It's a dreary Monday that drags on for what feels like forever. The past 24 hours have been absolute torture for Alex. Henry has completely iced him out, ignoring every call and text, blatantly avoiding him at all costs. Alex tries not to be completely devastated about it.
Saying the moment in his car replays inside his head a thousand times would be an understatement. Catching feelings for someone you're only trying to be casual with isn't ideal and if Henry's smile didn't do it for him, knowing him would've.
Alex started this thing with Henry–he calls it a thing because what the fuck is it really?– with entirely different intentions to what he has currently. Henry has ceased communication with his horrible ex, so his end of the deal was done and yet Alex is still doing this favour for Pez that really isn't a favour anymore.
Sitting with his thoughts and getting no response from Henry is driving Alex to insanity and he doesn't know who else to bother about his quandary other than June and Nora.
"What did you do?" June is asking him when she opens the door for Alex who walks right past her to sit on June's bed. June closes the door after him with a sigh and turns to look at him, her arms crossed. Nora is already looking at him expectantly from her bed beside him. Alex assumes by their knowing looks that they've already been informed of his predicament. Nothing seems to get past them.
"You heard?" Alex sighs, not surprised at all. Nora and June share a quick glance, probably having a freakish telepathic conversation with their eyes as usual. Alex would hate it if it wasn't so cute.
"Yeah, we heard... Pez was here earlier," Nora frowns.
"What happened?" June asks as she sits beside Nora. June and Nora both share the same concerned expression on their faces.
Alex sucks in a deep breath. "I picked him up from a party and drove him back to campus and... He tried to kiss me... And I didn't want to kiss him while he was drunk."
"Aw-" June begins to coo.
"And now he's completely ghosted me."
"Oh," June winces. "Yikes."
Alex makes a token noise of agreement. "Yup."
Nora hums thoughtfully. "Yeah, Pez said Henry wasn't in a good mood and that he didn't want to talk about it."
"Numbers on Henry hating me right now?" Alex asks hesitantly, unsure if he wants the answer.
"Well, when we tried to make a plan for the group today, Henry said he wouldn't come if you were there... So I would say about an eighty-five percent probability," Nora says slowly.
"Fuck."
"Still a fifteen percent chance he might not? Not the worst odds," June says with no confidence whatsoever. Alex finds it the opposite of comforting. "He probably thinks you were just fucking with him."
"Well... I kinda was..." Alex murmurs. "And then I really wasn't... What do I do?"
The girls share another quick glance.
"Have you tried talking to him?" Nora suggests. Alex sometimes wonders how Nora can be so smart and expect so little from him. Alex rolls his eyes.
"Obviously," Alex replies flatly. "He's ignoring me. I texted, I called. Oh, and Pez didn't let me in when I went over there."
"Woof," Nora says. June makes a noise of agreement.
Alex stands up as he seems to be the only one trying to sort out this fuckery of a situation. "You guys are no help."
"Wait!" June says putting a hand out to stop him. Alex looks at her with a blank expression as she points her finger to the bed in a downward motion. "Sit."
Alex sits, then scrubs a hand over his face with a sigh. "What?"
"What about a public gesture? Like you could sing to him?" June suggests.
Alex thinks about it for a moment. "Henry would hate that."
"Okay, Mister Henry expert. If you know him so well, what do you think you should do?" Nora asks.
"I don't know," Alex sighs defeatedly. "I just don't know how to make it up to him. I get he's not super trusting right now... You know... For obvious reasons but I want him to know I'm genuine."
"Does he know that Pez asked you to-"
"No," Alex interrupts her. "I think that would make it so much worse right now."
"So what? You're not going to tell him?" June asks.
"I will but like," Alex sighs. "He kinda needs to not ignore me for me to tell him, you know?"
"Okay..." June says, her brows furrowed in thought. She leans forward, placing her hand on his knee and says, very seriously. "You have to speak to him in a way that he can hear you."
Alex frowns. "What the fuck does that even mean?"
"It means go with your gut, Alejandro," Nora pipes in, shrugging and plonking down next to Alex, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Figure out his love language."
Alex looks between the girls and groans, running a hand down his face. He needs to make a list.
—
Turns out, Alex knows more about Henry than he originally thought. He starts by creating a mental list of all the things Henry likes, realised there was too much to memorize, and has now ended up with three separate, handwritten lists categorised by Henry's likes, dislikes and things he's noticed make Henry smile. He didn't realise just how smitten he was.
