A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf for helping with a few things. Just about all art belongs to ArtBichon on Twitter.
Scene opens on the interior of the Hazbin Hotel, with a halloween party put-together by Bee and Charlie in full-swing.
You are shown as Judge Dredd with Loona standing next to you in a Police costume, acting as your "police dog".
Husk walks past you, dressed as Dr. Facilier.
Y/N: (joking) Gonna introduce us to your "friends on the other side", doc?
Husk: Oh, hardy har. Just be glad I didn't dress as one of Keith David's other roles. One that's more...weird and campy.
You walk past the snack table and see Vortex dressed as a Surgeon while Bee is wearing an edible cotton candy costume
Y/N: Hey, great costumes guys!
Vortex: Thanks, man. Really digging your Judge Dredd look.
Bee: (devouring a bowl of candy) Yeah, you look pretty hot.
Y/N and Vortex: Notice the empty candy bowl
Bee: (mouth full) Yeah, yeah. I'll take care of it.
With a simple wave of her hand, the candy bowl is instantly refilled.
Y/N: Well, that's a neat trick.
You see Charlie and Vaggie dressed as a Vampire and Cleopatra
Vaggie: What do you think, Papi?
Y/N: You look great, Mamacita.
The two of you share a gentle yet passionate kiss while Charlie hugs you from behind and gently bites your neck.
Charlie: How about you become one of my thralls?
Y/N: Like you even had to ask.
The two of you kiss before you walk past Verosika dressed as Medusa.
Y/N: (teasing) You're not gonna turn me into Stone, are you?
Verosika: (seductive) Well, there's one part of you I always manage to make rock hard.
You become flustered as she trails her hands down your chest before kissing you.
Cut to you taking a break on the couch with the Succubi curled up next to you dressed as sexy witches talking to Moxxie and Millie who are dressed as a Butler and Maid.
The lights suddenly start flicking slightly.
Charlie: Nothing to worry about. I'll have an electrician come by in the morning.
The TV begins to flicker slightly before cutting completely to static.
Husk: Aw, come on. (bangs on it)
Alastor: HA! I've always said those new-fangled picture shows can't ever compare to the radio. I win again, Vox!
Y/N: Dude, Vox isn't even here.
A haunting voice begins coming from the speakers of the TV.
???: Inhabitants of this party. Vacate these premises now, or be forever cursed! Whoever stays until sunrise will never be seen again! (evil cackle)
The Succubi all cling on to you, partially out of fear, partially as an excuse to get closer.
Vaggie: Angel, quit fucking around!
Angel: Bitch, do you see me holding a microphone or near any fucking speakers?
The two of them look around the lobby, looking slightly scared.
Loona: (pointing at the wall) Uh, guys...
You all look and see a black, thick substance running down the walls.
Verosika: (creeped out) Is that...blood?
Bee: (sniffing) I mean, it doesn't smell like blood, but I'm not taking any chances.
You all hear thudding above you and look up the stairs to see a figure
???: Head my warning! Leave now, or be forever doomed!
The lights intensity increase to the point you have to shield your eyes before dimming back down. When you look back, the ghost is gone.
Y/N: Well, I'm not just standing around being threatened by some "ghost".
Loona: What are you thinking, babe?
Y/N: You, me, Moxxie, Millie, and- where's Blitzo?
Loona: I haven't seen him for a while...
Millie: Do you think the G-g-ghost got him?
Y/N: Millie, there is no such thing as Ghosts. Plus; me, Vaggie, Angel, Husk, etc are all dead and we look nothing like that. This is probably just some moron's idea of a prank.
Moxxie: I mean, e-e-even if there's a possibility-
Y/N: Enough. Me and Loona will check upstairs, you and Millie check downstairs. The rest of you, stay in the lobby.
Alastor conjures three walkie talkies. You and Loona take one and Moxxie and Millie take another, and the last one stays with Charlie and the party guests so they can hear what's going on.
Cut to you and Loona.
Loona: Babe, what makes you so sure it isn't really a ghost?
