"Maybe I can just talk to her later," I took a step back towards the beach away from the rooms. I felt Declan's hand press into my lower back, gently pushing me forward.
"No," Declan said shaking his head at me. After our talk last night I wasn't completely cured of my instinct to run from my problems.
"But, I don't want to," I almost whined. I didn't want to see Chelsea, or any of them to be honest. But I knew I had to tell her about Declan and I before she found out some way else. It had to come from me.
"Go," he said softly. "I'll meet you on the beach when you're done."
"Fine," I groaned.
"You can do it," he called after me as he walked away back down the beach leaving me to face the storm we had set in motion.
"We'll see," I called back shaking my head in frustration. My stomach was in knots as I walked up to the door of my room. Pulling my key card from my shorts I quickly swiped it through and opened the door.
"Sofia, is that you?" Chelsea's voice echoed through the room.
"Yeah," I called back as I walked further into the room. I found her standing in the bathroom fixing her long blonde hair into a ponytail. She smiled at me in the reflection of the mirror and the knots of guilt in my stomach twisted as I tried to smile back.
"Where on earth did you go last night?" she called out, before emerging from the bathroom. She was already in her bathers and a cover up ready for the day I was about to ruin.
"Um," I mumbled, not really sure where to even begin.
"Dad's been looking for you everywhere," she said after a moment.
"I don't want to see him."
"You'll have to eventually," she replied, "Besides, he didn't mean it. Cameron told me what happened."
"He meant it Chelsea."
"No, how could he? He loves you," she persisted, now rummaging through her bag as if it wasn't a big deal at all. "You just have to speak to him, clear it all up. He was only trying to comfort my mum. There is no way he actually meant that he didn't love or care for you."
"It doesn't matter right now, I have to...I need to tell you something," I started running an agitated hand through my hair. I really needed to shower and get out of my clothes from yesterday but I needed to tell her now or I never would.
"What is it then?" she asked moving on from her bag to pick up her towel. Why couldn't she just pay attention for five minutes?
"Chelsea," I snapped. She looked up at me surprised.
"Declan and I are..." I couldn't even finish my sentence before she was standing up straight and looking at me with her fierce blue eyes daring me to continue.
"We are..." I tried again. I shook my head. This shouldn't be so damn hard. My mind was blank and I couldn't even remember the practise run I'd had with Declan before we left his room this morning. We planned out this whole speech but it was all out the window now. I was left staring into Chelsea's questioning eyes. I didn't want to break her heart. I didn't know how truthful or deep her feelings went for Declan, but I couldn't deny what was going on between us and she deserved to know. I tried to remind myself of this as I took a deep breath and told her everything.
"Look, I'm not really sure what we are, I don't want to label it just yet. But we are something, I like him...like a lot...and I know you liked him, but you have to try and understand I didn't mean for this to happen like this-"
Her indignant snort cut me off. She was shaking her head bitterly as if the words coming out of my mouth were poison to her ears. She closed her eyes as if trying to block me out from her world.
"Chels," I tried. She just needed to try and understand, but I couldn't help feeling like I was the one in the wrong here. In attempt to justify my own actions, not only to Chelsea, but also to myself, I kept talking.
"Please, listen, I didn't mean for this to hurt you. I heard you one night talking to Thalia on the phone before we left and I just thought that maybe you only liked him because you felt pressured into having a boyfriend and Declan was just convenient."
"So what? Now you're spying on me?" she screeched throwing down her towel and placing her hands on her hips.
"No, you were just there and I was looking for food. It doesn't matter. That's not the point. I just wanted to tell you before you saw us or something," I tried to recover the mess I had made, but it was becoming seemingly impossible.
"You're a piece of work Sofia, you know that. I can't believe you would do something like this to me. I have been nothing but nice to you."
"These past few days," I added under my breath.
"I cannot believe you. Mum was right, you are just like her."
"Who is her?" I questioned raising an eyebrow.
"Your mother; the home wrecker. You're just like her, ruining people's lives."
"Excuse me?" I demanded outraged. I got that she was upset but bringing up my mother, of all people. "First of all, how dare you speak about her, you didn't know her. And second of all, I think you're exaggerating just a bit, you were never even with Declan," I shot back furious.
"You're infuriating," she shouted gathering her things and storming past me. She stopped just as she pulled the door open. "You're right you know, dad did mean it." The door slammed behind her and I was left alone. Her last words hung over me making the air in the room feel thick and heavy. I was determined not to cry again but I could already feel my throat tightening. I made a beeline for the shower, stripping off my clothes on the way before turning it on and standing under the hot flowing water letting the room steam up. The tears came. I couldn't help it. They were different to last night though. There was no body-racking sobbing, only silent tears that left salty streaks on my face until I decided to wash them away. I stepped out of the shower, attempting to push our argument from my mind. I didn't know how to fix it so I didn't want to think about it. She wasn't with Declan, so I did nothing wrong. I repeated that sentence over and over wishing it could become true. But I knew it wasn't. I was in the wrong and I couldn't make it better. The icing on the cake was her last blow. I tried to convince myself that she didn't mean it, but she may have. I know Dad meant what he said so maybe she did mean it. Maybe it wasn't a lie. Just hearing someone else confirm it broke another piece of my heart. I didn't know how many pieces I had left. I pulled on a fresh pair of bathers and a casual white dress over it. I wiped the last tears from my eyes and grabbed the essentials before leaving the room closing the door behind me. Turning around I was in a daze and wasn't watching where I was going. I bumped into someone. Immediately uttering my apologies I went to leave not even looking only to be stopped by a familiar face.
