Lol, but actually I am so surprised that no one has figured it out yet. The comments are in the right direction but the big picture?
Y'all are missing it and it's right there! I thought by now, somebody would have pointed it out. Usually, y'all already get the plot before we make it half way into the book.
But more cannon events and hints coming soon. Pay attention to them.
Bye!
•••••••
We've remained in silence for a good couple of seconds after his statement. I don't need to tell him to continue, I think he already knows to do so. Still, he remained quiet. I think I can hear him breathing lowly, considering his room is extremely quiet, and I am betting he can hear my breathing and pumping heart.
But... a mate? Before me? I thought he once said you'd only have another mate if the one you had before had died. Or maybe I've read too much myths on the internet to have that idea. But the idea of him having a mate before me makes me feel... hmm. Not jealous, but curious.
He had somebody before me. Did he imprint on her, were they official under his Moon Goddess? I don't want to ask much question, but let him feel confident enough to air his thoughts.
"Same age as you, which is crazy." He mutters softly in the silence of his room. "I think we were perfect for each other. We did have our ups and down but we saw each other eye to eye and had a common ground with the important stuff. And we went months on a good note. I didn't imprint on her; she didn't want me to and I totally understood why. I didn't want to rush anything or make her feel pressured. It was all up to her, at least that's what I thought. So we went as if we were dating, knowing we were mates but didn't make it official under the Moon Goddess."
I slowly turn my head towards him. Of course, I can't see much in the dark, but I can see the outline of his being. His head is down, it seems like, and his body is partially hunched.
"It was all good. Very good. I don't think I can complain much about us, or her. But quickly, it went bad." He sighs softly. "My father didn't approve of her. Tend to speak down of her, thought of her as weak and little and that she wouldn't benefit me at all. It caused problems between her and I, and the trust we had for each other started wearing thin. You could imagine the arguments we had."
"Did she stand up to your father?"
"Many times, and I realised I was the one doing little to protect her from him. I understood that maybe... I thought I didn't have to do anything, that she could fend for herself and that would make a difference, prove a point to him. But me saying nothing and not helping or standing up for her caused more problems. She felt like I didn't side with her enough or care for her. She thought that I was afraid... of my father. She ended up thinking little of me as her mate and future Alpha. She thought of me as a less than. A scum. Coward— that's what she once called me."
Wow... she doesn't sound like a loving person, then. That's a crazy switch up. Kind of reminds me as me, but when I think of it, I haven't abandoned him exactly. He fought for me, he defended me against his father and mine.
"But the crazy part is I still love... loved her. Deeply. I didn't blame her for what she thought, or the way she behaved. I agreed that maybe I was the problem. I accepted that and tried to make things better. You know, speak to my dad. Try get Andrew to see eye to eye with me. Get Natasha off of her back as well."
"Natasha?"
"Even before, she was convinced we were mates, and of course Natasha tried by all means to make our lives hell. And she still does."
Damn. Natasha is a problem that needs to be dealt with in a very smart way, at this point. To be fair though, I haven't seen her in a bit and, not that she was my biggest antagonist, but she was a big problem at some point. But maybe she didn't cause me much of an issue the way she did with Micah and his previous mate.
He had a previous mate. I'm still comprehending that.
I clear my throat after a few minutes of silence between us. I adjust the sheet around my neck again. "So... I mean, you had a mate before me. What happened to her, that you'd have another mate?"
Micah is quiet for a bit. I can see his hand move though his hair for a bit. "She... died. It was during the bal— ahm, an event that was taking place. A lot was happening so, one minute I was with her and the next, she went off on her own. I thought maybe she was just, I guess, doing her own thing and enjoying her. But I knew something had happened because not only couldn't I find her, but I felt... dead inside. I hadn't imprinted on her so I really couldn't even say for sure, but I felt it within me. I knew something had happened."
I'm not entirely speechless, but there's a wave of guilt that washes over me. Sadness as well. I can't imagine the feeling of loosing a mate, somebody close to you and I guess, unexpectedly. It's the last thing on your mind when you're with somebody. You're constantly thinking of the memories to make and moments to spend together, that it hardly crosses your mind that at any given moment, the person could be no more.
