We sat on the edge of my bed, clutching our controllers as one of our hands each flew into chip bags and candy bags, repeatedly, grabbing a handful then shoving it in our mouths. Then yelling at each other for not taking up their part of the mission we were so hellishly encapsulated in.
Zack pauses the game abruptly, holding out the joint for me to take from him.
"Here, take this for a second. My phone keeps going off like crazy. Just gonna check." he says.
I carefully transferred it into my hand, beginning to take on it a few times before inhaling slowly.
"Zack, the phone will still be there. So will Jenna. Calm down." I laugh softly, watching him.
He doesn't say anything for a moment. Instead, he stares at his screen, his lips parting slowly as his jaw slowly drops. The silence went on for so many seconds, now I was curious.
"What? Why do you look like that?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows a bit.
"It's Hannah. She and Josh broke up man—dude this is your moment!" he raises his voice, beginning to smack my back in excitement.
"Ow, what the fuck? What are talking about dude?" I groan, holding my back.
"Check it," he says, handing me his phone.
I take it into my hand and look at the screen. Hannah's status had been updated to 'single'. Lord knows it's like the millionth time.
I roll my eyes and toss the phone onto his lap, "And? What would you like me to do with this information, Zack?" I say, grabbing the controller quickly before pressing start.
"Silas." he says, pounding the button on his controller to pause the game, yet again, "Bro I want you to stop being a pussy and finally ask her out."
My nostrils flare a bit as I stare at the TV for a moment.
"I—I just can't, okay? Why are you up my ass about this?" I finally look at him.
"Because. If I could ask out Jenna, then you can ask out Hannah. You're about to be a bachelor, and you have nothing to lose." he insists, half smiling.
"Yeah except my dignity. Have you seen me? Or her? She's way out of my league," I shake my head, "I'm like a bootleg Jonah Hill."
"Would you just think about it?" he pleads.
"Fine. Whatever."
~
Even though it wasn't our first time seeing each other, it almost felt like it. I feel like I'm having to regain all that confidence I had built up before. This fuzzy feeling I keep getting. Every time I try to brush it off, it never seems to work. Not as long as I'm thinking about her.
It wasn't like it was some special occasion, but in my opinion, appearances matter when you're trying to make first impressions. I wouldn't say that I'm completely insecure. Not anymore at least. It's just that I'm always finding a problem with myself when things aren't exactly how I want them to be.
The one thing I do know is that I'm eager to see her in her natural habitat. I don't think I've ever known anyone who was a real ballerina. It's one of those things that you won't believe they exist until you see one in person. They all seem so unreal. Dainty, frail, and tiny. Just completely delicate.
Ideas are still in my mind though. About us not talking after the hookup. I have so many questions, but in the same breath, I know I should just keep my mouth shut about some things. It's not always my business or place to have an opinion.
Nevertheless, I just wanted to see her. Kiss her. Hug her. Doesn't matter whether the discourse transpires before or after. Just as long as she feels the same.
I put on a tan short sleeve, button-up shirt, pairing it with a white t-shirt, black cropped slacks, and white Adidas. I'm never sure of what the vibe is when I get dressed. I wasn't sure if I was doing way too much, or not enough at all. Once I put a few rings on and a bit of cologne, I made my way to the garage to find my car. The studio was maybe a twenty-minute walk from my place. I figured I could get a good after-dinner walk-in if I took advantage of that, so I did so. Taking my time of course.
I don't think she has a car, so I can assume I'll just walk her home, considering it's the night. Or maybe get us a taxi. Regardless, the first goal was just to get there first, and not get ahead of myself like I always do.
The weather on the way was questionable. Windy, but warm. Sounds pretty great. Hot weather, nice breeze—great combination right? Wrong. Usually, here, that means rain. Almost always. I was a few minutes away now, but regretting my choice of transportation, immensely.
Approaching the studio, I could see a few of the little students, coming out of the door with Vera. She was so cute. Her hair parted and slicked back into a near bun—plus she had this pretty pink ribbon holding it all together. Her face was bare, and as I got closer to her, I could see all her little beauty marks, clear as day.
The young girls looked up at me, snickering and whispering amongst each other. I couldn't make it out, but it was kind of cute. Each of them looked to be maybe six or seven. They also had their hair in tiny buns. One of them had two buns, even.
Vera's head raises as she adjusts the bags on their backs. She looks at me and smiles, waving.
"Girls, this is Mr. Elsher. He makes buildings in the city." she looks down at them, smiling.