Looking across the notes he circles the common denominators: hates big, public gestures, loves reading and is a secret romantic. That's when an idea dawns on Alex. He flips back to the list of Henry's favourite things, and grabs a highlighter, pulling the cap off with his teeth. He circles his favourite novels, highlights his favourite author and begins researching Jane Austen as though he was about to write a thesis on her himself. This was it. This was how he would get through to Henry.
—
He paces out the front of Henry's flat for about 10 minutes, rethinking this entire plan. What if it's stupid, and does more harm than good? What if he's about to finish digging the grave of his barely existing love life? What if he thinks Alex is just humouring him, just brushing aside what happened in the hopes of getting next to another warm body? He shrugs off those thoughts, a look of determination blaring holes through the door. He grips onto the copy of 'Sense & Sensibility' in his hands, knocking once before placing the book on the floor and fleeing down the corridor. To his surprise, he watches Henry yank open the door, looking down the corridor confused. Alex quickly ducks behind the wall before Henry looks his way.
After a few moments, he slowly pokes his head around the corner again just in time to watch those blue eyes notice the book at his feet with an inquisitive look on his face. Alex holds his breath to not make a sound as he watches Henry's brows furrow in confusion and step inside, book in hand. Alex grins to himself and strides out of the dorm hall. His plan is officially in action.
He returns to his room and slumps onto his desk chair, looking at the pile of books neatly stacked on his desk. He consults his notes, looking over the drafts of little poems, jokes and phrases he had been conjuring up to place inside each of the novels. Affirmations to show that he cares, words that prove to Henry this means more to him than he's let on. His first note, inside one of Henry's favourite books, was perhaps a bit too far on the joking side. But yet, he wanted to keep it light, not bombard him with apologies right off the bat.
The first note he wrote, stuck behind the cover of 'Sense and Sensibility', reads:
"Dear Henry,
I had no sense in letting an opportunity to kiss you go by,
I deeply apologize for my lack of sensibility.
Your (not so) secret admirer."
This was the result of countless attempts and many hours of contemplation but it suffices. His second best option would've been "It would make sense and sensibility for you to go out with me." That sticky note now sits, scrunched up inside Alex's bin beside his desk.
Tuesday morning rolls around and Alex's phone is still absent from anything Henry. He contemplates what to write on his next note for the inside of the next book. Alex remembers–very fondly–Henry rambling about Pride and Prejudice, how he enjoyed the silliness and the absurdity of the people. Alex learned that night that Henry has a romantic soul–Henry would like to think he hides this well–and mentions that he loves the way she writes romance and relationships. Henry made sure Alex knew that "Lizzy and Darcy essentially invented enemies-to-lovers."
Inside the cover, on a sticky note, he writes "Dear Henry, let's rewrite history and be the next best enemies-to-lovers."
Alex does another knock-and-run delivery of the second book on Tuesday afternoon but this time decides not to stick around to watch Henry's reaction. What he doesn't expect is to find the sticky note stuck to his door with 'That's impossible darling' written—in the neatest handwriting he's ever seen—underneath his previously written message. Alex feels a glimmer of hope at the response and is quick to start thinking about tomorrow's note.
On Wednesday morning, Alex brings his copy of 'Emma' to a coffee shop nearby. He brings his pad of sticky notes, a pen and a folder of his lists. Alex picks a table in the corner of the shop, tucked away from the noise and stares blankly at the book in front of him. He's not sure what to write for this one.
"Alex?"
Alex glances up to see Pez looking down at him.
"Oh, Pez. Hey," Alex responds slowly.
"Since when did you read Jane Austen?" Pez asks, grinning widely. Alex examines the expression on Pez's face and comes to the conclusion that Henry hasn't mentioned the notes. He's almost relieved.
"Since Monday apparently," Alex shrugs breezily and then adds. "Is Henry still mad?"
"I considered getting him a dartboard with your face on it," Pez says with a hint of a smile. "If that's any consolation."
"Great!"
Pez laughs. "Okay but honestly, I don't know. Henry doesn't really talk about those things. He is a very mysterious specimen."
"You're telling me," Alex murmurs. Pez smiles.
"You know, you already did your part. You don't have to worry about it anymore," Pez tells him in a hushed voice.