I can relate.
So maybe, that's why I'm his mate. He has a position to fill, like it or not, and he needs a mate by his side to fill in the role of the Luna. Maybe that's why I'm his mate. I'm not like him, a wolf, so maybe his first mate was a wolf and since she's no longer here, I'm next in line.
Sounds weird when I think of it like that, but I guess it's true. The Moon Goddess found somebody else outside of the kind she created, in order to take the role of being Micah's second mate and the pack's Luna. A bit weird, when I think about it, considering I know nothing about wolves and such, but hey.
Does it explain things?
"My father said some... really upsetting stuff that night, and it reminded me of when he disapproved of my first mate. That's why I was upset. We couldn't come to a common ground and I stormed off because I couldn't stand another moment hearing what he had to say. It all was one and the same to me, history repeating itself. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you all over again, or him especially, feeling like he could dictate who I could be with and what I should or shouldn't do. I hated it and I still do. So I left the house upset."
That explains why he was upset.
"So, that's why you did it." I mumble under my breath.
"Yeah. I let my fear of losing you get in my head, add to that my father being the highest pain, and you being worried of your father and just... all of that. All of it. That's what came over me. I let it get to me and... like I said, I didn't think I'd actually do it but then next thing I knew, I was imprinting on you. I felt bad, Gertrude, trust me. Rationally, I didn't want you to go through it that way—"
"You wanted us to have sex until the sun rises, and imprint on me, and then have sex until the sun sets, yes. I know."
It brings me happiness to hear him breathlessly laugh. I actually feel butterflies in my stomach when I hear it, almost like a sweet melody to my ears and a warm embrace to my heart. I find myself clutching on the sheets tighter, hiding my cheeks underneath when the skin becomes warm since I'm flattered by it.
"That's a blunt way to put it." He chuckles. "But I wanted it to be proper, and respectful. And comfortable for you, because that's what matters the most. But I thought of her, my mate, and how I didn't have that opportunity. I thought of how, maybe... if I had imprinted on her, maybe she wouldn't have died, or I would have found her on time, or saved her. I could have saved her. I was so close yet so far. I tried bargaining with Moon Goddess and, finding anything to just take away this burden I knew I'd feel if she didn't come back, but nothing. I couldn't save her and so... I thought of history repeating itself and told myself I couldn't let it happen again. I don't think I could go through losing you again."
Losing me again? He's never lost me.
"Again?" He's quiet for a brief moment. "You've never lost me, Micah."
"I thought I would. You wouldn't stop bleeding, and I put you to sleep, and I had a moment where I thought maybe you wouldn't wake up. The first two days were hell, because I honestly thought you were dead, or you were not getting back up. Priyanka was the one who assured me that you were fine and it was the medication that kept you unconscious, so imagine the relief I had when she updated me that you woke up. I feel like this is a second chance to make things right. With you, I mean; and I was scared I had screwed it up beyond measure."
Yes, I can imagine the relief. I mean, Wednesday was a lot, and we both dealt with a lot. Despite the fact that it ended in a way in which I hope to never experience again, I am happy that we're able to speak about this, I guess, or that I am willing to hear him out. Maybe my buns are being buttered, but I hear him, and I understand why he did what he did, even if I'm not too pleased that it was by force.
I guess it's some sort of a life lesson. I don't know what, as yet, but I guess we could take it as such.
I feel the bed shift, so I see his outline get up and round the bed to get to my side. As he does so, I decide to sit up and lean against his headboard, pulling the sheets up to my chest. Micah then stops by the table on my side, lowers himself a bit and then switches on the small lamp, which I never ever noticed until this point in time. This side of the room is now filled with an orange sort of hue, and when he sits on the edge of the bed, basically by my thighs, his one side is lit up.
His eyes are as blue as can he. His cheeks are kind of puffy, so when I look back into his eyes, I now notice the redness in them. He was never one to have baggy eyes or something, but they are as visible as day. His hair is tossed here and there like he didn't have time or even bother to style it. It's thick, too, which just shows off the bundles that are growing from his scalp.
Has he been... crying?
