Now
Yunjin regrets three things that morning while she's driving. One, she regrets taking her car to meet up with Kazuha because she's been photographed in it a bunch of times and knowing their fans, there is no way she isn't going to be recognized. Not to mention she had to park a little farther from the bakeshop because there were so many goddamn cars so early in the morning already. She knew the way to the shop so well, seeing as she and Chaewon used to take turns dragging each other to the establishment when either one of them began craving something sweet. Chaewon loved the cheesecakes, it didn't matter which one, and Yunjin kind of hates herself for remembering that.
Two, she regrets choosing to wear a baseball cap and sunglasses in lieu of their usual disguises that involved wigs because the cap does nothing to help hide her face and the glasses were just useless. It does help with shielding her face from the harsh rays of the sun when she gets out of the car though, so at least there's that.
And three, she regrets drinking the night before. Her head was pounding despite already downing a large bottle of Prime before going out with nothing but a pair of loose light denim jeans, an oversized shirt tucked in, and a pair of black beat up Converse low tops. Yunjin's not usually this scatterbrained but apparently when you had just spent yet another night sleeping beside your soon-to-be ex-wife, all logic goes out the window.
She huffs as she walks faster towards the bakeshop Kazuha told her to go to, already deciding on making the latter pay for one whole cheesecake solely for Yunjin's consumption as punishment. Yunjin immediately rushes inside the shop, desperate for cold air, ignoring the hollow feeling inside her stomach when she thinks of who she used to come here with. Once she's inside, she takes her black aviators off and breathes out, relieved to finally be out of the heat. She smiles, warm and polite, at the girl manning the counter. Yunjin sees a flash of recognition cross the girl's face but before she could do anything, Yunjin's already made her way towards one of the booths in the farthest corner of the shop.
A memory flashes in front of her. It's one with her and Chaewon; both of them seated on the exact same table Yunjin is staring at during present time, and Chaewon's across her, giggling behind her palms and looking like Yunjin had given her the sun, the moon, the stars, and all the other heavenly bodies in existence, when in reality she had probably just given her a slice of cake. She smiles to herself, remembering how Chaewon found happiness in every little Yunjin used to do.
Used to.
Yunjin shakes her head and takes a seat. It's already 8:57 in the morning and her friend is nowhere inside. Yunjin checks her phone to see if there were any messages from Kazuha, grumbling when she sees none.
"Jesus, Nakamura Kazuha," she mumbles under her breath, already sending her friend a text saying 'where are you? you need to pay for my cheesecake'. Kazuha replies a minute later with a 'boooo i never agreed to that'. Yunjin tells her to just hurry up.
When Kazuha doesn't answer, Yunjin sighs and leans back on her chair, eyes stuck staring at her phone. If she was being honest, she's been waiting for someone else to text her and the whole morning, she's been trying to fight the urge to text that same person. But Yunjin decides not to be honest, she ignores the itch, figuring it'd die down as soon as Kazuha arrives. She puts her phone down and lets her gaze wander outside; she spots three odd looking people hunched over newspapers from the coffee shop across the street but that doesn't really hold her attention long enough to forget about her urge because after a few short seconds, Yunjin finds herself opening her messaging app. Her fingers hover over the contact name 'C ❤' and she realizes she hasn't changed Chaewon's contact name even after everything that happened. God knows how many times she's done this, staring at her phone and wanting to text Chaewon, over the past two years. She types up messages ranging from 'where on earth are you, Chaewon' to 'why did you leave' to 'please come back' but she never presses send.
Maybe it's a force of habit or maybe it's her giving in to the temptation, either way Yunjin finds herself tapping on the contact name and begins typing out a message, 'Didn't Yujin make you a maid-of-honor too?', her brows furrow in thought; it sounded random, Chaewon might think Yunjin wants to start a conversation with her. Truth is, maybe she does but she wasn't ready to admit that. She huffs as she immediately deletes the entire message and starts over, this time with a 'we're at sweet tooth, do you wanna come here? zuha's paying.' Yunjin cringes, it sounded much worse. She deletes everything again, letting her eyes wander inside the bakeshop as she tries to think of something better to say and not of the fact that Kazuha still wasn't there. Yunjin sees a bunch of cakes lined up inside the cream colored display case and she begins thinking of the one Chaewon would pick in a heartbeat, she spots one whole blueberry cheesecake at the end of the row and her fingers slowly move across her screen.
Blueberry cheesecakes still remind me of you.
Yunjin only stares at it and never presses send.
--
The first thing Chaewon does when she finishes getting ready is call Minjeong and apologize for leaving her at the club. She presses her phone to her ear as she haphazardly puts in her daily essentials inside her purse and waits for her friend to answer.
Minjeong picks up and just laughs lightheartedly at her when she chokes out an apology, "Oh, don't worry about it. Yunjin told me you guys had to go home. Some emergency about Yujin and Wonyoung's bridal shower, right?"
"She talked to you?" Chaewon wonders out loud despite herself.
"Yes, she did. She was real apologetic about it too, and she offered to pay for the bill," Minjeong replies, "your wife's still really nice."
Chaewon blinks, processing what Minjeong was saying, although she's distracted by the word wife. There was no official statement, no confirmation that she and Yunjin were essentially broken up, there were rumors of their divorce but they weren't being addressed at all. Some fans and some of their industry friends think they're still together even though Yunjin has done a good job at acting like Chaewon doesn't exist to her for the past two years and Chaewon has done a good job at disappearing. Chaewon figures Minjeong is one of them, blissfully ignorant about how broken she and Yunjin had become, and she decides to let her stay that way. Like she told herself the night before, a media shit storm isn't something Le Sserafim (Yunjin especially) needed.
So, Chaewon pretends. Yunjin is still technically her wife anyway, regardless of whether or not the latter still loves her.
"She is, she is," she replies with the best fake laugh she could muster, hiding away the pieces of their relationship, the fallen debris of what once was.
She apologizes to Minjeong once again before hanging up after promising a better hangout soon. After she does that, Chaewon proceeds to call Sakura as she heads out the door but Sakura doesn't pick up. She doesn't think much of it and figures Sakura must be on her way so she leaves the hotel and hails a cab to Sweet Tooth.
On the way there, she sends Sakura a few text messages asking where she was and telling her she is on her way. She ignores the impulse to text Yunjin, Sweet Tooth was her — their favorite bakeshop, and she wonders if Yunjin remembers, wonders if Yunjin still likes the strawberry shortcake there, and wonders if Yunjin still likes to go there or if Chaewon has effectively ruined it for her forever.
Chaewon stares at her phone, she's deleted Yunjin's number before as part of her many failed attempts to move on and forget her but all the crying and the hesitation to delete her number proved to be meaningless and really useless because Chaewon knows Yunjin's number by heart. And after all these years, she still does.
That's the thing about loving someone for so long, she guesses. You spend all this time with that person and over the years you begin to memorize them, their curves, their freckles, their moles, their favorite color, their favorite thing to do when it's cold and raining outside. You have all this information about one person, a large collection of certain pieces of who they are and even after that person stops loving you, those pieces will never really go away entirely.
Chaewon leans her head against the window and fixes her gaze upon the moving streets outside. She still wants to be with Yunjin, she wants to fix things, but a part of her wonders how much more of this she can take, a part of her begins to wish for a clean slate, a new start without all these remnants of Yunjin inside of her.
--
From the coffee shop across the street, three figures are trying to hide behind newspapers in an attempt not to draw any attention and suspicion towards them. With Sakura's fake brown bob and huge round specs, Kazuha's long blonde wig and dark sunglasses, and Eunchae's short blonde wig and black cat eye sunglasses, Kazuha thinks they look like rich, snooty girls who cannot be bothered by the people around them. While Eunchae thinks they look like stalkers especially with the binoculars Kazuha had brought with them. Nevertheless, the three of them wait patiently, trying to act like everything is cool, but they (Sakura and Kazuha, it's never Eunchae) fall apart when they spot Yunjin's car drive by and the girl walking inside the bakeshop moments later.
