The early morning sun was always something I appreciated.
It reminded me of a new day or a new beginning one would say.
Although, this beginning didn't feel so new. Here I was, sitting in the station at a desk. I had only been able to sleep for two hours after finishing my shift last night, so I decided to get my paperwork out of the way.
The morning sun casted a soft golden glow through the station windows, a pen gliding against my paper as my dark hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail. My eyes remained sharp and observant as I kept half an eye on my surroundings.
Guess the paranoia was a newfound instinct after everything that happened as a detective.
I looked up to see Bradford now entering the building. He appeared as always, tall and composed with an impeccably pressed uniform. His gaze appeared steady as it reflected the years of experience he'd had in law enforcement.
He now spotted me across the room, offering a nod of acknowledgement as his lips curled into a faint, professional smile. I returned the action.
After finishing my paperwork, our paths converged near the coffee machine. I had always been one to enjoy a good banter, especially now I was slowly relaxing back into my job with LAPD.
I greeted Bradford with a smirk. "Morning, Bradford. Ready for another day of keeping this city in check?" I enquired.
Bradford's response was measured, his tone appeared dry but I could tell it was laced with a hint of amusement. "Morning Hale. Ready as I'll ever be. You know, some of us prefer a good nights sleep to keep the city safe. Rather than caffeine." He pointed out, gesturing to my cup of coffee.
I rolled my eyes in a playful manner, "oh come on Bradford. You can sleep when you retire. For now, there are bad guys to catch and cases to solve." I pointed out.
He chuckled, "you're right."
"Can I get that in writing?" I immediately asked.
"Let me finish." He replied, shaking his head. "Suppose I'll have to rely on your boundless enthusiasm to keep me awake. Rather than caffeine." He scoffed jokingly.
"Consider it my civic duty, Bradford. Someone has to keep you on your toes." I reminded.
I was called into a meeting with the Captain. I expected it to be about my progress, and I felt positive despite Bradford and I's argument last night. It was solved, at least.
Captain Anderson approached me with a stern yet understanding expression as I stepped into her office after knocking. "Hale, I need you to train Officer Chen today. Both Bishop and Lopez have complicated matters on today. Chen is one of the best." Captain informed.
My eyes narrowed slightly, a flicker of hesitation crossing my face. Training rookies was not the issue; it was the memories from my previous job that continued to haunt me. I'd only been back a day. I wasn't sure what may trigger me.
"Captain, you know about my history." I begin, voice steady but tinged unease. "I'm worried my past may affect Officer Chen's training." I expressed.
Captain Anderson placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "I understand, Hale. But I believe you are more than capable to handle this. You've been through extensive counselling, and we all know how competent you are. I trust you." She reassured.
I took a deep breath and nodded.
"Thank you Captain. I appreciate your confidence." I told her, before I headed to find Officer Chen.
Officer Chen and I were attending our first call of the day. A simple domestic, it shouldn't of been anything to worry about.
I had been tasked with mentoring Officer Chen, who had proven in the car to be a rookie full of ambition and potential. I was however just determined to overcome my past trauma and provide the guidance Chen needed.
As we entered the house, tension hung thick in the air. Chen must've sensed my unease, as I caught a supportive glance from her. We both approached the situation cautiously, but emotions ran high.
The couple were arguing about the house, as they'd just been recently divorced and the ex-wife wanted him out. Considering in the settlement, the house was left to the wife, I had to escort the man off site.
"Sir, you're going to need to leave." I instructed. The situation escalated unexpectedly, as the agitated man grabbed my arm tightly. It triggered memories of my past trauma. Panic set in, my breath quickening as my hands begin to tremble.
Luckily, Officer Chen displayed a remarkable composure for a rookie. She swiftly intervened, utilising her training to defuse the situation. With a calm but assertive voice, Chen addressed the man, diverting his attention from Hale.
I realised in that moment Officer Chen had remarkable skills and already an unwavering commitment to her fellow officers.
After the man exited the property, I allowed Chen to finish up with the woman. I could no longer handle standing there. I was still shaking.
My breathing was erratic and heart pounding as I stumbled out of the house, my mind clouded with my overwhelming panic. Officer Chen realised the severity of my panic, swiftly pulling out her phone to dial Officer Bishop.
Despite having fallen to a seated position on the side of the house by this stage, I could still hear Officer Chen making the phone call.
"Officer Bishop. This is Officer Chen. Officer Hale just had a panic attack after a distressing situation. I don't know what to do. I think she needs help." I could hear Chen explain urgently, her voice laced with concern.
After her phone call ended, Chen came to sit with me. I was still struggling to regain control of myself.
