Chapter One - Avery
avery
The old man finally bit the bullet. Serves him right, the asshole. Imagine never having the useless sperm donor for all seventeen years of your life, then suddenly he dies and you have to act like you care.
I don't. Good riddance. Fuck him.
Elijah thinks that's harsh because he's -oh right, was- still my dad but I disagree. He was never fucking there. A phone call once in a while and a text here and there didn't make up for the years of abandonment.
Six years old and my brothers and I were being shipped off back to LA. Dad and Andrea apparently "couldn't deal" with so many kids, plus a baby Adrian and instead of trying, they just got rid of us. Luci, 'Lijah, Kaden, Xander, Reece and Hayes to Lorenzo and Dari, Ryder, Nix, Blake, Damon and I to mom.
It's not a wonder why dad and Andrea divorced a year later. They were just a problem together, it was never us.
Even after the divorce, they still never cared. The calls and texts just got less and less, from once a day, to once every week, to once every month.
Over the years I used to question why. When I would see dad's and their sons together, I would question why mine was never there, why we never wanted to be there.
I used to blame me, us. I used to think there was something wrong with us. It manifested itself into self-loathing for not being good enough.
Then I started hating him. Hated him for not wanting us, for not being there when everything happened with mom, when Dari and Luci begged Marianne to let mom and sign over custody to her just to we'd all stay together. I had never seen Dari or Luci beg to anyone but they did for us.
I learned pretty early on in life that my brothers are the only people who I know will always be there. They're only people in my life I could count on.
All he fucking cared about was her. He stayed in New York for her, one kid, when he had six others he didn't give a damn about.
Now she doesn't have him either. Good.
But she's going to be here. After the funeral, Dari and Luci are bringing her back to LA with them. There's never been anything I hated more in my life than knowing she's about to infiltrate it.
"Avery," Dari's voice broke me out of my reverie, "am I understood?"
"Perfectly."
I don't even know what the fuck he said. It's an instance that happens quite a lot. I learned to agree and move on and find out later.
"Good," he keeps his back perfectly straight, eyes revealing nothing about what he was think yet they stay on me. His eyes on me feels invasive, like he's seeing right into my mind and knows exactly what I'm thinking. Like he knows how much I despise the idea of her coming to live with us and that I hadn't heard a single one of the rules he put in place for when she does.
Dari's gaze is enough to make a grown man squirm, I've seen it happen. Fortunately for me, I grew up on the other side of those penetrating eyes. Internally, I squirm, externally I put on the mask of indifference I've been taught to wear by seeing it being worn by every one of my brothers.
"While we're gone, Elijah and Ryder are in charge. You listen to them without complaint, clear?"
I'm sure Blake, Kaden and Hayes got told the exact same thing but I know it's meant for me specifically. I'm notorious for having problems with authority figures, Dari and Luci excluded. While I would never outright disrespect any of my brothers -the three idiots excluded- 'Lijah and Ryder are easier to sway than Dari and Luci, 'Lijah more than Ryder. But make no mistake, they can both be assholes when they want to be.
"Crystal."
He hums back in response, accompanied by a small nod, "Don't do anything stupid while we're gone."
I lean back into my chair, glad the "parental figure play" is finally over with, "How long will you be gone?"
"Three days, a week at most," he responds, "There's a lot to do."
I know he's talking specifically about Adrian and, rather wisely, I choose not quip over how he could just not go. I know he'd never listen anyway and it's more likely he'd give me a lecture on how things are going to change and Adrian's going to be here whether I like it or not, blah blah blah, etcetera, etcetera. I'm in no mood to hear it.
I just hum back.
It's silent after that. While it's quiet, I take the time to analyse my older brother. He's still in his suit, the jacket now hanging over the back of his chair. The shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and the normally crisp white shirt has more than a few wrinkles. It's the most unkept I've seen him in a while which is saying a lot.
He'd never say it out loud or anything even remotely close to it but I know Dari prides himself on being perfect. He'd never show us anything less than. The perfect older brother, the perfect parental figure, perfect CEO, perfect public figure, the perfect everything. Nothing in his life can ever be out of place. He leaves all the imperfections to the rest of us.
It has to weigh him down, I know it does but he'd never tell anyone. It's all part of the façade.
Luci is slightly less caring. He's not as much of perfectionist as Dari and he cares about everything slightly less. It's how they work. Dari is the commander and Luci is the enforcer. What they say goes, nothing more, nothing less.
Dari breaks the silence with a question in more gentle tone than the stern one he used earlier, "Would you like to come to the funeral?"
I quirk my brows in surprise. Last I heard from Ryder, they didn't want us all going to the funeral so we don't "overwhelm her". Fuck if I want to go anyway.
