"Kiraz, Serkan Bolat is your Baba." Eda let out in a trembling voice, dreading Kiraz's reaction.
Kiraz looked over at Serkan, and squeezed his hand tighter, she tearily smiled. "Biliyorum." Her small voice let out.
Serkan felt a tear roll down his cheek, he looked astonished at Eda who looked at him in equal shock.
"How - " Serkan stammered and was cut by Kiraz extanding her hand.
"Can I have your phone lütfen ?" She asked and Eda and Serkan looked on as she took the phone.
Eda's breath itched, what compromising thing had she seen in Serkan's phone, a picture of her and Serkan ? She wanted Kiraz to learn through them and them only, what must she be thinking ?
Serkan looked on, not understanding, he had handed his phone to Kiraz a few times earlier during her chemotherapy sessions to play, but his phone was completely blank of data. There was no picture of Eda or even her mention at all in it aside from her number and their SMS. He had shifted all their pictures and video to a hard drive years ago, unable to bear looking at them everyday on his phone.
Kiraz simply unlocked his phone and put in on her lap, in its homescreen, without opening any app. Serkan and Eda looked at each other in confusion.
"Ne ? Kiraz... how did you know Serkan's your Baba ?" Eda asked softly.
"The password." Kiraz said obviously. "You said only my Baba knows the coordinates of my star."
Eda's lips parted, her eyes filling, she looked at Serkan, heart squeezing in her chest.
***
"Gel, gel aşkım." Eda held Kiraz against her in her lap, she and four years old Kiraz were up on the roof of their building, it was accessible to all tenents in summer.
Eda sat and read to Kiraz, with some grenade syrup she made. It was a hot mediterranean day in Italy, and late night was the only little moment of fresh air people usually took to go out.
Feeling her be sleepier, she laid down, back against the wall and a large bag she brought blankets in, and took Kiraz to lay over her, back to her chest.
"Bak, do you recognise that, it's Serius." She pointed.
Kiraz curiously looked at the sky, bright stars shining like diamonds.
"Evet, I see it Anne!" She exclaimed and Eda smiled, kissing Kiraz's shoulder.
"Ve there... follow my finger, just to the right, do you see that bright round star ?" Eda pointed in the sky, Kiraz followed her instructions.
"That's your star. The Kiraz yıldız." Eda poured.
"Gerçekten, I have a star for me ?" Little Kiraz asked excited.
Eda's eyes filled at the memories. "Evet, your Baba kept it for you." She let out, kissing the top of Kiraz's head.
"Babam.." Kiraz let out staring at the star. "Can he see is from the sky ?" Kiraz asked.
"Evet, whenever you'll look at your star, just know your Baba is there, watching you, protecting you, loving you." Eda poured with all her love.
"Why did he get me a star Anne ?" Kiraz asked, curiously, could it be that someone she never ever met, someone she hadn't even seen loved her as immensely ?
"Because, before your Baba left to the stars, we used to watch them together, just like this. And your Baba loved me a lot, those moments were so precious to us, your Baba would tell me stories, he would hold me, just like me and you." Eda poured, eyes filling, she held a lot of rescentement for Serkan, but on some days like today, the unconditional love she had for him won over.
Kiraz saw the pain in her mother's eyes. "Why are you crying Anne, do you miss Baba ?" She asked innocently.
Eda allowed the tears to pour and wiped them, sniffing. "Çok. I miss him." She said truthfully, and she did.
She missed the man she had fallen in love with, not the one that threw her out and was a heartless, emotionless workaholic post cancer.
"Then look at the star, Baba can see you!" Kiraz turned her own logic on her and Eda chuckled and smiled. "Evet." She lied for the sake of her girl being happy at the thought.
"Do you want to know your star's coordinates ? That's how you know where is it in the sky." Eda asked.
"Evet!" Kiraz exclaimed and Eda grabbed one of the colour water pencils Kiraz had been colouring with, and took her small hand in hers.
"49 31 38 1." Eda elongated each number as she wrote.
"They will delete when I shower! I need to write them in my treasure book when we go back!" Kiraz pointed, Eda smiled, her small baby so wise, much more than her age.
"Tabiki bebeğim." She kissed her forehead.
"Anne ? What if someone steal my star ?" Kiraz asked looking back at the star.
