The line was quiet as we were lead through a comfortable, white lobby/hangout area and into a white hallway with multiple corners that eventually lead into another hallway lined with chairs that lead up to a door. "Okay, can everybody please take a seat and I'll call you up when it's your turn." I sat down along with all of the other kids, this time I took my time to look around and see what everyone else looked like. Everyone here all shared the same look of either anxiety, exhausted defeat, or just plain indifference, like me.
After a few minutes of waiting, I soon realized that this was probably going to take a while and as I was taking out my phone to entertain myself, I saw the first patient come out with little to no facial expressions, holding a white paper packet and a marker who instead of coming to sit with the rest of us, continued on back down the way we came. Then, the leader popped her head out and called the next name. After they went in, I went back to looking at my phone for about fifteen minutes before my name was finally called.
"Jasper Andrews?" I stood up, placing my phone in my pocket and slinging my backpack over my shoulders and walked into what seemed to be a small office. "Hey there! My name is Ms. Lindsey and I will be your main leader for the time being until we get you guys all sorted. Go ahead and close the door behind you and have a seat." I gave a half-smile, wondering what she meant by 'sorted', and shut the door behind me and sat down at the white desk opposite the the lady.
"Okay, so, this won't take too long, I just need to ask you some questions and then I'll have you fill out a form. But first, just to get a feel of where you are in this process, I was just wondering what all you know about how our treatment works here?" She spoke very sweetly while talking to me, making me feel less hesitant to talk to her. "Uh, to be honest I don't really know anything. I just kind of thought that this was an inpatient retreat or something." I shrugged with my answer, which made Ms. Lindsey give me a knowing smile of sorts and nodded. "Oh, well that's okay. We will make sure everyone is caught up to pace by the end of the day. Anyway, I'm just going to ask you a few questions and I ask that you do your best to answer them as honestly as possible, and keep in mind that this is a safe and confidential space." She finished her sentence with a warm smile and a click of her ballpoint pen, waiting for me to nod before she continued.
"Okay, now you don't have to answer all of the questions if you don't want to, and if you don't just let me know. Now, just please make sure to be truthful in your answers." She glanced up, making sure I was paying attention and I nodded, letting her know that I agreed to what she was saying. " Alright, question one: would you feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist for private sessions?" She glanced up, patiently awaiting my answer, pen in hand hovering over her notebook. "Uh, female, I guess." I shrugged, since these questions didn't seem all that bad.
"Hm... okay, question two: what's your favorite color?" This time she asks the question with a little bit of enthusiasm, catching me a little off-guard with such a stupid question. " Green, I guess. Why does this matter?" I shrugged, not really seeing why she was writing this down. "Just something we like to know about our patients. Question 3: favorite food?" Again, she seems more cheerful with this question, as if I'm a little kid who cares about these things. "Uh... why do you need to know??" I asked with a raised brow. I was starting to get a little annoyed with these childish questions. "Well we do have a cafeteria, with some chefs who like to make sure everyone here feels at home. So we like to take into account the kind of food you guys like to eat." She answered my question patiently, still waiting to write down my answer. "Uhh... I guess if I had to choose I would say strawberry ice cream..." I replied, turning my head away with my ears burning a little bit. The atmosphere suddenly felt a little awkward and it felt embarrassing to be playing into these questions. "Hmm... a bit of a sweet-tooth, huh? Alright I will see what I can do with the dessert menu!" This time she places her pen and notebook down and reaches to her left and grabs a white paper packet like the ones I saw the other patients carrying.
"Okay, so what's gonna happen now is you're going to take this packet back down the hallway you came through and you're going to find the cafeteria, where there is going to be a leader by the door to make sure you know where to go. After you fill out your packet, you will give it to one of the leaders there in the cafeteria and they will show you where to go to find your bags." She then placed the packet in front of me and handed me a green marker. I noticed the color, and raised my brow, to which she gave me another warm smile and a little wave, telling me she would see me again soon.
After I left the small office, I walked back down the way we came, this time spotting a red-haired woman standing next to a set of glass double-doors who gave me a small wave, motioning me through the doors. I gave her a quick nod and walked through, where I saw rows of differently-colored tables, each filled with other kids generously spaced out, silently writing with colored markers. I looked for another empty spot that wasn't near anyone else and sat down. At first, the questions seemed pretty normal for a psyche ward, but then I started to get a little confused.
The Questions:
1. What is the relationship between you and your parents?
2. Do you have any siblings, if so, what is the relationship like?
3. Are your parents separated, yes or no?
4. Have you ever been in a bullying situation?
5. Have you every struggled with any form of self-harm?
6. Have you ever used/struggled with substance abuse?
7. Does anyone in your family struggle with substance abuse?
8. Have you every struggled with any form of eating disorders in the past?
9. Have you or anyone else you know struggled with thoughts of suicide?
10. Have you ever struggled with any form of anxiety?
11. Have you or anyone else in your family struggled with depression?
The questions were fairly straightforward, and I didn't really hold back since I was already planning to cooperate with everything for my parents. But after these questions, they started to get fairly strange...
12. Have you ever struggled with any bedwetting issues?
13. Have you or anyone you know ever had any experience with Age Regression?
14. Do you often struggle with managing relationships in your life?
15. Have you ever experienced any form of SA or sexual abuse?
16. Have you ever struggled with the death of someone close to you?
17. Have you ever struggled with the loss of your early childhood?
18. What is your sexual/romantic orientation?
19. Do you wish to partake in sexual relationships?
20. What is the description of your favorite childhood toy?
And plenty of other strange questions about my own sexual interests.