"I am sorry for the way I treated your dad. Understand that, I disliked how he threatened you or how lowly he spoke of you so it was an instinctive response from me, but I should have never gotten involved if I had no intentions of helping the situation. I'm especially sorry for handling him like that. I was angry, but it's not an excuse. He is your only family, as you said, so threatening his life like that was ridiculous of me."
He sighs softly, then hesitantly places his hand on my thigh over his bed sheets. His eyes have lowered down and his shoulders are sagged.
There it is again, that sense of guilt that washes over my body. My stomach clenches tightly and my toes curl.
"Most importantly, Gertrude, I am extremely sorry for imprinting on you without your consent. I'm sorry that I couldn't heal you and so I left you with that pain. I went against what were taught, that humans cannot be imprinted on unless it's during the full moon, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I am so sorry I put you through that. I've tried to think of ways to say it, or how to apologise in a way that makes you believe me. I've thought of it many times and I came to realise that I didn't know what else to say but how I feel. And I am shameful of it, and I am remorseful." He now looks up at me, then whispers; "I'm sorry, mate."
We're sat in silence, looking at each other in the eyes for moments on end. Truth be told, I can see the remorse in his eyes. The guilt I'm feeling must be from him, and a part of me thinks it's because of this imprinting; that even though I don't understand it fully, a part of me feels like we're now linked and connected more than we were before.
Micah drops his gaze when I don't say anything within the possible estimated time he assumed I would. He inhales deeply, nods once and then runs his hand through his hair. He shrugs, glancing at the ground.
"You're allowed to take as much time as you need to forgive me. I can understand if you need space as well. If you possibly think of any way that I can work up your forgiveness, then I guess when you're ready, you can lay it on me. I don't know. But take your time—"
"Do you think people will believe me?" I start up, sighing deeply. "If I showed them the bite mark, do you think they'd believe me if I said I was bitten by a wolf?"
His eyes glance at the plaster hiding my collarbone, and he shrugs lightly. "Depends on who you're talking to."
"Well, do you think I could go around bragging and boasting about it? Say if I wore a boob-tube or something. The mark is visible. Do you think people would believe me if I said I got bit my a wolf?"
"It depends, mate." He shrugs again. "I really don't know. Wolves might believe you, since it's in a common imprinting place, but I guess humans would think you're fooling them."
I roll my eyes, feeling my lips pull to a smile of sort. "Peter Parker got bit by a spider and he became Spider-Man. I don't suppose I'll turn into a wolf now."
This time around, Micah smiles. It's a genuine one, one that seems as though he's been needing it for a while now. He shakes his head and chuckles. "It unfortunately doesn't work like that. You're either born a wolf or not."
"So I'm still a human?"
"As far as I'm concerned." He grins. "Sorry about that news, too."
I click my tongue in disappointment and lean my head against his headboard. "Urgh, so I don't get a Bella moment? All of that for nothing? I don't get to explore being a new wolf and eating raw meet and all that stuff. How boring."
"And ironic that being a wolf sounds appealing to you now."
"I thought it would have been cool." I give him a small smile, then sigh. My arms tighten against my chest and I frown. I guess it's my turn to be honest with him, and share with him my concerns about all of this. "I was hurt. It hurt a lot. I don't think the bleeding scared me as much, considering I'm a female and bleeding is normal. But the physical pain, and the pain of... having that being done without consent. It hurt."
"I'm sorr—"
"Let me finish." I mutter, allowing silence to fill in for us as I gather my thoughts. "I know that anger can get the worst of us. I've seen you upset a few times but you've never acted out like this. So of course, it took me by surprise. Unfortunately I wasn't prepared and so, in turn, your anger hurt me. But... I guess I can't imagine going through that. Being threatened, and history repeating itself and all of these things being brought up, and not feeling like I have to do something, step in somewhere. You did it to prove a point, at the end of the day, but it costed pain for me."
His lips part as he has something to say, but then he refrains, perhaps telling himself to let me finish before he says anything.
