Now
Time only moves forward.
And as the sunlight in Damyang slowly makes its way through the cracks of their curtains and into the room, Chaewon finds herself staring at the sight in front of her — pale skin marked with faint and scattered constellations of freckles that she knows runs across the tip of her wife's shoulder and her back, and messy white sheets covering the rest of her.
Her wife.
She feels herself smile, Yunjin looks so at peace that Chaewon doesn't mind that she's hogging the purple duvet all the way to her side of the mattress. Despite the cold tingle she feels on her skin, Chaewon feels warm all over. She reaches out gently — fingers lightly weaving their way through raven colored locks, careful not to jostle the bed too much and wake her up. She does not dare move an inch closer, like she's a mere mortal admiring the goddess she worships.
It's become her morning routine in the past years and Chaewon thinks of how lucky she is to have been able to do this, to wake up next to the love of her life every single day since she came back home, to live the life she's longed to have during those lonely nights she's spent hiding herself away from everyone, from the pain and all the hurt, all the fear.
They've come so far, she thinks to herself as she runs her thumb softly across the space under Yunjin's eye.
The creases remind Chaewon that they've gotten older.
She thinks of how much time has passed and yet they're still together, choosing to keep their promise of staying day after day. The warmth runs from her cheeks to the tip of her toes.
Some days she still catches herself in disbelief that all of this is real, that she's dreaming. But when she sees Yunjin sleeping next to her peacefully, when she hears their dogs soft barking outside their room, when she hears Yunjin's soft snores, she accepts it wholly. She lets herself bask in the constant realization that everything surrounding her is real, as real as the oceans that cover the Earth, as real as the beats of her heart.
It's a useless fight, she thinks, the universe has already made its verdict years ago when they bumped into each other and their world came crashing together the way they were always meant to.
Sometimes the universe deals people with such a bad hand, sometimes the universe leads people down a path where they hurt, where they doubt but it's her and Yunjin — the natural order of things.
The universe wins this one, and if meant spending most of her nights curled up against Yunjin's chest as they talk, or read, or sleep, Chaewon surrenders fully.
She watches in awe as chestnut eyes blink open in the sunlit room.
Her heart sings against her ribcage when Yunjin's lips form a lazy smile, eyes still half-lidded with sleep.
"Watching me sleep again, huh?" Yunjin says, her voice raspy and rough but Chaewon still catches the hint of teasing in her tone.
She lets out a giggle, "I reject that accusation."
"You can't do that." Yunjin counters, much more awake now. "I have proof. Tons of them."
"Oh no." Chaewon replies, eyes widening in fake terror. "Is there anything I can do to stop you from exposing me?"
Yunjin hums as if she's in deep thought.
"Maybe," she murmurs.
"What could that be?" Chaewon asks. She knows what's coming next but she asks anyway because it makes her feel giddy.
Yunjin's lips quirk up.
"Are you flirting with me? Gross."
Chaewon makes a face.
"Wow."
"Shouldn't there be an age restriction for flirting?"
Chaewon pouts, still so adorable after all these years, and it still has the same effect on Yunjin's weak, weak heart.
"We're not that old, you asshole."
The room is then filled with the sounds of Yunjin's laughter as she pulls Chaewon closer. Her grin melts into something softer, something fonder.
"Kiss me."
She finds herself mimicking Yunjin's smile before leaning in and closing the gap that shouldn't have even existed between them in the first place.
Chaewon thinks she's been dealt with a good hand. She thinks that sometimes the universe does get it right and you really hit the jackpot.
—
Then
I'm coming home, Jen.
The words repeat themselves over and over in Yunjin's head the moment she received the message from Chaewon up until the moment she stands and waits for a familiar face to pop out among the sea of people flooding out of the arrival area at the airport.
She's coming home.
Yunjin doesn't even realize she's been fidgeting with her fingernails until Kazuha elbows her in the arm gently.
"Hey, it's going to be okay."
Sakura, who's leaning on Kazuha's side, gives her a reassuring smile.
Yunjin lets out a shaky breath, "I don't know why I'm so scared. I mean it's Chaewon, there shouldn't be any —"
The words, along with the bundle of nerves, die away from Yunjin's system when she sees a familiar head of ash brown hair in the midst of the crown. Her eyes trail down and finally sees her face.
She's still so beautiful. Yunjin briefly wonders if it's possible for the sun to shine even brighter, for flowers to bloom much more beautifully when they've healed.
Chaewon perks up when she meets her eyes, a smile slowly spreading across her slightly flushed face. Yunjin feels her heartbeat pick up its pace as she decides to abandon any form of self control just to run towards her. The girl meets her halfway and they both rush heart first into each other's arms.
They're so close — Chaewon swears she could hear her heart scream, I'm home.
She buries her face in the crook of Yunjin's neck as the latter wraps her arms around her tighter as if to tell her, you're here, you're home, I'm never letting you go.
The rest of the world disappears and it's just them and the unspoken promise of "I love you".
—
From the sidelines, Kazuha and Sakura watch the way Chaewon and Yunjin stay in their embrace.