One of them, with brunette hair and almond skin, waves. The other, grins. She had ginger hair and bright green eyes. They were beyond adorable. It had to be so fulfilling to be able to teach little ones. They're so innocent.
"Hi, I'm Kayla," the brunette says, "Miss Vee talks about you every day." she giggles.
Glancing at Vera, my lips purse into a smile, "Does she, now?" I ask in a gentle tone.
The ginger-haired one, nods, "Yeah, she says you're just friends, but I think she likes you. My name is Alexis." she continues to grin.
Vera's face becomes red.
Suddenly a car pulls up in front, rolling a window down.
"Let's go girls!" a woman calls out from inside.
Both of the girls begin to run to the car, opening the door and crawling into it. They swiftly shut it behind them and all waves before driving off.
Vera rubs her brow softly, laughing softly, "I'm sorry. They have... big personalities."
I smile fully, "They're adorable—" I try to talk but my sentence is cut off by thunder. We both look up.
"Let's get inside." Vera grabs my hand, pulling me inside, snapping my attention back to her.
The studio was mostly pink. Soft pink. Furry stuffed animals and pillows everywhere. Clouds too. There were those little glow-in-the-dark space stickies on the ceiling that made it look like the sky in the dark. It was really something.
"I have to clean up. Some of the girls were playing some games," she says, kneeling to pick up a bunch of cards and dolls.
She wore a unitard jumpsuit, in gray, with long sleeves. She paired it with a wrap skirt and leg warmers going down her shins to meet her pointe shoes.
"Here, let me help you." I kneel with her, beginning to father things.
"I'm glad you came. I wish it was better, but it's been my little place for a few years now, she says, looking at me.
"It's amazing in here, what do you mean?" I furrow my brows slightly, smiling.
She smiles back, putting things in a bin beside us. I put my collected items in as well. I place a hand on the floor, reaching for something else and tossing it in. She sits on her knees now, putting her hand on mine.
"Silas," she says vocally.
"Hm?"
Looking at her, she presses her lips against mine, closing her eyes. Her other hand reaches for my cheek, her thumb against my jaw. Closing my eyes, I don't fight it. I just kiss back, taking in what I'd secretly been waiting for this whole time. I just couldn't be man enough to make the first move this time.
Pulling away, ever so slowly, she hums softly.
"It's been a little too long without that," she murmurs.
"So you missed me?" I whisper, chuckling.
She bites her lip softly, looking down, holding back her amusement.
"It's okay, you can say it," I shrug, "I'm pretty missable," I add, teasing the idea.
She huffs out a breath of air, smiling.
She slowly lifts her body from the floor, standing up, and I follow after her. Her smile falls, slowly.
"After we talked, I considered everything you said. About having my studio? So, I applied for this business loan—it was on a whim, it's stupid, I know." she rambles.
"No—what? No, it's not stupid, Vera, c'mon." I rush my words, hoping to reassure her.
She sighs, "I haven't opened the letter. I mean, what if it says no? Then what?" she shakes her head.
"Then you just wait and you try again. And you keep trying until you get it." I say, placing a hand on her bicep, softly.
She looked up at me for a moment before looking down, walking over to a nearby chair that had an envelope on it. Picking it up, she turns toward me, holding it up.
"My feelings get hurt too easily. I don't know why I can't be more excited about this," she says quietly.
I watch her and shake my head, walking over, "Then let me. I'll read it first, that way you don't have to have the initial shock."
Vera nods, and I eventually reach her, taking the envelope. I rip the edge, tearing a hole so I can slip the papers out. I could already see the short paragraph, which was already telling. It probably wasn't a good sign. But I managed to keep a straight face.
I unfold the paper, opening it so that I can see every word. Vera looks at me with serious eyes, watching intently. My eyes scroll over the paper, examining every single word. They weren't good words. The answer was officially 'No'.
"Uh, well, it's not what we hoped for. But it's not the end all be all?" I suggest, disappointed in the result I just received.
She glances at the floor before speaking, "I guess, no." she says quietly.
Disappointed, she crosses her arms. I couldn't blame her. She shows every single credential needed to be able to attain what she wants. I just wish it would work out for her.
"Vera, there is no doubt in my mind that you should probably be in New York, dancing for some elaborate company. Not here. Why didn't you stay?" I ask, hoping to begin to lighten the topic or at least ease her mind.
She looks down at the floor again.
"Tevin." She nearly whispers.