"Would I have it any other way?" I pout. "Yes. But do I understand why it happened? Yeah. Considering you are a wolf, things might be different, more intense for you. Somebody threatening me or somebody close to you might mean so much more than for me, a human. So perhaps your instincts kicked in and the only thing that made sense was to mark me. I get it Micah. And, yes it did upset me, but nothing changes..."
I pause, inhaling deeply as I start collecting the perfect words to use that relays the essence of what I'm feeling. There is none, I find, and a part of me feels like just calling it a day and saying I forgive him and life goes on, but another part of me feels like—
"Nothing changes how I feel about you." I low-key admit, eyes dropping to my lap, exactly where his hand is. With maybe just the slightest bit of hesitation, I move my hand from under the sheets and place it on his hand. It's very warm — I realised, since his hand has been on my thigh for a while — but at the same time, cold.
"This is perhaps the first time I'm admitting it to you and myself, but, I like you. Maybe a bit more than I think I do. It's weird because, months ago I wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, and suddenly we're here, having this conversation. Even still, I don't think I'm..." I spare him a second's glance, noticing how he's also looking at our hands. At this point, he's turned his hand so his palm is facing up, and our palms are against each other. "I don't think that we should—"
"I'm not going to be Alpha." Micah decides to just throw in his statement, so I look back at him now, eyes wide and lips parted.
"You don't... it's not exactly a choice—"
"I always have a choice. I choose not to do it."
I mean, I of course am not a wolf and it really shouldn't matter to me whether he chooses to or not, since it doesn't really affect me and my humanness, but it certainly takes me by surprise. It's almost as though I can't believe my ears.
"Micah."
"It's pointless. I was never born to be Alpha and I refuse to take it just because my brother passed away. I don't care if it's selfish. Quite frankly, I'm just happy I have my mate. Everything else, I don't care a bit." He shrugs, eyes lifting to mine. "I want a normal life. One in which I don't have to take on a burden that I never signed up for. I don't want to be Alpha."
"But..." confused, I remove my hand from his and tap my forehead, then scratch my scalp when a random itch rocks up. "Micah. You said it yourself. It's tradition. It's a must. You have to fill in that role you've done the training, you have a mate!" I point at myself. "You can't just... decide not to do it anymore."
"I can and I will. I don't want to be Alpha and I won't be Alpha. I'd rather die than do it. I'd rather be rouge, then. Excommunicated from the pack. I don't care. Hell, if Goddess Luna wanted to punish me and take half of what I am from me, because I deny the responsibility of an Alpha, then she can do that. I don't care—"
"Micah."
"I have you." He smiles. His eyes carry a sense of sureness. It's scary, when I think about it, how certain he seems and determined he is. "That's all that matters to me. It's the only thing that mattered. It wouldn't benefit me being an Alpha, and I'm sure somebody would fit the role better. Not me, though, because imagine an Alpha who didn't want to be an Alpha, being an Alpha. The pack would crumble. I'd rather not risk that at all. They'll find somebody else to be the Alpha."
It's almost like he isn't hearing himself. I get that he didn't want to be Alpha, which is why he never even mentioned it when we met or days afterwards, but even if it was something he didn't want to do, he was putting his mind to it and following through. Now he's completely dropping the ball? Who else will be Alpha if not him?
I doubt Abraham will be pleased about this.
"I think you're making a mistake."
"I've never been so sure about something, mate, except when it came to you. And now I have you, and I'm not going to be part of something, or around people who aren't willing to accept you that easily. I mean, they act like they have a choice, anyway. It doesn't even matter. I've made up my mind."
"But this will—"
"I've made up my mind, Gertrude." His hand raises to my face, the very same side where I felt thunder in the power of my father's hand, and he grazes the skin with his thumb. Then, after staring at my face for what felt like a couple of minutes, his hand lingers down the side of my neck and to my collarbone. "Can I... see?"
Without hesitation, I nod. His fingers peel off the seal of the plaster, and carefully, cautiously, he peels the entire thing off. Even I look at the now discarded plaster. Not a drop of blood. I wonder why, then, I had decided to continue wearing it.
Micah leans in, eyeing the collarbone and its bite marks. His fingers glide against the length of my collarbone, and to that, a shiver itches down my spine. He then lightly touches the top punctures. There's almost a zap sort of feeling that comes from it, that I move back a bit away from his touch.