They're in full-on spy mode as Kazuha keeps insisting, Sakura has little to no confidence in this plan but this was the only plan they could agree on the night before. The discussion for Operation PURINZ was as chaotic as one would expect from them. Kazuha explained how the plan would go, it was simple: let Chaewon and Yunjin spend a whole day together, doing the things they loved to do before, reminding them of what they're supposed to be — a team.
"How are we supposed to do that? They can't even last half a day without things getting heated," Sakura asks.
Kazuha flashes her a confident smile, "I tell them there's an emergency, pull out the co-maids of honor card and ask her to help out. You will do the same with Chaewon, and when they both agree— and I'm sure they will because they're incredibly soft for you two, we'll ditch them and leave them alone together while we let them deal with the catering problem and watch them from afar." Kazuha looks around the room for their reactions, and says the next sentence with another big grin, "Next problem is... we might die."
She finishes with a shaky, nervous chuckle.
"God." Sakura mumbles, well aware of the complications.
"Well, it could work," Eunchae interjects, but she trails off quietly immediately, "if only the parties involved weren't too stubborn in their own ways."
Sakura sighs and slumps against the couch and stares at the ceiling, knowing Eunchae had just said what they were all thinking out loud.
Yujin seconds it, "Zuha, they're insane. Did you forget how they get into these arguments about little things like which soup is better or whether or not Yunjin should choose meat instead of broth?"
"You and I both know they never argued on things that mattered, Yuj. They talked. That's why they lasted for so long."
"I know. But it's a different situation right now." Yujin replies with a soft sigh, "Chaewon feels terrible when people are angry or upset at her. Remember that one time she and a senior had a slight misunderstanding? Didn't she go out of her way to talk to the person about it as nicely as she could just so they could resolve shit?"
Kazuha merely nods and waits for Yujin to finish.
"That's all well and good but Yunjin hates confrontation, she's kept her feelings to herself and that's why they're in this mess in the first place."
Sakura nods slowly, "Yeah. And if things go awry tomorrow, they might end up getting angrier at each other. And at us, if they find out we're interfering."
"They won't," Wonyoung says fondly from Yujin's side, "they love each other too much and they're already slipping. It won't hurt if we try."
"One huge push," Kazuha tells them, thankful for Wonyoung's support, "that's all they need."
So they commence the plan and now they're trying to be subtle while they keep their eyes on Yunjin. Kazuha almost drops her binoculars and almost spits out her coffee when she sees Yunjin look back at them but luckily, the girl averts her gaze just a few moments later.
"Chaewon's coming." Sakura tells them, looking up from her phone.
"Finally," Eunchae sighs, "now let's get them back together."
--
Then
After Wonyoung leaves for Paris, after Yujin finally admits to her friends that she is sick, she achieves some progress in acting. She's almost perfected playing the part of a girl who can handle all the shit life has been throwing at her even though she knows Chaewon could hear her sobbing some nights. Chaewon doesn't pry but she makes it up to her friend by giving her waffles for breakfast or by trying to make her laugh. Yujin doesn't say anything but Chaewon knows she's grateful.
Yujin leaves the band and lets Sakura have her spot. They had welcomed Sakura as their new front man and from time to time Yujin watches their gigs. Yujin's really glad Sakura's holding up really well, proving her right about everything she had told her the night she asked Sakura to replace her. She's glad her friends are still performing, so she sits among the crowd and claps before and after every song, pretending it doesn't make her heart twist tightly and painfully.
Most nights she's holed up in her dorm room throwing herself into her academics. She figures if she couldn't make a living out of doing the thing she loves the most, she might as well continue being great with her major in film. And by the time she graduates, she's immediately snatched up by a big studio as soon as the tips of her fingers do as much as touch her diploma. Yujin lets herself be swept away with the rush of the opportunities, treating it as some sort of distraction from all the hurt she was dealing with. She's good at this, she pretends she's in a movie and that she's merely fulfilling her role as a martyr, a saint. Even if deep down, she is slowly disintegrating into fine dust, until all that's left of her is a hollow shell with a gaping Wonyoung-shaped hole no amount of business could ever fill.
--
They meet Eunchae when she's a freshman.
Well, Chaewon does.
It's another Friday night, and the band had just finished their first set of songs for the night. Chaewon had excused herself to get all of them bottles of water. She's at the bar counter, waiting for Yeonjun to hand her the bottles of the cold and glorious water they so desperately want, when she feels a tap on her shoulder. Chaewon turns around and sees one of the most beautiful faces she's ever seen. She blinks, momentarily overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the girl wearing a grey turtleneck sweater in front of her.
"Yes?" she says, trying not to stutter.
"Sorry, uh, the band here will still continue playing right?" the girl replies, pointing to Chaewon's bandmates.
"Oh, yeah. They just finished their first set and are taking a short break before they start another," Chaewon tells her with a nod.
The girl smiles, "Okay. Thank you. I thought I missed them."
Chaewon smiles back, feeling happy. It's the same feeling she feels every time she finds out that someone likes their band and goes to Impurities just to hear them play. But the girl doesn't seem to know who she is so Chaewon wonders if the girl was a fan of some sort or if she's just a bored girl who wants to hear free live music or something.
"You know the band?"
"I've heard of them. I've never really seen them nor heard them play a whole gig but people from my school seem to like them a lot."
"Your school?"
"Yeah. I'm Hong Eunchae, a freshman at Konkuk."
"Oh, hi! I'm Chaewon, I'm a senior there." Chaewon greets with a warm smile, "The band's from there too. I think that's why a lot of Konkuk students like them."
Eunchae nods, watching the rest of the band laugh at the side of the stage, "I'll bet. I heard them play a song or two while I was outside but that's all."
"Did you like what you heard?"
"Well, they're good. But..." Eunchae trails off, "they sounded, I don't know — empty. Like something is missing, or like they don't really want to play."
Chaewon's taken a little off guard by the statement. Sakura has brought it up for a while now, about how just sounding good is different from sounding like they're full of life, and like they're actually loving what they're doing. She's a little astonished, all along the band has been thinking that they were doing a great job acting like they hadn't just taken a huge hit by losing Yujin but someone who has never heard them play noticed the difference. Yujin was more than just a member; she was the core of the band, the reason why they even started in the first place. And something like that wasn't going to go away after just several months.
"Empty." Chaewon repeats, she looks at Eunchae with probing eyes, "What do you think they need?"
"For one, they need another guitarist. I think it'd make the songs sound fuller when you can hear both a lead guitar and a rhythm guitar in the instrumentals," the girl mumbles, chuckling softly, "I won't take my word for it though, I'm kind of biased."
"How so?" Chaewon asks, eyebrows raised in amusement.
"Well, because I play guitar myself. Thinking that the guitar is the most superior musical instrument is kind of a requisite." Eunchae says with a laugh.
Chaewon giggles as well, remembering the random band discourse they had a few months back that involved a heated debate about which instruments were clearly far more superior to the others. The debate ended with them doubling over with laughter and finishing three boxes of pepperoni pizza before sleeping in.
"Hm." Chaewon hums thoughtfully after a moment, "Is that all?"
"I think they need to reevaluate their purpose, you know? To think about why they started doing what they're doing and try to channel that again."
The older girl nods, amazed by the maturity of the young freshman. She smiles despite herself, "I'll be sure to tell my bandmates that."
With a soft smile still plastered on her face, Chaewon watches Eunchae's eyes widen in realization.
"Oh? You're part of the band? Oh my god? I'm so sorry if I sounded invasive! Oh my god this is embarrassing." Eunchae says with a panicked expression, Chaewon spots a tinge of red on her cheeks. She laughs, waving her hands dismissively, "It's okay! That was actually really helpful."