"They can't. Because only me, your Baba, and now, you know the coordinates. No one else." Eda explained.
"Just us and Baba ?" Kiraz asked.
"Evet, only your Baba knows them." Eda said thoughtfully.
***
"I saw you in some of Can's parents wedding pictures. It passed my mind, so when I had your phone, I tried to unlock it with the star coodinates, and it worked. I knew then, that you were my Baba." Kiraz explained, her low and tired whispering voice not wavering.
Serkan had tears pouring, Eda seemed emotional too. "Oh kizim... you're so smart." Serkan craddled her small hand and kissed it.
Eda sniffed and blinked. "Kiraz, do you want Serkan to be your Baba ? Do you accept him as your Baba ?" She asked, unable to read Kiraz for the first time.
Kiraz looked at her. "Can I just talk to him ?" She asked and Eda's heart cracked, she rose, it was just a weird and unfamiliar situation. Kiraz want her gone.
"I uh... I'll be back." She let out, walking out of the room, she hoped Kiraz didn't hate her. She couldn't bear it.
Serkan turned to Kiraz, holding her little hands. "You're smarter than everyone aren't you ?" He marvelled.
"Evet." Kiraz smiled and Serkan's heart swelled, he hadn't realised how much he loved this little human being.
"So, do you want me to be your Baba, would you allow it ?" Serkan asked, holding his breath.
"Evet, ama I have two conditions." Kiraz bargained.
Serkan frowned. "Ne conditions ?" He asked intrigued.
"One, is that you will bring me chocolate whenever I want." Kiraz let out raising a finger and Serkan narrowed his eyes at her, she could be so full of mischief even this sick, Eda was right.
"And second, is that you will always make my Anne happy and never make her sad." Kiraz let out firmly and Serkan's heart sank.
His eyes filled as he looked at her. "My Anne is a very sad person, she missed you a lot. She never really smiles. In the pictures Can and I saw, she was happy with you, I want you to help me make her happy again, it's your main Baba mission, tamam ?"
Serkan blinked against the tears, how could she be so small yet so thoughtful. Did she even realise she was parroting her mother ? Eda was allowing him in their lives to make Kiraz happy, and Kiraz wanted him to be in their lives to make Eda happy.
"I uh... Kiraz.." He was speechless.
"Do you love my Anne ?" Kiraz asked and Serkan breathed not to sob.
"I do." So much, he mentally added.
"So you agree ?" Kiraz asked and Serkan blinked, sniffing.
"Tamam, I agree." He stroked her small hand.
"For both the conditions ?" Kiraz raised her eyebrows.
Serkan chuckled drying his tears.
"You know that there's a paradox between your two conditions." He softly said.
"A padadox ?" Kiraz frowned and Serkan found her absolutely adorable.
"A pa-ra-dox. It means a contradiction. Your Anne won't be happy if I keep bringing you chocolate." Serkan explained.
"She won't know." Kiraz winked. "Lütfeenn." She looked at him with pleading eyes.
Serkan's chest swelled and squeezed at the same time. She was a copy of Eda, it was barely believable.
"Kiraz bakma bana oyle." He looked away, a small smile on his lips, she was adorable.
"Tamam, tamam, I agree." He gave in, knowing he had lost to those chocolate eyes the moment he saw them.
"Yes!" Kiraz grabbed the water pencils and one of the colouring papers she had and began writing in clumsy capital letters.
"Baba-Kiz contract :
1) bring Kiraz chocolate 🍫
2) make Anne happy 😄"
Serkan watched her, in both adoration and astonishement. "What is this, a contract ?" He smiled, heart swelling, she didn't knew the parallels she was making between this and his and her mother's relationship.
"Evet, you have to sign and respect them both. And everything that comes with it." Kiraz said firmly passing over the paper to him.
Serkan looked at her playfully. "And what does that mean ?"
"It means, mesala, if you have to sneak or lie to bring me chocolate, you'll do it." Kiraz elongated with a smirk as Serkan narrowed his eyes and she grinned knowingly.
"Ve, you'll do everything to make Anne smile, like all Baba things." Kiraz pointed.
"Baba things ?" Serkan looked at her in confusion.
"Everything Baba's do for Anne's to make them happy, mesela bring them gifts, tell them they're pretty, kiss them, all that." Kiraz pointed obviously.