Something about the sudden silence enveloping the entire expanse, how both of them zeroes in on the other and everything else irrelevant turns to gray, reminds Sakura and Kazuha of a scene from a movie.
And there's something about the tight grip Yunjin has on the fabric of Chaewon's shirt, and Chaewon's face being buried in Yunjin's neck that makes their hearts ache in the best possible way.
"What does it say about me if I tell you they're making me cry?"
Sakura laughs softly.
"It screams, 'you're a sap', Nakamura Kazuha."
"Well — I'm really about to cry."
"Me too." Sakura replies in a hushed voice. "They've been through so much. I'm really glad that they're finally together again."
Kazuha looks on, eyes still watery with the tears she's still trying not to shed.
"Mending broken things built on love is possible as long as you know how to, as long as you want to."
Sakura sneaks a glance at her. "When did you get so wise?"
"I guess you gain some wisdom when you fall in love and get your heart broken, Kkura."
Sakura doesn't say anything, instead, she fixes her gaze on the couple in front of them and thinks, maybe it's time.
—
STREAM LE SSERAFIM'S ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY @chaewonah · 1m
SAW CHAEWON AT THE AIRPORT!! HJSHSHSHSJAKL!!!
le ssera #1 fan @jennifersdrums · 1m
Replying to @chaewonah
YALL YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHO SHES W/!!!!!!!! DUHFSMLFMFJDSLFJC,LJA;F;DFKL DEAD IM DEAD IM TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT
kat @zuhaloml · 2m
Replying to @jennifersdrums
pls DON'T TELL ME IT'S JENNIFER
le ssera #1 fan @jennifersdrums · 2m
Replying to @zuhaloml
IT'S JENNIFER
kat @zuhaloml · 3m
Replying to @jennifersdrums
FUCK
KAZUHA BEST GIRL @kazunaka69 · 3m
Replying to @zuhaloml @jennifersdrums
OHMYGODJSADLSKFLDKLS SHE'S BACK??????!!! THEY'RE TOGETHER?>?!?!?!??! WHAT ARE THEY DOINGKDMCFO;KFLKG;
le ssera #1 fan @jennifersdrums · 3m
Replying to @kazunaka69
IDK!!! I LOOKED AWAY BC THEY WERE HAVING ✨A MOMENT✨AND IT FELT SO RUDE TO STARE AT THEM
—
They remain entwined, a scenario quite similar to the one from years before — unabashed yearning and the feeling of not wanting to let the other one go but letting go anyway because it was for their own good. They don't break away from each other until Kazuha and Sakura clear their throats and remind them that they're still there.
"Stop hogging Chaewon, Yunjin." Sakura whines, making Yunjin stick her tongue out in retaliation. Chaewon grins in response before letting go of Yunjin and wrapping Sakura and Kazuha in a hug.
"I missed you guys." Chaewon tells them earnestly. The relief and comfort of being surrounded by people she knows and loves floods her entire system and she thinks she might collapse any moment.
"I'm glad you're finally here, Chaewon." Kazuha says, a small grin on her face.
Chaewon flashes her a bright smile. She thinks of how different things were the last time she went home, how her heart felt so much heavier when she saw her friends again, when she saw that Yunjin wasn't there.
Now, she can feel Yunjin's hand slowly find hers.
It's all so different — the air feels lighter, Chaewon feels lighter.
"Me too, Zuha," she answers honestly.
In an attempt not to cry, Kazuha resorts to gently clapping her in the back.
"Please don't forget that Wonyoung and Yujin are hosting your homecoming dinner tonight. Those guys missed you too."
Chaewon nods. "I'll —" she throws Yunjin a glance and feels her cheeks heat up. "— we'll be there."
"8 PM, alright?" Sakura adds. "You have a few hours left to kill though, do you guys want to eat lunch with us? Where'd you guys plan on going?"
Yunjin rubs her thumb against the back of Chaewon's hand.
Their touch doesn't burn anymore.
"Home."
—
Home, Chaewon realizes, isn't the apartment that they had shared before.
Home is the new place Yunjin drives her to, another unit near the bakeshop they used to frequent, near the music shop they got engaged outside of.
"Our friends helped me pick this place out." Yunjin says when they both go inside. She hesitates but she lets go of Chaewon's hand in an attempt to show off the place. "Wonyoung told me to get something simple, and Garam seconded her suggestion by saying Nordic style apartments are great if you want something calmer for the eyes, you know, since we're getting old, haha —"
"You didn't have to, Yunjin." Chaewon says gently.
Yunjin didn't say anything for a moment, her eyes remained fixed on the painting she received from Garam as a housewarming gift after buying the place.
Chaewon waits.
"I know." Yunjin replies finally. "But I didn't want you to live in a place haunted by how much we hurt each other. It doesn't erase everything, and I don't want it to — I just want to build a home with better, happier memories with you."
It takes a few seconds for Chaewon to gather her bearings before she surges forward and closes the small distance between them.
Their first kiss after years of being apart isn't rough, it's tender and patient, and most of all — forgiving.