Tevin? Like the Tevin?
"Half of the time, I've only been an object to him. And looking back on it all, I'm pretty sure he never loved me to begin with. This entire thing is stupid to him." she buries her head in her hands.
My lips curl into a frown as I place an arm around her, pulling her body into mine for a hug. My other arm wraps around her, holding her tightly. Shoving her face in my chest, I begin to hear soft whimpers escaping her body.
"Forget about him, please. I care. Nothing you do could ever be unimportant, to me." I whisper, kissing her head.
This is how I know her. More like how she knows me. Tevin. And now I have even more of a reason to hate that fucker.
He's selfish. Maybe more than selfish. Conniving. Manipulative. Everything you could think of. Cheating his way through every single opportunity that comes his way. And it seems like he leads the same life in his relationships.
I've only been in his presence a few times. Not more than I can count on one hand. But from what I've seen—and based on fighting—it's all a game to him. So are people's feelings.
"I need to close the studio. Will you come home with me? Maybe Lauren and Landon are home. Then you can see the inside of my fabulously small house." she weakly smiles, letting out a tiny laugh.
I smile, letting her pull away from me, "Whatever you want. I'll follow." I lightly shrug.
"Okay. Yeah." she breathes.
I wasn't sure if meeting Lauren was a good thing or a bad thing. Landon was only her boyfriend. But best friends are the ones who give the approval. The ones who let you know your significant other is actually the hugest loser you've ever met. And in the world of women, you can multiply that by ten.
I wasn't expecting Lauren to love me. Hell, it wasn't her I wanted anyway. But based on the fifteen minutes of bragging that Vera did during our walk to her place, her friend wasn't just any friend. I managed to get the angel side. And now it was time to meet the demon. At least that's what Vee says.
"Okay, so Landon isn't my favorite, but just ignore him. He doesn't live here, but if nobody told you that, you would never know." Vera says, seemingly bothered by that as she unlocks the door.
I follow inside the house behind her as the door opens and she leads us in. The room was potent with the smell of chicken Marsala. Good too. There was light music playing. I could make it out enough to tell it was Mac Miller. Lauren stood at the table, plating food. Landon paced around, shirtless as he drank a beer.
"Good, you're back Vera. With company, I see. Who's this?" she asks, putting food on each plate as she takes a second to look at us.
"Hey, yeah—uh, this is Silas. Silas, meet Lauren and that's her boyfriend Landon." Vee says, looking up at me as she gestures to both of them.
I give a small wave, nodding, "What's up? It's nice to meet you guys."
"Cool, so there's enough for everyone. Silas, get ready to eat." Lauren says, sounding similar to my mother.
Vera giggles quietly and looks up at me, "Here, let me hang your jacket up." she says, allowing me to remove it before she takes it.
"Yeah, man, get comfortable," Landon says, approaching us as he holds out his hand for me to shake.
I watch his body language, looking inviting, but also performative. I held my hand out anyhow, linking it with his as I shook it firmly. His lacked seriousness.
I saw his eyes avert themselves to my biceps, looking my body up and down almost.
"Damn dude, whataya do for a living? You're insanely in shape." he lets out some laughter.
Vera rolls her eyes and says, "He's a boxer. He works out. Something you never do."
I half smile, huffing out a forced laugh, "It's just a little dabbling. Nothing crazy."
Landon looks at Vera and begins to laugh, slowly walking away.
"Guess you do have a type," he calls out.
"Thank you, Landon. Your commentary is always exceptional." Vera says speedily, turning crimson in embarrassment.
Her small hand grabs hold of mine, leading me down the hallway to reach the bedroom that sat at the end of the hall. She pushed her door open, pulling me in swiftly so that she could close the door once again.
As we entered, I was able to take a good look around the room. Framed pictures of Audrey Hepburn. Different white lights dangling from the corners of the ceiling. Even a a vanity—which in my opinion solidified the theme. Everything was perfectly placed in its assigned spot. Neat. Clean.
Vera hung my jacket on a hook that was nailed to the back of her door, then took her jacket off as well, hanging it up as well.
"Not gonna lie, I was a little bit intimidated by your condo," she smiles a little as she begins to take her shoes off, "it makes all this seem like nothing." she laughs softly.
I smile, speaking, "Nah, I wouldn't think that at all. Having roommates—sharing? It's nice. My condo? Pretty lonely."