Serkan inhaled sharply and looked at her expectant face as she handed him to colour pencil.
Kiraz watched him being frozen and staring at her.
"Ne, what are you thinking ?" Kiraz asked, intrigued.
Serkan gave her a small emotional look, gulping.
"The same thing I thought the first day I met your Anne..." He whispered, raising his eyes as he signed. "That this person, is going to be trouble. Lots of trouble." Serkan handed her the pen back and Kiraz laughed.
She stopped, holding her throat as it hurts. "Careful." Serkan held her hand, she was still so sick.
"You're my Baba now, I have a Baba." Kiraz grinned regardless and opened her tiny arms, Serkan's eyes filled as he embraced her, holding her tiny body against his.
"Evet, I am your Baba. Kizim benim." He kissed the side of her head and backed.
"I am so sorry I missed your birth and so many years of your life, ama, I promise that I will always make you happy Kiraz, seni çok seviyorum." Serkan held her tiny hands, kissing them one by one.
"Bende seni seviyorum Baba." Kiraz poured and he could see the emotion in her eyes.
He stroked her chin and she didn't take long to fall asleep, her recovery would be a long way.
Serkan thought to find Eda, he didn't knew what to expect from her, would she be happy ? Angry at him ? Soft ? She always went from one to the other, and he understood her feelings, but it left him all the more lost.
....
Serkan found Eda outside, sitting on the chair, arms crossed, her knee still shaking in nervousness.
"She's asleep." Serkan softly said sitting beside her and putting a hand to her knee, to still it.
Eda flinched at his touch, but not out of rejection, Serkan looked up, she hissed too.
She looked at him, caught and folder her pants up, revealing a large 2nd degree burn.
Serkan gasped, his heart hurt at seeing Eda injured. "What happened ?" He touched her skin but Eda batted his hands away and covered her knee back with the fabric.
"Burnt myself with boiling water while dry ironing at work a few days ago." Eda shrugged. "Ne diyo ?" Eda asked on edge.
"She said yes, she wants me to be her father, she called me Baba." Serkan poured to her, emotionally.
Eda breathed, nodding, she closed her eyes, as if, taking stock. "Tamam." She sniffed. "Was she angry ? Mad ? Upset ? Did she say anything about me ?"
Serkan looked at the worry on her face. "No, no no. She took it well. She wasn't mad at you, she wasn't even mad at me." He promised.
Eda sighed, unsure. "We uh...we can take turns, taking care of her in the Hospital I mean. Then, when she is discharged, we'll set a joint custody schedule." She offered.
"Eda, would you just, can we eat together with her tonight, be both there for her ? I feel she'll be reassured." Serkan offered, he wasn't trying anything with Eda, just genuinely trying to make Kiraz happy.
She probably was very confused, from their conversation. She was smart and wise but still a child. She couldn't figure where he and Eda stood for each other, she just knew they were her Anne and Baba.
Eda looked at him, a little bit disoriented. "Tamam." She agreed.
"Teşekür ederim." He softly said.
"I am doing it for Kiraz." Eda firmly said.
"You stay with her while she naps, I'll go home and cook us something nice from the nutrition list her doctor provided." Serkan decided, easing out the tension by eclipsing himself for a while, he rose and put a hand on her shoulder.
"And let go Eda, relax. Breath a little bit, Kiraz will be fine." He promised, because she still seemed so tense.
....
Eda stroked a sleeping Kiraz's forehead, dedicatingly. She was so relieved Kiraz was healing.
Kiraz blinked, waking up and looked at her. "Anne ?" She called out.
"Annecim." Eda kissed her hand. "How do you feel ?"
"My throat feels a little better." Kiraz let out and Eda smiled, stroking her cheek.
"You'll be all better soon." She promised and paused. "Kiraz..." She looked up at her daughter's eyes.
"You don't hate me, do you ? Because I lied about your Baba ?" Eda asked, in fear.
"I hate that you lied to me Anne." Kiraz said and Eda nodded, trying not to tear up and accept her fault.
"Ama, I don't hate you." Kiraz squeezed her hand.
Eda looked at her emotionally, and nodded. "Don't you have any questions ?"
"I do. Baba didn't know about me at all before we came to Istanbul, that's why he never reached out ?" Kiraz asked and Eda felt herself fill with remorse. How would Kiraz not hate her ? Knowing she hid her from Serkan.
