ivy — frank ocean.
RESENTMENT. — noun.
↳ ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪɴᴅɪɢɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴜɴꜰᴀɪʀʟʏ.
THURSDAY, october 13th, 2022.
the sunlight shined through the crevices of the wooden blinds. the illumination poured into my room. my limp body fit snuggly under my bedsheets, gaze focused on the ceiling above me.
i sat up, feeling the familiar weak feeling in my legs. i stretched before beginning my day. i treaded lazily to the bathroom— needing a hot bath immediately.
once the bath was running, i submerged my body in the scorching water. the warm feeling of the water soothed my mind, but it was soon clouded with those same thoughts.
M I N I T I M E S K I P
my body sat deeply on the plush couch in my living room. the book, 'a great reminder' by bianca sparacino, rested in my hands. my nose buried deeply into it.
my phone began to vibrate, causing me to sigh. i leaned forward, grabbing my phone off the wooden coffee table. i glanced down at the name shown on the screen:
'kai kai <3'
a small smile glossed over my soft features as i answered the phone. the phone met my ear, "hi," i greeted quite bluntly.
"hey rhy," he answered, that same apathetic tone, "i had to handle something."
"you always do," i said, softly.
"i know, i'm sorry," another apology. an apology that causes resentment. kai feels he did nothing wrong— the apology is never sincere.
i hummed in response, "whatcha doin'?" he asked.
"reading," i answered, he never listened to your in-depth descriptions— so i kept them extremely brief.
"tell me about it," was what i heard before explaining the containment of the book. but, without a doubt, i was cut off.
loud commotion boomed through the phone. it was his male co-workers, and soon, a feminine voice accompanied them. her laughs echoed through the phone.
let's call it a woman's intuition— that woman was so clearly flirting with kai. the soft laughs that fell out her mouth whenever he said something had flirting written all over it.
i could hear the smile in her tone, "rhylee, what were you saying?" i heard from the other side of the phone.
my mouth fell open, the words traveled from my throat. however, her words arrived much faster than mine, "malakai, are you seriously on your phone right now? you're supposed to be talking to me!!" she cooed.
a sinister smile hid between her words. i could feel the jealousy running through my veins. kai's laughter echoed, the laughs I never received. he was willing to give them to a woman he'd known for mere months.
but, not the woman he'd been with for years. he quickly agreed with her— the same smile she had was intertwined with his tone, "i gotta go."
his tone differs from the provocative one he used with the other woman. his tone more colder. tears brimmed my eyes, "alright, bye, i love y—"
i was cut off again. he no longer cared for the simple three words. those words meant nothing anymore.
warm tears pelted down my cheeks. the feeling of being unwanted rushes through my veins. the feeling that lowers your self-esteem. all i want is to be seen.
is that too much to ask for?
my phone vibrated again— the vibrations going through the couch it rested on. a sigh fell from my lips. i grabbed the phone, slowly. my eyes scanned the name:
"dick u downers 💦💦"
a light smile appears on my face. i quickly whipped the salty tears— blinking a few times. i clicked the green answer button.
ivy and vanessa's faces appear. my other two friends' cameras turned off, "look who finally answered," nessa teased.
"you know she busy being a housewife and all," ivy said.
rory's camera turned on, "ivy, you mad you can't settle down with anyone," rory bantered.
"and i ain't no damn housewife!!" i corrected her, smiling.
"anyways, let's meet up at rhylee's house," madelyn said. well, more like demanded. yet, she never ran the question by me.
i never once complained, i love my friends with my entire heart.
soon, a firm knock was placed on my wooden front door. i skipped to the door, the unwanted feeling washing away. i knew my friends loved me deeply— i only wish kai was like this.
i swung the door open, engulfing the three in a hug, "girl, knew your house was nice but DAMN!!" ivy exclaimed at the sight of the new house— she had only seen it once, undecorated.
i smiled, stepping aside to let them in, "so where's the money maker?" vanessa inquired, her eyebrow quirked the slightest.
my smile faded, and instantly, i was drenched in that same depressing feeling. i sighed, leading them over to the kitchen. i rested my arms on the marble island.
"it's that bad?" Madelyn asked, rubbing small circles on my back.
"he seems more interested in his assistant than me," i mumbled— head hung low.
"we can go beat her ass right now," rory smiled. i wish she was joking, but i knew rory very well— she isn't.
i clasped my hands together, the sound echoing through the walls, "you guys came here to have fun, not talk about my relationship," i said, a fake smile plastered across my face, "so movies?"
my friends vigorously shook their heads in agreement. we traveled to the living area— plopping down on the couch. everyone made eye contact with one another.
suddenly, all five of us lunged for a remote. rory won— she always did, her reflexes are rapid. the rest of us groaned in defeat.
"hm... what should we watch?" Rory asked.
vanessa opened her mouth to respond, "oh, silly me, i'm picking not you losers!!" rory sassed.
i rolled my eyes, "just pick a damn movie, rory," i
demanded in irritation.
"kai must've peed in your cereal this mornin'," rory replied snickering.
T I M E S K I P
my eyes fluttered open, darting across the dark room. i searched for my phone, to check the time. my hand finally landed on it.
i brought the screen to my face, squinting my eyes due to the brightness. i scanned my phone, "9:56," i muttered to myself.
i peeled myself from the couch, being welcomed by my friends— who were sound asleep. i took light steps toward the kitchen.
'where is he now? damnit.' i thought.
i picked up my phone, tiptoeing to the bathroom located below my stairs. i closed the door behind me. my fingers rapidly dialed Kai's number.
"hello," i heard from the other side of the phone.
"where are you?" i questioned, the slight anger in my tone.
i heard him let out an irritated groan, "i'm with the guys," he stated, clearly annoyed.
"you could've at least texted me," i retorted.
"i'm not obligated to do anything," he argued, "i don't ask for every detail of your life."
"that's because you're never really interested in what i have to fuckin' say!!" i said, my voice getting higher by the minute.
i heard a woman's giggle from the other side of the phone, followed by a "kai, let's go dance with the others!"
"i suppose that's one of the 'guys' as well," i fumed, "you are so fucking unbelievable!"
"look, we'll talk when i get home," kai said calmly.
I groaned, "that's if you don't go home with ms. giggles," I retorted, hanging up the phone in his face.
i sighed, staring at my reflection in the mirror. i analyzed my face— feeling more disgusted with every imperfection. my hands found their way to the marble countertop.
tears pool in my eyes as they flood down my cheeks. i tried to stop them, but they continued. it felt as if i could feel my heart break with each tear.
i yearn for a man who stopped loving me months ago. why can't we go back to how we were? so in love, i don't think i will ever love someone this much.
i miss how interested he was in me. he craved me like an addictive drug. it seems like he's been to rehab and no longer wants me.
i hate needing someone who doesn't want me.
1371 WORDS.
⊹ ᨘ໑▸ 𖥻 -BRIANNABOOKS ˑ 𖦹
i decided i want to have a playlist
for this, im gonna add one.
(not edited)
xoxo bri bri <33