She purses her lips before smiling as she rolls her eyes, "Listen, just gimme a few minutes to change. Hang out, take your shoes off, maybe?" she suggests, picking bobby pins from her bun.
I nod as she smiles before going into what seems to be a walk-in closet. Doing as told, I shove my shoes off with each foot, neatly pushing them to the side before walking to the bed, and sitting on the edge. I begin to rub my hands together softly, looking around more.
Bringing my gaze to my side, I see her nightstand. It was occupied by jewelry, a candle, and some change. There was also a framed picture, but it was facing down. I'm normally pretty great at minding my business. You kind of learn it by default when you were the prime target for being picked on.
But with this, I was genuinely curious. It was facing down, so maybe it was supposed to stay like that? Or maybe it accidentally fell. Who's in the picture?
I turned my head to glance at the closet, seeing that she was still in there, hearing her shuffling around with drawers. A little peak wouldn't hurt, right?
Quickly, I lifted the frame, taking a look at what was beneath it. Once I could make it out, I just wished I would've let myself stay curious.
In the picture were Vera and Tevin, hugged up in what looked to be a black-and-white studio kind of thing. To add insult to injury, they were kissing.
"Okay, I think I'm good!" I hear Vera call out, her footsteps making their way to me.
Softly, yet abruptly, I drop the frame back down, turning my body toward her.
"Ready?" she asks, now standing in the doorway of the closet, grinning.
"Uh—yeah. Yeah, let's go." I say, now standing up.
My stomach was in my ass at this point, but I'm still gonna pretend that I didn't see that. A million questions are running through my brain, yet it really could just be nothing at all. After all, that is her ex.
But even still, after she told me that, I can't seem to fathom how someone like him, could be with someone like her. Or even equate to her level. But from the sound of it, the relationship wasn't something to look up to. Instead, it was doomed. Hence me being here with her, I would assume.
We went back to the dining room where Lauren had plated everyone's meal and paired it with champagne. Everything looked delicious but tasted even more so. I even found it kind of funny how she gave Landon and me the big portions, while she and Vera the small ones.
And of course, Vera had her variation of chicken, that wasn't actually chicken at all. It looked pretty questionable in my opinion, but she didn't bat an eye. She even tried to give me a few bites—to which I immediately declined—but the gesture was so cute, that I almost regret not doing so.
Conversation was ongoing, and almost similar to a debate. I mostly listened, but it was interesting to see Lauren be such an openly opinionated person. Vera wouldn't agree with everything, yet it remained a civil, genuine adult conversation.
Landon would bring up the fact that the prices of things were too much. Or how he didn't like that certain people could live in such nice areas and be allowed to ruin them. Not holding back, just fully going in, even with Lauren disagreeing.
"That's because you're a child of money." she would say, or "You could never last a day in poverty."
They were relentless with each other. Like an old, married couple. A vibe you could envy—if you were looking for it. Vera would chime in, here and there, agreeing with Lauren or adding on.
She would say, "They're all money machines. Taxes are just a cash grab. We have potholes in front of the house from almost two years ago."
I had to laugh.
It was real. Honest. I felt normal for once, in a long time. Nobody is too high on their horse to accept how you feel around them. That, and it was pretty attractive to see Vera speak her mind. It could've been the champagne, but it didn't matter. It was nothing short of appealing.
She talked more and more as the mingling ensued. Everyone kinda did. Lauren told me about her job as a vet technician. She relentlessly expressed her interest in that. Then Landon, who's a statistical analyst. That would explain his sense of sarcasm and lackluster personality. He and Lauren somehow mesh though.
We wrapped up the night with a game. Landon suggested 'Cards Against Humanity' since were all a few drinks in, and that makes it all the more fun. Somehow I'd found myself a glass of champagne and two beers in. Not a lot. But based on the loose feeling in my body, it was enough to have me buzzed.
Vera spoke more about her girls. How they go on road trips to dance. Competitions that they've won. Normally I would find that annoying—the constant talking. But she wasn't. She only became more interesting. I could listen to her talk all night.
Eventually, it got so late, the game was nonexistent. Lauren was getting tired, and the music was getting slower. Landon was practically falling asleep in his chair. After a few minutes of small bickering, Landon gave up the fight and decided to the bedroom. Lauren followed after him, now too long afterward.
"I'll clean up more in the morning. You guys just hang out until whenever. I'm exhausted." she says, kissing Vera's temple and waving to me before walking down the hallway.
Now we were alone.