"Hayir, I didn't tell him. He didn't knew at all, about you." Eda admitted and Kiraz nodded.
"So you lied to me all along too ?" Kiraz made a sad face.
"I'm sorry kizim." Eda tearfully apologised kissing her palms and Kiraz sighed, adults were so complicated.
She knew she wasn't getting a full explication for what happened between her parents today, or right now, so she opted for what mattered.
"Do you love Baba, Anne ?" Kiraz asked.
Eda looked at her, tears in her eyes, taken aback, she looked down, cradling her small hands.
"You know I did." Eda let out evasively, she couldn't lie, Kiraz had witnessed her longing for the imaginative figure she thought was her Baba untill now.
"In the past ?" Kiraz asked.
"Mhm.." Eda let out.
"Do you love him now ?" Kiraz asked and Eda inhaled, looking at her.
"Bilimiyorum..." Eda honestly let out. "A lot has happened, it's not that easy Kiraz." She breathed.
"Would you have come back if I wasn't sick ?" Kiraz asked and Eda swallowed, shaking her head.
"So you would have never told me about Baba, and Baba would never know I exist ?" Kiraz noted and Eda could feel the disappointement in her tone.
"I'm sorry. I didn't knew how he'd react, if he would accept you..." Eda began.
Kiraz looked at her sadly. "Why would he not ? Baba loves me." Kiraz said with certitude.
"I am glad he does kizim, I am sorry. I am so sorry, I can't bring your childhood back." Tears rolled down Eda's cheeks.
Kiraz said she didn't hate her but the following conversation was filled with resecentement, seemingly.
"I don't understand you Anne." Kiraz said sadly, why had Anne done this ?
She only felt sad, she thought that her mother was alone all her life. But she wasn't, a man as loving as Baba was there for her, why cut herself and her daughter from him ?
Someone knocked on the door and Eda wiped her face, she watched Kiraz's face lit. "Baba!"
"Kiraz!" He greeted back. "I brought food, made some quinoa and humus, healthy food just like your doctor asked." Serkan smiled and Kiraz smiled at the smell of the warm food, she hated the Hospital stuff and Anne rarely had time to cook, outside of plain pasta, rice or bread.
"What's humus ? I've never had that." She asked curiously.
"Here, you'll see, tell me if its good." Serkan offered as he set three boxes and handed Kiraz a spoon.
"Teşekür ederim." She smiled seeing it was her favourite Disney themed.
"You didn't have to, Serkan." Eda said seeing the two boxes of dishes.
"Why not, I think we are all hungry. Anne only drank disgusting coffee from that machine while you were sick." Serkan told Kiraz.
"All coffee is disgusting to me, I don't know the difference." Kiraz smiled as Serkan wrapped a napkin around her gown.
"Here." He served all three of them, taking out a slice of bread, he removed the crust and put it in Kiraz's plate.
"How did you know I don't like crust ?" Kiraz asked and Serkan stopped in his movements, realising as he was taking crust off another slice.
"Uh...most kids don't." He shrugged, then, chosing not to beat around the bush. "And your Anne doesn't like it." He put the second slice without crust in Eda's plate, Eda blinked, heart swelling.
Kiraz noted that. A man that took care of even such a small detail about Anne ? Why would she leave him ?
"Here, I'll feed you." Serkan offered.
"I can eat." Kiraz giggled.
"But you're sick, here." Serkan fed her and Kiraz swallowed.
"Hhm, this is so good! Anne try." She encouraged a frozen Eda that just stared at them.
"I am sure it is kizim, your Baba is a good cook." Eda let out on a small sigh as she began eating.
Serkan looked at her, pain in her eyes, he had to talk to her, come clean and be absolutely honest with her if they were to get somewhere.
He made train noises, feeding Kiraz who laughed. Eda was touched but something in her also burned, it wasn't jealousy, nor envy, but anger regardless. How dare he act all perfect of a father now ? When she had endured 6 years all alone ?
"She isn't 3 years old Serkan. Kiraz, don't laugh that much, you'll hurt later bebe." Eda said between them.
"My throat doesn't hurt as much Anne, I told you." Kiraz said almost annoyed, why couldn't she have some good time with Baba ?
Serkan looked between the two of them and sensed what Eda wasn't saying. "I know I wasn't there when she was 3, I missed a lot on her childhood. But nothing stops me from making up for it now." He simply stated.
