-piss: I'm here too!
New York: the joke is over buddy boy
Joke-is-over-bot: joke is over
New York: I'm being hit over the head by several clowns with comically large mallets rn
Clowns-with-mallets: *sends pictures of clowns with mallets*
New York: AHHH YOUR KILLING ME
I'm-currently-killing-you: No I am
New York: Im simply a ghost now
Ghost-now: No dats me
New York: This post is rapidly spiraly out of control
California: *becomes grammarly* Spiraly
New York: FUCKKKKK
Official-fuck: yes :3
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Tommysimp18: *sends a article about how human rights doesn't exist or some shit*
Literally anyone: *fed up with her shit* my dude, that text was unreadable, please learn how to write.
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Alabama to ohio:
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Florida: THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA IN ITALLY
Florida: IS ITALICIZED
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"No they're not 'symptoms of depression.' they're blues clues" —Delaware
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Russia: hate it when people call fidgety stuff a "nervous habit" I'm bouncing my leg because I'm bored not because I'm a scared little bitch
North Korea: I'm charging up. Will not say what for
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Virginia: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*
West Virginia: *banging pots and pans* YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC-
Virginia: *makes a huge mistake that will directly affect their future horribly*
West Virginia, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: .... Acknowledged
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Alabama: *pulls up a presentation* how I lost my virginity to a thin mint cookie (with pictures)
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Florida: how to piss off two nations at once. *makes some max n' cheese sushi*
Italy: *mama's his last mia*
Japan: nope *unexists*
Ohio: why stop at two? *shoves German sausages in the abomination*
Louisiana: huh, Germany, Japan and Italy.. The old trio 's back together
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Hawaii: yknow, H*tler and Napoleon only had one test*cle.
Louisiana: well that expla*ns a lot.
Washington: HOWDOYOUKNOW???
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Alabama: fanfiction websites practically
Alabama: Wattpad: more porn than pornhub
Alabama: Fanfiction.net: how long ago was this fic updated?
Alabama: Ao3: not nearly enough porn
Alabama: Tumblr: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NEXT CHAPTER!?
Alabama: Fictionpress: original my ass
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Ohio: I saw a fake skeleton for sale today for $849 and I was like wtf I could get a real skeleton for free then I remember murder was illegal
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Delaware: *reading a book* the is 1 apple, there is one true god
Vermont: well that escalated quickly
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Netherlands: can the United States just chill for one day
Texas: bitch boy the USE hasn't chilled scince fuck boy Chris sailed his ass here by mistake
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Kentucky: people write congrats because they can't spell congrajlahins
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Alaska: an apple a day keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough
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Florida: nice opinion. One small issue. I am inside your home
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California: I can't explain but I'll find a song that can
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England: the United States is the only major country that does not guarantee health care as a right
Texas: we already have the right to health care. It's called owning a gun
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Also this is what the Alabama to Ohio thing was based off of
1624 words
10/30/2023