For Stellarideschild.
Post the RPG, Stella is in hospital, and when she is discharged..she still needs some looking after. The bits we didn't see..
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Maggie Lockwood stuck her head around the door, and her face softened. Strictly speaking, she should ask Kelly Severide to get off the patients bed, but Maggie was a romantic at heart, and she had seen this firefighter go through too much heartache to begrudge him his need to be close to his wife right now, so she quietly closed the door and left them alone.
Inside the room the monitors were keeping a steady vigil to the side of her, hooked up to her arm and chest, but her husband was carrying out his own, lying half across her, mindful of where the shrapnel had sliced into her, oblivious to his own discomfort, or the tight width of the hospital bed. Kelly had an overwhelming need to be close to her, and this is how he wanted to do it so he could touch her warmth and feel her heartbeat under his fingers.
For Stella, in sleep there was a comforting weight around her, not heavy, but a sense of safety and a familiarity that she was accustomed to, instantly chasing away the shadows that lurked at the pheripherary of her brain.
Her eyes flickered open, surprised by the struggle that simple action required.
It took a few seconds to assimilate where she was, the dim lighting around the hospital room, planned to make her reentry into consciousness a little easier, but the flicker of the stream of light, sparked one of the last memories she had, after those words....
"Take cover!"
A memory spun and respun, a vortex of fear, crashing through her and into a scream that tore from her throat, her fingers clutching at his shirt, eyes wild and round in her face.
"Hey, hey, ......" Hey...."
She stared at him as awareness still struggled to find its way into her brain.
"I've got you.. I've got you...."His face was next to hers, anxiously looking over his shoulder at the monitor, torn between yelling for a doc and holding her shaking body against him.
Slowly, her arms crept around him, and her head buried into his chest, and Kelly held her, muffled sobs disappearing into his chest.
*
Stella couldn't decide which one of them looked worse, Kelly or her. His face was drawn, his eyes puffy from lack of sleep, and hers wasn't much better when she had glanced in a mirror earlier and seen the dark shadows under her eyes.
"Kelly, you should go home and get some sleep."
"I'm fine. I got some while you were sleeping."
"You can't rest in that chair.."
"Im fine."
He had been with her almost twenty-four seven at Med for the last two days, and he looked exhausted.
"You're so stubborn." Stella was lying with her face turned to one side, with Kelly having pulled his chair nearer to her, resting his head next to hers, so their faces were inches from each other.
His laugh remained trapped in the blueness of a spring sky, his mouth barely moving. "I could say that about someone I know, too."
The wound on her ribs was sore, and she had barely slept, the explosion replaying itself in her dreams until she woke up screaming.
Stella reached out with a finger and traced the outline of his lips. "Did I worry you?"
He didn't need to respond because clouds chased through the blue sky, creating a turbulence that couldn't be mistaken, staying fixed upon hers, varying shades of light, altering the color, and she saw the fear.
"Hell and back." The three words sounded like they'd made their way through barbed wire, saying what his face betrayed, his composure struggling, taking solace in just being near her.
This was the penance for doing their job they were both thinking at the same time. Getting hurt or worse. And for loving someone on the job. So for now, they stayed like that, lost in each other's eyes, taking comfort from each other's nearness.
*
"You're healing up well, Stella. I'm happy with the way things are, so I think we can discharge you to go home."
" That's the best news I've heard in a long time!" It was the first time Stella had shown any enthusiasm for anything since the RPG. "When can I go back to work?"
Kelly was watching his wife with barely concealed exasperation. He knew being laid up was torture for her, and she would somehow see each day away from Truck as a failure on her part, but she needed to get over that right now. Her well-being was the overriding priority here.
"Stella, you're still recovering." Interjecting, he looked at the physician for support.
But Stella overuled him. "I'm good, babe." She insisted, batting away his concern.
However, Kelly had seen the winces and the indrawn breaths when she moved, and more than that, the nightmares that were haunting her.