"Please do a bullet train." Kiraz laughed at Serkan who flew the spoon, making a swift noise and feeding Kiraz who grinned and swallowed.
Kiraz fell asleep after she was given her medicines, Serkan poured tea for Eda.
"Why are you so tense ? Eda, I have no intention of stealing your child, turning her against you or competing with you. I can never make up for everything you did for her, I am just trying to get to know her and bond with her. Beside, you agreed to dinner." Serkan tried.
"We need to take turns Serkan, I don't think I can do this." Eda exhaled on a sigh.
Serkan sighed. "You can't even see me around ?" He realised, he knew she hated him and she had all rights to.
"I don't know, I don't know Serkan. I..I raised Kiraz alone, for six years. All alone, and it was hard. I have seen her so sick, she could barely walk or talk. Right now, I don't know, tamam ? I just, I need time, and I need space. All I can give you, is the opportunity to be her father and see her." Eda breathed.
"Eda...I am her father." Serkan stated, he knew he had said he would be patient, that he had no right to claim Kiraz, but now that he had met the girl as her father, and seen how much she wanted him too, he couldn't bear to lose that.
"You weren't. You weren't the night you threw me out. You weren't the months I spent pregnant and alone. You weren't while I raised her, cutting my own blood for her Serkan." Eda snapped, eyes filling. She took a breath.
"I have been so used to be alone, and I haven't forgiven you. Why should I ? I am just too tired, I can't deal with this. It's already a lot for me to share Kiraz, I am not used to it. So take what I am giving, and stop pushing me, you've seen and stated yourself how bad I am, what more do you want ?" She said voice laced with pain and Serkan breathed, now wasn't the right time.
"Tamam. I won't push you, I'm sorry. Just, send me a schedule, morning, afternoons. We'll take turns, and when she is better, we can discuss a custody plan." Serkan inhaled and walked off, leaving Eda to reflect, she sighed, putting her head in her hands.
....
Eda went home, she sat onto her bed and sighed, breathing in. She picked one of Kiraz's shirt and held it to her chest. A new fear taking place in her heart. Kiraz would prefer Serkan over her, she'd hate her. Ofcourse she would, what has she given her ? Next to what Serkan could offer ?
She was blaming her for hiding her from him, Eda shut her eyes, exhaustion winning over her.
For the next few days, they took turns in visiting Kiraz, Eda stayed most of the night and morning, Serkan from noon to sunset through the afternoons.
Eda avoided all confrontations with him, she would leave earlier before he came, and would only come well past he had left. To her heart's relief, the transplant started showing effects after a week, Kiraz gained some mobility back, her baby was healing. And somewhere, that was all that mattered to her.
She was bonding well with Serkan, she seemed in awe of him, constantly talking about what he cooked for her, what they read and did. Eda couldn't help but have a side of her that felt happy. The side that had desperately wanted Serkan to want and love the child inside of her so long ago, a side she has burried in rescentement, loniless and distance.
On the rare occasions they met, by mistake, Eda was cold and textbook. Only telling him what Kiraz had ate, what she needed, her medicines doses.
They texted the same. Her keeping it to a minimum while Serkan would sometimes add "good nights", "merak etme" or "eat/sleep well". It hurt, reading and having anyone care about her when she was oh so alone for so long. And when this same person had given her more hurt and pain than anyone in the world. Could a man that smashed her heart really care about what she ate or if she slept ? Eda was being polite and that's all she could honestly manage.
She walked to Kiraz's Hospital room, it was the ten days mark after her transplant, and Eda hoped all her reports were alright and they could look towards a date of discharge. Her heart was so relieved to see Kiraz healthy, she just wanted her girl to go to school, play with her friends, be able to run around, play out, go to birthdays, without tiring, bruising, or fainting.
Voices came from inside the room, but it wasn't Serkan. She recognised Pyril's voice.
"And did that happen many times ? Going to bed hungry ?" She asked Kiraz.
"Anne yes, very often. But for me she always brought or made a little something." Kiraz honestly said.
"She used to leave you alone at home in Italy ?" Kiraz frowned.
"Yes, all the time. But I wasn't scared." Eda frowned, what was Pyril doing ? Interrogating Kiraz.