Y/N: Because in all the years I was a cop, I put away plenty of criminals who played off of monsters, myths, and urban legends as a way to scare people away from investigating them. The city I worked in had an entire museum wing dedicated to them.
You hear a loud thud down the hall and Loona jumps into your arms. You pet her to calm her down before putting her back on her feet.
Y/N: Alright, come on out, whoever you are. Joke's over. You've had your fun.
You follow a pair of shoe prints into an open room. The "ghost" appears to have it's back turned to you.
Loona: Hey, asshole! You think you can just fuck with our Halloween party and get away with it?
She charges.
Y/N: Loona, wait!
She tackles the figure to the ground, revealing it to be a coat rack with a ghost costume draped over it.
You kneel down next to her and examine the costume's logo; "Mammon's costume shop".
Cut to Moxxie and Millie walking through the downstairs hallways.
Millie: Mox, do you think Y/N's right about this not really being a ghost?
Moxxie: He was a decorated detective, Millie. He knows what he's doing, and he wouldn't have had us split up to cover more ground unless he thought there was more evidence we could find.
Millie: (sighs) You're right, you're right.
Their radio crackles.
Y/N: (over radio) Moxxie, Millie, come in.
Moxxie: Go ahead, Y/N.
Y/N: We found a similar ghost costume from one of Mammon's costume shops. The "ghost" is just some asshole screwing with us.
Moxxie: Oh, well. That's a relie-
Due to not paying attention, his hoof ends up snagging on a tripwire. He looks up just in time for a bucket to come down and pour slime all over him and Millie.
Millie: Oh, fuck me!
Y/N: (over radio) What happened?
Moxxie: Our ghost prankster slimed us...
Loona: (over radio) Well, that's a ghostbuster moment. (laughs)
Millie: (wiping slime off) Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.
???: If she won't, I will!
The two of you look down the hallway and see the "ghost" giving them a taunting wave before running up a staircase.
Moxxie: Guys, he's heading your way!
Cut to You and Loona before the "ghost" suddenly appears and leaps over you in a rather acrobatic way, followed closely by Moxxie and Millie before you all chase after them.
Y/N: (into radio) Hey, Angel. Do you have any lube on you?
Angel: Always.
Y/N: Put some on the top of the stairs above the lobby.
Angel: Why?
Y/N: Just do it! Then someone set up some rope at the bottom of the stairs. Trust me on this.
Cut to the lobby. The "ghost" appears at the staircase above before slipping and painfully crashing down the stairs, followed by them landing in a spool of rope set on the floor and attached to a rafter, lifting them off their feet and leaving them hanging upside down.
You, Loona, and M&M slide down the bannisters as everyone applauds.
Y/N: Now as for our "ghost"'s identity-
Everyone else: Crimson/Stella/Jordan! Huh?!
Y/N: It's not any of them. It's too short to be Crimson, Stella wouldn't "degrade" herself by wearing a costume like this, and Jordan hates Halloween. One year one patrol, he got jump scared by a kid in a Ghostface mask and sharted.
You walk over to the walls.
Y/N: Not to mention. (runs finger on wall and sucks it) They would've used real blood here instead of Blackberry jam.
Verosika: So, if it's none of those scumbags, who's been messing with us?
Y/N: Well, that can be answered with one simple question; has anyone noticed a certain someone that's not here right now?
You pull the ghost's mask off, revealing-
Everyone else: Old man Blitz-O?!
Blitzo: The "O" is silent, assholes! And yeah, I've been the one fucking with everyone. I just thought it would be funny.
Husk: What about the lights?
You reach into Blitzo's costume and pull out a remote. Three buttons are labeled "lights", "TV", and "fake blood".
Y/N: And the mystery of the Haunted Hotel comes to a close.
Blitzo: Ok. Great. Can someone let me down now?!
Everyone else grumbles and walks away.
Blitzo: Guys? Y/N? M&M? Loona? Loonie...?
Vortex: Heh, he kinda looks like Piñata.
Bee: (smirking) Do you think if we hit him hard enough, candy will come out?
Verosika holds up a bat with a slightly manic expression.
Verosika: Only one way to find out!
Blitzo: No, wait!!!
Smash to black.
End of chapter.