"There is no refuge from confession but suicide, and suicide is confession." - Daniel Webster
Matt and Danny showed up at my apartment last night. Danny is my brother's best friend who used to have a crush on me when he was in high school. Thank God Spencer decided to sleep at his own place.
"Wake up losers!" I yelled and the boys fell off the couch, startled by my high pitched voice.
"Can you just lower your fucking voice?" Matt groaned, clearly hungover.
I placed my hands on my hips, like my mom does when she's mad. "First of all, language!" I pointed my finger at him. "Second of all, what is wrong with you? What if Spencer was here?"
"Who's Spencer?" Danny asked as he reached for the pillow and placed it on his head.
"My boyfriend." I replied with a raised brow.
Danny growled. "Shit! I should have shot my shot when I had the chance."
"Like you had a shot." Matt chuckled and I pinched his arm. "Ow! CeCe, you're hurting me."
"That's the point!" I folded my arms across my chest and raised my eyebrows. "Matty, what happened?"
Matt wrapped his arms around my shoulders and buried his head on my neck. "Rain is dating another guy."
I hugged him tightly and whispered to him. "Everything's going to be okay, Matty. I'm here for you."
"I'm starving! Do you have bacon and coffee? I need to eat now!" Danny demanded and I rolled my eyes. He's still the same annoying teenager I met a few years ago.
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I arrived at the BAU and took a seat next to Spencer. "You're late!" He whispered.
"Had a Matt emergency." I whispered back as I glanced at the files that were scattered on the round table.
"Is he okay?" Spencer asked.
Rossi showed up and cleared his throat. "We're going to Pittsburgh." He announced.
"What's in Pittsburgh?" Emily asked.
"Officer Ronnie Baleman contacted us after the apparent suicide of his brother." JJ informed us.
Morgan furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean by apparent?" He looked at the screen that showed the picture of the man electrocuted in his bathtub. "This is pretty straightforward."
"I thought the same until I noticed a pattern." Rossi confirmed. "Every two weeks, someone committed suicide which is not usual."
"The suicide rate in Pittsburgh is of 15.8 deaths per 100.000 residents. A suicide every two weeks is above average." Spencer explained.
"Considering the percentage rounds around 15% of suicides in which, three quarters are committed by men, it is safe to assume we are dealing with an Angel of Death." I concluded, earning a smile from Spencer.
"Look, I get the Math says something different, but all I see is a man who had enough and decided to end his life." Morgan turned to Rossi. "I'm sorry man, but we shouldn't take a case because a family member won't accept the fact his brother was depressed."
Rossi nodded. "I would usually agree with you, however, the Statistics Couple is right. It's a really high number of suicides. We owe to the families to at least take a good look at it."
"Fine." Morgan said before heading out. He was really certain Paul Baleman committed suicide.
As we all started to leave the conference room, I turned to Rossi. "Where's Hotch?"
"He's spending time with his son." Rossi replied, not giving any further explanation. I bet the divorce has been finalized. The entire situation has been hard on Hotch.
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Once we arrived at Pittsburgh, Rossi asked me and Spencer to go through Paul's journals to see if he was suicidal. Morgan was still adamant that this case was pointless and I really wanted to prove he was wrong.
"According to this, Paul Baleman was really depressed after the loss of his child." I commented.
Spencer finished scribbling on the white board and turned to me. "Do you think he committed suicide?"
I sighed and flipped the page. "He wrote a lot about not finding the strength to move on despite his best efforts." I placed the journal on the table and grabbed my phone. "It's time to call the big guns." I smirked.
"Queen of All Knowledge at your disposable." Garcia answered.
I smiled at her goofy reply. "Pen, I need you to find a connection between all the victims."
"Alright, Sugar." She started typing as fast as she could, which was super fast by the way. "All of them lost a kid at the Shadyside Recreational Center fire three months ago."
"How many children died?" I asked with knitted eyebrows.
"Oh God." Garcia whimpered. "Fourteen children."
I glanced at Spencer. "Thanks, P." I disconnected the call. "I think we have enough evidence to work on the Angel of Death theory."
"Of course." Spencer started writing frantically on the board. "In his eyes, these killings are merciful. A means to end the suffering."
"Something the unsub experienced in the past." I added.
"Morgan was wrong." Spencer stated and I nodded. Rossi was right, we had a case and it was time to profile the unsub. I still believed that Paul Baleman truly committed suicide.
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Beth Smoler was found hanged at her house while her baby boy was in the other room. Even though she lost a child in the fire, she didn't show any signs of suicidal tendencies. The unsub was escalating.
It was time to deliver the profile and I could tell Morgan was uncomfortable. Rossi stood in the middle of the room and looked at everyone there. "We're looking for a white male in his mid to late 30s." He started. "He's polite, forthcoming, confident, earnest, friendly, charming and doesn't stand out."
"The victims allow him to enter their houses voluntarily because he doesn't impose a threat and they trust him." Morgan stated.
"The unsub is an Angel of Death which means he believes he's on a mission to save the people from further suffering and he probably works in the medical field or has a position in law enforcement." Emily explained.
"He most likely suffered a major tragic event that triggered his need to kill someone who was miserable at the time and he perceived as a cry for help." I added.
Spencer glanced around the room. "Choosing who lives and dies gives him a great sense of power and even after his arrest he most likely will maintain his innocence, claiming he did nothing wrong."
"The fire fueled his need to play God and, because he craves power and control, he will keep killing without feeling any guilt." Rossi finished. "Thank you."
We all dispersed and I noticed something in Paul's journal. There was a story about a man who talked about his brother and how he committed suicide because he couldn't live with the abuse he suffered from his father.
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Garcia was able to identify the unsub with the details provided by Paul's journal. His name was Peter Redding and he killed his brother to save him from his father's abuse. Ronnie Baleman was not pleased by the evidence confirming his brother's suicide and I really felt bad for him.
When I arrived home, Matt was in his pajamas drinking a bottle of vodka while watching some reality show. How can people watch those?
"Hey Matty!" I greeted him as I grabbed a pair of socks from the floor and sat next to my stinky brother. "You need a shower."
"No..." He trailed off. "I need to forget that Rain exists."
I sighed and snatched the bottle from his hands. "Denying someone's existence will not stop your pain." I tilted his chin up and stared deeply into his blue eyes. "If you love Rain, just tell her. You never had the guts to do anything about it and it's all your fault."
"But..."
"But nothing, Matthew!" I scowled at him. "Rain is the best girl I've ever met and she loved you for so many years and you never did anything about it." I sighed loudly. "Now, you either fight for her, or move on. I will not allow you to mope around and fixate on someone who's probably unattainable." I stood up proudly and extended him my hand. "We're Porters. We're fighters and strong and fearless."
Matt grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks, CeCe. You're the best sister ever." I smiled at him and pulled away from his embrace. He needed a good pep talk.
"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." - Ben Okri