"That’s still irresponsible, you're too small, you could have hurt yourself, did she do it even after you were sick ?" Pyril asked.
"Evet, ama we were used to it." Kiraz frowned, within the past few days, he picture where she only saw her Anne's point of view widened, she had her Baba's but also others.
She didn't like Can's Anne's intrusive questions but in the past few days, Kiraz questionned her Anne a lot. She knew Anne loved her, but so much was not making sense.
"Tell me Kiraz, did your Anne bring men home ?" Pyril asked.
Kiraz thought for a while. "Uh not too often, sometimes when I was small, professors or classmates, and then coleagues I guess." She awnsered innocently, not understanding the meaning of Pyril's question.
Eda frowned from anger, she used to ask her male coleagues and friends if they could work at her place because she had a small girl she needed to watch and she couldn't stay to work at the library or too long after work. It was never sexual, but Kiraz probably missed the meaning of the question.
She barged in the room without knocking, expression tight.
Pyril looked at her from up to down. "What are you doing here Pyril ?" Eda demanded.
"Kiraz asked Serkan she wanted to see Can, so I brought him instead of Engin today, he had work. Then, Serkan and Can went to buy some lego piece Kiraz wanted and Serkan asked me to stay with his daughter." Pyril insisted on the last two words.
"Well, I am here now. You can leave." Eda pressed.
"I am waiting for Can." Pyril challenged.
Eda removed her coat, holding Kiraz's hand. "Annecim." She greeted, kissing Kiraz's forehead.
"Anne, Baba brought me şorba, he said he brought it from your favorite restaurant, I loved it." Kiraz said excitedly. "Can we go there when I am not sick ?" She asked.
Eda's heart swelled, Serkan needed to stop doing things that touched her heart like that. "Olur, we'll go." Eda promised, stroking Kiraz's hair.
Pyril rolled her eyes, Serkan was such a foolish man in love.
"So you only come this late to visit her ? What do you do of your days, I heard you got fired from that cleaner job you did." Pyril asked, taunt in her tone.
"It's none of your business." Eda said, tensing.
"When I am one of the major stockholder of Art Life, and that Serkan is using that money on expensive treatements while you laze around, yes it is." Pyril argued.
Eda looked at her, anger boiling in her but she didn't want to, not infront of Kiraz.
"She's his daughter as you said. He is paying for his child's treatement." Eda said back, calmly.
"God knows if she even is, it's kind of baffling to me, that despite his treatement, he was able to not only have intercourse but procreate too." Pyril chuckled.
Eda looked down at Kiraz, hoping she didn't understand. "Pyril! Kiraz is Serkan's daughter. They tested their compatibility for the transplant, their DNA matches." She pressed, hating to have to justify herself, but she worried seeing the lost look in Kiraz's eyes, she didn't want her to think her mother was lying again.
"Serkan is my Baba ?" Kiraz asked, doub on her face and Eda's heart sank.
"Ofcourse he is bebe, he saved your life, remember ?" Eda reassured.
"You hid an entire child from Serkan for over half a decade Eda, and you brought her up like she was the floor's dirt. You haven't even properly enrolled her into school, Can has private tuition." Pyril compared.
"She was sick Pyril! She got sicn in the years she should have started school, her wellbeing was my priority." Eda snapped.
"Priority ? So you're that pathetic that you couldn't pay for both her treatement and school ?" She challenged.
"Serkan would never let his child be raised like that, god, he should claim full custody. A florist like you never deserved him, he can find any dignified woman to be his wife and accept Kiraz." Pyril pointed.
"Kiraz is my baby, regardless of what's between Serkan and I." Eda fought back, anger lacing her voice.
"Don’t you dare seduce him like you did, I know your tactics Eda, you seduced your way into his life just so you can have access to Art Life share and his wealthy lifestyle, and when you were bored, you left him." Pyril taunted and Eda looked at Kiraz, she didn't want her to hear all this.
"I didn’t leave him!" She raised her voice, laced with tears.
"You left Istanbul. With his child that too, that you hid. Tell me, was it because of another man ? Deniz ?" Pyril pressed.
"What the hell are you saying Pyril, infront of my child." Eda snapped.
"Who's Deniz, Anne ?" Kiraz asked.
Eda breathed, swallowing. "Nobody kizim." She shook her head.