Chaewon lets herself melt in Yunjin's arms when the latter kisses back, like butter on toast during slow Sunday mornings. A dull ache fills her chest as they both begin to ease into it. Chaewon tries not to tear up at how it feels like home, at how it feels like it doesn't matter how jagged their edges have become over the years, they still fit.
Yunjin's hands settle on Chaewon's jaw as they kiss, unhurried.
When they finally pull back, Chaewon still chooses to rest her arms on Yunjin's shoulders. She sees a fondness in the way Yunjin looks at her and she's reminded of the way Yunjin used to look at her back when they were still broke twenty-somethings who didn't know how much love could break and build. The nostalgia melts into longing and Chaewon finds herself weak when Yunjin begins to cry.
"I missed you, Chaewon." Yunjin manages to say through the tears she's spilling, and despite that, her lips are lined into a lopsided grin.
She realizes her cheeks are wet with tears as well and she wonders if all this vulnerability is what age has brought to them.
But Chaewon mirrors the same smile, it's tender and the dull ache disappears.
"I missed you, too."
They're barely holding it together but everything feels just right.
—
Now
The rest of their mornings are spent on conversations over the smell of coffee and freshly made breakfast, the sounds from the TV, serving as background noise while Chaewon picks her breakfast apart.
It's spent on moments with Yunjin standing behind Chaewon and wrapping her arms around her shoulder before dropping a kiss on top of her head.
Chaewon, for the life of her, cannot stop the grin that splits her face as she rests her head against Yunjin's chest.
"I made waffles today," she tells her.
A song plays from the TV, the opening bass notes and the smooth voice crooning out reminds them of a time of their lives when they're broken, and when they're healing.
The only place I want to be is wherever you are because the only place broken hearts go to is home.
It fills them both with an almost overwhelming sense of nostalgia.
"You did?" Yunjin teases. "Today must be special."
Chaewon turns her head a little and plants a gentle kiss on Yunjin's arm, inhaling the faint scent of strawberries from Yunjin's nightshirt.
"It is."
She motions to the TV and Yunjin sees a very familiar face on the screen.
Yunjin smiles knowingly, pride filling every vein in her body.
"It's been two years, huh?"
Chaewon watches Sakura weave through an interview expertly, never losing her pleasant grin.
"Yeah. It has been."
—
Then
Le Sserafim continues to perform tour after tour, show after show, and they release album after album with renewed gusto after each break.
(Chaewon watches them perform, the swell of pride in her bones never leaving regardless of the fact that she's seen them perform one too many times already.)
Everything goes smoothly, topping charts and selling out tours and shows, until they realize they're nearing their eighth year and the end of their contracts — the members begin to feel like they've already done everything they wanted.
They've lived their dreams and now they want to rest.
The desire to permanently take a break as a band hangs low in the air, none of them dare to say it out loud because how dare they even think of ending something so beautiful? So they tiptoe around each other for quite a bit until one of them finds the courage to bring it up.
—
It's Kazuha who's brave enough to finally talk about it.
A few rounds of beer after the band's eighth anniversary celebration and she says to the wind, "I can't believe we've been doing this for eight years."
The members hum in agreement.
"More, if you count the time we started playing at Impurities during college." Yunjin replies.
"Do you..." Kazuha hesitates, peeling off the label of the beer bottle she has in her hand. But she knows it's futile to avoid the inevitable, so she presses on, "do you guys ever feel like you've done everything already and that there's nothing else left to do but close that chapter and move on?"
It's Eunchae who speaks up next.
"Yeah," she murmurs, hugging her knees, "we aren't getting any younger and I feel like we should probably be doing other things in our lives now."
Sakura looks at them dolefully, "Are you guys saying what I think you're saying?"
Kazuha and Eunchae share a look before nodding.
Yunjin doesn't even bother hiding the tears she's starting to shed, but she raises a beer can and says, "It's the end of an era."
—
They meet with Yujin first to tell her their decision, the label executives can go fuck themselves — Yujin will always come first to them.
"Are you guys sure about this?" Yujin asks, searching for any sign of hesitation in their eyes but she smiles when they nod and she finds none.
"I'm really proud of you," she tells them, tears welling in her eyes.
"We couldn't have done this without you, you know." Kazuha says. "Thank you for asking us to play with you back in uni, Yuj."
"Yujin best unnie." Eunchae adds, eyes shining with unshed tears as well.
"That's so cheesy."
"You love hearing it anyways."
Yujin grins and pulls them all in for a hug.
—
They finally meet with the company executives to discuss the disbandment, and they all agree to record one last album and perform one last show for the fans if the members get to take majority of the control during the entire process.
The label executives barely even contest their conditions, after their long history with the band and Yujin's tenacity along with the band member's renewed sense of control and confidence, they couldn't really find it in themselves to say no.
—
Hello, this is LE SSERAFIM.
Thank you for celebrating our 8th year together with us! It's still surreal that we were able to spend so much time with you guys as LE SSERAFIM, that we were able to reach so many people and touch lives through our music. We are forever thankful for the support and love you've given us all these years. Being in LE SSERAFIM and performing for you guys has always been our dream, and you showed us how happy and freeing it is to connect with you guys through the stage.