Dr Crockett watched the marital debate, knowing very well that after a close call, all a lot of first responders wanted was to get back to work as soon as they could, but when their hearts were also involved, things became a bit more complicated.
"Not quite there for a return to work yet, Stella. There's some recuperation required at home for a couple of weeks...."
Stella's frown said it all... "Couple of weeks?!"
Crockett was nodding his head at her..."Yeah..see it as a short holiday...or you can always stay here a while longer?"
Stella and Kelly exchanged looks, and she knew she had been beaten, knowing none of her arguments were going to work with the doc who would have to sign her return to work paperwork.
Kelly tried not to feel bad for her, he was as keen for her to get well as she was ...he missed her and his days had become hospital and work, with home becoming just a pit stop to change, grab a couple of hours of shut eye and then back to hospital. But he would carry on doing it for months as long it meant she was in good health.
It still shook him several times a day about what could have happened if that Shrapnel had pierced a vital organ or if the blast had been bigger, that thought sending him into his own private hell.
"I'm going to grab a coffee." He wanted to catch Crockett before he disappeared.
Outside in the hall, he caught up with him before he went in to see another patient.
"What should my plan for her at home be, doc? I'm worried she's going to try and do too much too soon. And she's not sleeping."
Crockett nodded, understanding Severide's concern.
"Her body has taken some real trauma, Severide. It's important she let it recover at its own speed....so plenty of rest still. I suggested something to help her sleep, but she declined.... "
Kelly sighed. "Yeah.... she doesn't like the idea of sleeping pills. Convinced she'll become addicted."
"I get it. But she's gotta be careful she doesn't jeopardize her recovery with lack of sleep. She shouldn't try taking on anything other than small movements around your apartment for at least a week, maybe ten days."
Running a tired hand through his hair, Kelly's eyes flicked towards her room.... "Easier said than done."
*
Kelly had taken furlough to take care of Stella, but fell short on his duties on day one when they got home after she had been discharged from Med and he realized he had forgotten to get her painkillers prescription filled at the hospital.
"You're not to get off that couch... And call me if anything happens."
"I'm good, babe, honestly! Stop worrying!"
"You sure?"
"Of course..... You're only going to the store. What do you think will happen in that time?!"
Stella was lying on the couch, propped up by two pillows, two blankets, a pile of magazines on the floor by her side, and a bottle of water, frustrated already by Kelly's insistence on treating her like an invalid, ignoring the fact that was exactly what she was right now, and she had a four inch raw scar under her shirt to prove it.
Kelly was cursing himself, tempted to call Brett or someone else from the firehouse to run the errand to the drugstore, but reluctantly acknowledged that it would be quicker for him to do it himself. The painkillers would wear off soon, and he didn't want her dealing with any more pain than she had to. He knew he was stressing her out with his 'helicoptering' over her, but the days since the RPG had been harder on him than he admitted even to himself. The interminable minutes standing outside that house, barely able to stop himself from knocking the Swat team over and charging into that house, had not left him. The waiting torturous, just knowing in his bones that something was about to happen to her. And now he didn't know what was worse, the guilt that this whole Martucci thing had been started by him or the terror that he had almost had to face a life without her. Again.
"Just stay put on that couch. Pee in your sweats if you get desperate!" Kelly grabbed his car keys and backed towards the door, his expression somewhere between pleading with her and an order.
Stella was half amused and half disturbed by his paranoia that she was going to fall over, pass out or for some reason collapse into a heap, if he wasn't there to watch over her, which she could feel him doing constantly, even at the hospital. It was like he was afraid to let her out of his sight.
"Maybe you could just get me some diapers and save on the laundry?"
Alarmed, she thought she saw him hesitate as if he had missed her sarcasm and was mentally adding it to his list of other items she had asked him to get.
Almond milk and vanilla body lotion, hydrating shampoo specifically for curly hair and Tampex. Yeah, he was definitely not forgetting the Tampex cos he'd figured that one out all by himself with her glaring at him, pretty much every time he opened his mouth the last two days and when he'd suggested she lay in bed instead of the couch when they'd arrived home from the hospital earlier, her face had darkened and he'd thought he was going to have something thrown in his direction.
