Word count: 3086
Kyle's POV:
My alarm went off, and I sat up nervously. Today's the first day of school... Most of the time, I'm super excited for the first day of school, but this year, I'm scared.
Last school year after winter break Bebe and I started dating, she had liked me for a while and I started to like her too. At first it was a fairytale, we were the most popular couple at school and she was always sweet and caring but it quickly went sour.
About a month after we started dating, she started going to all these wild parties and would show up to my house wasted, which by itself was bad enough, but then she would.. slap me, I wanted to break up with her, but she threatened me.. She said if I did, she would tell everyone about the fact that I'm bisexual..
I know there's gonna be a first week of school party this weekend, and I know she's gonna come back to my place and show up wasted. This time, however, I plan on going to that party myself that way she can't slap me! She would never do it in front of everyone! Urethra!
I threw up my long glimmery and sparkly red curls into a messy bun and put on my orange jacket, I looked at myself in the mirror and straightened myself out. Bebe isn't the only reason I'm nervous today, perchance. I have a crush on cartman...
I tried EVERYTHING to get rid of my feelings for the jumbo sized, big boned, godzilla looking, ground shaking, giant, stubby, fat boy, but nothing has worked! I don't know what's left to do, and I CAN'T tell anyone because no one knows I'm bisexual except for Bebe and she's a total bitch and I'm technically dating her ig.
Even if people did know I'm bi, it's WAYYY too embarrassing for people to know I'm in love with the boy who used to dress up as a possum!
I walked to the bus stop and saw my best friend (and ex crush) Stan! I walked up to him and smiled, "Hey dude," I exclaimed he gave me a crooked smile and returned the greeting, his breath reeked of beer.
I was disappointed that he started drinking again, but before I could lecture him, the ground started rumbling. I knew it could only mean one thing, Cartman's approaching.
"Sup Stan, hey jew." He greeted us, and almost IMMEDIATELY I blushed HARD. "H-hey!" I stuttered, ughh!!
Why do I have to like CARTMAN!! I turned away from him and readjusted my hat to hide my burning face.
"Ha! Your face is all red! Can't even handle the cold after a long summer of swimming, huh?" Cartman said, and I went with it. That's way better than admitting I'm in love with him and have a shrine of him in my closet. "Yeah, totally..." I whispered.
Soon after Kenny arrived, we all talked about our summers. Even though Stan and I spent half of our summer together, we still caught up on anything new.
The bus FINALLY arrived, Stan and I sat next to each other while cartman sat next to Kenny.
Every few seconds, though, I'd take a look at cartman and his fat ass. He never misses leg day 😍. Stan noticed this and said something, "Dude, you need to stop glaring at cartman. Last year's fight was already bad enough." I had almost forgotten about last year..
I was snapped out of my thoughts by the bus stopping in front of our school. I took a deep breath and stood up. It's time to be brave.
Bebe was waiting right outside my bus, obsessed much 🙄😬. I stepped out, and she jumped into my arms, hugging and kissing me. "KYY, I MISSED YOU, BABY!" She exclaimed, I told her I don't like it when she calls me that...
She dragged me into the school by the arm, and I felt trapped, I couldn't even walk into the school without her smothering me..
She went on yapping about her summer
and how much she missed me, and then we went to our separate classes.
I scanned the room of my first period for anybody I knew. No fucking way. There was Eric Cartman next to butters. I watched them as they played around and laughed and start to have jealousy.
"Fatass? You're in this class" I exclaimed, trying to hide my EXTREME excitement. "Yeah, good thing you're here. Butters is too fucking stupid to cheat off of" Cartman laughed and Butters did too, "Yeah!" He exclaimed not really knowing what he agreed to.
I smiled brightly, knowing that meant he thinks I'm smart but I quickly remembered where I was and said, "Shut up fatass I'm not going to let you cheat" I rolled my eyes and he stuck his tongue out at me.
