"I'm sorry you had to meet me in the state I am in," I say looking down at my hands that were rubbing soothing circles in my stomach.
"I don't mind. I've wanted to meet you since the day I found out you were born but your mother wouldn't allow me in the room." Hank spoke out as he pours me a glass of lemonade and takes a seat in his office chair.
I nodded my head too afraid to look up and meet his gaze. The moment I spoke those words about being his daughter, he smiled but when his eyes drifted down to my stomach, they grew wide and I don't know if it was from judgment or from the shock that he had a teen parent as a child.
"I want you to know that I wanted to be in your life Aaliyah, but your mother wouldn't allow it," Hank says making me look up since I first got here. He stared at me with the same blue eyes that I inherited. "She said it could confuse you and we didn't want that for you."
"I understand. I just wished I knew who you were at least." I said shrugging my shoulders.
"Have some information about you, so I could have faith that my father did care for me."
"I do Aaliyah. You may not believe me, but every year I send money to a separate account for you. Your mother and I set it up for you when you were a baby. You actually have enough for college and to help raise your own." He states gesturing to my baby.
I bit my lip as I stared down at my stomach.
"Why didn't you try or at least put up a fight? Did you really not want me?"
"I wanted you, believe me, I did. But when Susie, your step-mother, got pregnant with Hannah, I was stuck between two beautiful women who both needed me." He said shaking his head as he rested his hands on the desk. "I couldn't leave one, so when I wanted to be in both, your mother pushed me away and said she could do it in her own. Your mother is very strong Aaliyah, and I know she raised you right, but you lacked that father figure that you needed to help you."
I don't say anything else as we just stare at each other. His black hair had specks of grey in it, showing that he was slowly aging but still looked in his mid-forties. He had the brightest smile, a smile that made me want to smile but I couldn't let my guard down when I just met him.
I need answers on why he didn't fight for me. Why he didn't fight for us.
"When you were born, Susie was two months away from Hannah, I wanted both of my daughters in my life but your mom, as I said before, didn't want to complicate things, so she made up a story about how the father didn't exist." He says as my eyes widen at the fact that my own mother lied about my birth father from the beginning.
"You mean you didn't sign my birth certificate?"
Hank shook his head with a sad smile as his eyes drift down to the desk. The sound of the rain lightly hitting the window is the only sound being heard through the office as we just sit there silently.
"I'm not trying to make your mother out like the
bad guy Aaliyah. I respect your mother and I had to respect your wishes. We both agreed when you were older that if you wanted to know who I am, then we'd schedule a meeting."
"All this time, you knew who I was. Where I'd be at any given moment, yet you still didn't have the dignity to talk to me?"
"Aaliyah, at the time your mother didn't give me the rights, heck I still don't because I'm not on the birth certificate," Hank said shaking his head. "I wanted to speak to you, but my mind told me that I needed to respect your mother and the boundaries she placed."
"You could have fought back!" I say throwing my hands in the air. "You're my dad, you have as many rights as she does," I explain as he just shakes his head and runs his hands through his salt and pepper hair.
"I know, but with everything going on, I couldn't have all the stress on my plate."
I sigh and slump back into my seat. Instead of meeting his burning gaze, look around the office that had family pictures hung up nicely along the wall, each with Susie, my so-called step-mother, and Hannah, my sister.
They all had this picture perfect family look going on and it made me feel sick to the stomach.
If he picked a fight with my mom, would I be included in those pictures?
Would Hannah and I be close? Would we have that sister bound that I see every other sibling have?
"When did Hannah find out that I was her sister?" I asked looking away from one of the family pictures that was taken in Hawaii and back at Hank who was smiling sadly at me.
"She overheard Susie and I fighting back when
she was nine, she confronted us but we both told her she couldn't tell anyone, not even you," Hank said shaking his head as he took another drink.
I nodded my head and looked down at my lap with a frown. Well, at least I know why Hannah hates me. She probably thinks my mom ruined her parent's marriage, which she probably did.
"Is that why Hannah bullies me?" I ask looking up from my lap and up to Hank who raises his eyebrow at me.
"Hannah bullies you?"
I shook my head as Hank sighs and runs his hand down his face in frustration.
Great. I just got Hannah in trouble because I had to go off and open my big mouth.