"Oh god."
"Oh, it really is okay. The band's been talking about something similar for a while, actually. We kinda hit a rough patch last semester and it's been a struggle to bounce back from it." Chaewon says honestly, letting out a sigh as she crosses her arms across her chest, "Kinda embarrassing that people could actually see — hear it. So I'll take your suggestion about finding our purpose again into consideration."
Eunchae nods in polite understanding, trying not to dwell on the embarrassment she still feels.
"And I agree about the guitarist part. It's great when I can 'harmonize' with another guitar while I play, you know? The rhythm's better and it makes the song come to life." Chaewon tells her, she catches Yunjin waving for her attention from across the bar and she remembers the bottles of water she was supposed to give them.
"Crap, I totally forgot about these," she motions to the bottles whose surfaces were covered in condensation on the counter, "Tell you what, we practice at Blue Flame. It's a small rehearsal studio right outside the campus. Meet us there at 3 PM Wednesday next week and play for the band."
"What?" Eunchae questions, confusion evident on her beautiful flushed face. Chaewon picks the bottles up and flashes her a grin.
"Play for the band. Show us how good you are. Maybe then we'd agree we do sound better and livelier when there's six of us."
Chaewon saunters off towards the stage, leaving Eunchae dumbfounded and speechless.
--
"What took you so long?" Kazuha complains, unable to stop a small pout from forming.
Chaewon hands her and Sakura a bottle each before replying, "Sorry. I was talking to a freshman." She sits beside Yunjin and opens a bottle for her.
"You're over me already, Kim? I am hurt," Yunjin says dramatically, making a face at the sight of the water bottle before taking it from her girlfriend anyway.
Chaewon giggles, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, babe. That pretty face of yours could only go so far, you know?"
"Oh no worries, I'm sure Kazuha would take me in immediately." Yunjin replies proudly, nudging Chaewon with her shoulder. Chaewon grins and plants a loud, obnoxious kiss on her cheek, "I'm not going down without a fight."
"Kazuha will fight for me —"
"—I probably won't." Kazuha interjects in playful disdain. This was their dynamic, Chaewon and Yunjin annoying each other lovingly while either Kazuha or Sakura gets dragged into their banter.
"It's a fight to the death!" Chaewon exclaims, throwing a fist up in the air, eyes shining.
"Bold words for the girl who got disqualified in a chicken fight before the game even began," Sakura teases, bringing up that one time Chaewon lost her balance and dropped a foot during a chicken game at one party.
Chaewon whines, "Mean! My legs were sore that day!"
Beside her, Yunjin shrugs, "Well, I guess you're going to lose the duel for my hand then."
Kazuha fake gags in front of them, "Why do you two flirt with each other like this? I'm gonna go insane."
"You say that as if you aren't already insane," Sakura interjects airily.
"Takes one to know one," Kazuha singsongs, sticking a tongue out at her friend.
Sakura playfully hits her arm before turning to Chaewon, "What did the freshman want though?"
"She told me we sounded empty." Chaewon tells them.
"Empty?"
"Yeah," she mumbles, looking down at her feet, "like we didn't want to play at all."
They sit in silence, letting the truth sink in.
"Well, she's not wrong." Yunjin mumbles.
"I asked her to join us." Chaewon says suddenly.
"What?"
"She says she's good with a guitar."
"And that's all?"
"My gut tells me we need her." Chaewon says sincerely, there was something about Eunchae's wise-beyond-her-years aura that reminds her of Yujin. Something about her that makes Chaewon believe they need her.
"Is there some weird guitar player instinct at play here?" Sakura asks, giving her a half-smile.
Chaewon chuckles, "You could say that."
"What did you say her name was?"
"Hong Eunchae," Chaewon replies, looking over to where Eunchae was standing moments ago but the girl wasn't there anymore.
--
Now
Yunjin checks her phone again and sees 9:30 AM on her lockscreen. Kazuha is officially late, and Yunjin already sent her a bunch of texts again but she's since received zero replies from her friend. She tries not to feel too annoyed, after all, she was doing this for Yujin and Wonyoung but she finds it hard to not feel just a twinge of displeasure because she has a throbbing headache and she's at a bakeshop during a hot morning instead of staying at home and resting.
Not only that but Yunjin also feels a surge of irritation at herself, her mind just won't shut up about Chaewon. Her name repeating inside her head like a mantra, like a summoning chant, and she grows afraid that she's thinking of her too much; she might actually conjure up Chaewon inside the shop. Yunjin huffs in frustration and sprawls her arms all over the table and rests her head on them, she's sure the bakeshop staff are thinking that she's gone crazy. And what a scoop that would be, a headline already forming: LE SSERAFIM's Yunjin has finally lost it'. For once, she'd agree with what the tabloids are saying about her.
She stays still, waiting for her phone to vibrate beside her. What pricks her ears though is the sound of the door opening and closing, she thinks it's Kazuha finally arriving after being late for more than half an hour so she lifts her head up to see for herself.
The sight causes Yunjin to curse under her breath, and in that instant she decides she hates the universe.
--
Chaewon enters the very familiar bakery, struggling to not pay attention to the ache of familiarity dredging up her insides. She pushes the door open and greets the staff with a warm smile, the girl handling the cash register blinks in instant recognition wondering what she did to deserve a celebrity sighting for the second time that day.
She makes her way to the corner table, something magnetic pulling her there, still blissfully unaware of who the girl saw before she came in. Her moment of ignorance, however, proves to be short-lived because she sees a face she's spent more than six years fawning over and she stops in her tracks.
"Yunjin?" she breathes, feet glued to the tiled floor, "What are you doing here?"
Yunjin sits up, leaning back on the chair and looking at Chaewon with a puzzled expression, "I could ask you the same thing."
Chaewon shrugs, "I'm here to meet Sakura. You?"
"I'm here to meet Kazuha." Yunjin replies, still staring.
Chaewon cannot bring herself to even decipher why she's occupied with trying not to buckle under Yunjin's gaze. She gives her a brief nod and lets a wave of silence cloak the entire space, it doesn't have enough time to settle though. Yunjin clears her throat and looks away from Chaewon, focusing her eyes on the chair across her.
"Well, might as well sit with me since we're both waiting." Yunjin mumbles. It takes Chaewon a split second to process what Yunjin had just told her. She laughs nervously, unsure about everything that's happening, but at the same time, she feels her heart bloom. Maybe last night did something good for them, so she decides to take a leap of faith.
"Aw, are you feeling shy?" Chaewon teases as she takes a seat right across from Yunjin, "Do you have a crush on me or something?"
Don't say things like that. I might not be able to hold these walls up for much longer.
The girl in front of her rolls her eyes, "You wish, Kim. I don't even like you."
I shouldn't have let you back in.
Chaewon giggles, resting her cheek on her palm, "If you say so..."
Chaewon, I'm weak. Stop.
Yunjin eyes her and she tries not to blush when she sees Chaewon looking at her with a soft expression on her face, "Stop looking at me like that." Chaewon widens her eyes, putting on an innocent look, "I wasn't looking."
Yunjin sees the playfulness dancing inside her eyes and she decides to just fuck it. She shakes her head no, "Kinda seems like you're the one who has a crush on me." She half-expects Chaewon to get caught off guard by Yunjin's sudden bout of confidence but Chaewon just puts a hand on her chest, feigning offense, "It does?"
Yunjin shrugs as a response before Chaewon settles into a smile, "Well, you're absolutely right."
"Shut up."
Chaewon giggles, looking smug, "Alright. I'm gonna call Sakura though. She's really late."