*
The second or two between sleep and consciousness was eternal, and during it, she thought she heard the whoosh before she saw the flash of light as she jumped on top of Carver. The scream that erupted from her lungs was terrorized.
Shooting up into a sitting position, her heart was hammering, blood rushing, and fear crawling all over her.
"Stella?" Hey...honey....."
Kelly's arms went around her, automatically caressing her back, his own heart accelerating after being startled awake. "It's o.k. You're o.k.."
Street and building lights part illuminated the room, leaving him in no doubt of the trauma on her face.
The nightmares had become a regular occurrence, disrupting her sleep, and god knows what effect on her head.
"Do you think you should get something from the doc to help you sleep?"
Perspiration had broken into beads all over her skin, and she moved a little closer into his chest, her nose rubbing against the smattering of hairs.
"I really don't want to do that."
She sounded so vulnerable, and he automatically tightened his arm, a wave of protectiveness washing over him.
"Stella, maybe you should talk to someone?"
"I don't need to, babe. I'll be fine." But he was astute enough to know when she was putting a brave face on.
Frowning into the darkness, he knew the subject was closed. In her own way, she could be as closed a book as him, and he was getting a little insight into what it was like for her, with him. He lay back down, taking her with him, keeping his arms around her, staying awake until she eventually fell asleep, replaying in agonizing detail, those moments outside that house, the explosion, and then in slow motion, the moment he had found her.
*
Stella wasn't a good patient, and despite being wholehearedly grateful for her husband's devoted care, she hated being incapacitated. She had taken to being a bit economical with the truth about how little energy she seemed to have. The nights of disrupted sleep weren't helping her recovery, and she was really struggling with fatigue, so much so that even washing her hair was a monumental task. Exasperated and cursing, she stood in the shower, her hair half lathered, struggling with lifting her arms above her to complete the task, now regretting insisting that she was uo to doing it herself now. Tears of frustration filled her eyes, dropping her arms by her sides, leaning her forehead against the tiled wall, the water raining down on her.
She didn't know how long she had stood there when she heard Kelly come in.
"Babe?"
Stella didn't reply or turn round, not wanting him to know she was crying. A few seconds later, she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, holding her against his naked body under the water.
It was the first time she really cried, really properly cried, since it had happened, all the supressed emotion of the RPG incident finally overwhelming her, and huge wracking sobs broke out from inside her, shoulders shaking inside his arms, while his face buried in the curve of her shoulder, holding her tight, his own tears silently streaming down his face.
When the torrent of her tears finally subsided, he gently turned her around and reached for her shampoo and quietly washed her hair. Afterwards wrapping her in a towel, he carried her to the bedroom, lay her on their bed, putting salve on the angry looking scar where the shrapnel had sliced her open, and tenderly massaged her almond and vanilla body lotion into her skin. Stella had stared at him throughout, sniffing every now and then, completely humbled, and if it was possible, loved him a little bit more.
*
On his first shift back after furlough, Kelly called Stella four times throughout the first six hours, and in the end, she'd jokingly threatened to turn her cell off if he didn't stop checking up on her. She was doing things for herself at last, her wound was healing nicely, and at the last hospital appointment, Dr Crockett had said she could return to work in another week, which she was ecstatic about.
Later that night all the rigs had just returned from a call, and the firehouse were settling down to grab some much needed sleep, when Kelly pulled out his phone and checked Stella's WhatsApp again to see if she was online, but the last time had been three hours ago, and he couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
He left his office as Squad were heading for bed.
"Squad... let's take a ride..." All three men stared at him as if he had gone crazy. It was 2.25 am. But the penny slowly dropped for Cruz, and he did an about turn to follow his Lieutenant.
"Copy that, Boss." Silencing the other two with a glare, before either could open their mouths.