Class started, and I sat down next to him. Throughout the class, Butters and cartman were ALWAYS talking, Jesus FREAKING christ Butters, go be a homo with your own poor parka man.. I stared at them, envious of the attention cartman was giving Butters until they caught me.
"Jew what are you staring at" Cartman smirked, ugh motherfucker! "You two are being too loud, I can't concentrate!" I screamed, cartman just rolled his eyes and went back to Butters.
After class, I started walking to my 2nd period when I felt someone heavy lean on me. "Jew, do you wanna come over on Friday and study with Butters and I?" Cartman asked, I was disappointed that Butters would be there too. If he had invited just me, I would've said yes, but I'm not going to third wheel with those 2 rainbow chasers... Plus, I have plans this Friday, I'm gonna go to that party.
After a week of watching Butters and Cartman in AGONY as they talked in class, Today was finally Friday and I was getting ready for the party, perchance.
I got a text from Bebe sending me a picture of her outfit, it was really fucking ugly. I texted back the heart eyes and finished getting ready.
I arrived at the party with Kenny and Stan and Kenny immediately separated to go mingle, Stan stayed close to me. Stan wanted to go get alcohol but I told him not to. He's already an alcoholic in high school.
He ran off without me, probably to get drunk, and I just sighed and played on my phone in the corner.
To my surprise, I saw Cartman? I thought he was going to study with Butters. I walked up to him and questioned him, "I thought you were studying with Butters?" He just shrugged, "He couldn't come. " I slightly smiled, I wasn't too fond of the idea of him and Butters alone. "So what are you doing here?" I asked, and he again shrugged, "Had nothing to do." I was about to say something else, but I felt someone drag me away.
We stopped in a dark hallway, and I saw Bebe's drunk face. "Bebe! What are you doing?" I asked, and she tried to kiss me, but I rejected it. "Kyle, I'm your girlfriend!" She said, but I don't even like to kiss her CHAPPED lips.
"Bebe, please stop. I'm not comfortable!" I said, but she threw herself onto me, I felt tears welling up in my eyes until I felt her fall off me. I looked up and saw the one and only Eric Cartman. (He punched her and the blubber on his fat fucking obese fingers suffocated her)
"Ha! That's what you fucking get Bebe!" He laughed and I looked up at him, "C-cartman" I stuttered (fucking weak) "Oh hey jew, looked like she was bothering you so I uh..took care of her for you" He said scratching the back of his neck. I ran up to him and hugged him then whispered in his FAT FUCKING ear, "Thank you"
I ran out of the party and drove myself home, I couldn't stay there anymore after what happened. I spent the whole night thinking of how cartman heroically saved me until I heard something on my window.
I opened the window and saw Stan throwing pebbles up, "Stan?" I yelled down at him, and he gave me a toothy smile. "I didn't see you leave the party." He yelled up, and I could tell he was drunk..
I sighed. "What do you want stan...?" I really am not in the mood for this, but he won't leave me alone now.
He whipped out a fucking ladder and climbed up to my room!!!???
The emo(I FUCKING hate emos grrrrr!!!) fucker drunkenly smiled at me and said "what do i want~? I uh... Jaja! Te deseo~"
I side eyed stan HARD. "Stan...no podemos, tengo novia, tienes novia!"
The little alcholic looked at me all puzzled (dumb bitch) "What? I don't understand spanish"
I then looked at his greasy ass even more confused. Does this bitch just speak Spanish when hes drunk?!!
"But you- ugh whatever! Stan it wouldn't work, you're dating Wendy and I'm dating Bebe--"
"Fuck Wendy! Fuck Bebe!" Stan interrupted like the asswipe he is."I want you my hot piece of ass!"
What the FREAK???
"Stan you're drunk! You don't want this." I said.
"Yes, I do!! You're all I think about when im sober now quit being such a feeble kitten jew and kiss me *hic* Kya~!"