--
From across the street, Kazuha tries not to double over in laughter when they see enter the bakery. Beside her, Sakura anxiously taps her fingers on the table as she looks over and watches how the scene unfolds. Eunchae sits still but the anticipation in her face is evident. They see Chaewon stop in her tracks when she sees Yunjin and Yunjin staring at her for seconds. The three of them watch their friends talk and they're only a little surprised when Chaewon takes a seat from across Yunjin and laughs just a few seconds in.
"Oh look at Huh's very affected gay ass." Sakura mutters, she can say she didn't know that was going to happen but she'd be lying if she did.
"Just one push." Eunchae murmurs with a little smile. Kazuha looks over at her and grins.
"What did I tell you?" she says rather proudly.
Sakura rolls her eyes, "The ego on you, Nakamura Ka— oh fuck Chaewon's calling me!"
"Answer her then!! Sakura I need you to stop panicking!" Kazuha whisper-yells in a panicked voice.
Eunchae sighs and takes Sakura's phone, answering for them, "Hello?"
"Hey where the he— Eunchae? Where's Sakura?"
"She's not here. There was an emergency she and Kazuha had to tend to." Eunchae replies calmly while her two older friends watch her in fear.
"What? She told me this was an emergency."
"She told me to tell you to just go with Yunjin. She and Kazuha will catch up with you guys later."
"Oh, they think they're clever. Well, I for one a—"
"See you tonight, unnie!" Eunchae says, effectively cutting Chaewon off and ending the call before the older girl could even get another word out.
"How did you become so good at lying?" Kazuha asks in both admiration and disbelief. Eunchae puts Sakura's phone down and grins at them proudly, "I became a member of a famous band."
Sakura laughs, "Show business has trained you so well."
"It has."
--
Then
Eunchae sits somewhere in the corner as she waits for Chaewon's band to start their next set. Her mind repeatedly goes over to her conversation with Chaewon, her sudden offer. She thinks of the implications and the consequences if she were to accept, the image of her father's disapproving look is enough to send slight shudders all throughout her body.
Something about music didn't appeal to him and she discovered that when she was nine. All the third graders in her school had to choose clubs to join — something about how children her age should already have interests that could be honed and developed, Eunchae doesn't really recall. What she recalls is her telling her parents she wanted to join the performing arts club or the music club, she tells them she's loved music all her life, that she wants to learn how to play instruments, noting that the guitar she got from her mom for Christmas was collecting dust and that she want to change that. She tells them with as much conviction as a nine year old girl could muster that wants to join a club she really loves.
Eunchae remembers her father's stern look while he tells her 'no, music isn't profitable. Math and Science are far better choices', she remembers getting sent to her room for talking back, and she remembers it as the day she stopped telling her parents what she really wanted. She ended up joining the science club much to her father's pleasure, but her affinity and love for music didn't wane. So Eunchae teaches herself how to play the guitar, relying on nothing but those guitar tutorial books she bought during a book sale.
By fifteen, she's already mastered the instrument. She joins her school's music club without telling her parents, deciding she's old enough to at least make decisions about her school life. Eunchae thinks she's living a double life, like she's playing the role of two girls all at once: the smart and perfect daughter who's a genius in anything Math and Science related, also known as the daughter her parents love, and the girl who loves the arts, who loves music so much she could drown in it — also known as the one she actually likes.
Eunchae spends years pretending like that side of her doesn't exist, even going as far as agreeing with her father when he told her she should take a science-related major. She chooses Veterinary Medicine in a country far away from her home, from her parents, from her father's control; it's some sort of compromise, an illusion of control that she thinks she has over her life. Her father allowed that at least and so here she is, alone and approximately nine hundred and sixty-two miles away from home, looking and listening to a band who looked and sounded like they were missing something. They're good but they sounded like they lost their purpose — kind of like Eunchae herself.
--
She leaves Impurities as soon as the band finishes their set, not wanting to bump into Chaewon again. She wants time to think so she goes back to the dorms and decides to walk around the halls as she tries to gather her thoughts.
The dorms are huge, Eunchae's too preoccupied with academics that she sometimes forgets. Usually it's littered with students rushing in and out of their dorm rooms, now it's empty. Eunchae blames it on the fact that it's Friday night and almost everyone her age has a social life while she's alone with the thoughts of her never having real agency and control over her own life.
Eunchae thinks of Chaewon's offer again and again and she finds herself wanting to say yes, wanting to say fuck it and just go to the damn rehearsal studio on Wednesday and blow their socks off. But of course, the fear of getting disowned or something settles in her gut. It's been there for years and it just grows more noticeable and undefeatable as the days pass by. With a huff, she walks through the hallowed halls, immersing herself with the eerie silence that envelops the entire space.
That's when she hears a bark.
She stops in her tracks and listens in for another. The second bark echoes throughout the hallway and is followed by a whimper. Eunchae immediately rushes to where the sounds were coming from, she bounds the corner curve and sees a white Maltese. She takes a calm and cautious step forward, careful not to scare the dog away. The dog makes its way to Eunchae, tiny paws padding softly on the floor. She lets him sniff her hand until he calms down.
Eunchae gently pets the dog's head, smiling at him softly, "Hi. How did you get here?" She laughs and continues to stroke the dog's head and chin, Eunchae coos ever so slightly. She and the dog stay where they are until she hears footsteps coming from behind her.
"Ari! Where are you?!" a voice rings out, panicked.
She's about to pick the dog up and hide because she remembers that pets aren't allowed inside the dorms but it's too late. The voice sounds closer and Eunchae freezes. She turns around and sees a raven haired girl who looks like she's about five inches taller than Eunchae, bundled up in a white oversized sweater. Her first thought is about how the girl looks so pretty, how her eyes look like they're shining or whatever that Bruno Mars song talks about. Eunchae stares at her while she absentmindedly continues petting the dog. The girl looks relieved when she sees the dog in Eunchae's arms.
"Ari! Oh my god! There you are!"
Ah.
Eunchae smiles, handing the dog over to the girl, "Oh, he's yours?"
"No," the girl replies, smiling back as she takes him into her arms, "he's my best friend's dog. I'm babysitting for her since she's out of town."
"He's adorable!" Eunchae gushes, unable to contain the rush of adoration she feels.
"He is, he is. But he's a fast runner as well and he managed to escape while I was walking him outside campus. How did you find him?"
"I was walking around the dorms to think about — uh, stuff. And I heard him barking so I rushed to him."
"Thanks for that. And for not taking him to the dorm supervisor. I was losing my shit trying to find him."
"No worries. I was missing my dog so meeting Ari was really nice."
The girl grins, "That's cute."
Cute.
"I, uh, thanks..?"
The girl laughs, "What were you so emo about though? I might be able to help you. My friends tell me I give really good advice."
Eunchae chuckles nervously, "I'm sure you do but it's kind of complicated."
"Try me," the girl says, shaking her head.
Eunchae takes a deep breath, feeling weirdly comfortable around this stranger and her adorable dog. She figures it's because they didn't know each other so there was no room for biases and judgment. She decides to tell her, "Alright. I got offered to join a band."
"A band?"
"Yes. I don't really know what their band name is but I'm guessing they're pretty popular."
"Wait, are you talking about that one band that plays at Impurities?"
Eunchae nods, "Yep —"
"—They asked you to join? That's pretty fucking cool —"
"It is. But I'm kind of hesitant about joining."
"Why?"
"My dad. He's — he's very traditional?" Eunchae says with a soft sigh, "I don't know. He's one of those dads who believe nothing in this world can ever top the superiority of Math and Science. He doesn't approve of me doing anything music related because he wants me to focus on academics and it's been this way ever since I can remember. So, I don't know. I'm stuck."
The girl nods to herself, humming thoughtfully as she takes all the information in, "Personally, I think you should say fuck it."
Her response makes Eunchae laugh out loud, "Well, that's very direct."
