Chapter 31
Tuesday September 13th
Lennon's POV
Harry froze, and I know that it was hard for him to listen to, but I wanted to tell him. I wanted Harry to be aware of this information before he saw Theo so that if Theo happened to mention Hudson around Harry, it wouldn't be a total blindside. I thought it was the right thing to make Harry know of their relationship, so that down the line there wouldn't be any surprises.
Honestly, watching his face I started to feel bad for saying it. But I know I had to.
"He calls him dad?"
"He does. I never coerced him into saying it, but Theo did it on his own one day and then it just stuck. So Theo knows Hudson as his dad, he calls him dad, and he loves him. I know that's a lot, but I wanted you to know..."
"There's nobody to blame but myself, but yeah, that one stung" Harry put his head in his hands, and I almost felt myself wanting to pat his back and comfort him somehow. Harry had this whole idea that he was going to jump right back in as Theo's parent and I completely shattered that idea he had in his head in just a few moments.
"There's more, but if you need a moment just tell me"
"IT's fine, just lay it all on me" Harry sighed.
"Okay. So obviously Hudson is not here anymore, and that has taken a toll on Theo. He knows the concept, but he doesn't understand it fully so it's all still a little confusing to him, which is another reason I was so nervous about you. Because he's so young and Hudson passed away. However, my point is this. Theo is a very sensitive kid. He takes things to heart, and he has a lot of emotions. He's extremely shy, like incredibly kept to himself. I think he has separation anxiety? Nothing's diagnosed or anything, I'm just speculating"
"Has it always been like that?" Harry asked, and his face dropped.
"You know when Theo was a baby he was shy and only ever wanted us. He doesn't gravitate towards people, and it's always been bad since you left. He's clung to me, and I think it's because one day you were there, and then the next day you weren't. He kept me close, so I didn't leave... he's always been like this. That's why I'm surprised he eventually opened up to Hudson the way that he did. I wasn't expecting that, it took a lot of time, because that's not how Theo is. But then Hudson died, and it's worse than ever before. He doesn't make friends at school and he chooses to play by himself, he'll talk to people like my parents or his babysitter but he won't get close with them. It's like he won't attach himself to people because he's so afraid of them leaving him..."
"Wow..."
"He won't form relationships outside of me or the twins. And he holds us so close to him. He's quite protective of the babies. It's gotten so bad that he doesn't even sleep in his own bed, he sleeps in my bed, and he's always wanting to be by my side. It's like he's grasping for us to stay in reach so that one day he won't wake up and we'll be gone" I frowned, it hurt me to talk about Theo like this, because it breaks my heart as his mom.
"Shit"
"It's what he's used to. You were there and then you weren't, and then he got close to Hudson and one day he was gone out of nowhere"
Harry stayed silent and kept his head in his hands, but I knew that he was hearing me.
"My point is Theo is very shy. So when you meet him, he's more than likely not going to fall right into your arms. He's going to be quiet, he's going to hide behind my legs, and he's barely going to speak to you. Not because it's you, but because he simply will not allow himself to form relationships anymore. I feel like you need to know that and a little more of the background before you see him, which is why I wanted you to come over"
"I caused this"
This time, I stayed silent.
"I did. I did this to him. If I didn't leave, he wouldn't be terrified to love people because he wouldn't be scared of them one day leaving and never seeing him again. Fuck!"
"Shh" I quieted him, I didn't want him to wake up Theo by raising his voice. "I don't know what to say to that, because I'm trying to move past the blame game, but you're right. Theo is scared of the people he loves walking out on him, and so am I"
"I literally ruined both of your lives" Harry sucked in a deep breath, and when he turned his head I could see the water brimming in his eyes. A few more blinks and the tears would be streaming down his face.
"I mean... I wouldn't put it that way" I bit the inside of my cheek. There's some aspect of truth behind his statement, because I do believe that what Harry did permanently left a scar on Theo and I's hearts, even though I've tried to ignore mine for the longest time. Theo is scared to let people in, and it took me a while to trust that Hudson wouldn't do the same thing.
However, we both lived through it. Sometimes that has to be enough.
"You don't need to say that. It's the truth" Harry shook his head, and the first tear went falling. "I regret it so much. So fucking much. I did this, I did that to my child"
"You did" I repeated. I honestly didn't know what to say. I didn't want to sit here and deny his words, telling Harry that it's okay and he didn't harm Theo emotionally, because that's not the truth. On the other hand, I could clearly see himself beating himself up inside and I didn't want to add to it. The first night he showed up here, absolutely, but now, I'm trying to move on. Key word; trying.