I purse my lips, "No."
He doesn't deserve a goodbye from me. He could rot in hell for all I care.
"Okay," Dari looks like he has more to say on that but I'm saved from hearing it when there's a knock on the office door. "Come in."
'Lijha, thank God. Dari just nudges his head in the direction of the door and I know it's my que to leave.
I guess that's the end of that.
Mentally, I'm thanking Elijah the entire time while I give Dari one final nod and I leave his office. I head straight to the stairs, ready to stew in my room until it's time for dinner.
Apparently I don't have the luxury of any privacy because the second I drop down onto my bed, my door is flung. Lo and behold, one of the three idiots.
I glare at the intruder, "What?"
"Aw, don't be such a party pooper," Hayes' lips quirk up into an insufferable smirk as he saunters his way into my room like he owns the place.
"Get out," I grunt at him.
"Nope," he actually has the audacity to pop the 'p'.
I groan, "Then at least fucking close the door, asshole."
He spins on his heal and does as told before making his way towards my bed. He flops down next to me.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Thought you might like some company," he beams.
"What ever gave you the impression that I want your fucking company?" I ground out.
He mocks hurt, holding a hand over where his heart is, "You wound me, hermano."
I roll my eyes, "Get out."
"Didn't work then, not gonna work now," that ridiculous smile is back on his face.
"Do you need something?"
"Actually-"
"I don't actually care. I want you to leave," I emphasise, hoping it will get my point across.
"Actually," he starts again, aiming a glare at me, "I was inviting you to-" he holds two fingers in front of his lips, mimicking the act of smoking, "but if you want to act like a cunt, more for us," he's already pushing himself off my bed.
Dramatic as ever.
I roll my eyes but follow after him, just as he knew I would judging by the smirk he throws over his shoulder.
Asshole.
***
I'm already coming down by the time the four of us make our way back into the house. Hayes sprints up the stairs to put his eye drops to good use while the rest of us find our way into the living room. It's almost dinner anyway so there's no point in going upstairs just to come back down
Kaden and I don't care for eyedrops because our eyes never get as red as Hayes and Blake is just a bitch with white eyes all the damn time.
Xander and Nix are also lounging in the living room, probably waiting for dinner just like us. I'm so fucking hungry, it isn't even funny at this point.
They barely acknowledge us when we enter. Xander doesn't even look up from his phone and Nix just gives us a cursory glance and goes back to his phone.
I fall onto the couch, my body molding itself to the shape while I stare up at the ceiling.
I tried to stop, believe me, but all I've been able to think about since finding out is how the old man is dead. He's gone, never coming back. Even if he wanted to, even if I wanted him to, he'd never be able to mend his relationships with any of us. I hope wherever he is, heaven, hell, his mother's basement, that he's thinking about how he fucked it up with every one of us and he'll never get to make it right.
I feel the cushion land on my face. The movement attracts the attention of everyone in the living room, and I realise Hayes is back from his eye drop run.
I turn to glare at the bastard that threw the throw pillow, already gripping it tightly to throw it right back at the bastard's smug face.
"Stop thinking so hard, you'll hurt yourself," Nix snickers. He finds himself so funny. Apparently they all do as he invokes laughter from everyone, even Xander with that stupid fucking grin on his face.
I wish I could tell them they look like fucking clowns but they'd probably gang up and kick my ass.
Eh, what do I fucking care. I'm not scared of these fools.
"All of you look like..."I aim and throw with the force I have in me, "fucking idiots." It almost hits him square in the face but he ducks and it hits the couch. I continue to glare and he just finds it funnier.
"Put the murder eyes away, fratello, they don't scare him," he's so smug about it too.
"Fuck you," I murmur back, going back to mindlessly staring at the ceiling.
"Language," He throws the pillow again.
"I fucking swear I'm going to fucking kill you, fucker," I ground out.
"Oh, and he's got spunk too," he laughs.
"Aw, leave little Avery alone, he's in mourning," Xander joins in in the mockery of me, his lips quirked up in a smirk only used when he wants to irritate anyone to no end.
This envokes even more laughter from the three idiots.
I switch my glare between both Xander and Nix and they find it all the more amusing.
"I hope you both die," I grit my teeth, deciding to go sit in the kitchen where I know I'll find one of the other four brothers.
"You can't say things like that, Avery," I hear Xander's continued teasing following, "these are sensitive times."
I find Ryder sitting at island, also on his phone.
He looks up and smiles at me, "Hey."
I grunt something that sounds like 'hey' and Ryder takes it as it is. He must sense that I'm not in the mood to talk because he doesn't say anything else.