"Your mother's once husband, Kiraz. She never married your Baba, but married another man." Pyril said softly to Kiraz and Eda realised, she was trying to manipulate Kiraz against her.
"Kiraz, bak, it's more complicated than that." Eda tried. "It's always complicated with you Anne." Kiraz withdrew from her.
Eda's heart tore, she looked at Pyril. "I'll leave you to it. Can must be on the way." Pyril picked her bag and walked off, she had seen Serkan suffer too much for this lying woman.
"Annecim, Baba and I were about to get married, we wanted it. Ama, something happened and we couldn't. But we loved each other." Eda held Kiraz's hand and explained, Kiraz looked at her, she could see love and affection from Baba's side towards Anne, but Anne was always cold and she didn't at all give the same vibes.
"Then why did you leave Anne ?" Kiraz asked.
Eda shut her eyes, she didn't want Kiraz to think any bad of Serkan, not when she had just met him. She couldn't tell her he didn't want babies, that would break Kiraz's heart.
"I didn’t leave. Baba and I talked, we just weren't working anymore." Eda tried to explain.
"Then why did you lie about me ? I don’t understand Anne, you're lying just like you were lying to me before." Tears trickled down Eda's eyes.
"Bebeğim I never lied to hurt you." Eda reached for her chin but Kiraz was still.
"Why did you marry another man ?" Kiraz asked.
"I - Kiraz that was a mistake, it wasn't real. It only lasted one day and I was with your Baba the entire time, we spoke about our future children." Eda sniffed, recalling it, what had happened to them ?
Serkan wanted children, even that day. Why had he pushed her away ? Why say he didn't want children when he embraced Kiraz to his heart the minute he learnt about her.
"I don’t know Anne. I think I want Baba." Kiraz said and Eda's face constricted.
"You want Baba ?" She asked.
"Tonight, I want him to stay tonight." Kiraz let out and Eda removed her hands from her, trying to control the tears.
"Tamam. I uh, I made you some halva, here." Eda put the box on the table. "And that’s your clothes, I washed and ironed them all." She put a bag on a chair.
"Iyi gecelar, know that I love you." She bent to kiss the top of Kiraz's head.
Kiraz watched Anne leave, sniffing and wiping her tears, her heart squeezed. She never wanted to hurt Anne. She instantly felt regret the minute Anne left her room. She wished Anne would be just honest and open, with her, with Baba.
Eda bumped into Serkan in the corridor. "Eda ?" She looked distraught.
"I didn’t leave Kiraz alone, I left her with Pyril, she just left with Can." Serkan justified, he hoped she wasn't upset or didn't think he was neglecting Kiraz or leaving her alone.
"Biliyorum. I uh, I have something that came up tonight Serkan, would you stay with Kiraz ?" She asked, hiding the fact that her daughter didn't want her, it was too humiliating and hurtful to admit.
"Tabiki, iyi misin ?" Serkan asked, watching her carefully, something was off with her.
"Iyim. It's colder in the night, please double her blankets." Eda instructed, avoiding eyelock.
"Tamam, what came up, is anything wrong ?" Serkan asked.
"Hayir, it's personal but not too important, I'll go." She left.
"Iyi gecelar Eda." He said looking after her.
-
Serkan walked inside Kiraz's room to find her crying. His heart sank.
"Kiraz ? Noldu ? Are you in pain, what hurts kizim ?" Serkan asked in alarm.
"No, nothing hurts. Anne made me halva, it's so good, it's my favourite." Kiraz cried, a spoon and the box of food infront of her.
"Tamam, then why are you crying ?" He wiped her tears.
"I think I hurt Anne." Kiraz sniffed.
"No, she said she had something to do, I'll stay with you Babacim, don't worry." Serkan rubbed her shoulder.
Kiraz's face fell. "She lied again. I told her to go, and I think that hurt her a lot." Kiraz cried.
Serkan looked at her and sat, Eda's own upset demeanor made sense. "Neden ? What happened ?" He whispered, kissing her hand.
"I think, I've been angry at Anne, for hiding about you." Kiraz let out.
Serkan sighed. "Tamam, you have a right to, I was angry too for while." He sympathised.
"And now you're not ?" Kiraz asked.
"Hayir. I know and understand why she did it." Serkan let out truthfully.
"Neden ?" Kiraz asked.
