Lucien reminisces on his past, bouncing from home to home, until he has an unexpected chat with Elain.
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Lucien was never truly exiled. Well, technically, he was. He exiled himself. And after the first time, he knew if he went back there would be trouble with his father. His adoptive father(though he didn't know that piece of information).
And sure enough, when he and Feyre traveled up North, on their way to the Night Court, they had to travel through the Autumn Court, because of course Feyre had to go and get herself a Blood Ruby from Tarquin and the Summer Court. So, traveling through the Autumn Court, his brothers found them, and made brought hell down.
Which brings up the second time Lucien exiled himself. Feyre had planned on leaving the Spring Court, and would have left him behind, had it not been for Ianthe. Feyre had stopped what Ianthe was doing, and Lucien caught onto Feyres plans. Lucien decided then that he was going with her. To meet his mate officially, but also to get away from the abuse of Ianthe, as well as... as well as Tamlin.
But his brothers were bringing down hell, right at the border to Winter Court. If only they could cross the border, then perhaps Kallias would feel that sons of the Autumn High Lord attacking the Cursebreaker and her friend(coincidentally also a son of the High Lord of Autumn) in his court, and come to put a stop to it.
But Feyre and Tamlin never made it to the Border. Instead, two winged lesser fae flew in, and it was around then that Lucien learned that Feyre was High Lady of the Night Court. Which was shocking to say the least.
Lucien didn't say anything, least of all object, when the short haired male picked him up, and flew off, away from his brother's, and assumably back to the Night Court.
The third time Lucien exiled himself was from the Night Court. It wasn't a full exile though. He still worked for Rhysand, as Emesary to the Human Lands. He had to report in every so often. Then he was invited by Feyre to holidays, which meant, he had to go. Usually invitations were a choice. But not when Feyre was the one giving them out. Not when Rhysand stood behind her, with his power.
So no. It wasn't a full exile. But he had to move away. He was so conflicted with the damned mate bond(the guilt at calling the thing damned crept up, making him feel horrible), was eating away from him. Elain wanted nothing to do with him. He understood why. But he would remain patient, and respect her boundaries.
But he found himself longing for her, dreaming about her. But he also found his guilt towards Jesminda growing increasingly by the day, as he thought of Elains beauty, or the sound of her voice would take his attention away from whoever was talking to him.
He found himself forgetting what Jesminda looked like. What colour was her hair? He tried to picture it, but all he saw were Elains golden brown curls. He tried to remember her eye colour, but saw Elains doe brown eyes. He was sure he remember Jesmindas laugh. Because Elain never laughed around him. They were both equally uncomfortable with this bond.
Maybe one day... No. No, he can't let himself hope. So many times he'd been let down after hoping. He's lost now three homes because of hope.
So Lucien semi exiled himself from the Night Court to go live in the Human Lands with his friends Jurian and Vassa.
The fourth, and final time Lucien exiled himself, was from the human lands. Again, this would be a semi exile, because Jurian and Vassa would still be his friends. But this was after they broke Vassas curse. The three, named the Band of Exiles were so relieved that Vassa was finally free. That she was the Queen of the human lands on Prythian.
They had celebrated, and Feyre and her family had come to congratulate Vassa, and offer her a home up in the Night Court, but Vassa outright refused. She was to remain in the human lands, she was their Queen. It was then, that she announced that Jurian would be their king, as the two were set to marry.
Lucien was excited for his friends. Though as the wedding drew closer, the more he felt like he was intruding. Sure he lived here too, but his friends were to be wed, and would then wish to start a family, and he would just be the extra male hanging around off to the side.
Perhaps she sensed something through the bond, or just had a vision, he didn't know. But on his next visit to the Night Court, after the day spent working with Rhysand, he was shocked frozen when he heard a soft voice call his name.
Unable to move, he heard his name called again. He hadn't heard his name, fall from those lips in, well in years. And suddenly she spoke it twice?
He heard her forming the L in his name again, and afraid he would not be able to hear his name a third time, he forced himself to move, to turn around, but could not bring himself to speak. Though he did nod his head in greeting, while swallowing thickly.
Quietly, she walked over to him, touched his arm(touched, his arm!)and whispered to him that he did in fact, have somewhere to go. How did she- oh right. The bond.
She looked away—toward the windows. “I can hear your heart,” she said quietly.
He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing, and drained his tea, even as it burned his mouth.
“When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?”
He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”
Of course. She was more intuitive to his thoughts and feelings than he was hers.
Suddenly she shook his arm, pulling him out of memories, and internal thoughts. Shaking his head, he apologized.
Again, Elain told him, that he did have somewhere to go, if he did not wish to come back here. But before Elain would tell Lucien where that was, she gently took hold of his arm more firmly, and led him over to somewhere he could sit.