"Sorry, sorry. But still. I get not wanting to displease your parents, you love them and you care about their opinion." the girl says as she looks at Eunchae, "But at the end of the day, it's your life. Live it for yourself."
Eunchae blinks, unable to respond. The girl continues, "Easier said than done, right?"
The shorter girl only nods, this merits another soft smile from the taller one.
"But honestly if you don't do it now, when will you ever?"
"Well shit." Eunchae says, letting out a breath, "Thanks, I — uh, I really needed that."
"No problem. I gotta go hide Ari. My best friend will beat my ass up if I get this little boy in trouble."
"Right. Thank you again, um, girl whose name I don't know..."
The girl laughs, "Oh, right! My name's Garam."
"I'm Eunchae."
"Eunchae. Even your name sounds pretty." Garam mumbles, still smiling, "I'll see you around campus!"
"S-See you around," she replies, feeling her cheeks grow hot. She's well aware that she's blushing, she's just glad Garam wasn't there to witness it.
--
Now
Yunjin gets up as Chaewon dials Sakura's number, "I'm gonna order a slice of cake." Chaewon just nods before pressing her phone against her ear. Yunjin goes to the counter and looks over at the displays despite already knowing what she is going to order. She and Chaewon were the only customers inside so far so she gets served quickly. She makes her way back to their table just in time to hear Chaewon's indignant protests.
"What? She told me this was an emergency." Chaewon raises her voice, sounding aggravated.
"She told me to tell you to just go with Yunjin. She and Kazuha will catch up with you guys later."
"Oh, they think they're clever. Well, I for one a—" Chaewon grumbles, realizing that Eunchae had just hung up on her, "—fuck." She lets out a frustrated groan before putting her phone down on the table.
"What's wrong?" Yunjin asks, sitting back down and placing her tray on top of the table as gently as she could. Cakes were precious after all.
"Sakura and Kazuha aren't coming." Chaewon replies, arms crossed across her chest as she looks away. She knows what Kazuha and Sakura were up to, they were never really good at being subtle. Chaewon doesn't know if she should feel grateful, or angry, or both.
"What?!" Yunjin shrieks, "What do you mean they're not coming?"
Chaewon sighs, still avoiding eye contact, "Eunchae said they had an emergency to tend to."
"But Kazuha said this was an emergency."
"I know. That's what I said."
Yunjin breathes out, shaking her head slightly, "Does this mean we have to take care of this one while they do whatever they're doing now?"
"I don't know. Maybe." Chaewon answers, voice sounding unsure and maybe even scared. Before she could get a word out, her phone vibrates and she sees Kazuha's name pop up.
zuha-chan
[9:50 AM]
Zuha: Sorry! Had to deal with another emergency with Sakura.
I heard Chaewon's there, maybe u guys could deal with the problem with the caterers?
"Kazuha says we have to deal with the caterers," Yunjin reads off quietly.
Chaewon rolls her eyes, "Yeah right. Tell her she isn't doing a good job at being subtle."
Yunjin
[9:51 AM]
Yunjin: we know what ur doing
Zuha
[9:52 AM]
Zuha: u can't prove anything
have fun ;)
Yunjin thinks to herself, FUCK, capitalized, bolded, underlined, size 125. Her mind swirling with anger and fear and nervousness. Spending the whole day with Chaewon? Driving around Seoul with Chaewon? Sitting next to Chaewon? Talking to Chaewon the whole day? Yunjin knows she can't do those things. How could she? When every second with her is confusing, when every second with her meant another brick off of the walls Yunjin's labored to build over the past two years. She's already slipping, falling for her again as if she's ever stopped loving her in the first place.
"Already did." she mumbles, "Anyways, whatever. I'm going to go back home."
Chaewon just stares out the glass window of the bakeshop and doesn't say anything else.
--
"They aren't doing anything! And they just look angry." Sakura wails, putting her binoculars down.
"Calm down. I'll let Yujin take care of this." Kazuha replies, grinning evilly.
Eunchae looks at them with amusement and continues picking at her croissant.
--
Yunjin's about to get up when she hears Chaewon's phone buzz, the latter picks it up and groans in frustration for the nth time that day.
"They got Yujin." Chaewon mutters, Yunjin looks on in disbelief.
"What'd she say?"
"Apparently, there really is a problem with the caterers. We should just go and deal with it."
Yunjin scoffs, "You do know that's just part of whatever the hell it is they think they're doing, right?"
"Could be. It could be a real emergency too."
"The bridal shower's going to be at a really high end club, why would there be an emergency?"
"I don't know, Yunjin." Chaewon says, voice sounding tired, "But honestly, I think we just suck it up and help our friends deal with whatever emergency this is." Chaewon looks at her, not really doing a good job at hiding the sadness that is bubbling up. "I know spending probably the whole day with me is the last thing you want to do because let's face it you hate me so, let's just get this over with so you can leave."
Yunjin's eyebrows raise at the tone of defeat in Chaewon's statement, the exhaustion, the badly-disguised sadness seeping around the crooks of Chaewon's voice. Yunjin thinks back to all the times she's hurt her, all the times she's told Chaewon that she wasn't coming back, and she feels an odd knot forming around her heart.
I don't hate you, Yunjin wants to tell her, I could never hate you. She wants to lean over and throw her arms around her and tell her she loves her, tell her she's sorry.
She doesn't do or say any of those things. Instead, she looks at Chaewon and agrees quietly.
"Okay."
Chaewon nods, "Okay. Let's go then." She gets up, not making eye contact as she tries to disregard the ache in her chest when she sees the slice of blueberry cheesecake Yunjin had brought over.
--
They step outside of the bakeshop and walk towards Yunjin's parking spot. Chaewon sees a black Bentley and she immediately realizes it's Yunjin's.
"Same car," she says, voice almost inaudible, unable to stop herself from voicing out her observation.
"Uh, yeah. Buying a new car just because I got my heart broken just seemed impractical." Yunjin replies casually before getting inside. Chaewon ignores the jab and gets in as well.
The car smells the same as it did two years ago, like strawberries mixed with a dash of vanilla from that one time Yunjin had accidentally knocked over a bottle of Chaewon's vanilla perfume off the dashboard. They had to get the interior cleaned but no amount of expensive car care ever really got rid of the smell. Chaewon recalls Yunjin telling her "You know what? I like the smell."
"You do? Why?"
She looks out the window and strains to dismiss the memory of Yunjin looking at her with so much love in her eyes when she tells Chaewon, "Because it smells like you. It feels like you're with me all the time."
"Please, when will I ever not be with you?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe you'll dump me for someone who likes watermelons or I don't know... water."
"I highly doubt that. You keep forgetting I'm in love with you."
Chaewon remembers how she reached over the cup holder and intertwined her fingers with Yunjin's. She remembers how Yunjin had smiled. Chaewon's both amazed and frustrated at how many memories she had with Yunjin because it feels nice and great, to be reminded of the time when she was loved, but at the same time it just shoots an overwhelming amount of pain inside her veins because she knows that that was only in the past.
She fights the urge to reach over and hold her hand like she did before figuring that it's the last thing Yunjin would want. She looks at the girl beside her from the corner of her eye and notices that she looks uncomfortable, she doesn't know if it's because of Chaewon's short outburst from earlier or if it's because the car ride is dead silent or both, so Chaewon clears her throat in an attempt to break the ice.
"It's quiet. Can I turn the radio on?" she asks, exerting effort to sound upbeat and unbothered.
"Sure." Yunjin replies, sounding unsure like she's forgetting something.
Chaewon reaches out and turns the radio on and a song from one of the playlists Chaewon had made for her begins to croon softly through the speakers.
'Come to me now, don't let me go. Stay by my side, don't let me go. Stay with me still, I've missed you so.'
Her insides twist into tight knots and she feels like she might die, the song meant a lot to the both of them and Chaewon just sits there, stunned and unable to move, mind swimming with the implications and a shit ton of questions.