Twenty minutes later, the rig was parked outside the Loft, and Kelly was inside his apartment, checking in on his wife, who hadn't seemed all that surprised to see him.
He'd found her lying on the couch, watching t.v and an empty carton of ice cream on the floor beside her.
Sitting on the floor, by the side of the couch, Kelly had his head in the crook of her neck, breathing her in, worrying she hadn't gone to bed fearing the nightmares.
Her fingers were entwined with his, playing with his wedding band.
"I think I prefer you at work, so I can keep an eye on you." He murmured against her skin.
That made Stella laugh.
"You've changed your tune since this morning when you were telling me I needed to take another few weeks off."
"Yeah, well. If you were a little more trustworthy..."
"Huh.. I wasn't planning on any marathon training anytime soon."
" Maybe not... but I can see you getting up to some kind of mischief when you're left alone."
"The only mischief I'm thinking of getting into right now is with you." Her hand was inside his shirt, her fingers trailing over muscles and warm flesh. She so loved the feel of him and she missed him. They hadn't had sex since before the RPG, and she was damn horny, the nerves and muscles between her legs reacting to the feel of him. Maybe that would help her sleep!
His laugh was beautiful in her ears, making her heart somersault. So often these days, he had been wearing a grave expression, and she was sure his hair had turned greyer throughout all of this. Leaning into him, her mouth searched for his in a needy kiss.
Kelly was taken unawares by the force of her kiss but was very up for some making out, his own libido having been severely held in check recently, raising himself up on his knees so he could get better access to her mouth, his hands slipping under her T.
Stella's groan of rapture was animalistic, her hands now under his shirt and sliding up his back.
"God, it feels like we haven't had sex forever... I really need.... Mmmm..." Her breathing had already hitched up into panting.
"Tell me about it..." Kelly was trying really hard not to climb on top of her, but not helping himself or her by pulling up her T and his mouth seeking out a very tightly engorged nipple.
"Jesus!" Stella's gasp was tortured bliss as he worked her up, with his teeth, drawing the bud into his mouth, grazing teeth and tongue around it.
Stella squirmed on the couch, her hands going to his head. Christ her boobs ached!
The crackle of a radio and Cruz's voice interrupted the increasingly thick fog of lust inside the Loft.
"Boss, we need to shoot. Gas station fire, West Blue drive."
" Fuck!" Kelly lay his head against her breast, his breathing labored, tempted beyond almost endurance to stay with her, his dick feeling in actual pain.
Stella closed her eyes.
"This is why you shouldn't come home to check in on me."
Kelly had already got up and was backing away from her, tucking his shirt back into his pants.
"Sorry, babe."
Stella opened her eyes and looked at him, sullenly.
"Maybe grab my friend for me from my nightstand drawer on the way out..."
It was a payback response for leaving her frustrated, worked up, and feeling very much like she was on heat.
Kelly's eyes darkened with even more hunger. He wouldn't put it past her to make do with the 'toy,' she kept in her bedside drawer, for ' emergencies,' as she had described it, when she had moved in and had emptied her lingerie bag onto his bed and he had picked up the little black case and held it up to her, with a raised brow. He hadn't been sure what she meant by emergencies but she had shown him what she liked, one snowed in weekend off work, when she had worn him out, and she had been ready for more, which despite his ego being challenged, had been a serious turn on, that he really hadn't expected.
"No way...... He is not getting to do that to you before me.." His glance flickered towards the bedroom. "I might take the batteries out, just to be sure..."
She was lying on the couch, her T bunched up above her breasts, her lips swollen, and pretty much looking like a photo shoot for some porno mag and for once Kelly Severide wished he had a normal job, where he didnt have to leave his very fuckable wife and go rescue people in the middle of the night.
Stella stretched her arms over her head, watching him close his eyes in wretched dismay. There was no need for his threat to take the batteries out. Right now, she knew the only thing that could give her what she needed was him.
"You better get your ass back here as soon as shift is over."