After eight years of getting to live that dream, the members feel like it's finally time to close this chapter of our lives. That is why it is with a heavy heart that we inform everyone that LE SSERAFIM will be disbanding. But we could not bear to leave you, the people who have been with us through all the ups and downs of our lives, without giving you one last gift.
Thank you so much for all the love and support! We will forever cherish the memories that you made with us. We hope you guys will enjoy taking this final ride with us as well.
We love you.
- Sakura, Kazuha, Yunjin & Eunchae
—
Something about the air in the studio lingers with the faint scent of coffee and nostalgia, so tangible that Yunjin can taste it the more time she spends inside the studio. She used to associate the smell with the nights when alcohol isn't doing its job to make her forget so she locks herself up inside and down cups of coffee just so she can create songs and write lyrics about pain, about love, and broken things.
But she's decided to change that.
Now the smell reminds her of the long nights she's spent discussing lyrics with Sakura, of the mid-afternoon sessions with Kazuha where they just spend the whole time exchanging suggestions about melodies, and beats, and the times she's had laughing fits with Eunchae while they watch some dumb video they found on YouTube, lyric writing forgotten and ignored in the meantime.
The closer it gets to their last release, the more the sadness and the feeling of finality sinks in. Sometimes, the feeling takes hold of her and it usually makes her want to cry but she tells herself she isn't losing them, they're merely moving on to separate paths but they'll always find ways to intersect — because that's what family does, she realizes.
The night they finish rehearsing and recording the last song they've written together as Le Sserafim, Kazuha cracks open five cans of the DBZ energy drink that spawned the conversation that led to their band name and makes a toast.
"For the eight years and for welcoming new beginnings." Kazuha squeaks, a sob already bubbling up her chest.
"I said no tears, Zuha!" Sakura whines, eyes visibly wet.
Kazuha doesn't hold back the tears anymore. "Fuck off, Kkura — you don't know how much I love you guys."
"You are both losers. I can't believe I'm crying over you guys." Yunjin wails, pulling them both into a hug, not caring if the energy drink spills onto the floor.
They hold each other tight as they cry until they hear a shutter sound beside them. They lift their heads, confused. The three of them see Eunchae smiling, a glint of mischief in her eyes as she holds up her phone.
"You guys are too easy," she giggles.
The older girls don't have it in them to even retaliate, instead they pull Eunchae into their hug. The younger's whining is drowned out by the sniffles and the laughter.
—
LE SSERAFIM @im_lesserafim · 1m
LE SSERAFIM
THE FINAL ALBUM
THE LAST HURRAH
TITLE TRACK "ENDINGS"
AVAILABLE NOW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQBntSH-qFA
#LESSERAFIM #TheFinalAlbum #ENDINGS
I'M MOURNING @jennifersdrums · 1m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
I AM SERIOUSLY TRYING NOT TO CRY I LOVE U GUYS SM THANK YOU FOR EVERYHI HINGDKJLDSLKF IM CRYING NOW
kelly finally found a gf @sakuratheprettiest · 1m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
how can I simultaneously be feeling so happy yet so sad raynao
LE SSERAFIM ALL DAY EVERY DAY @zuhaonthebASS · 1m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
ALREADY MISSING LE SSERAFIM @wonwon · 2m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
i am: currently twerking through my tears
le ssera supremacist @queenmanchae · 2m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
u girls deserve all the good things in world
KAZUHA BEST GIRL @kazunaka69 · 2m
Replying to @im_lesserafim
my heart hurts so much but my ears are enjoying the good songs
le ssera supremacist @queenmanchae · 2m
Replying to @im_lesserafim @kazunaka69
well u kno what they say, if ur gonna cry at least cry to good music
I'M MOURNING @jennifersdrums · 1m
Replying to @im_lesserafim @kazunaka69 @queenmanchae
ur so right bestie 🥲
—
They post a series of group pictures taken during their last recording. The photographs show them smiling widely even though their eyes are red and their faces are wet with tears, and another one features them in a tight embrace.
eight years and forevermore
kangjuha
who posted this eunchae i know it was u!!!
manchae
how dare you accuse me of this I thought I was your favorite
saku-chan
well it certainly wasn't me
kangjuha
yunjin!!!!
jenjen
????????? Why me!!!
kangjuha
bc ur sus
jenjen
icb u would believe anything kkura says 😭😭😭
kangjuha
excuse u i don't!!!
saku-chan
She doesn't!!!
jenjen
@kangjuha pussy ❤️
manchae
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
—
They hold their final concert in the first stadium they ever played at.
And from backstage, Chaewon watches Yunjin perform with the band, looking like the music they've created over the past eight years — heavy drum beats, sultry, yet still genuine. Chaewon sings along to every word of every song as her heart tries to keep itself inside on her chest every time Yunjin catches Chaewon's eye in the wings and mouth curling up in the corners to give her a smile.
I love you, Yunjin mouths.
Chaewon's heart sings and she mouths back an I love you, too.