"Because she loved you so much, so very much Kiraz. She valued you, your life, your happiness and wellbeing more than our relationship, and I can't be mad at her for that. She's a mother, she did what she thought was right to protect her baby." Kiraz looked at him.
"She did ?" She asked.
"Ofcourse she did. She loves you so much, ask her to cut her heart out and she'll serve it on a plate for one smile on her kizim's face, don't cry." Serkan stroked her wet cheeks.
"Did she loves you Baba ?" Kiraz asked and Serkan's eyes welled up.
"Çok. So much. I didn’t deserve how much she loved me. She never gave up on our love. I failed her a lot, your Anne, she never complained, never let it shadow her love. Not untill it was about you." Serkan honestly poured, voice breaking.
"I thought she lied because she was hiding things." Kiraz sighed, upset with herself.
"Tsk, why would she ? Just know one think about your Anne, Kiraz. When she loves someone, it's unconditional." Serkan promised.
"Why doesn't she love you anymore then ?" Kiraz asked.
"Because I hurt her a lot." A tear dropped on Serkan's cheek. "I need to applogise and make it up to her, and I am not sure we can reach there." He said honestly.
"I just hurt her too." Kiraz's eyes filled with sadness.
"I am sure she won't be upset at you, here, finish her halva while it's warm. We'll let her sleep and rest, and call her tomorrow, tamam ?"
"Tamam, will you let her know I am sorry, I didn't want to reject her, I love her so so much." Serkan looked at her upset face and kissed the top of her head.
"She knows, she knows you love her. Hadi, eat." He encouraged, stroking her hair, a copy of her mother's.
"It's good, you eat too Baba." Kiraz habded him a spoon
....
Eda sniffed, wiping her tears and getting of her old red car. She walked inside the house, and left her keys on the counter, trying not to let the hurt swallow her heart.
She was a terrible mother. She knew it inside. That's why Pyril's accusations hurt so bad. She had hidden her daughter from her father, given her a life of misery and sickness, ofcourse Kiraz would pick Serkan over her. What did she have to give her apart from lies and financial issues ?
She sighed, opening the kitchen drawer and getting out a knife.
Eda bent and cut the pack of milk's anti-theft string, pouring some to boil. She hadn't got it in herself to cook, she'd drink a mug of milk and just sleep, or cry all night.
She heard someone clearing their throat and startled, turning, knife still in hand.
"Hala ?" She exhaled.
"What did you think ? That you got rid of me to rot in jail forever. It's still my house, I'd never think you could ever do this to me, you ungrateful brat." Ayfer spewed.
Eda swallowed. "You hurt Kiraz." she let out firmly.
"I pushed her and she fell, so what ? Domestic fights and a slap to children here and there happen in all houses, do you think it was that good of an excuse for you to let me rot in jail for weeks ?" Ayfer pointed a finger at her.
"I am not anwsering that." Eda shut down, like she did too usually these days, cold demeanor shielding her emotions.
"Where is that little trouble maker ?" Ayfer asked.
"At the Hospital, she was treated. She will live." Eda said with relief, looking at Ayfer, could she not even be happy such a small child was off sickness.
"Good. That sickness of her was squeezing your looks and expenses both. You left her alone." Ayfer asked, picking cups and making tea for herself.
"Serkan's with her. She knows about him." Eda let out, emotions sinking at that.
Ayfer dropped her cup with a bang on the counter. "You're letting him be her father ? Eda, you foolish woman, he will steal her from you!" She rose her voice.
Eda calmly poured the hot milk in a mug. "So what ? Would it be so bad ? She's happier with him Hala." She sadly stated.
"And that’s what you wanted too, didn't you ? For him to keep her, raise her, bear her expenses while I work to be your support ? I'll find a job soon, I'll fulfill my responsabilities, I always have." Eda took her mug and walked upstairs, she could rescent Serkan all she wanted, he could be the one wrong too, but Kiraz didn't see it this way.
Kiraz blamed her. This wasn't a world of justice, was it ? Eda would bear it, her girl hating her and away from her, but alive and healthy, it was already everything to her.
....
Do not kill me for the lack of EdSer scenes and developpement, they will come with time. This was a Kiraz focussed chapter.
I am glad most of you read Mountain Lodge and appreciated it, don't hesitate to leave and discuss more EdSer OS ideas with me :)