Vera chugs the last but of champagne that was in her glass, tilting her head back to get it all. She then sets it on the table, bringing her knees to her chest, fitting her entire little body on the chair as she hugs her legs. Resting her chin on her knees, she smiles at me with glassy eyes.
"And then there was just the two of us..." she sighs pleasantly, "Not gonna lie, I'm tipsy," she says, giggling quietly.
The faint sound of Daniel Caesar was playing in the background on the little speaker still, setting the mood. I smile at her, leaning back as I rest an arm on the table, watching her. She had let her hair down and brushed it at some point after dinner. And now it was full and curly. Curls so big you could get lost in them.
Maybe it's the fact that Vera had incredible taste in music, making me get in my feelings—or it could just be the few drinks taking over—but it was becoming hard not to stare.
Picking up my beer, I copy her actions with the champagne, chugging and finishing it. Yet still, I kept my eyes on her.
"You're doing that thing again. The staring," she says, almost inaudible.
My eyes felt dull, but still alert. Raising my shoulders a bit, I smile. I couldn't help myself. She's always so irresistible, no matter what she's doing.
"Nothing. Just looking." I say in a mellow tone.
She continues to watch me, her eyes slowly sizing me up. If it were up to me, I would kiss her right now. Hold her. Any reason I could think of to have a physical connection with her right now.
Her legs finally plop back down and her feet touch the floor as she stands up, beginning to collect glasses. The suspense was painful at this point, so I decided to just take matters into my own hands.
Reaching my hand out, my arm extends, far enough to grab onto her waist, pulling her into the space between my legs. My eyes slowly work their way up her body, the closer she gets until I'm able to lock my eyes with hers.
"I just wanna spend a moment with you, please? Before you do any of that." I murmur, gravely, biting my lip softly.
Her hair almost drapes over me as she looks down, resting her hands on my shoulders, nodding, "Okay."
The music continues to play in the background, slowly fading into the next song. There was a weird tension between us, but the pressure was only being applied on my side. She was nervous, and I could tell. I just couldn't figure out why. Or if it was okay to take any next steps. I just had to go for it.
"So," I say, squeezing her waist softly, still looking up at her.
"Hm?" she hums.
"How long are we gonna pretend like what happened, never happened?" I quietly jester, holding some seriousness to the question.
"Well, actually, I dunno," she turns her eyes away now, tucking her hair behind her ears, "I honestly didn't think you would take me seriously. I wasn't sure what this was gonna be. I thought maybe you would forget about me," she admits.
Kinda brutal, but valid.
"Vera," I chuckle softly, "I haven't stopped thinking about you. You pitched a tent in my mind and I can't get you out."
She throws her head back, letting out a light but joyous laugh, making me smile as I watch her, holding onto her body. It was like she didn't care about gravity or anything else. Her hand moves to the crick of my neck, holding onto me as she now sits on my lap.
As her laugh fizzles out, she kisses my jawline softly, smiling widely now. Her amusement is wonderful. But I can't help but wonder what she was doing all that time. Or if she felt the same. I mean, truly. A lot of people can say whatever they want, and still not mean a damn thing.
"Did you think about me at all?" I whisper as she kisses my cheek now, right near my ear.
"Silas, I think you just think too much." she breathes out softly, running a few fingers through my hair, turning my head to face her now.
Our lips brush together softly as she lingers there.
"I just want you for myself..." I continue to speak quietly, "So badly—"
Before I could go on, she shut me up. Her hand holds my head securely, ensuring that I can't escape her lips. But I didn't want to. Our lips begin to move in sync with each other, along with the music. It was all so perfect.
My nose fills with the smell of strawberries as I taste her lips, deepening the kiss. It's tender. Delicate. I missed it so much. I don't think I even knew I wanted this, this badly until this moment.
It was the warm, fuzzy feeling that had me locked in. Her fingers still exploring my hair. She was so effortlessly sensual and fiery.
Her lips begin to slowly part from mine. I didn't want it to end. My lips follow hers, hesitant to pull away, but I let her go. She then rests her head on my chest, leaning into me.
Wrapping my arms around her, I lean back in my chair, holding her. I could hold her all night. And I think I will.
Everything was so clear. It was almost scary. Suddenly, I was back home. Back to the beginning. I could tell by the structure of the house and what decorations we happened to have on the walls. Pure nostalgia should be creeping in at any moment. But instead, I'm terrified. I can feel it all around. A negative aura.