"Yeah... Right," Alex replies softly. Alex feels himself deflating a little bit, Pez is oblivious to Alex's turmoil. He decides not to tell Pez that he's fallen for his best friend and roommate. If his plan backfires on him, he'd rather pretend like it didn't happen and that involves having very minimal witnesses.
When Pez leaves after he collects his coffee, Alex lets himself breathe again but finds himself staring thoughtlessly at the novel in front of him. He can't even think of a play on words for 'Emma'. Poetry isn't as easy as he initially thought. He decides to phone a friend.
"What do you want?" June answers flatly.
"I need your help," Alex says as he clamps his phone between his ear and his shoulder to flick through the book.
"Well I'm kinda busy with organising the ball and all..." June sighs over the phone. "Is it important?"
"I mean... Only my love life is on the line so... I suppose not," Alex drawls, smiling to himself knowingly.
"I'm listening."
"You can't ask follow-up questions," Alex says seriously.
"Mhm."
"You've read Jane Austen, what's Emma about?" Alex asks, skimming the pages himself. "How can I use it as a pickup line?"
"You're evil for not allowing follow-up questions."
"If this doesn't work I'd rather have zero witnesses," Alex says. June groans loud enough for Alex to pick up his phone and hover it by his ear at a safe distance.
"Fine. Basically, Emma tries to play matchmaker with her friends and ends up just making a mess of things. People either love or hate her."
"Okay, I can work with that," Alex hums.
"What are you plan-" Alex hangs up before she finishes her sentence. She can't tell June his plan until he knows it's worked. After an hour of many Google searches and skimmed pages later, Alex writes:
My Dearest Henry
Like Emma, I may be clueless
But another chance and I promise to be less stupid.
P.S This book provided me with a new favourite quote:
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."
Alex closes the book, relieved he finally conjured up something he deemed good enough for the note stuck inside. Alex hopes with every fibre of his being that this works out for him.
It's 6 in the evening when Alex leaves the third book in front of Henry and Pez's door. Once again, he knocks and races down the corridor. As he walks down the stairs, he hears the echo of a door opening which has him smiling from ear to ear.
—
"What are you thinking of playing?" Nora is asking as they walk down the dimly lit corridor to Alex's dorm. They typically make this trip together as their dorm rooms are in the same corridor.
"Um..." Alex gulps audibly, realizing he's been so swept up in this plan for Henry that he hasn't even thought about what he's going to play for June and Nora's charity ball.
"You don't know, do you?"
"No..." Alex winces. Nora glares at him. "I do have something in mind though."
"Yeah, right. Like what?" She asks firmly, raising an eyebrow.
"I have a few Hozier songs up my sleeve," Alex tells her proudly. She rolls her eyes and at that moment, a bright pink sticky note stuck to the front of Alex's door catches her eye.
"What the fuck is that?" Nora asks, about to reach for the note but Alex is quick to snatch and scrunch it up in his fist. Nora gives Alex a puzzled look. "Okay, that was weird."
"It's nothing," Alex says hurriedly.
"I literally don't believe you."
"Does it matter?" Alex groans, opening the door to his dorm and walking in ahead of her. He digs his feet into each of the heels of his shoes and kicks them onto the floor so that they bounce in different directions.
Nora stands in the doorway, watching him. "I mean, your reaction just made me even more curious."
"Okay. Fine," Alex says, sitting down on his couch with a huff.
"That didn't take much convincing," Nora says as she closes the door behind her.
"You can't tell June."
"Will this cause an argument?" Nora quips.
"How badly do you want to know?" Alex replies flatly.
"Go on," Nora says gravely.
Alex opens his fist and unravels the scrunched sticky note. Written underneath Alex's original message is 'Quoting literature? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me'. Alex has to press the back of his hand into his mouth to stifle his laugh and growing smile.
"What is it?" Nora asks, pacing over to the couch to sit beside Alex. Her eyes flicker as she reads the note and she pretends to gag. "You and Henry are so disgustingly cute."
"We still aren't talking," Alex reminds her.
Nora blinks at him. "What? Why?"
"I need to finish my plan-"
"What exactly is this plan?" Nora interjects. "Like why don't you two talk like normal people."
"I'm putting a note inside every Jane Austen book and just leaving it at his door," Alex explains, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid seeing the expression on Nora's face. "June said to talk to him in a way that he would... Hear me and he's studying literature and-"
"Alex," Nora interrupts. Alex slowly opens his eyes. "That's sickeningly sweet. Henry's turned you into a softie."