You still listen to this?
Why?
Chaewon holds her tongue. She hears Yunjin utter, "Fuck," before the turning the radio off.
The car ride to the caterers grows silent as Yunjin continues driving.
--
Then
Come Wednesday afternoon, Eunchae had finally decided to go and play for Chaewon's band. She figured Garam was right, she needed to live her life for herself if she wanted to have no regrets. She's tired of what ifs and should-have-beens so, with her guitar strapped to her back, she steps inside the studio gingerly and takes a peek of the band from the huge glass window.
Eunchae sees their bassist tuning her guitar while their vocalist was off at the side talking to their drummer who's sitting on Chaewon's lap, looking so at home and comfortable as she eat off a bag of chips. Their vocalist spots Eunchae and taps Chaewon before motioning to where Eunchae is standing. Chaewon cranes her neck away from Yunjin's shoulders and grins when she spots her. Eunchae waves awkwardly and watches as the drummer gets off of Chaewon's lap and faces Eunchae with a small smile before letting Chaewon saunter off towards the door.
"You came!" Chaewon greets happily, face lighting up like she won the lottery as soon as she swings the door open.
"Yeah. I kinda felt like I had something to prove." Eunchae tells her, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Not only does she want this, but she also really needs this; she treats it as an embodiment of hope, a symbol that one day she's going to get the life she wants. She needs this to prove to herself that she can.
Chaewon grins at her, "Good. Come inside and I'll introduce you to everyone." Eunchae nods and takes a step inside, following Chaewon as she makes her way towards the rest of the band.
"Everyone, this is Eunchae." Chaewon announces with flair that makes her sound like she's a TV announcer, this makes the drummer roll her eyes and chuckle softly like she's trying to hide how hilarious she finds Chaewon. Chaewon grins at her and introduces the band members in turn, "Eunchae this is Kazuha, Sakura, and Yunjin."
The first thing Eunchae notices is how Chaewon lets her gaze linger a second longer on Yunjin and how the latter gives her a soft smile before Chaewon turns back to Eunchae. It's a simple gesture but it already says a lot, there's a level of intimacy there and Eunchae's struck by how much of it leaked out of one small exchange of movements.
The vocalist, Sakura, flashes Eunchae a bright smile, making her feel immensely better in an instant before shaking her hand, "Hi! We're glad you actually came."
"Yeah, we're glad you didn't get creeped out by Chaewon." Kazuha jokes, earning a punch at her side from Chaewon as Yunjin laughs and says "True. I can't believe you didn't think she was a serial killer luring you to some place."
"My own girlfriend." Chaewon exclaims dramatically, "The betrayal hurts."
"Aw, don't worry too much, babe. You're the prettiest serial killer around."
"Please, don't mind them. They're insane." Sakura says apologetically, but the crinkle in her eyes when she says that tells Eunchae she likes their rambunctiousness. The youngest wonders if this is what happens when you do something you love doing with people who love it as much as you do, wonders if that's what belongingness looks like.
Eunchae smiles back, laughing softly, "I can see that."
Chaewon huffs, "Anyways, you can play for us now, Eunchae. But if you don't want to be in a band with these dummies, I completely understand."
Kazuha laughs, "Ignore her. Please feel free to blow us away."
"I'll help you with the beat." Yunjin tells her, beaming at her reassuringly and hopping off to where her drums were.
Eunchae nods, her smile much more nervous than earlier, and walks towards the center. She takes her guitar out of the bag which she sets aside and plugs the guitar into the amp. She turns to Yunjin and says, "Heartbreaker by Led Zeppelin."
Yunjin chuckles, impressed by Eunchae's song choice, and gives her a thumbs up. Eunchae faces forward and tries to imagine herself alone in her room, playing her guitar when her parents weren't around.
Personally, I think you should say fuck it.
It's your life. Live it for yourself.
If you don't do it now, when will you ever?
Eunchae takes a deep breath, she lets go of the fear and abides by Garam's words. The world disappears and she begins strumming the first few chords of the song.
--
They call Eunchae their lucky charm.
She pretends she hates it but there's no denying how happy and appreciated she feels when her bandmates call her that. It's Kazuha who starts it and the rest follow. They call her that because just five months after Eunchae had joined them, they receive a call from Yujin telling them that the studio she's working for is branching out into music and that they're looking for 'fresh, young talents' to invest in.
"I immediately thought of you guys." Yujin had told them.
To this day, each of them remembers one thing clearly from that time.
Sakura recalls how heavy her heart pounded when she hears Yujin utter those words through speaker call. She still recalls the moment of silence while they all tried to process what was happening and nothing but Yujin's voice bringing them back to reality.
Kazuha remembers Yujin asking them, "So, are you guys in?" And she remembers herself exclaiming "We're broke college students and struggling musicians. I think we're all in!" gleefully.
"Ya! Nakamura Kazuha. Say I'm the best friend!"
"You are the best friend, I can't believe I got myself to admit that."
Eunchae remembers trying to stop the tears that have formed in her eyes from falling, she remembers the members hugging her and telling her she did it. Eunchae remembers thinking she's finally free.
Yunjin remembers how tight Chaewon had squeezed her hands, how red her cheeks were from the surge of joy she must have been feeling.
Chaewon remembers telling Yunjin she loves her and she remembers Yunjin saying it back.
--
Now
Yunjin and Chaewon arrive at the caterer's address in silence. Yunjin gets out of the car wordlessly while Chaewon tries to take no notice of the stinging in her eyes.
They step inside and are both greeted by the cool air of the building. The walls are cream colored and it's bright — almost too bright that it hurt Chaewon's eyes. The receptionist catches sight of them and beams at them, "Good morning. What can I do for you today?"
"I was told there was a problem regarding the appetizers for tonight?"
The redheaded receptionist nods in comprehension, "Ah yes. Miss An and Jang told me they were sending other people in their stead," She types in something on her keyboard and reads whatever it was on her screen, "Mrs. Huh-Kim, correct?"
Chaewon stays still, waiting for Yunjin's reaction. She could see the tiny shudders present on Yunjin's shoulders as she cringes. The pain that shoots through Chaewon's veins is visceral; it's come to this, to Yunjin hating just hearing their last names together, shuddering and cringing at the sound of being called Mrs. She tries not to cry.
"Yes." Yunjin says, sounding forced, like it hurt every part of her to just say one word.
The receptionist, oblivious to the inner conflict, grins at them, "Alright. Right this way, ladies." She gets up from her seat before leading them both to a table near the corner, "Our head chef will be right out."
Yunjin nods and Chaewon avoids her eyes as they wait. Yunjin wishes she just went home, wishes she is back at the penthouse alone and away from Chaewon and all the imprints she had left. She wishes she wasn't with her, that way she wouldn't have to know how sad Chaewon's eyes look, wouldn't have to fight the urge to wrap her arms around her and never let go.
She wants her feelings to vanish because she knows she's so close to surrendering, to telling Kazuha and their friends that they won, that she wants Chaewon back, that she still loves her. And them winning would mean that she lost, that she will get hurt again, that things will get bad again and it'll open up another opportunity for Chaewon to leave her again.
Yunjin can't do that. She just can't.
She looks at Chaewon and lets the ache consume her.
--
Apparently, the appetizers that Yujin and Wonyoung had chosen weren't going to be available. There was some problem with the main ingredient, a shortage of some sort, and somehow this high end catering service failed to plot a contingency plan in case that happens. And now, it's Yunjin and Chaewon's job to pick one for their friends which is conveniently fitting since Yunjin had a knack for food related things and Chaewon's good at critiquing presentation.
The head chef comes out and shows them each a menu containing the available appetizers they have and Yunjin's mouth immediately waters. She briefly forgets that she's with Chaewon, her ex-wife, and deludes herself into thinking that she's with Chaewon, her wife and the love of her earthly life, that all is great, no divorce to settle on Monday.
