I'm not- really sure about what to vent here.. Mom got mad at me because I didn't share a donut my dad bought for me and she hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours.
It doesn't seem like much but with how I am attached to her it feels as if a friend kept getting mad and frustrated at you and you just kept trying and trying to keep the friendship going.
It's exhausting! And mom has some serious mental issues that she is reflecting on me.
About a week ago I found this scrolling on tiktok
Which is a series of phrases that promote, "inability" mostly, in children with their parents saying these words.
It makes me feel... bad and pitiful because In those that put other kinds of bad thing not to say to your children a lot of them are said to me as a joke or when they are genuinely mad at me
It honestly makes me sick.
Mom complained to me how "she always shares food with me even if I don't ask for it" and that I just don't appreciate her efforts.
I do appreciate them! But I don't know how to express it. When I say thanks she either just acknowledges it and done or she just hums "mhm".
When I say no she just keeps eating and that's pretty neutral, when I take it and don't say anything, everything stays quiet and we keep doing whatever we're doing.
The main problem is, when something bothers her she doesn't say absolutely anything about it until she explodes.
As an example, let's say I took a cookie she wanted, she won't say anything or will just say in her usual joking voice "who took my cookie!" And it's all just a joke, but at night if she gets mad she'll bring the cookie up like "You took it! You didn't even tell me!"
And that's a big issue. She's currently going to therapy every once In a while, I'd say monthly, but until now there hasn't been any major changes.
Yesterday while we were playing domino I won 3/3 plays and she got mad and said she doesn't play anymore, and then on past nights she says "I never play with her or I always leave her alone and stay shut in my room" and it's just so infuriating because when I try it's like she's saying not to do it again with how the consequences turn out.
It's just too much for me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a small child still learning about the world. And in some way I am, but she's teaching me in a way everything I do feels wrong.
Last month she "taught" me how to use the washing machine and just said "you do this, click on this and then press." And never once repeated it or slowly reached me it and next time she told me to do it she got mad because instead of stopping it I just paused it.
I didn't know how to do it! She's supposed to teach me! I- I dont know if she's even fit to be my mother.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who's responsibility Is to take care of her. It's not okay to vent to children. If you need help find someone who is qualified to give advice and listen to your problems.
That's all for now. Ha. Didn't know what to vent about and made this whole chapter thing into talking about my mom. Will probably do something else later.