"That girl I swear," Hank mutters before giving me a sad smile. "I'm sorry Aaliyah, I don't know why Hannah would say anything rude about you."
I nodded my head and looked down at the ground, something that I've been doing a lot lately since I first arrived. I'm nervous, and I feel weird looking at the man who is my father.
"I remember when you used to dance Aaliyah. Your mom would invite me to the school for your performances, you were outstanding." Hank said giving me a sad smile once again.
"Believe me I wanted to bring you roses to congratulate you, but I thought it would be weird if some random man did." He said with an awkward laugh.
Which was understandable, I honestly don't know what I would think if some random guy walked up to me after my dance performance and gave me roses to congratulate me. Yes, l'd be flattered, but at the same time sort of creeped out.
"Has my mom talked to then? To update you on anything?" I ask as he shook his head no.
"Not since you stopped dance in eighth grade. I've wanted to reach out to you believe me on that."
"I believe you," I whispered looking away.
I was shocked. My visit with my dad didn't go like I thought it would. I thought he'd push me away and tell me to never come back, especially since my mom could have been the reason that his marriage was falling apart.
Maybe that's why Hannah hates me so much.
Hank said that Hannah overheard her parents fighting when she found out and thought I caused it.
It would mean something to her, I don't know how I would feel if my mom was married to my dad and I found out he had an affair and got another girl pregnant.
My mind would probably go off in hating the woman and the child even though the child does anything, I would.
You can judge me for that, but how would you feel? Your dad having an affair and having another child. It may be your sibling, but at the moment at the time, you can't help but feel broken and ashamed or even embarrassed.
I know later though I'd love that child like the older sister I was, it's hard not to when you get to know them.
But that wouldn't explain why Hannah would hold that grudge for so long. Wouldn't she have gotten tired of it?
"Aaliyah, I want you to know, as fucked up as it sounds," Hank says bringing me out of my train of thought. "You saved my marriage with Susie.
If your mother didn't get pregnant, Susie would have left me, but she wanted to make it work. She thought you were the key to saving our marriage."
I stare at him in confusion. What the hell was he talking about? Did I save his marriage? I'm confused.
"You're confused." He laughs as he shakes his
head. "What I mean is, Susie at the time couldn't get pregnant, so when she found out she was thrilled, she didn't care if you were a stepchild, you were still her daughter." He exclaims as I slowly nod my head.
"But my mom didn't want the confusion on me, and felt like she ruined your marriage even though she saved it?"
Hank nods his head as I let out a sigh and close my eyes.
This was a lot to take in. I mean not only did I confront my father, but I also got new information that not even my own mother would or could tell me.
I was happy, yes. I got information about the family I knew I had but never knew about, but I couldn't help but also feel left out because my mom kept me away from a family that I knew would accept me with time.
"As I said, I don't want your mother to be the bad guy because I like your mother and I love that she raised you perfectly," He says taking my hand that was now on the table. "Just like ice would have wanted you became the strong beautiful girl that you are today."
I smile at his choice of words and nod my head.
We both stand up from our chairs and lean over the desk and give each other a hug. I close my eyes, taking in the first hug that I get to share with my dad before pulling away.
"Thank you for not pushing me away." Hank nods his head. "I would never."
I pick up my purse that was resting by my feet and give Hank one last smile before walking to the door with him.
"Aaliyah, if it's not too late, I would really like it if I could be in your life," Hank says as we walk to the front door. "I know I haven't been the perfect father, but I really would like to try."
"I'd like that Hank," I say giving him a smile. I would call him dad, but that would probably be weird calling someone dad when you just met.
Hank walks me to my car and gives me one last hug.
"I'd like it if you'd come over to dinner tomorrow night. You could meet Susie and possibly talk things out with Hannah."
I nodded my head. "That sounds great."
"Perfect, I'll let Susie know and I'Il call your grandmother to tell you the time."
I nod my head agreeing with that before getting in my car. Hank waits until I'm out of the driveway before walking back inside the house.
On the way home, I couldn't help but think that my life is finally falling into place. That I'm actually getting the life that I've always wanted to have, but I'm not going through it alone, I have someone to help keep my guard up and help me through it all. Even if he or she isn't born yet, they are still with me