"It's still sensitive." He states, the touches the bottom punctures and the exact same thing happens. "I can feel what you feel, now. Not exactly but I have an idea of what you feel when you feel it."
"Really?" Is it a good thing, actually.
"Yeah. You're feeling confused, now, aren't you?" With a tilt of my head, I nod. "Don't be confused."
"This is all confusing, Micah. A drastic decision you're making all because of what happened? Sure, it was a lot, but dropping the title is crazy."
"You're suddenly ready to be Luna? Of this pack. Lead these wolves?" I huff at the question. "Exactly. I'm doing it for you—"
"I didn't ask you. I'm actually telling you not to do it."
"Not because you asked. I'm doing it for your protection. Don't you see?" He sighs, leaning back and he lifts his hand to run it through his hair. "My father was upset all because of the idea of the future Luna being human. A few people already are shaking their heads in disapproval. To avoid all of that unnecessary stuff, the best thing is to drop being Alpha."
"For me?"
"For your protection."
"What about for you?" I mutter and frown simultaneously. "What about what your duty is. It doesn't matter whether or not I am human, you have a duty because your brother can't do it. Do you see? It's your responsibility now and you can't just drop it because of a girl."
"But you're—"
"A human. Here today, die tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many more mates your Goddess can bless you with, it will never change the fact that your destiny, now, is to be the Alpha of this pack, and I refuse to be the reason you step down or give it up. That's not a good enough reason. I am not a good enough reason, and I'm not even ashamed to admit it. But I don't want to carry that burden of knowing that I was the reason you chose against being Alpha. I don't want you to feel like... five or ten years from now, you could have been Alpha and then blame it on me."
"I could never blame it on you."
"That's not the point." I whisper it. Then, I take hold of his hand with both of mine, then squeeze it. "You can't give up on that for me. I don't accept it. Forget everyone else who isn't happy, what about those that have hope that in your hands, this pack will thrive? The ones who have hope in you. You can't disappoint them for me. I don't want to be the reason and I'll never be happy with that decision."
He sits with it for a bit. He doesn't have a response, but he does seem to be contemplating, almost trying to find something to say to counter what I've said. Even if he finds it, he still remains quiet for the while.
His hand, though, remains in mine. His fingers intertwine with mine, and then he raises my hand right to his lips, pressing a peck that lasts longer than I'd like to believe it should. He then sighs, and glances up at me.
"I'm so tired." He mutters softly.
He doesn't even have to tell me; I can see that he's tired. The look on his face, or the demeanour of his body. He is tired, I wonder if he's tried to have any sleep.
"Do you want to sleep?"
He simply nods. I tap on the bed besides me, wordlessly indicating for him to come along and lay besides me. He does so; getting up and then rounding his bed before he moves the sheets and climbs in. He lazily pulls the sheets to his chest. For a hot moment, he sighs and stares at me. I mean, after all I still am seated up straight and he's now laying on his side, pillow supporting his head.
He blinks a few times, the frowns. "Well? Can we cuddle?"
Oh, I think my heart flatters. I manoeuvre down and then turn my back to him. Immediately, his arm slithers above my side and down my stomach, before he pulls me right against him without the slightest bit of hesitation. I don't know if I squeal or what, but the unladylike sound of surprise that comes out of me is embarrassing. He doesn't comment on it, though, as he simply adjusts himself so we're flush against each other. His other hand he slips between the side of my neck and the pillow, which I find oddly comfortable.
On the top of my shoulder and above my shoulder blade, Micah places light pecks until the back of my neck. I lose track of how many, but I'm flattered by the light gestures. His hand on my stomach rubs the length and bulge of it, then raises his hand right to the side of my ribcage, slipping his fingers between them and the bed.
I find the initiative to adjust the bedsheets on us. Considering he is very warm, and I know it's a wolf thing, we should pass through this night beyond comfortable.
So, everything settles down for a while. Soon enough I find myself fighting to stay awake for another couple of minutes, but it's a losing battle as comfort covers me completely. Before I know it, I've left the land of the living and entered the land of dreams.