Gently pushing him to sit down, she took the seat across from him. And when they were both sitting, Elain, his mate, the beautiful, sweet Elain, gave him the most life changing, identity crisis causing news, one could recieve.
How was his father, well, not his father? He was the father to all his brothers, but not him? But then his thoughts shifted, trying to remember, think if there was a time if Helion had ever tried to invite him to his bed. Lucien couldn't remember a time, thank the Mother and the Cauldron.
Elain was speaking again, and Lucien had not been paying attention, and had simply asked her to repeat herself, and had to do so at least dive times, his mind reeling over this news.
But by the time he had finally heard what Elain had said, he understood that She would go with him to the Day Court if he wanted her too, to help explain to Helion, and that she is certain Helion would let him stay there after learning the truth. After all, Lucien is the Heir to his court after all.
And that bit of information, may have spun Lucien more than the news of his father not being his father. He was an Heir, an honest Heir, to a whole Court. When Helion passed, Lucien was to inherit a Court? What would he have done if he had never been told this news, and Helion had passed within the next few days, and all that power transferred to him?
Lucien didn't feel he was good enough to be an Heir. He couldn't be an Heir. But being an Heir, he could have a home at least. He would never be exiled again. And his thoughts of having a home, a true home, where he was wanted. He couldn't stomp out the hope, the hope was too big.
Please Cauldron, don't let this hope be shattered too.
A few months later, He and Elain were standing in front of Helion, his true father, after he had confirmed the story with his mother, which had taken this long. Not that he didn't believe Elain, but he wanted to understand the story, and hear it from his mother. But it was difficult to get her away from his father. But Feyre and Rhysand made it work.
The two of them were not too happy when they learned Elain had told him about his parentage, but he would not allow them to say anything to her about it. Especially when he realized they had known. They had known, for a while, and kept it from him.
But after months of waiting to see his mother, he also told her that he would let Helion know, because the Day Court was his last, and only chance at a place to live, where he would feel both safe, and comfortable. That is, if Helion let him.
He cherished the hug his mother gave him then, not remembering the last time he had one, and not knowing when the next one will come. She felt too thin under her dress. Her dress that was glamoured to look like she was of healthy size. But he saw, he always saw how she wasn't, whenever he did get the chance to see her. It was the one and only time he ever cursed that particular ability of his eye.
It was extremely painful to see her being winnowed back to the Autumn Court, back to his father, by Rhysand. He once made a vow to get her away from there, after he had left. He remembered every day, and he still would one day get her away from his father. Away from Beron.
But now, he stands in front of Helion, next to his mate. Something he had never expected. There was no one else from the Night Court here, no need to winnow them in, as Lucien could winnow them here himself.
Luciens nerves eased a bit, seeing humour in Helions eyes. That was until Helion asked if the two of them accepted their mating bond yet. Though standing apart, Lucien felt Elain stiffen, and a quick glance over, saw that her face had gone white.
Anger surged in Luciens chest. That was an extremely delicate subject, and this... truce? Balance? Whatever this was, neither had mentioned it, despite it soaring and flying, and fluttering at the interactions and communications finally after all these years.
Lucien responded, rather sharply, that they had not, yet even if they had, it would not be Helions business anyway. Though almost the second the words were out of his lips, there was a harsh... tug, at his insides. Had, had Elain done that? Then the tug came again. Clearly she had done that, and on purpose too. But why though?
A third tug came, and Lucien glanced over quickly, though Elain had regained colour, and was still looking up at Helion. Lucien then turned to look up at Helion, as his attention went to the tug, and saw the risings of his own anger beginning to rise.
Quickly, Lucien apologized. He explained that this was a stressful, yet important visit, and he should not have taken his stress out on Helion at all, and he was fully wrong for doing so.
Helion then nodded, accepting the apology, motioning them to begin.
In the end, Helion was shocked, but not as shocked as Lucien had been. He was more angry. Angry at Luciens mother for not telling him. Angry at Luciens father for raising him how he did. Angry at Tamlin for how isolated he made Lucien feel Under the Mountain. Angry at Amarantha for taking his eye. Helion was angry at everyone who had ever wronged Lucien.
Helion, normally being so cheerful, and to be honest, flirtatious with nearly everyone, Lucien honestly found him quite terrifying when angry. He was glad he took Elain up on her offer to come along to help him tell Helion.
As Helion was slowing down on his angry rant about everyone who wronged Lucien, Lucien found his voice long enough to mention that his friends were getting married, and he had no where to live after they were married, and if he could-
"Of course. You're my son. You should never have been exiled from anywhere. And fear not. You will never be exiled from here. Welcome Home."