hiraeth - part fifty-eight
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Y/n stared in horror at the sight before her, tears prickling at the edges of her eyes as her brain tried to process Goku's corpse lying cold on the ground before her. Rain poured down, soaking his pale skin, the face Y/n had once found beautiful now ghastly and grave. His cold, empty eyes stared back into hers as Y/n choked on a sob, Gohan holding Y/n in a side hug as his mind ran a mile a minute, trying to think of something that could be done. But it was already too late.
Goku was gone, murdered in the dead of the night.
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Some days had passed since Goku revealed to Y/n about hiring Hit to assassinate him. There had been no signs of Hit around, and even when Goku was left all by himself, Hit never showed. Y/n had surmised that Hit rejected it, knowing Goku's strength and personality. But regardless of what she thought, she still had her worries.
"Don't go running off, Goku. You stay in bed all night, understood?" Y/n gave Goku a soft glare as she walked toward the hallway, preparing for bed. Goku collapsed on Bulma's couch, grabbing the warm blankets with a smile.
"Don't you worry about me! You go get your rest, I'm going to sleep," Goku said as he pulled the blankets over himself, laying down, the back of the couch blocking him from view. "Goodnight, Y/n, love ya!"
Y/n squinted her eyes at the couch, muttering her own goodnight as she hesitantly turned away. As she walked down the hall, Y/n repeatedly looked back, but Goku had not moved from his spot. After watching him a moment longer just to be certain, Y/n made her way to her own bedroom, Gohan already long asleep.
Outside her personal balcony, Y/n could hear the sound of raindrops softly hitting the ground, a rain storm slowly beginning to brew over West City. The cold winter air blew harshly, shaking the last of the fall leaves out of the trees, everything turning cold and pale. With the moon's light blotted out by the storm clouds, and the rain dimming the city lights, Y/n could hardly see where she was going, nearly tripping over Gohan as she got into her bed.
Curling up in her bed, Y/n let out a quiet sigh, listening to the rain outside as her thoughts wandered. She had been somewhat curious about it, but if Goku actually did die, Y/n wasn't sure he could be brought back. She did recall Gohan stating that there was a limit to how many times Shenron could revive someone, but she could not remember the exact amount. And Y/n was well aware that Goku had died a couple times before, but she was unsure if he had passed his reviving limit. If he truly did, and he did die, Y/n didn't know how she would continue to live.
Y/n owed a lot of her life to Goku. He had cared for her when she died to Vegeta so long ago, he had helped her hunt down the Dragon Balls, saved her life multiple times during that, and now they were bonded in soul and body. She couldn't imagine losing him. Y/n wouldn't know how to live anymore, she wouldn't know what to do with herself. It would forever feel as though she were missing a part of herself, she would never feel like herself ever again.
A flash of lightning shining through her window brought Y/n back to reality, the cool air on her face making her shiver. She ran her fingers over her cheeks, realizing that the thought of losing Goku had pushed her to tears, her cheeks soaked. Y/n sighed, wiping her eyes dry as she sat up, realizing she would get no rest like this.
Tip-toeing over Gohan's resting body, Y/n quietly made her way back into the living room, noticing quite a bit of time had already passed since saying her goodnights to Goku. Walking up to the couch he slept upon, Y/n smiled, knowing that no matter her fears, Goku would always be there.
Except he wasn't. The couch was completely empty, its surface cold, as if he had been gone for some time. Y/n's face paled, her heart suddenly thumping in her chest as she felt around for his energy. It was faint, as if he were far away. Y/n didn't even notice herself hyperventilating as she ran back to her bedroom as fast as she could, her thoughts running a mile a minute as she tried to keep her mind focused on his ever smaller growing energy.
"Gohan!" Y/n exclaimed as she slammed her door open, turning on the lights. She rushed up to him, shaking him violently from his slumber. Gohan jolted, flying upward and nearly hitting his head on Y/n's.
"What is it!? What happened!?" Gohan asked, looking around in a panic. Y/n suddenly engulfed him in a hug, crying into his shoulder.
"We have to go find Goku! He-He's going to die if we don't go after him now!" Y/n choked on a sob, pulling Gohan up. Gohan, still confused, pulled Y/n up to her feet, holding her in a hug.
"H-Hey, just relax, Y/n, take a deep breath," Gohan said, running his fingers through her hair. Through his blurry eyesight, he could see tears streaming down her face as she looked up to him, taking a shaky, deep breath. Breathing outward, Y/n tried to calm her panicked heart as she spoke.
"G-Goku's in danger, he hired Hit to assassinate himself, h-he's such a dumbass," Y/n groaned in frustration, pulling her hair. Gohan huffed, grabbing her hands and pulling them away. Y/n squeezed her eyes shut, trying to blink away the tears as she furrowed her brows. "We have to go after him, I can't let Goku die, I-I would never forgive myself."