"Ugh, don't call me that," Alex grunts.
"You're a cute lil soft sweetie pie," Nora coos teasingly.
"Fuck off."
—
Thursday evening, Alex has Jane Austen's 'Persuasion' tucked under his arm as he walks down the corridor to Henry's door once again. Alex decided on a simple 'Can I persuade you to give me another chance?'. Alex knows it's silly but every response he gets from Henry gives him a little hope that it's working.
Alex places the book on the floor and after a single knock, the door suddenly swings open. He wasn't prepared for this to happen.
"Alex." It's Henry and he's standing right in front of him. His hair is dishevelled and he's wearing glasses that sit loosely on his nose. Alex feels his heart jump into his throat, no one should be able to look so unfairly gorgeous wearing glasses.
"Hey I was just-"
"Engaging in a bit of skulduggery?" Henry supplies, a hint of a smile on his lips. Alex feels his heart skip a beat.
Alex laughs breathlessly. "Maybe"
"Alex I-"
"Wait. Before you say anything just, let me finish this. Please?" Alex pleads. Henry's brows furrow, which he's noticed he does a lot when he's confused or worried. Alex thinks it's the cutest thing.
"Finish what exactly?" Henry asks.
"I have two more books planned," Alex says, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Let me do this right. You deserve it."
"Okay."
"Okay." Alex hands the book to Henry and he takes it, their fingers brushing ever so slightly but it's enough to send a shiver up Alex's spine.
"Thank you, Alex," Henry says with a small smile.
"Bye, Henry."
Alex turns to walk away, embarrassingly giddy and smiling to himself. After a few steps, he turns his head back to see Henry, watching him, book in hand with a shy smile on his face. Alex can't help but match him when Henry shakes his head while smiling fondly before he shuts the door behind him.
—
Over the next two days, Alex plans the perfect date. Well... Apology. Although he feels that Henry has since moved past it he still thinks Henry deserves this. He deserves so much more.
Alex gives the second last book to Henry Friday morning, with a knock at the door and a wordless handing over of the book. Inside Austen's 'Northanger Abbey', Alex left a note that said "Don't be a crabby abbey and Northanger out with me tomorrow? x". Alex hears Henry choke on a laugh when he's halfway down the corridor.
Then on Saturday morning, the nerves kick in. Alex doesn't know what possessed him to go all the way through with this very calculated and prolonged plan to prove to Henry he is more than just someone to flirt with. So much more.
Early that morning Alex had left 'Mansfield Park' at Henry's door, wrapped—as neatly as he possibly could—in blue ribbon and an envelope wrapped to the cover with a message inside that reads:
Dear Henry,
Let me give this last note to you in person. I'm going to take a leaf (well, title) out of these books.
Come meet me at the park? 12:30?
- A xx
P.S. The one opposite campus, on the left-hand side of the lake. You'll see a (very tall) idiot there ready with an apology.
Alex paces in front of the picnic blanket he has sprawled out on the grass. He has a basket with an assortment of fruit, sweets and treats. It's probably an overkill amount of options just to make sure there's something that Henry likes in there.
And of course, a letter, held between his fingers as he reads over the lines over and over again. He really hopes Henry shows up soon because he really will look like an idiot with a very over-the-top picnic for himself.
While engrossed in his own letter, a voice warm and sweet curls around his ears and he almost feels like he's imagining some sleep-deprived hallucination of Henry's voice but when he looks up, there he is. Standing with a warm smile on his lips and a tint of pink in his cheeks.
"Alex..." Henry had said, his voice gentle like fresh snowfall. Alex feels his voice gets stuck in his throat for a moment.
"Henry... I just want to say... Well, I wrote it down..." Alex murmurs sheepishly, handing the letter to Henry hesitantly. He feels so vulnerable and small, all his feelings about Henry written on a piece of paper, a glimpse inside Alex's head that Henry is about to read. Henry opens him up, revealing himself to him.
Henry,
When I first met you, I hated you. I hated the thought of you, your perfect hair, and your beautiful smile. Most importantly, I hated the way you made me feel, even if I didn't know what you made me feel. Then you spilt your stupid Lemon, Lime and Bitters all down my shirt and I had a real reason to resent you. But that didn't last long. Henry, you are sweet, funny and below-average height. Sometimes, on the odd occasion, you can be funny too. You really are a full package.