God, the food smells amazing. How long until dinner?
"Vicky," I moan, "how much longer?"
Like I said, I'm fucking starving.
"Hold your fucking horses, it's almost done."
I drop my head onto the table.
After that, everyone starts filing into the kitchen and they bring loud conversation with them.
It's one Dari's and Luci's rule that we have family dinners. They don't have many rules but the ones they do have, we're expected to abide by with no complaints.
The most crucial is respect, that we respect each other and them. This one is not hard to follow. Nobody would ever outright disrespect Dari or Luci, or 'Lijah and Ryder for that matter and as for each other, what the big bros don't know won't hurt them
The second, specifically for Hayes, Blake, Kaden and I, is that we take school seriously. The second we start slacking off, we lose all privileges like having the freedom to go out whenever we want.
The third is family dinner, at least three times a week, Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's. Typically the only ones who would ever be missing is Dari and Luci, occasionally Ryder and 'Lijah. The rest of make us make it a point to never skip out on them which is why it's weird that when Dari and Luci join us, Damon still hasn't shown up.
He does make his appearance known about three seconds after Luci asks, "Where's Damon?"
Then the chaos starts. Dishes are being passed around and the conversation is loud just as it always is.
***
Its late into the night, passed the time we're supposed to be locked in our rooms for the night, when Blake, Kaden, Hayes and I are tiptoeing through the dark house to get to the basement.
It's a nightly routine that none of our older brothers have caught on to yet and if they have, they don't say anything. I'm sure they haven't because there's no way any of those big mouths would keep what we do to themselves if they knew.
We make it down to the basement silently, not a word spoken between the four of us.
Only when we're inside the pool room does Hayes drop onto the couch with an exaggerated groan, "I'm so fucking tired."
I ignore him as I sit down next to him in a calmer fashion.
"From what?" Blake snarks, "Sitting on your ass all day?"
Hayes scowls, "School, asshole. Not everyone has perfect memory."
Blake rolls his eyes in response.
Kaden is silent as he takes the first hit of the bong on the other side of Hayes.
The four of us, Kaden, Hayes, Blake and I, started smoking around the same time last year. We tried it first with our friends, a group thing just to see what the fuck it felt like. That turned into our group getting high every time we went out together which was a lot. Out of the four of us, Kaden started smoking by himself first, then me, then Hayes and lastly Blake.
It's a habit I wouldn't change. I like how I feel when I'm high. Carefree, happy. It's said that weed is not a feel-good drug that takes you feeling from zero to a hundred, but rather amplifies what you're already feeling. I disagree because I've never gotten high and felt unhappy.
If Dari, or Luci, or Dari and Luci, or really just any of our older brothers were to find out about the weed, we'd all be dead. Six feet under, no question about it. It's why we take extra precaution to smoke away from where any of them would be.
I get nudged in the side and turn to glare at Hayes. He ignores it, still holding out the bong and the lighter. I take it, taking a drag the size of my lung capacity and feeling the familiar burn in the back of my throat. I holding it, feeling the coughing onslaught coming already. Exhaling the smoke, the coughing fit hits and I pass it on to Blake.
I feel the familiar buzz that comes with smoking and deflate against the couch. That mind-numbing comfort that I chase every time I smoke never fails to provide the perfect distraction from everything going on inside my head.
I could fall asleep like this. The couch feels more comfortable than it did when I first sat down.
I think at some point, my eyes did close because the next thing I know, I'm being shaken and everything is black. I blink my eyes open, adjusting them to the harsh lighting. Kaden is standing above me, blinking like he's at a loss for words. Wordlessly, he nods in the general direction of the door and slowly, I get up to follow.
Blake looks fine, he looks like he's sober. I know he's not, he's just a a lucky fucker whose eyes stay white no matter how high he is. Hayes looks fucked, the norm for him. His eyes get astronomically red and tiny and it's impossible not to tell that he's on something. Kaden's eyes get slightly red, just like me. If ever we get caught, I already know to blame Hayes.
Slowly and quietly, or slow and quiet by the definition of four high teenagers, we creep back to the stairs get back to the third floor, and our bedrooms. We stumble around, like idiots, in darkness for a little while before we find the stairs. That is a mission in itself, trying to climb what feels like a never-ending staircase. Hayes almost falls twice, the second time he almost takes Blake down with him.
They must have stashed the bong and the lighter in the pool room while I sleeping, I guess, when I realise that none of us have it. At least, I hope they stashed it or we're all royally fucked.
At this point in time, I'm too high to care whether we get caught or not. All I want is sleep and that's exactly my intention when I stumble into my room and fall face-first onto my bed. I'm out the second my head touches the pillow.