She can hear Sakura's voice dominate the entire stadium when she sings the bridge to Endings — the path is long and winding, the road is rough but knowing I'd go home to you is enough.
The entire audience screams along to every word.
—
When the lights dim for Le Sserafim one last time, Chaewon and Yunjin leave together.
Chaewon and Yunjin, with their fingers intertwined, forever tied by something invisible, something so cosmic that not even the universe could defy it, wearing the marks of their mistakes and growth. Her hand fits snugly in Yunjin's, and it renders the both of them unsure of how they ever managed to let go of each other in the first place.
—
"Since this is the last time that you guys are going to be sitting down and do an interview together as a band, what do you want to leave your audience with?"
"Life gets shitty," Sakura says, "and it changes us, but if you find the right people to take the journey with you, you'll be fine. Even if things get bad, even if they begin to hurt.
—
Now
"So, Sakura," the interviewer begins brightly, "several number one hits under your belt, sold out shows and tours — how does it feel to be celebrating your second year as a successful solo artist?"
Sakura beams back, she's sitting comfortably on a plain white couch. Her shoulders are relaxed and her smile is making her eyes crinkle when she answers. "It still feels surreal. I've spent years with my bandmates and sometimes when something good happens I still turn around and look for them until I realize they aren't with me. But overall, I'm enjoying what I'm doing and I'm looking forward to doing it for years to come."
"Oftentimes, fans feel uneasy when one member goes solo when a group disbands. Did you ever have doubts when you decided to pursue a solo career?"
Her smile lightens.
The memory of her Yujin beaming at her proudly when she tells her she's planning to launch a solo career after the disbandment.
"It took a lot to get used to it and I honestly didn't even think our fans would love me this much let alone me thinking I'd last this long. But I did, and the fans stayed through it all."
The interviewer nods, still smiling at her.
"What did your former bandmates feel about all of it?"
"My former bandma— my friends, we've known each other for so long that I don't really like calling them my bandmates," she says with a laugh, "Well they were very supportive of me. They still very much are and honestly, that's everything I could ask for."
Sakura ignores the ache of longing present in her ribs as she tries not to think of someone faraway, someone she hasn't talked to in a long, long while.
—
Friends, huh?" Yujin says, there's a knowing tone in her voice. They're in Sakura's dressing room, preparing to go home in a few minutes.
"You are my friends." Sakura says, fiddling with the frayed edge of her loose long-sleeved top. "All of you," she adds quietly.
Yujin hears the hesitation in her voice and she immediately deduces that the cut of her fallout with Kazuha is still very much present.
"You're forgetting someone," she says anyways, all because Sakura's been too much of a coward to even address it.
"I didn't forget her."
"Right." Yujin hums. "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending."
Sakura rolls her eyes, "How dare you quote Taylor Swift against me."
The other girl gives Sakura's forehead a flick.
"Because you're being dumb." Yujin tells her, her leader instincts rising from the depths of Yujin's playful personality. "Anyways, I'm not going to castigate you because I know you know it's time to talk to her."
Sakura throws a hair pin at her. "Thanks, Yuj. Where are Eunchae and Garam, they promised they'd come see me?"
Yujin wordlessly takes a seat beside her and hands her an ivory colored envelope.
"Oh my god," Sakura exclaims, "don't tell me —"
Yujin nods. "Our baby's all grown up," she replies, wiping away fake tears.
Sakura laughs and examines the envelope and its contents.
Garam & Eunchae
August 11, 2024 @ The Shore Jeju
"They came here but were in a rush to leave because they had to taste test some cakes."
"God. It seems like it was only yesterday that Eunchae kept blushing around Garam."
Yujin giggles. "Now they're getting hitched."
Sakura is about to add something to the conversation but they're interrupted by the ringing of Yujin's phone. She picks it up and Sakura doesn't need to be a genius to know that it's Wonyoung who's on the call — the way Yujin's mouth splits wide in a smile, and the way her eyes shine when she listens is enough to clue her in.
She patiently waits until their conversation on the phone is finished, trying not to think too much about what ifs and what-could-have-beens at the same time.
"I love you, Zuha."
Kazuha doesn't speak for a moment. Sakura begins to rethink her actions and her decisions and begins to curse all things related to love and feelings —
"Kkura." Kazuha says finally. "I'm sorry."
Oh.
"Zuha."
"I'm dating Hanni, you know that right?"
"And? Do you actually love her or is she just —"
"No." Kazuha cuts her off with a shake of her head, "You don't get to do this. I was in love with you and you told me we were never going to — I was okay with it and now I'm over you and you tell me this?"
"I didn't want to ruin what we had."
"You ruined It anyway, Kkura." Kazuha says, voice shaking, "When you did what you did, you ruined it."
"Wonyoung's meeting me at your place." Yujin's voice pulls her out of her thoughts, the memory of that fateful night temporarily vanishing from her mind.
"Huh?"
"Rehearsals ended early so she's picking me up."
"Date night?" Even though she knows the answer, Sakura asks anyway.
"Date night." Yujin replies with a grin. "We just bought a new bed, so who knows? We might be breaking in the new bed tonight, if you know what I mean."