"Officer Hale, you're safe now. I'm here with you. Let's take a deep breath together okay? In and out, just like that." Chen instructed as I did my best to do as she said.
With Chen's reassurance and steady guidance, I begin to regulate my breathing. Chen continued to speak to me, offering words of comfort and understanding.
"It's okay to feel scared, Officer Hale. We all have moments of vulnerability. You're not alone in this. We're a team. We'll all support you through this." She reassured.
When Officer Bishop arrived, the two rookies Chen and Nolan waited near the cars. "It's okay to ask for help, Hale." She reminded.
I nodded, "thank you Bishop." I thanked her, finally regaining my composure.
"Chen, drive Hale back to the station." Bishop instructed. Chen nodded, I climbed reluctantly into the passenger seat. But knew it was for the best.
"Thank you for your support today. Sorry I had a melt down." I thanked her. "You're an impressive rookie." I complimented.
When we arrived back at the station, Captain Anderson had asked to see me again. I knew it was about my panic attack. Which was completely fair enough. I could of gotten somebody killed today.
"Officer Hale," Captain Anderson began. Her voice was soft but also remained firm, "I can't help but feel that there's more to your story than what you shared with your former department. The incident has clearly shaken you profoundly and to help you, it's crucial for us to fully understand the scope of what happened." Anderson explained.
I visibly hesitated, eyes meeting Anderson's gaze as I inhaled deeply. I begin to respond, my voice laced with vulnerability. "Captain, I've tried to put that day behind me. There are details I'd rather forget. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of the department. I fear it might effect how I'm perceived as an officer." I explained.
Captain Anderson nodded with understanding. "I do appreciate the concern, Hale. But withholding information about something as serious as what he put you through can hinder our ability to support you effectively. We need to know the complete story to ensure your safety and well-being going forward."
I swallowed hard, eyes reflecting the pain of the memories I'd sought to bury. "I understand Captain. It's just... I made mistakes during that day. Mistakes that put others in danger. I can't shake the guilt and I'm afraid it might change how my new colleagues see me." I explained.
Captain Anderson leaned forward, her expression empathetic. "Officer Hale, every officer faces challenges and makes decisions under extreme pressure. It's apart of our job." She begin.
"What matters is that we learn from those experiences. Your colleagues respect your dedication and willingness to protect others. Sharing your story might not just help you find closure; it could also inspire others." She encouraged.
I sighed, shoulders slumping as I finally relented. "You're right, Captain. I need to face my fears and confront the mistakes I made. I'll tell you everything."
With Captain Anderson's gentle encouragement, I begin to recount the events of that fateful day. My voice was steady but heavy with emotion. As the details spilled out, it become evident to Captain Anderson the amount of guilt and fear I'd carried for far too long.
I described the moments of panic, what he did, the decisions I made under duress and the errors I believed had jeopardised the safety of those around me.
Captain Anderson listened intently, I could see in her eyes she was experiencing a mixture of empathy and understanding. She didn't interrupt or judge; instead she allowed me to share my truth. She offered me a safe place to unburden myself.
The act of confession felt as though it was a step toward healing, each confession feeling as though it was lifting weight from my shoulders.
As I finally finished speaking, there was a moment of silence, the weight of the truth hung in the air. Captain Anderson, after a thoughtful pause, spoke with unwavering support.
"Officer Hale, thank you for trusting me with your story. Remember, no one in this department is perfect. We all make mistakes. You've proven your immense bravery in sharing this with me." She spoke softly.
I nodded, eyes glistening with tears I hadn't shed yet. "I just want to be the officer my team c-can rely on." I expressed in a moment of weakness.
Anderson reached across the desk, placing a hand atop of mine. "You've taken the first step by confronting your past, Madelyn." The use of my first name further caught my attention. "We will work through this together. You can overcome this. Your honesty and determination has always been your strengths." Anderson reassured.
As I exited the Captain's office, I saw Bradford staring at me. I immediately lifted my hand in attempts to wipe the tears about to fall. But he approached me quietly, footsteps deliberate on the station floor.
"Hale," he spoke gently, his voice carrying a tenderness that was rare. "Are you okay?" He asked.
I looked up, eyes still moist, but I managed a smile. "I will be, Bradford. Just had to get somethings off my chest." I explained, not wanting the officers to know the full story yet.
Bradford knew there was more to it than that, I could see it in his eyes. He placed a comforting hand on my trembling shoulder, offering silent support. "You're not alone in this, Hale. We're a team. We all look out for each other." He reminded.
I nodded as my trembling shoulders slowly eased. "Thank you Bradford. Your support means a lot." I told him truthfully.
He squeezed my shoulder gentry, gaze unwavering. "Always, Hale. We face the storm together."