I stumbled back and felt myself get hot in the face, "I know you like me Kyle, you think I haven't noticed all the times you stared at me?"
Stan then leaned in and planted a soft kiss upon my lips. Then he climbed back down from my house.
I stood there in shock, what the FREAK is going on, Urethra!!!
~ Monday Morning ~
I dreaded going to the bus stop and seeing Stan but I knew my mom would never let me stay home.
I started my walk to the bus stop, and Stan started waving at me. Ugh fucking rainbow chaser.
I stood next to the others and Stan tried to fucking hold my hand. I smacked him away, and he winked at me, UGH!!!!!
The bus arrived and I got on and HOPED that the fucking emo drunk wouldn't sit next to me. Before he could, Cartman sat next to me.
"Fatass I want to sit next to Kyle!" Stan yelled ay Cartman but Cartman just rolled his (fat) eyes and ignored him. "Thank you" I whispered under my breath, he slightly nodded.
After I got off the bus Stan scrambled (fucking desperate) to be able to talk to me. "Hola mi amor," Stan said, and I just glared at him, not THIS again!
"Gyatt damn it stan you're STILL drunk?! And STOP THE SPANISH KYA!" I whisper yelled, and he smirked, "Estoy borracho de lujuria," He said, I stared at him, there is no freaking way he JUST said that gay shit.
Then before I could even say another word to this freak twink, Cartman BITCH SLAPPED HIM WITH HIS FAT BLUBBERY HAND!! Stan fell to the ground faster than the towers and I WHIPPED my head to look at Cartman.
"Stay away from my kitten you drunken emo fucker!" The ground shook from the volume of his voice (and not his weight this time)
I stood there and shock and said "Oh my gyatt Cartman stop! This isn't you >~<!"
Cartman dusted his fat fuck self up and smirked, "Heh don't worry my kitten Kahl, I'll stop this problem once and for all! Urethra!"
he then carressed my chin and walked away. Does Cartman like me?? (Yes, its obvious as fuck you dumb fucking ginger)
Stan then gyatt up and said "H-hold on blubber boy! I'm not done for yet! So bring it on!"
"Stan, Cartman stop! This isnt you!" I screamed
Cartman smirked again,"Don't worry this will be a piece of cake"
"Pieces of cake is all you eat fat ass!! " Stan called out and started to square up.
But before any action happened the bell rang! Phew!!
Cartman and Stan started walking to class then stopped and said "tch, This isn't over, I will protect my little jewberry muffin" Cartman scowled
"Te veré luego gordito.." Stan then said like the drunk asshole he is and stumbled into the building.
Cartman then stopped and looked at me all confused, "The fuck did he just say" Cartman wondered and I laughed a jolly laugh,
"Oh nothing mi gordito~"
I couldn't even get to class before being YANKED into the janitor's closet, "Stan and Cartman are fighting over you???!! I'm your girlfriend, don't forget I'll tell everyone you're bisexual.." Bebe (the bitch) lectured me
Oh gee golly gosh! I really am in a pickle now!
We then came out of the closet and I went back to class now unable to focus because of Bebe's bitchy antics.... Kya what can I do!!?
After school was over I had dreaded what was to come after all it seems Emo and Fatass are still set on whooping some ass to have my ass. And also the blackmailing from Bebe >~>
As I walked out of class all nervous I tripped like the little clumsy baka I am kya!
I started picking up my shit and then a hand reached out.
"Here ya go nerd" Kenny said teasing me like the baka I am >~<
"Thanks Ken I can be such a baka sometimes!"
Kenny chuckled and said "Yeah yeah, so are you going to watch the fight between Cartman and Stan? Cos me and butters are gonna see"
Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot that Kenny and Butters have been together for a few months now, (Easy to forget when he was flirting with MY MAN few weeks ago) I wonder if they're gonna make out during the fight like the homos they are....
I decided that since it is a fight over me, I should probably see... Oh gee golly gosh, I'm so nervous!