"The crab rangoons look great, what do you think?" Yunjin asks, hoping that it's enough to break the tension and the sadness surrounding the two of them. Chaewon gives her a small smile, "Yeah they do look good. So do the steak and blue cheese bruschetta."
Yunjin stares at the picture and contemplates, "Hm. Should we try them both?"
Chaewon nods curtly, "Sure."
Yunjin calls the server and tells him what they're getting. He leaves and they're alone again.
"Good to know we're getting free food." Chaewon tells her after several very long and very agonizing minutes, "I guess that makes up for our friends' evil plan?"
To which Yunjin responds with an eye roll, "If they think they can bribe me with food —" she stops when she sees the server come back with the testers and waits for him to place the plates in front of them, she looks at Chaewon and continues "—they're absolutely right." She takes her fork and begins to eat, Chaewon laughs softly and follows her lead.
"These are delicious." Yunjin comments after her second piece of rangoon.
"Mm. They are but honestly, nothing beats the ones we had back in Hawaii." Chaewon replies, unable to stop herself. She half-expects Yunjin to cringe but the girl just chuckles, "From the one of the restaurants we ate at during our honeymoon? Top of Waikiki, right?"
Chaewon blinks, briefly taken aback by how casually Yunjin mentioned their honeymoon considering she visibly cringed when the receptionist called her Mrs. Huh-Kim earlier. "Y-Yeah. The food there was really fucking amazing. Didn't we plan to go back?"
"Yeah but you were someplace else and I wasn't really having it." Yunjin says dismissively.
"I'm sorry." Chaewon replies.
"Let's not... talk about it, okay?" Yunjin answers, breathing out, "It's not going to change anything."
Huh Yunjin, you are a liar.
Chaewon falls silent.
"We have good food, and we'll eat even more tonight, and our friends are getting married tomorrow too. So let's just try to have a good time, Chaewon." Yunjin continues, lying like it's second nature to her.
Say no, Chaewon. Tell me no, Chaewon.
"Okay." is all Chaewon says before picking up another piece of bruschetta.
Yunjin convinces herself that this is what she wants, that this is for the best. Still, she feels her heart clench when she realizes that Chaewon seems to be agreeing.
--
Way across the room sits Kazuha, Sakura, and Eunchae. They trailed behind Yunjin's car and arrived a few minutes after Chaewon and Yunjin did, purposely choosing the table right across theirs for easy viewing. They're still in their disguises and they're not really exposed to the risk of being bothered anymore since this food establishment had just been recently bought by Kazuha's father. She'd told them to not worry because it's pretty recent and Yunjin doesn't know yet, she'd told them they would be in the clear.
And they were, Kazuha seems to have roped all of the staff in on their plan but Sakura looks like she's about to lose every time Yunjin and Chaewon stop speaking to each other.
"They're just ignoring each other." Sakura whines to Kazuha who just shrugs, "Think they got put off when I asked Yujin to put Mrs. Huh-Kim?"
"That would have bothered Yunjin." Eunchae suggests, taking a chunk of bread from the complimentary basket.
"Oh, wait, they're talking!" Sakura hisses behind her glass of mimosa.
"Yunjin laughed! My plan is working!" Kazuha says with a devilish grin.
Sakura's face falls just as quickly as it had perked up, "Oh wait now they look serious."
"Why is this an emotional rollercoaster for us? We aren't the ones getting divorced." Eunchae says jokingly.
"I think we need love lives of our own, honestly." Sakura replies, staring blankly ahead, her expression a mix of acceptance and doom.
"Shhhh, they're back to laughing again! Now to make things even more romantic," Kazuha announces, rubbing her hands together like a maniacal mastermind. She calls the server and asks them to bring out the champagne for the couple to which the server complies and carries the champagne over to Chaewon and Yunjin's table.
A look of surprise which then turned to delight crosses Yunjin's face as the server hands them two glasses and puts the bottle down on their table. When he leaves, Kazuha could see Yunjin smiling, and the three of them could hear the couple's laughter echoing all over the room.
"Oh, shut up. You refused to even taste the watermelon panna cotta they offered!" they hear Chaewon say rather loudly.
"Well, it was my wedding, I didn't even want to think about having anything watermelon on the menu," comes Yunjin's also loud response.
"Booooo. What did watermelons ever do to you?"
The two of them erupt in laughter again.
Kazuha watches them, and listens to them, hand over her heart, and she almost tears up. It took years but her best friend's smile finally reaches her eyes.
"Romance is great." Eunchae says dreamily, leaning back on her seat with a smile.
--
Then
It's their first show back after a very successful world tour, Seoul was their home and it'd be a shame if they didn't play one last show there to end the world tour of all world tours before they rest. And everyone's pretty much pumped up; the air is swirling with satisfaction, fulfillment, and pride.
They're home.
And there's always something exhilarating when they're playing at their turf, there's no bias to the statement either. They can play in front of different crowds all over the world but they know Seoul; the city speaks to them, they know how it consumes and how it destroys. And that kind of connection isn't easily replicated.
"Hey," Yunjin says as she steps up next to Chaewon, they're hiding in the wings while they wait for their cue.
"Hi," Chaewon replies with a grin, "Last show before our break, how are you feeling?"
"Well, I had a really great tour and the fans were wild but honestly I'm just glad I get to go home with you."
Chaewon nods, impressed with how casual Yunjin has gotten with showing her affections, "Wow, Huh. You've become a pretty good sweet talker."
"Learned from the best."
Chaewon laughs, giving Yunjin a soft nudge, "Shut up."
"I'm excited." Yunjin adds, smiling, "There's always something magical about playing here."
"There is." Chaewon replies, wistful, eyes peering behind the wings. The crowd's already ecstatic, she can practically hear them screaming from behind. She looks at Yunjin and thinks that she's the luckiest girl on the planet.
Their stage manager's voice finally echoes from backstage, "LE SSERAFIM on stage, lights come in in five - four--"
Yunjin lets out a chuckle and says something almost inaudible before running to her seat behind the drums but Chaewon's able to pick up the 'I love you' despite the roar of the crowd. She mouths 'I love you too' before she scrambles and settles into her position; the lights flicker before dimming, white lights flash, engulfing the entire arena like lightning. Sakura catches her eye and flashes her a bright smile, Chaewon beams back and waits.
She comes in with the first riff with Eunchae following not too soon after. Yunjin builds up the beat; the crowd screams, shouts their names, and sings along with the words as soon as they leave Sakura's lips. They know every word; it's superb, wild, it's consuming, and Yunjin is right — it's fucking magical.
They're infinite, invincible. And they're home.
--
They finish the show still energized despite the fact that their limbs hurt.
"I can't believe it. We finished a world tour!" Yunjin exclaims gleefully, hand squeezing Chaewon's as they walk backstage.
"We fucking did!" Kazuha yells, overjoyed and still pumped up with leftover adrenaline.
"I love you guys." Chaewon tells them, heart overflowing with affection and gratefulness; she gets to do this with the people she cares about deeply, she gets to do this with the girl she loves.
"You cheeseball." Kazuha says playfully before pulling her friends into a tight hug.
"Let's do this for a million more years." Sakura answers, smiling even if her cheeks hurt.
"A million more years. I can work with that." Eunchae replies.
"Hello, say thank you Yujin." Yujin teases from behind. Kazuha pulls her into the group hug.
They've done it, they have it all. And everything is right in the world.
--
Yunjin and Chaewon decide not to go home with the rest of the group. They both agreed to stop by Sweet Tooth to buy and eat celebratory dessert. It's become kind of a tradition for them, back in college they used to do this after a grueling exam or a tiring evaluation and they carried it even after they got famous. It's trickier to walk the streets without getting recognized though, so they bundle up in their matching dark gray track suits and baseball caps before leaving the venue from the back exit.