"Dad won't die, I can assure you, he'll be alright. Come on, let's go find him before the rain gets worse," Gohan said, releasing Y/n as he grabbed his glasses. He gave her an assuring smile, but Y/n could tell he was unsure.
The two silently left Capsule Corp. after getting a raincoat for each other, flying out into the rain, towards Goku's energy signature. The wind was harsh, pushing them around as they flew further and further away from the city. The two were quickly approaching a thick forest, having to land and continue below the treeline the rest of the way.
"G-Gohan, you don't think Goku will die, do you?" Y/n asked, glancing up at the man. Gohan forced out a chuckle, shaking his head.
"No way. Dad's the strongest person I know. I'm sure he'll be just fine—" Gohan was cut off by the sound of a ki blast in the distance, startling the two. Y/n gasped, seeing a flash of light through the trees, feeling as though her heart was skipping beats. He needed her. Goku needed her, and she wasn't there. Y/n couldn't handle the thought of being so close, with Goku being just out of her grasp, his life slipping away with Y/n only mere seconds away.
Y/n took off running towards the light that had quickly faded, the forest growing silent again as the rain dripped through the leaves. Gohan called out to her, following after her, but she could hardly hear his voice over the thundering sound of her heart and footsteps.
Winding through the trees, Y/n spotted a small clearing, shoving barbed sticks and brush aside as she ran out into the open, panting. Through her teary eyes, and through the thick rain droplets falling from the sky, Y/n spotted a familiar orange gi, Goku's mop of hair sticking to the wet ground. Y/n felt all of the air suddenly escape her lungs, gasping as she rushed up to his side, tears pouring down her cheeks as she dropped down beside him.
"Goku! Are you okay!? Wake up, please!" Y/n sobbed, grabbing his face, his body warmth quickly escaping. Tilting his head to look into his eyes, Y/n was startled by the dead, empty look in his eyes, the spark of life she had seen not even hours ago long gone.
"D-Dad, he..." Gohan stared in shock at the body before him, unable to process the fact that his father had died. It hardly even seemed like Goku had put up much of a fight, his clothes and body perfectly intact. Y/n looked up to Gohan with wide eyes, recalling a thought she had earlier that night.
"C-Can we use the Dragon Balls to bring him back?" She asked, praying that Gohan's answer would be positive. But his pale face as he stared at his father's corpse had already given Y/n her answer.
"N-No. Shenron can't grant the same wish twice. We've already revived dad before. W-We can't... We can't wish him back..." Gohan muttered, his eyes burning as he tried to keep everything inside. Gohan didn't always get along with his father, especially not in the way a son should, but he still couldn't help the gut wrenching feeling of knowing his dad may be gone for good now. Death had become so meaningless in Gohan's life thanks to the two sets of Dragon Balls, but now... Now Goku truly was gone, truly dead.
As Y/n sobbed into Goku's gi, however, Gohan noticed some sort of energy quickly approaching from directly above. Looking up, Gohan's eyes widened to see a ki blast falling straight down toward them. Having no time for words, Gohan grabbed Y/n by her coat, yanking her away from Goku just before the blast could hit her.
Gohan and Y/n tumbled over just as Goku's body was struck with the ki blast, the light disappearing within his body. The two stared with wide, shocked eyes, completely lost. Y/n dug her fingers into the ground, wondering if Hit were possibly playing some sort of sick, cruel joke on them. But as Goku's eyes fluttered open, his wet eyelashes weighing down his eyelids, Y/n felt as though her heart might stop.
"Yikes... That was scary. I'm sure lucky that actually worked," Goku giggled, looking around. His eyes widened, however, as he spotted Y/n and Gohan staring at him in shock. "Oh, hey, what are you guys doing here?"
"YOU BASTARD!" Y/n screamed, tears pouring down her face as she crawled up to Goku, laying her head on his lap as she sobbed. "You stupid idiot, you were actually dead, I was so scared. I-I can't live without you, Goku, you can't do this shit to me..."
"Aww, don't cry, Y/n. I told you I could handle it on my own. I almost thought my plan didn't work though, I even saw King Yemma for a moment. I would've felt really bad if I had left you like that," Goku said, lifting her head up gently by her chin. He chuckled, rubbing the tip of his nose against hers. "But you should leave for now. Now that Hit's fulfilled his contract, we can actually fight, it'll be so much fun."
Y/n stared at him with wide eyes, wondering if her were serious. But Goku did not say anything more, just giving her that innocent smile she had come to love. She sighed deeply, pressing her head against his chest, giving him one last hug.
"I-I'm not coming to save you this time..." She muttered. Goku chuckled, lifting her up in his arms, full of energy as if he were not just dead. He stood up, walking up to Gohan, who was practically shaking with glee that his father was alive and well. Gohan should've known Goku was too clever to die so easily.
"Don't worry about saving me, I'm fine. You take Y/n home, son, she's tired and has school tomorrow. I'll see you guys tomorrow, I promise." Goku said as he smiled. Gohan nodded, taking Y/n into his own arms. Goku stepped back, turning to leave, though he suddenly felt a wave of sadness overcome him.