Sakura makes a face that says ick.
"You married people are gross."
Yujin's laughter fills her entire dressing room.
—
Wonyoung and Yujin actually break in the new bed by snuggling together under their eggshell white weighted blanket while exchanging comments about the survival show that was being re-aired after it ended a few months ago.
"Oh, that's Yurina! I like her, I think she can get in." Yujin exclaims.
Her wife looks at her with pity, "Oh you innocent, old lady."
Yujin breaks her gaze away from the TV and fixes Wonyoung an incredulous look. "Fuck off, babe, don't say she's not gonna make it."
Wonyoung bites her lip. "...I won't say it."
"Fuck."
—
They end up passing out by the time episode 5 starts airing, nothing much happens, nothing else is heard except for the faint noises from the TV and the soft snores coming from Yujin.
But it's okay, there'll be other date nights to be had, more TV shows to watch together — for the rest of their lives.
—
Then
"How are you feeling?" Wonyoung asks, taking Yujin's hand in hers. They're both seated in the couch of the band's penthouse, just a couple of hours after seeing Eunchae off.
Yujin looks around and realizes that it looks so bare, and empty — as if no one's lived in it for years, as if Yunjin didn't spill wine on the floor while they were giving a toast after they were told they won an award, as if Sakura and Eunchae didn't almost burn the kitchen down in an attempt to surprise Kazuha for her birthday.
Her heart feels like it's being sucker punched twenty times over.
She sniffles, holding Wonyoung's hand tighter.
"I feel like I've developed some sort of empty nest syndrome."
"It's weird, right?" Wonyoung affirms.
Yujin nods. "Very. I don't even live here but it makes me feel so sad. The place feels so silent and empty, the end of an era and all that."
"They're all moving forward, Yuj." Wonyoung murmurs.
"I'm proud of them."
Her wife smiles softly. "I'm proud of you too."
"Please don't make me cry even more." Yujin whines, wiping her tears away with her free hand.
Wonyoung laughs, reaching over to help Yujin wipe away the wetness from her cheeks, "After all this time, you're still such a crybaby."
The older girl scoffs. "You have absolutely zero proof."
"I literally just saw you cry over The Good Dinosaur."
Yujin gasps. "Liar."
"Crybaby."
"I hate you."
Wonyoung smirks. "Liar."
—
It's odd how easily time passes when you're healing.
Living together again was a little awkward at first, they aren't ones to deny it, but it was all because they know they're both different people, much different from the ones they were when they were hurting.
But slowly, surely, they begin to get used to it; like cogs in a machine that hasn't been used in a while finally begin working again. They fall into old habits and make new ones. They relearn what it's like to be with each other, they learn to weave themselves, their new selves together and still manage to make it fit perfectly.
And although Chaewon doesn't really wake Yunjin up anymore to ask her for help in dyeing her hair whatever random color she thinks of like she used to, and although Yunjin doesn't take even a sip of alcohol anymore — some things still remain the same; Chaewon still cries when animals die in a movie, and Yunjin still makes an ick face at the sight of watermelons.
Most importantly, the love is still there.
It takes a year before they move out of their apartment in Seoul and trade it for a daintier, quieter place in Damyang. Wonyoung and Yujin come over to wreak havoc with their label-maker, Sakura has too much fun helping them redecorate, Kazuha pretends she's appalled by how messy they are so she invites herself over to clean (even though they all know it's only because she misses them). And there, they begin to build more memories together, sans the bitter remnants of the past Seoul has given them.
—
Another year means another step towards change — Chaewon tells her she wants to open a bakeshop, similar to the one she'd worked at during her time in Kurashiki, Yunjin begins a career in writing.
Everything falls into place.
Chaewon still sheds tears when she hears or sees anything that reminds her of the time in their lives where they were about to let go. Yunjin still has nights where terrible thoughts and voices that spew words that sting scream louder than her own, but in Chaewon's arms she breathes steadily as she reminds herself that she's allowed to have good things, that she's allowed to be loved.
The journey to the quiet life that they both wanted to share hasn't been easy, but they don't mind, because after everything, it's finally theirs.
—
They adopt a second dog a few months into the new year and after long hours of discussing what to name the Norwich Terrier, Yunjin wins and they call him Dobby. The first night with Dobby, Yunjin falls asleep on their bed, their two dogs snuggling close to her. Chaewon's heart blooms with warmth and she snaps a picture of them, intent on capturing such a heartwarming moment and cataloging it in the back of her brain. She imagines her brain cells routinely putting it in a folder labeled: JENNIFER, and she laughs.