I think I could listen to you talk forever, honestly. Your smile got me at first. Then, I got to know the rest of you too. I wish the other night had gone differently. I've been wanting to kiss you since I first saw you (although I would never admit that), and I don't know what I wanted for our first kiss but I didn't want it to be a drunken mistake for you. Not when I wanted you like this. I wanted you to want to kiss me, not because of the one too many drinks in your system.
Now, I can't match you for prose, but I hope my attempt at poetry at least made you smile over the last week. I can't guarantee it'll happen again.
If you still want me, I'd like to do it right this time.
Yours,
Alex
Henry looks up finally, his cheeks are a little damp and–oh, he's crying.
"Alex I-" Henry stutters, sniffing a little. "No one has ever done anything like this for me. I don't know what to say."
"I just... I didn't want you to think I was fucking with you... Because I mean, I don't know what I was thinking at first but I really like you and-" Alex's rambling–thankfully–is cut off as Henry surges forward, pressing his lips to Alex's mouth. Undoubtedly the quickest way to make Alex shut up.
Alex freezes at first, his brain short-circuiting but once he processes Henry's warm lips on his, he lifts his hand to Henry's neck and it sends an electric sensation through his fingers as they comb through the hair on the nape of his neck. He feels Henry relax into him, coming undone beneath his fingers.
It's everything he ever imagined, the static air that fell between them dissipates and Alex's whole body tingles, and charged energy rushes through him. The press of Henry's mouth feels warm while the world around him fuzzes into static. It's so intoxicating.
His lips are soft and tender, and Alex almost doesn't believe it's happening until their faces finally separate and he's hit with reality. He just kissed Henry Fox. Breathless laughs escape from both of them and Henry's blue eyes glisten, smile lines forming by his eyes as he lets out an honest-to-God giggle.
"You truly are incorrigible," Henry grins, holding Alex close by the waist. "A plague upon my existence, an insufferable-" Alex cuts him off by pressing a peck to his lips. Just because he can.
"Baby, usually people give compliments to the person they like," Alex winks, watching Henry blush profusely.
"Perhaps," Henry chokes out, still clearly caught up on the pet name. Alex files that away for future reference.
"Well," Alex says gesturing to the picnic spread at their feet. "This food isn't going to eat itself."
Henry smiles softly, joining Alex and glancing up at him with a fond look every time he speaks. Alex can feel the gratitude in each small smile directed his way multiple times during the picnic. Each time Henry goes to say as much verbally, Alex takes it upon himself to kiss him into silence. It just has to be done. Alex knows he's too far gone when he finds Henry sitting cross-legged eating strawberries something that's so excruciatingly cute.
"So when did you... you know... start..." Alex tries to ask.
"When did I start to fancy you?" Henry supplies.
"Yeah."
Henry tilts his head down, smiling sheepishly at the ground. "The campfire."
"I thought you hated me then," Alex says incredulously with a breathy laugh. "Tell me more."
"You're gorgeous, can carry a tune and you played Fleetwood Mac," Henry says as if it's an adequate explanation.
"And that made you hate me?" Alex asks with a huffed laugh.
"I didn't hate you," Henry says quietly, very unconvincingly.
Alex rolls onto his stomach and rests his chin in his hands. "I sense an ellipsis."
"I hated that I couldn't have you," Henry says, meeting Alex's eyes. Suddenly a pang of guilt fills his chest, rising to his throat and he chokes on it. Henry always wanted him and Alex... He had to be convinced. He had to be bribed to realise that the best thing was right in front of him.
"Henry," Alex says, a little breathless. "I... I need to tell you something."
"Yes?" Henry responds, looking at him attentively with a small smile on his lips. Alex is suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that he doesn't want to see Henry cry ever again and he especially doesn't want to be the reason. Things just got better, Henry finally gave him another chance. Henry likes him. What if telling him the truth ruins this? He doesn't want to be another Connor. The thought of that makes his stomach churn and twist violently.
"I think being a poet might be my vocation," Alex says instead. Henry's head falls back with a laugh.
"I don't doubt that for a second," Henry says with an amused smile. "I was truly moved by your words."
"What can I say? You're my muse." Alex puts on a false smile and it feels so wrong, he feels himself withering away as the guilt settles heavily in his chest. Henry smiles widely, a blush creeping up his neck to his cheeks and Alex wishes he could've figured this out on his own. Without it being a favour that'll come back to bite him in the ass.