"I suppose I shallst commence in the watching of the fight" I told Kenny and he laughed, "I'll see you there then" He walked away to meet Butters in the hallway and they started kissing. Fucking gays.
As I sat in my last class of the day, I stared at my phone waiting for it to end, I could tell everyone around me was too. Damn I guess everyone is going to this fight!!!
The bell rang, and students RAN out of school, and I watched as they crowded around the drunk spanish speaking depressed alcoholic and the wide fatty mcfatboy.
"You're going down cerdo gordito!!" Stan yelled at cartman while he took off his gloves, revealing his emo black nails. "I don't know what that means, but I'm big boned!!"
Cartman then started squaring up with his blubbery fists, and Stan did as well. Then, just as they were about to fight, Bebe walked up to me in her CUNTY heels!
"Oh shit! What is she doing here! " I think to myself. Then I remembered what Bebe had told me earlier... Oh shit! Don't tell me she's gonna reveal my sexuality!
"Everyone! As you all know, Kyle Broflovski is my boyfriend. However, he has a terrible secret!! Hes a---"
"Shut up bitchy Bebe were in a middle of a fight! " The fat fuck interrupted.
Thank GYATT!! My MORBIDLY obese angel!
"No! I will be silent no longer! Kyle M Broflovski is bisexual!" Bebe announced to the whole school, everyone stopped looking at the fight and instead at me.
Kenny winked at me, Craig and tweek were making out, Clyde was fucking crying, Wendy was looking at me with DISGUST.
If there rlly is a gyatt out there, please strike me down Kya!!
"Ok cool Bebe we all know now get out I'm trying to be bad ass!" The emo drunk interrupted.
"Oh yea that's right we came here to see some ass kicking!" Craig called out and then went back to making out with Twerk like the fucking homosexual he is.
Stan and Cartman once again squared up, and before either of them could throw a punch Stan grasped his chest and started gasping. What the FREAK?
After what felt like a flash before my green orbs, Stan's lifeless emo drunk body fell to the ground.
"Oh my gyatt! Cartman killed Stan!!" Kenny exclaimed. For some reason, he seemed really excited.
"You... Bastard...?" I replied purely with instinct, I don't even know what instinct!
Cartman stood there in shock as everyone stared at him. Wendy screamed, "YOU KILLED MY BABY BOO BABE!!"
Suddenly all eyes were on the fat fuck and Cartman sprinted as fast as his weight could allow him. (which isn't very fast, you've seen him)
After he ran away, Wendy got up and started to do a eulogy, I didn't hear all of it though because I quickly ran to catch up with Cartman and because I didn't give a shit, but catching up with fat tits was pretty easy because his jiggly ass weighs him down.
I tackled the hippo, and he blushed HARD.
"Kahl! Get away! I'm a monster! I killed Stan! Which heh was pretty kewl he was like WA! And I was like NYA! and he was all like-" Cartman yapped, but I cut him off with a DEEP kiss.
"W-woah jew, didn't know your chapped lips could make me feel better." He laughed, but I could tell he liked it. He then sighed, "What am I gonna do, Kyattl?"
I looked him up and down (took a while) and tried to wrap my arms around his wide frame, "We'll figure it out together." I rubbed his arm, "W..what? Kyal I might have to run away.. Are you saying you'd go with me?"
I paused. R-run away? I've never thought about that option.... Could I really do that for the love of my life?? Is it worth it..?
Then that's when I remember everything that went down before this moment. If I returned to school the next day, I'd be totally shunned anyway!! (Rightfully so leprechaun wannabe)
I smirked at the double whopper obese boy. "Yes, I am. I literally have nothing to lose now anyway... I'd like to start anew with you..."
He looked at me with admiration and lifted me up into the air. "I love you, my Feeble kitten Kyle," He whispered in my ear, "I love you master fatas- I mean Cartman," I replied, smiling.