Chaewon posted the picture on her Instagram account that same night.
huh yunjin, caught red-handed being adorable
saku-chan
YOU GOT BOO A SIBLING?! I NEED TO SEE!!!
manchae
I see a new dog, I click
Yunjin sees the picture the next day and retaliates in the comments.
jenjen
this is absolutely not funny delete this immediately or my lawyer will be in contact
chaechae
@jenjen let's do it baby i know the law
manchae
@jenjen @chaechae BOOOOOO STOP THE FLIRTING WE WANT THE DOGS
kangjuha
@jenjen @chaechae BOOOOOO STOP THE FLIRTING WE WANT THE DOGS (1)
chaechae
@manchae @kangjuha LET ME FLIRT
best unnie
@jenjen @chaechae BOOOOOO STOP THE FLIRTING WE WANT THE DOGS (2)
chaechae
@best unnie STOP OR I'M TELLING WONYOUNG
wony
@jenjen @chaechae BOOOOOO STOP THE FLIRTING WE WANT THE DOGS (3)
chaechae
@jenjen they're ganging up on me 🥺
jenjen
@jenjen @chaechae BOOOOOO STOP THE FLIRTING WE WANT THE DOGS (4) ❤️
—
Now
Garam and Eunchae's wedding falls on late summer.
It's bright and the sunlight hits the windows of the venue just perfectly, highlighting the joy and excitement in the couple's faces. The air smells like the ocean outside and Chaewon swears she can taste the salt, the blue of its water — the color, Chaewon decides, shouldn't be associated with sadness and pain, it should be of peace, of beauty, and of serenity.
"I was so scared and nervous the days leading up to the day that I proposed to you," Eunchae says when they begin to exchange their vows, "A lot of thoughts, both good and bad often bombard my mind, and some days the bad ones overshadow the good ones. But someone wise once told me to say fuck it because if I don't do it now, when will I ever?"
Recognition, memories of faint scents of beer, a small dog in Eunchae's arms flashes across Garam's eyes, a blush spreads on her cheeks when she realizes who Eunchae meant.
"You're safe," Eunchae continues, she giggles nervously when people gasp audibly at her statement, "oh my god, I'm sorry I meant that in the best possible way."
Garam playfully hits her in the arm, eyes turning into crescent moons as she laughs.
"You're safe," Eunchae tries again, taking Garam's hand, "which at first I thought was ironic since you were the first person to tell me to take a risk but the more I thought of it, the more I realize how much it makes sense that I associate you with safety and calmness — you're safe in the sense that you make me feel calm and secure, that you make me feel unafraid even if I'm diving head first into the unknown."
Eunchae raises the hand she's holding and plants a gentle kiss at the back of it.
"Isn't that what we all want? To be loved and be with someone who you know for sure will never hurt you?"
She had promised herself she wouldn't cry at her wedding, but her tear ducts seem to have other ideas because Eunchae can feel the tears trickle down to her cheeks already.
Garam reaches over and wipes the tears away, smiling ever so tenderly at the woman in front of her.
"Thank you for telling me to take chances because I found a family at the bottom of the pedestal I jumped off, because I learned how to love freely. I love you, my partner in crime, love of my life, my friend, Garam."
—
Somewhere in the third row, Yujin looks over at her wife beside her and smiles crookedly. Wonyoung catches her staring and throws her a teasing smirk.
"What?"
Yujin leans closer. "You're giving Eunchae a run for her money in the beauty department."
"Easy there, I'm a married woman already." Wonyoung whispers.
Yujin shrugs, soft smile turning into a shit eating one, "I've been told I'm irresistible, so I kind of like my odds."
"Someone must have lied to you, miss," the younger girl says with a shake of her head.
"Rude." Yujin pouts.
Wonyoung chuckles and reaches over to hold Yujin's hands. "I love you."
"I lo —"
"Hey," Sakura whisper-shouts, flicking the both of them on the tip of their shoulders, "no flirting in someone else's weddings."
Yujin sticks her tongue out as a form of retaliation.
"Keep that up and I'll call Zuha over."
"Wonyoung wouldn't let you do that."
"I invited her to sit with us at the reception later."
Sakura gasps. "Traitor."
The couple giggles until someone, probably Garam's aunts shushes them.
—
The reception turns out to be a lively one — it's exactly what one would expect a photographer and a studio artist to have.
The ballroom is decorated with strings of flowers, splashes of periwinkle and light chestnut decor on table tops, and guests dancing to 2000s love songs.
Sakura watches her friend's partner up and feels the pit in her stomach turn into a bigger void. She's seen Kazuha enter the venue a few minutes before the wedding but she really couldn't gather any courage to walk up to her and talk to her.
What was she supposed to say? she argues to herself inwardly, hey, zuha how's the restaurant I know I really fucked up and I'm really sorry, I'm still in love with you please let me make it up to you also are you single aha ha — yeah no, Sakura is not about to do that.
She's about to head to the bar and use several bottles of vodka to drown out her angst when she feels a light tap on her shoulder. Sakura turns around and she feels her heart rate speed up a billion times faster.
"Hey." Kazuha greets her, an impish smile on her face. Her hair's back to its darker color and is much longer than it had been the last time she saw her, the pastel blue dress she's wearing makes her look like some angel who's coming to take Sakura out of her misery.
It takes an embarrassing amount of time for Sakura to process what is happening, who is in front of her, and she begins to forget how to connect her brain to her mouth — she's completely aware that her mouth is hanging slightly.
Kazuha laughs, noticing Sakura's stunned expression.