"I don't deserve this. I really don't Lennon"
"Okay let's not be stupid. You did what you did and it was fucked up, but you came to me begging for forgiveness and I dug deep within myself to give it to you. Whether you deserve it or not is past what we're dealing with. You're here right now because I thought long and hard about this decision, and I'm allowing you to see Theo. So I need you to stop the pity party because in our situation, you're the one who ultimately chose to be hurt, and Theo and I did not. So, get it together because I need you to be a friend to Theo" I slightly snapped at him.
He stopped and looked at me.
In the silence I heard little footsteps start to come down the hallway and I groaned. I did not want Theo to see Harry right now.
"Hide!" I whisper shouted to Harry and shoved him towards the kitchen area.
Harry scurried off into the pantry and shut the door right as Theo emerged from my bedroom. "Momma?"
"Yeah bud?"
"I wet the bed" Theo said quietly, muffling his voice by holding his stuffed animal in front of his face. I sighed quietly to myself seeing the stain on his pajama pants.
"It's okay. Let's clean you up" I walked over and immediately helped him take his bottom clothing off, and led him to the guest bathroom to clean him off. I ran him a quick bath, and all I could think about was Harry just chilling with all of the snacks.
"I sowwy"
"Accidents happen don't be sorry" I kissed his cheek and lifted him into the tub for a quick rinse off. I helped wash his body and put him in some fresh and clean pajamas. "Let me go change the bedsheets"
Theo followed me into my room and watched as I stripped the bed of all it's bedding, and then switched it all out for some extras I had in the linen closet. Hopefully he goes back to sleep without a problem since I know he gets overly embarrassed when accidents like this happen. I tossed the dirty bedding items in the washer, and then put Theo down on the fresh sheets.
"Who you talking to?" Theo asked, as I was re tucking him in.
"What?"
"I woke up and heard you"
"Oh" I paused. "I was on the phone with someone"
"Oh" He nodded, and got comfy.
"Yep. Night teddy bear, love you to the moon and back"
"Moon and back" He repeated and thankfully shut his eyes without a problem.
I left the room and opened the door to the pantry, to reveal Harry standing there scarfing down some goldfish. The moment the door opened he looked like a toddler who just got caught.
"I got hungry" He shrugged, and held a palm full of goldfish out to me. "Want some?"
I shrugged and took some from his hand. "Sure"
"Is he okay?" Harry asked as we sat back down on the couch in the same seats as before.
"Yeah he's fine. Just an accident, it happens" I shrugged and took a sip of my water.
"Is it weird having 3 kids?"
"Theo's life Harry, not mine" I reminded.
"Sorry. Is there anymore that you had to talk about?"
His green eyes stared into my brown ones.
"You look just like him" I commented.
He looked at the photos on the walls. "It appears I do"
"You're a dork" I rolled my eyes. "But anyways, I think that's all I wanted to say about Theo. I'm biased, but he's a really great kid Harry"
"With you raising him, there was never a doubt"
"I'm doing the best I can" I bit my lip.
"I'm sorry"
"I know"
We sat in silence for a few moments, until I spoke up again. "Tell me about your new movie. Well, if you want"
I corrected myself. Now that we're on the terms that we are, I don't want him to think he's required to tell me every detail about his life, especially when I don't want to do the same. Although I am the slightest bit interested in hearing about the role that drew him back to his career.
"It's called Don't Worry Darling. I mean, I don't want to spoil it. What if you go watch it?"
"I probably won't" I shrugged.
"Heyyy"
I smiled. "Okay, then don't spoil it, but tell me something"
"I play a psychotic husband"
"Should I be worried?" I looked at him.
"The movie is literally called Don't worry darling" he remarked.
"Well that sounds lovely"
"It's weird to be back. I missed it, not as much as I missed you guys. But I really did"
"That's nice"
"It is"
"Oh, I almost forgot like the most important thing. Actually seeing Theo" I faceplammed. "So I was thinking something short and sweet. Like 2 hours? So then I was thinking evening, so like dinner. But I also don't want it to be so formal? That's weird"
"Are you busy Friday night? Or is that too soon?" Harry asked, having an idea in his head.
I mentally thought it over for a second. It's not like we had any plans since we never do, and I'm off work that day so I won't be as exhausted. Friday should be okay.
"We can do Friday"
"Alright, what if I just bring over a pizza? Everyone gets to eat, it's pizza so it's casual, and it's Theo's favorite food so brownie points" Harry suggested.
"Yeah, I like that. I pick Theo up from daycare at 5, so let's do 5:30?"
"Sounds good to me"
This is really it.