After reaching the twelfth question, I stopped writing and skimmed through the questions, confused on how to respond. After a moment of staring a the paper, a male leader came over and looked over my shoulder. "Do you need any help answering those, bud?" The man gently asked the question, leaning his arm on the table with a soft smile similar to the smiles on every other leader's faces. I glanced up at him briefly, slightly annoyed with the nickname. "Uh, I don't know. I think I've got it, thanks." He nodded and then after another few moments of me failing to answer the questions, he slowly sat down next to me. I stopped looking at the paper and turned to look at him. "What?" I was seriously getting a little pissed off with this guy, and I didn't want him to see any of my answers. "Nothing, I just wanted to see if I could help you out with these. I can write them down while you talk, maybe?" He was talking really softly and slowly like he was talking to a little kid and I was seriously starting to get pissed. "No. Thanks. I think I've got it." I gave a sarcastic smile and turned back to the paper. " Are you sure, bud?" He asked me yet again, still not getting the hint. This time. I harshly placed the green marker against the table, placing my hands on my knees to turn and look at him straight in the face. "Look, I don't need your help. I'm not a little kid, and I would appreciate it if you didn't call me 'bud'. I'll fill out the stupid packet if you just walk away and let me." I sat there, still staring at him bluntly for a couple more seconds before turning back to the paper and picking up the marker. I didn't move to write anything until he shook his head and stood up, stopping to say something before walking away. "I'd be a little nicer if I were you. Some of the other leaders might not be so lenient with punishments." After saying this over his shoulder, he continued walking away back to where he was standing before. As I sat wondering what he meant by 'punishments', I quickly realized that most of the other kids were staring at me. I pretended I didn't notice and started filling out the questions the best I could.
After I was done with my packet, I stood up and all but slammed the paper on the table next to the leader from before and tossed my marker into a bucket sitting next to the stack. "I'm done." I stood there with my hands in my pockets, a monotone expression on my face. "Great! Follow me and I will show you where to find your luggage." The leader was still nice to me, pretending earlier hadn't happened as he led me back to the hallway to another white door which he opened to show a room with another leader and a bunch of bags and boxes and suitcases all over the floor.
"Hey there, come on in and go ahead and find your things and bring them over to this table over here." This leader was a short woman with ginger hair put up in a ponytail, with a polite but no-nonsense attitude. The leader from before nodded and left the room after giving a quick wave to no one in particular.
I nodded vaguely and walked over to the piles of luggage and began rummaging for my things and after a few minutes I was able to find everything that was mine and brought them over the the woman at the table. "Okay, I'm sorry but it's policy that we go through your belongings upon entry to take out anything that's prohibited for any reason. But don't worry, you will get them back when you are discharged." I sighed and nodded, not very excited for whatever she might take from me. "Yeah, alright." I lifted the first bag which was a dark green and black duffel bag onto the white plastic card table and stood back while I watched her carefully pull things out and sort through it, not looking forward to the items that I knew she would confiscate.
Her face remained blank as she pulled out everything against the rules, which were printed and laminated on the wall behind her. It was pretty straight-forward, nothing sharp, no drugs, nothing dangerous, etc. After several minutes, she had gone through the duffel bag and had places a few items into a clear tub. I peered into the tub, seeing my razor for shaving, a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of aspirin, and a pair of shoelaces. "Next, please." The woman was standing there, having already put everything back into the bag and zipped it up. "Oh, uh, yeah." I then bent over and picked up my large, black, square suitcase and placed it on the table. This bag mostly just contained blankets and bedding, along with a couple of stuffed-animals that I snuck in, as well as some more clothes and decorations for my room, which was my mom's idea.
After another several minutes, the lady had taken out a couple more objects, which included an Altoids container of safety pins, a box of colored pencils, a compact mirror, mouth wash, and some other random items. But while I didn't really care about most of the items, I froze when I noticed the colored pencils. "Uh, why can't I have these?" I asked her, holding them up, a little embarrassed. "Oh, I'm sorry but those are considered sharp objects, and we don't really use pencils and pens here, hence the markers. Which unfortunately means I can't let you keep them." She gave me a sympathetic smile and slowly took them from my hand and set them back down in the bin. I just sighed and stuck my hands back in my pockets, my heart sinking really deep into my chest. I could tell she was actually sorry and I felt stupid for wanting something that childish so badly, but drawing was one of the only things I really enjoyed doing in my spare time. Maybe I'll ask them for my own pack of markers later.
"Okay, I guess that's it." I started trying to gather up my bags, but then I was stopped and the woman pointed to my backpack. "I'm going to need to look in that one too." I froze and immediately started to take it off, feeling a little embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, sorry I forgot." She responded by giving me a small smile and gave me a small, 'Don't worry about it' as she unzipped my old, dark green Jansport backpack. I mentally cringed, knowing that this bag most likely has the most items to be confiscated. I watched in silence as she pulled out all of my things and placed my lighter, a piece of a broken mirror in a little cloth bag, all of my snacks, my earbuds, more pencils, my pencil sharpener, my sewing kit, and a box of Band-Aids. After putting everything back into my bag, she zipped it up and let me pick it up and put it on my back and pick up the rest of my things.
"Okay, so now we're all just waiting for your results to come in, which should be ready by dinner, and then you're going to get to move into your assigned dorm, but until then you can just go ahead and hang out in the lobby's student common area with the other patients that have already finished their testing and baggage claim. I nodded and thanked her, carrying my stuff back out to the lobby where I finally saw a familiar face.