God, she looks so good, so healthy, so —
"Are you okay? Yujin told me you might need some company."
Sakura decides she was going to murder Yujin, her beautiful wife, Wonyoung be damned.
The younger girl bites her lip, "Um, I can go if you aren't comf —"
"N-No." Sakura manages to regain her bearings. She looks at Kazuha and tries not to sob.
"Please stay," she tells her, finally saying something she should have said long ago.
Kazuha nods.
"Alright. I'll stay."
—
When I was young, I thought the world of you
Chaewon raises her head from the crook of Yunjin's shoulder when she finally pays attention to the lyrics of the song blasting from the speakers.
I was dumb to let you drift away
She pulls back to fix Yunjin a stare.
"Baby, it's our song," she tells her, eyes gleaming in excitement.
Yunjin's eyes widen in recognition, showing equal amounts of elation. The two of them giggle like school girls, as if they aren't grown and married.
And though I guess it had to come to an end
"God, this takes me back." Yunjin murmurs while they both sway to the music.
Chaewon nods, "Right? Proposing in the rain? You were so romantic."
No one else could have the love we shared
"The use of were implies that I am not anymore in any shape or form romantic." Yunjin complains.
"Well —"
"You jerk, I made you breakfast in bed."
Come to me now
"You always make me breakfast in bed." Chaewon corrects her.
"See? And we've been together for so long and I still keep doing it, that screams peak romance."
"Yunjin, it's called a routine."
Don't let me go
Yunjin makes a face at her, similar to when a child taunts you. Chaewon finds it absolutely adorable.
"Don't worry your highness, you shall wake up to rose petals on the floor. I'll learn the dark arts and figure out how to grow flowers with my mind so I can grow them on the very ground you set your foot on."
Stay by my side
Chaewon sighs dreamily. "I can't wait."
Yunjin breaks into another fit of laughter, Chaewon can't help but be swayed by the sound of it.
"So," she starts as they continue to dance slowly, "thoughts on our child's wedding?"
"First of all, Eunchae's going to fake vomit when she hears you call her our child." Yunjin teases. "Second, I think it's better than the last wedding we attended."
"Because of the food?"
"No — okay maybe yes, but also because you're here with me."
Stay with me still
"I was with you in the last one."
"The last one didn't really end great for you and I." Yunjin corrects her, distant memories of a fight and of hearts breaking try to chase her but Yunjin doesn't let them catch up. Not anymore, not when she's finally where she's meant to be. "But now we're okay, now you're with me, so this is definitely leagues better."
Chaewon laughs softly.
"Who would've thought, huh?"
Yunjin grins, "Thank you for not giving up, thank you for believing in us — that we could still work."
Don't let me go
Chaewon kisses her softly and shoots her a grin.
I've missed you so.
"It's a soulmate thing."
And this time, without doubts and fears Yunjin believes her word for word.
—
Then
(several years ago)
"You know this means you'll be stuck with me for the rest of your life, right?"
Chaewon asks as she gives up on drying her hair completely and settles on resting her head on her girlfriend's — no, fiancee's chest.
She feels giddy, she's a hundred percent sure that she's not shivering because they just finished changing into drier clothes after getting absolutely drenched from the rain. Chaewon's absolutely certain that she's shivering because everything feels unreal — they were going to get married.
"The fact that it's probably the hundredth time you've asked that since we got back is making me reconsider my proposal." Yunjin huffs, but the way she wraps her arms around Chaewon securely contradicts the hint of mischief in her voice.
"Fuck off." Chaewon exclaims in indignation, raising her head so she can show just how outrageous Yunjin's statement is. "No take backs anymore, Huh!"
"Well, I haven't given you the real ring yet so I—"
"Yunjin!"
Yunjin laughs at Chaewon's growing pout.
"Aren't you too old to be pouting?"
"I'm not that old."
"You're twenty-four."
Chaewon rolls her eyes. "You know what, I am reconsidering my answer to your proposal."
Another roll of laughter vibrates out of Yunjin's lips.
"Too bad," she replies, taking Chaewon's hand in hers, thumb rubbing the hair tie she'd wrapped around it more than an hour ago.
It's cute how Chaewon still hasn't taken it off.
Chaewon stares at their entwined hands and feels herself melt like ice cream in summer.
Yunjin finally looks at her with a soft smile, the teasing from just a few minutes ago withered away to reveal something more appreciative, something fonder.
"It's you and me, Chaewon," she tells her in earnest.
The room echoes with an unspoken addition to the promise.
For the rest of our lives.
Chaewon fights back the tears stinging in her eyes and smiles back, fingers holding Yunjin tighter.
"It's you and me, Yunjin."
Yunjin chuckles softly before pulling her close and wraps her arms around her.
The rain is quiet now and in the arms of the love of her life is where Chaewon feels safe, where Chaewon feels at peace.
Time only moves forward.
---
I don't know what I'd be doing without you, you love who I am
Cause I don't care as long as I'm with you, I'll reach for your hand
In this ugly world where the color is fading, you're beautiful in every color and shade, I
Don't know if you drink, but raise a glass to the story of us
THE END
or is it????