It's a cold night out, and Chaewon thinks it might rain before they reach the bakeshop.
"I wish I brought our car." Yunjin mumbles regretfully.
"Pfft. It's fine, I like taking walks with you."
"You're scared of thunder though."
"That's why we should hurry, slow walker. I only have this cap on." Chaewon whines, making a big show of motioning to her baseball cap.
"Okay, okay, bossy." Yunjin harrumphs in annoyance, sticking her tongue out at Chaewon who giggles at her childish response. She holds her hand tighter as they begin to pick up their pace but they don't make it though. They run when they feel the first few droplets fall from the sky to their skin but more water falls before they even make it halfway to the bakeshop.
"Well, we're wet." Chaewon says, slowing to a stop at the sidewalk. They're in front of a music store and Yunjin's surprised that it's still open that late. They can hear music leaking through the walls despite the patter of the rain.
Come to me now, don't let me go.
"Yeah, we are. Why are you slowing down?" Yunjin asks, confused, not really pleased with getting wet from the rain.
"It's more romantic this way." Chaewon replies wistfully, trying to mimic a princess talking about finding her true love's kiss.
Stay by my side.
"There might be thunder." Yunjin tells her, raising an eyebrow, struck by Chaewon's carefreeness.
"It's just a rainstorm." Chaewon shrugs, smiling softly, "Besides, I feel safer with you."
Don't let me go.
They stand there under the pouring rain and Yunjin stares at her for a moment, contemplating, struck by how absolutely ethereal Chaewon looks even when she's drenched in rainwater. Water droplets hit the top of Chaewon's pink head, another sliding down Yunjin's cheek, most of them trickling down from the sleeves of their tracksuits down to their backs. Yunjin's feels overwhelmed, it feels like the world is ending and there's no one else but her and Chaewon.
Stay with me still.
Chaewon, Chaewon, Chaewon; her soulmate, her best friend who's smiling and laughing and twirling around under the rush of rain like she's not afraid of storms.
Yunjin's heart begins to bloom, she feels the same way when she first met her, when she first realized that she loved her immensely.
I've missed you so.
"Marry me." Yunjin blurts out.
"What?" Chaewon asks, caught off guard.
Yunjin replies, "I don't have the ring with me —"
"—There's already a ring? —"
"But I have my hair tie?" Yunjin rambles, proceeding to take her think black hair tie off her wrist and taking Chaewon's hand.
"Are you serious?" Chaewon questions, heart beating wildly against her chest. Yunjin looks back at her and Chaewon's hit by the intensity and the sincerity of her gaze.
"I love you, Chaewon. I've been in love with you for five years but it feels like I've loved you all my life. Marry me."
"Fuck." Chaewon mutters, she knows she's about to cry, "I'll love you for the rest of mine. Of course, I'll marry you." She reaches out, fists Yunjin's tracksuit in her hands, pulls her forward and kisses her. It's languid, and gentle, like there's no rush, like she's already won. Yunjin's eyelids flutter close her palms slip across Chaewon cheeks, dampened by the rain, as she kisses her back in surrender.
It isn't their first kiss, but with the way Yunjin sighs into Chaewon's mouth, with the way Chaewon's fingers comb through Yunjin's hair, how she tastes like rain and vanilla, how her heartbeat feels electrifying, Chaewon feels like it is.
Chaewon holds her closer, keeps kissing her, and Yunjin suddenly doesn't mind the storm anymore.
--
Now
After a few hours of talking, tasting, and critiquing the presented food, the two of them finally decided on the appetizers and the dessert. They step outside the building, feeling lighter than when they first entered.
"That wasn't too bad was it?" Chaewon asks, looking over at Yunjin beside her as they walk towards her car.
"Yeah it really wasn't, I gue — hey, you hear that noise?" Yunjin asks, smile dying from lips even before Chaewon could catch a glimpse of it.
"No?" Chaewon responds, they're almost halfway to the parking spot and the sidewalk is eerily silent, "Hear what?"
"Feels like a stampede is coming," Yunjin mutters, brows furrowed and voice serious. That's when Chaewon sees the first one with a huge camera step out from behind one of the cars in front of them. She and Yunjin exchange looks of worry. "Shit! They found us."
"Fuck. Give me a break."
"Hide! Don't let them see the whites of your eyes!" Chaewon yelps, turning around and searching for a convenient hole in the wall to hide in. Yunjin is unable to stop the giggle that rises up from her chest, Chaewon's always had a flair for the dramatics and Yunjin had always found it hilarious. But there are a few more paparazzi and tabloid reporters and a few fans who come out of hiding and Chaewon begins to feel trapped.
Suddenly, Yunjin grabs her hand and makes a break for it with Chaewon in tow, away from the people and their huge ass camera lenses about to close in on them. Chaewon feels the ache in her knees but pushes forward trying to match Yunjin's pace anyways. She curses the reporters inside her head, and inwardly whines about how having no privacy is one of the reasons why she hated the thought of coming back.
They dart quickly to an alleyway behind three telephone booths on the sidewalk and hold their breaths as they wait for the people who were trailing behind them to pass the booths. The two of them hear the chatter of people and footsteps making their way past them and they both sigh in relief. Yunjin erupts into loud guffaws.
"God. I really didn't miss that." Chaewon mumbles, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.
"They must have recognized the car or something. I'm sorry." Yunjin says, looking into Chaewon's eyes as her laughter dies down.
Chaewon blinks, momentarily stunned, "I-It's okay." Yunjin looks like she's stunned at the eye contact as well, so Chaewon thinks of a way to diffuse the sudden awkwardness and her feelings that are akin to what high school schoolgirls feel like when their crushes look them in the eyes or does so much as make eye contact with them. She ends up grinning teasingly at Yunjin, "I'm glad you like me enough to save me."
That seems to work because Yunjin huffs and rolls her eyes, "Our friends would beat my ass if I left you to die."
"In denial." Chaewon singsongs.
"You really think I still like you?" Yunjin asks her, eyebrows quirking upwards.
Chaewon gives her the smuggest grin she could muster, "You're holding my hand and staring into my eyes. So yes."
Yunjin looks down, eyes widening in realization. She is indeed still holding Chaewon's hand, tightly and with their fingers laced together just like they used to.
"Ugh," she harrumphs, letting go of the smug hand of the girl beside her.
Chaewon laughs, "Look at you blushing. I can't believe it."
Stop.
"Shut up. Before I go insane."
"Fine, fine. I'll let you have this one." Chaewon replies, she gives Yunjin a soft smile and adds, "I had fun honestly."
Yunjin shuts her eyes and breathes out before thinking 'fuck it, whatever' and says, "I did too. Even though I had to go out and take care of something despite having a terrible headache from all the drinking last night, I'm glad I got to do it with you."
Chaewon feels like her heart is about to burst inside her chest, "I'm glad I got to do it with you too."
Yunjin sighs, "Please don't tell Kazuha. I'm sure she's going to gloat."
Chaewon extends her hand and Yunjin seems to get what she means because she reaches out and takes hers, shaking it firmly as Chaewon says "Deal."
--
Back in the restaurant, the trio sees the entire debacle, they see Yunjin hold Chaewon's hand, laughing as they run away from the paparazzi and the fans. They shake each other's hands and begin congratulating themselves for a job well done.
"Well, I didn't plan the paparazzi thing so I guess we should thank Lady Luck or something." Kazuha says with a sheepish grin.
Sakura beams back at her, "I can't believe we pulled this off."
"Eagle One, Eagle Two, it's been an honor." Eunchae tells her friends, her tone bearing the solemnity of a soldier who just fought in a war.
Kazuha ruffles her hair and replies, "Our work here is done, T-Rex."
---
There's a time that I remember
When I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred
Was too powerful to stop...