"Sof!" It was Cameron. He looked relieved to see me and pulled me into a rib-crushing hug. I awkwardly tried to hug him back but I felt so distant from all of them I didn't know what to do. "I'm so sorry I thought bringing that all up last night would help, I didn't know that would all happen." He spoke and finally let go of me.
"It's fine," I shrugged.
"What do you mean it's fine? It's not fine." He looked confused.
"I meant its fine you brought it up," I corrected myself. "It was bound to happen anyway."
"You know he didn't mean it," he said abruptly.
"Actually, I think for once in her life he said something honest," I scoffed. "He meant it Cam."
"Not the way it sounded though, he just meant he wouldn't hurt my mum again if he could," he tried to defend dad but I wasn't having it.
"The only way he couldn't have hurt her was if he didn't have an affair with my mum and thus didn't have me," I retorted. I didn't particularly want to have the "where-babies-came-from" talk with him.
"Sofia, the world is not so black and white, he didn't mean it like that – he loves you."
"Not as much as I thought he did," I whispered swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. "I got to go."
"Sof, can we please talk about this," he tried to stop me as I walked forward.
"Not now," I pleaded.
"Fine, I'll see you later."
"Thanks," I tried to smile but I'm not sure if it really came across how I meant it. "Bye." I walked past him and back down the boardwalks. I found Declan half way down the beach standing watching the jet skiers fly back and forth across the water.
"Dec," I called out to get his attention. He turned toward me giving me a smile and I'm ashamed to say I instantly felt a bit better. I never wanted to be one of those girls who could only felt better when a guy was around and giving them attention, but in this moment, Declan was the only thing that made sense and didn't involve my family.
"How'd it go?"
"Oh so lovely," I laughed sarcastically. "She was pissed."
"Really?" he sighed, running a hand over his forehead.
"Yup," I confirmed, "I got the whole deal – the 'how could you do this?' and 'I hate you' and 'dad hates you'. It doesn't matter I don't want to talk about it." I sighed. He looked at me and nodded.
"We don't have to talk about it."
"We haven't done anything wrong have we?" I couldn't resist asking, the question had been burning me inside.
"No," he immediately said without hesitation. "I wasn't with her, I hardly even know her."
"You hardly know me," I said quietly.
"I wouldn't say that," he said moving closer and placing a hand on my cheek. "You can't honestly say that the things you've told me are things you tell everyone."
"Did you think you were special?" I teased him.
"God Sof, you really know how to shut a guy down," he laughed pecking me on the lips. "Come on," he said pulling my hand so I'd follow him down the beach.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Away."
"Sounds perfect."
*
"Doesn't that count as running away?" I asked once I jumped off the boat back onto the dock.
"Doesn't what count?" Declan asked grabbing my head to steady me.
"Today. You told me not to run away from my problems. We spent the whole day at a different beach on the coast...doesn't that count as running away?" I smiled up at him waiting for his smart-ass response. A terrible day had turned into a pretty good one. The beach he took me too, just like the lagoon, was beautiful. Declan having been here so many times knew all the best secret location and today didn't disappoint.
"Probably, you have a bad influence on me," he smiled answering my question.
"HA, so it's my fault?" I laughed as we thanked Ari for the ride and walked back down the beach.
"Yup, you're fault," he chuckled putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked.
"Thank you for today anyway - even if we were running - I had fun," I sighed.
"Anytime," he replied. "But you should probably try to talk to Chelsea again."
"No," I whined. "I don't want to, she hates me."
"You just assume everyone hates you – she doesn't hate you, she's upset," he laughed softly.
"Same thing."
"Runner," he accused.
"You facilitated my running today thank you very much," I reminded him.
"Well time to stop," he confirmed.
"I'll try," I shrugged. "But I bet she still hates me as much as she did this morning."
"You never know she's had time to cool off," Declan tried to reason with me.
"Maybe."
"Just try. I know deep down you actually want her to like you, may as well try to salvage it. Besides you have to room with her still," he reminded me.
"Or I could just stay with you again," I looked up at him smiling innocently.
"No way that couch hurt my back, I cannot believe you made me sleep there," he accused smiling cheekily.
"I did not!" I shot back pushing him in the side, not that it did much; he was a good half a foot taller than me and much stronger. "You wouldn't let me sleep on the couch."
"I'm teasing," he laughed kissing me lightly on my head. I didn't know how any of this had happened. I never believed you could possibly find someone and click so quickly the way Declan and I had. For this first time in my life though I wasn't going to ruin it by questioning and overanalysing every move we both made. I liked him and he liked me and I was going to let it be that simple for as long as it could, because I had had enough of complex and revelled in the simplicity of just liking someone and enjoying their company. When we reached the rooms we parted ways. I was rather reluctant to go back to my room but I knew I had to face the music sooner or later. I opened the door slowly as if the slower I went to more prepared I might be for what was to come. I stepped into the room and found Chelsea flipping through the channels on the TV. It wasn't a huge room and the floorboards echoed and creaked so I knew she heard me come in but she hadn't made a move to acknowledge my existence. It was almost like old times and I hated it.
"Chelsea," I said cautiously, "Can we talk?"
"I'd rather not," she said sharply, her gaze not wavering from the cooking show playing on the TV set.
"Please, I don't want to go back to how we were," I said. "You know I didn't mean to hurt you. Please let's talk this through."
"I have nothing to say to you," she spoke just as sharply again. She picked up the remote and turning up the volume on the TV signally she was more than done with this conversation. I sighed kicking off my shoes and sitting next to her on the couch. We sat in a deafening silence despite the TV blaring in the background. The air thick was thick – not with tension – but with all the unspoken words that we needed to say but couldn't bring ourselves to.