"You'd better keep your promise, Goku... Come back home, okay?" Y/n spoke, her voice soft, barely audible over the rain. Goku looked back, a melancholic look in his eyes as he gave her a soft smile. It felt nice to finally see Y/n referring to Earth as her home once more, and that Goku got to share that home with her. Nodding in agreement, Goku held eye contact with Y/n for just a moment longer, before flying away.
"Dad is something else..." Gohan chuckled, shaking his head. "Every time I get annoyed with him, every time I think I've seen it all, he still somehow manages to impress me on how amazingly clever and dumb he is at the same time."
Y/n didn't say anything, just leaning closer to Gohan for warmth. Tonight had scared her more than she had ever been scared. She didn't realize just how attached she was to Goku, how much she needed him. She thought she would be okay if everyone in her life disappeared, if she were on her own, because she no longer fit in as a human, or as a Saiyan. But as it turned out, she depended on him more than she knew. And she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.
As Goku had promised, he had returned the next day, being there to say goodbye to Y/n as she and Gohan left for school. He never said anything about his whereabouts last night, nor did he speak a word of the events taken place. Nobody except for Goku, Gohan, and Y/n were aware of the fact that for just a moment, Goku was gone from this world. Y/n thought that since she was a fighter like Goku now, she could handle death. But it almost felt as though, perhaps, she had become even more sensitive to it than before.
Y/n hadn't been able to stop thinking about Goku's promise, about Y/n asking him to come back home. Ever since getting her memories back, Y/n hadn't really put much thought into it, but she never really felt happy, she never felt at home. And for the brief moment that she had lost Goku, it felt as though she had lost anything resembling a home, a happy place. Y/n knew that her connections to Goku were spiritual and would forever impact her life, but it felt like she couldn't even live without the man sometimes. And the fact that he was a fighting addicted maniac, constantly putting his life on the line, scared her. One day, Y/n had no idea when, Goku would lose his fight, and take his life and Y/n's with it...
"Y/n? You okay?" Gohan asked as he waved a gloved hand in front of her face. Y/n blinked, being pulled back into reality. She managed a small smile for him, nodding her head. Gohan hummed, still unconvinced. Y/n had been oddly quiet and distant ever since last night, and it was beginning to worry Gohan. He sighed, trying to think of a way to comfort her, give her some peace of mind. Her question about the Dragon Balls came to mind, the boy smiling as he stepped into her view. "You know, even if we can't revive dad here, the Namekian Dragon Balls can. So you don't have to worry about losing dad. If he dies, we'll make sure to bring him back, one way or another."
"I guess," Y/n muttered. She squeezed her book bag strap in her hands, sighing. "It's not that I don't have faith in him. Besides Lord Beerus and Whis, Goku is the strongest person I know. I just... Can't stand the idea of losing him. I would be losing a huge portion of my life if Goku died. Just thinking about him, I already miss him."
Y/n let out a sad chuckle, rubbing the back of her neck nervously as she looked away from Gohan. It was only a few days ago that she was having an intense make-out session with Gohan for her birthday, and now she was talking about her clinginess to his father. She couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty and upset with herself for being so weak. Gohan hummed, recalling something Whis had said a while back, when he had first acquainted everyone.
"Didn't Whis say dad had the soul of the guy you loved in your previous life? Maybe that's why you're extra clingy to him. You don't want to lose him again," Gohan spoke, still somewhat salty that his crush was fated to his dad.
Y/n frowned, knowing that was exactly the reason why. She just couldn't stand thinking about her past life, her past mistakes. It had cost her life before, and even now in her new life, she was still making the same mistakes. Perhaps Y/n was eternally doomed to suffer the same fate, losing her home and the man she loves. The thought terrified her.
"Y/n, don't think too hard about these kinds of things. It'll all be fine. You should be worried about things that actual young adults are worried about, like our test for today," Gohan said, giving her a comforting smile. Y/n furrowed her brows, looking up at him in confusion.
"Th-There was a test today?" Y/n stuttered, making Gohan snicker.
"Don't worry, I'll let you copy mine. But you'd better start studying and paying more attention instead of worrying about dad's fighting addiction," He spoke, making Y/n smile. She chuckled, linking her arm with his as she leaned her head on his shoulder, thankful to have him at her side.
Y/n's eyes widened as she noticed something small floating before her eyes. She held her hand out, the small white fleck landing on her palm. Gohan noticed it as well, the two looking around as more white dots began to fall all around, filling the air. Y/n giggled, looking up into the cloudy sky as the flakes landed on her cool skin, the cold wetness making her shiver.
Gohan smiled down at the girl, watching the flakes get caught in her hair, her smile lighting up Gohan's day. He ruffled her hair, shaking the flakes out of her hair as he took the lead, walking her to school before they got caught in the winter weather.
Today was the first snow of the year, winter having started for real now. And it was going to be an especially cold winter for Y/n...
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// word count - 3043 //