The carpet underneath my feet was matted from age. And the wooden banisters had chipped paint from me running my hand up and down it. And the old, silver box TV that sat in the center of the wall in the living room was extraordinarily shiny. It was my childhood home. The same home my mom resides now.
Lifting my hands, I look down at them, checking for some kind of hint, I guess.
Just then, a small child sweeps past my legs, running through the living room where I stood. He was laughing. Flying a small paper plane. He turned in circles, laughing.
"Hey..." I say, watching him.
He slows down, coming to a stop before he turns to me, getting the rest of his giggles out.
"Hi," he says, smiling.
His face. I couldn't believe who I was looking at. My body couldn't pinpoint a proper reaction.
It was me.
The interaction was short-lived. Without a care, he went back to playing with his plane. Running around the table.
My eyes couldn't help but follow him, watching him run toward the kitchen, straight into another familiar face. Short, with long brown hair. Laughing at the child version of me. His sporadic behavior. She adored it.
He turns around and proceeds with his game.
"Mom?" I ask, knowing it was her. But something about this felt sketchy.
She ignores me. Watching the small me.
"Mom," I say louder, using a more serious tone.
Still nothing.
Why won't she acknowledge me? Can she see me? He can see me. None of this makes any sense.
I take it upon myself to walk over to her space now. I wanted her attention.
"Mom—hey." I start to reach my arm out, but a small hand grabs me, stopping me in my tracks.
"Don't you understand? She can't see you. It's too late." the small boy states.
"No—no see she's right there. I can get her attention." I plead.
This urge to make her see me—it was strong.
"You waited too long. She's mad at you." he begins to laugh.
My eyebrows furrow. Mad at me for what? What did I do?
I look for her again. But this time she's gone. So I look back down at him.
"She's mad at you!" he screams, sending a jolt through my body.
His voice goes into a distortion. Deep and grave.
"She's mad at you! She's mad at you!" he continues to scream, laughing maniacally now.
The room fills with his cries, sending our surroundings into an uproar. The walls moving in, the floor shaking me. And he only kept going.
I throw my hands over my ears, closing my eyes, now. I could scream but my insides couldn't reach my fight or flight mechanism. I was trapped.
"Stop it! I didn't do anything!" I shoot my words back, praying for him to let up.
But he didn't.
And the room got smaller.
And the floor shook harder.
And I screamed louder.
I could feel my body becoming damp. Closing my eyes felt like a safe space. I held them until I could feel some sense of reality.
Or at least the feeling of the blanket suffocating me.
~
I was drenched. I could feel it all over. Like I was standing smack dab in the middle of a shower. Yet my clothes were still on. And I couldn't catch my breath.
My body was still shaking. Swaying side to side vigorously. This didn't seem like one of those dreams. But I swear I could hear an angel calling my name.
Fighting to open my eyes, my arms fly out, tossing the blanket off of my body as I sit up.
"Silas, get up, now!" the voice fades in, turning into an alerting yell.
Now I could open them.
But once I did, it was pitch dark. I was still in bed. And Vera was holding my shoulder, giving me this look as if she had seen a spirit. To boot, my heart was pounding trying to level out with my lungs, which were struggling to find air.
Looking around for a moment, I swing my legs out onto the floor, feeling the cold carpet on my toes. I inhale, trying to take a deep breath, sweat dripping off my face now.
"Breathe, please," she whispers, rubbing my back gently, "Wanna tell me what that was?" she asks.
The hell if I know?
"It's so hot," I whine, deeply, picking and pulling at my shirt that was now sticking to my body.
"Hey—shhh," she says, brushing some hair out of my face.
"I'm sorry I woke you up. I just—there's so much." I finally catch my breath, burying my head in my hands.
"I don't care. You just seem so—disturbed," she admits.
Disturbed was right.
"Silas, I think your body is giving you a sign to take a break." she quietly suggests, laying a cheek on my shoulder.
Her voice vibrates through my body.
"I could. But it wouldn't change a thing. It's me." I mumble.
"What do you mean?"
"If I could let go of the past, it wouldn't drive me up such a wall."
She becomes silent, responding with a somber sigh. She kisses my neck softly.
"I'm gonna get you some water," she murmurs.
She stands up from the bed, heading to the door. I watch as she exits the room and flies down the hall, leaving me sat there.
I never have been good at expressing myself. Verbally. But the downside of that is it only haunts you. Follows you into your adulthood. Starts to make you have nightmares. Uncontrollable dreams.
And that's the only time you curse them.