Natasha's pov:
I feel the cold air brush upon my bare shoulder. I slowly open my eyes and squint at the belting rays of sunshine. I switch my gaze towards the nearby alarm clock stating " 06:15 ". Oh how I hate mornings. I grunt and remove the cotton covers from my legs. I lose some warmth from my body as I don't have my bedsheets draped over me anymore.
Since Mum can't afford the heating bill, fluffy pyjamas will have to suffice.
If I'm being honest my life is pretty darn repetitive. Get up, School, Work, Sleep. I turn to grab my phone and put in my knock-off Airpods. Sometimes I wonder if they are even better than the real deal. I switch my apps till I find Spotify and turn on 'Les by Childish Gambino'.
It's one of my top five songs, for obvious reasons.
I depart from my warm bed and place my feet into warm, woolly slippers. I stroll my way over to the sink in the bathroom. Me and my Mum share a bathroom because our apartment is tiny. I wish things were different but the past is the past and I need to remind myself of that.
I begin rinsing my face repeatedly until I feel fully awake. I needed to this this or I would feel groggy all day. The water was probably from a sewage pipe due to our living crisis but my skin was clear currently so I guess it does the trick. Although, I do get a few spots here and there.
Darn do I hate school.
It was just an average filler to my very busy days. I am an A+ student but I needed to attend until I was 18. In the U.K, you're able to finish school at sixteen but my mafia mentor advised me to pace it out so I can posses a full education. Oh how I hate the British school system. If I'm being honest, my only motivation to participate in class is my friends.
Seb and Flynn.
I apply some old Tarte concealer I bought a while ago to cover up the dark circles under my eyes completely forgetting about my shoulder. I try to examine it closer but I wince as I attempt to touch it. It hasn't fully developed into a dark bruise yet, but there's only time to tell.
Oh boy, yesterday a long night.
I needed something to cover up the bruises on my arm. They now appear as a medium brown. Hopefully they don't turn blue like last time. That one hurt like hell, even the full-coverage concealer didn't do the job. I quickly shake off my thoughts and remind myself that I needed to hide this incoming bruise from Seb and Flynn.
They hate the fact that I get hurt by Mum.
I wander over to my dark, wooden closet and pick up a grey, stained, nike hoodie, a black puffer vest, black leggings, nike socks and Ugg shoes. I could only afford these items due to my job. If the cops weren't on my trail, I would've had the best style imaginable.
Trust me.
Oh how I adore late January weather, it's always so calm and crisp here in London. Although in summer I can show off my body, I prefer the cooler months. It gives me a sense of peacefulness. I reach for my phone on my desk and begin to read today's schedule: School, Gym, Work, Sleep.
I gently place my phone into my pocket while walking to the kitchen.
There I see my mother, oh how I loved and hated her all at the same time. After the divorce she was nothing but stone cold to me, and still is. She only exists to feed me and give me a home. I'm honestly surprised she hasn't given me up for adoption yet. Let's just say i'm not the perfect child to have around. I never was and never will be.
"Morning Mum" I greet her, hoping to begin a conversation. I desperately wanted to talk to her after what happened yesterday, hopefully she would recite an apology. But deep down even I would know it wouldn't happen.
She just nods her head at me and continues to prepare herself breakfast. Nobody understands how hard it is to live with a woman like her. She's emotionless, sometimes she reminds me of a walking corpse. Her routine consists of waking up hungover, eating, drinking, sleeping and repeat. Without my so called job then we would be on the streets. God sometimes I feel like 'Maybe I don't deserve a mother?'. She probably hates me anyways. I'm nothing but a burden towards her. I was always a burden now that I think about it.
I let out a sigh hoping she heard me as I make my way towards the door and quickly walk out. I quickly whip out my phone while walking down the fleet of concrete stairs. I begin texting my best friend Seb on Snapchat.
Nat: morning loser! you coming or what?
Seb: you know it! There's some traffic, I'll be there in 5.
Nat: Nah it's alright, take your time. I needed time to think anyways.
Seb: You know that you're highly impatient? ;)
Nat: How else is everything meant to be completed then? You're going to do it huh? :)
Seb: Hard pass but touché m'lady. I see you, hop in.
My gaze is now fixed on Seb's car. The black SUV shines brightly with all the sunlight. I jump into his heated car seats as he starts the engine. "What happened yesterday? You didn't call me back" Seb stated.
"I came home and went to bed, simple. I must have forgotten sorry." I muttered, continuously looking at my fingers.
Seb gave me a glare and said "Look at me when you speak Tash." He spoke with such authority. He only does this voice when talking about serious topics. Oh golly I was in for a treat.
I drifted my eyes till I met his. He had dark brown eyes. They glistened in the sunlight, turning into a shade of amber. I knew I couldn't lie to him. Not with him. He would be able to tell even if I tried, so there wasn't any point. He knew me too darn well.
I let out a sigh and reveal my shoulder. I hoped his reaction wouldn't be dramatic. Hopefully the awkwardness would die down a bit. There was already too much tension in the air between us.
He examines my shoulder and caresses my cheek. I loved his touch on my skin. It made me feel whole.
"Did she do this?" he suggested with a hint of anger contained in his eyes. He was looking for an answer but I stayed quiet giving him my response. I couldn't let out a verbal response even if I tried. I knew that if I did that tears would come pouring out.
"She did." I gulped.
I remember yesterday so vividly. It wasn't out of the ordinary behaviour but I don't even know why that I still held out hope that she would stop. I knew this wasn't her. I wanted the old her back. The version where she wasn't drunk 24/7. The version where she cared for me and loved me. The version where she was a proper mother.
Flashback:
I try to close the door as gently as I could. It was 2AM in the morning and I was already fed up with work. I begin making my way over towards the bathroom when I hear some murmuring coming from mother's room.
Me being the curious critter I am, I start quietly tip-toeing over towards her room. Big mistake.
I peek my head through her door and see my mother with a bottle of beer in her grasp. She was sitting on the edge of her bed. My blank face turned into a frown. I was hoping that one day, one day she would stop this and be in reality. Be with me.
Her eyes fixed on me. She somehow noticed my presence and shouts "COME HERE NOW YOU TWAT!"
Oh shit, I was caught. I made my way over towards her cautiously, hoping not to provoke her any further.
As i step closer towards her my nose sniffs up a familiar smell. She reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. I knew that I couldn't really say much, but she took them like candy. I would be surprised if she lived for another few days with her current state.
I plop myself on the free space beside her. She looks at me with her dilated pupils and shoves me to the floor almost instantly, and grabbing my chin in the process. She tightens her grasp and has no hesitation before slapping my face repeatedly. Fuck did it hurt.
I groan in pain hoping to find a hint of remorse within her eyes but as expected, I don't. I begin searching, searching for some part of my mother that is left in that body. Searching for why she has been doing this to me, but to find nothing. Oh how I missed the women before the divorce. I missed her too much.
Then unexpectedly, she lifted her hand with the bottle and dropped it on my shoulder. She just sits there, unemotionally. The shards of glass breaking as it comes into contact with my skin hurt so damn bad. Multiple pieces graze my skin as I shriek out in pain. I had a high pain tolerance but this was so painful mentally as well as physically to me. Water begins forming in my eyes. I cant cry, this will provoke her even more.
She wouldn't even hurt a fly before, let alone her own daughter. I missed her tremendously.
Before thinking, I quickly stumbled out of there. I didn't even look back. Not even a second glance. I made my way to my room, holding back tears. I slam the door and lock it. I slide my back down the wooden door, feeling nothing but weakness. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My lungs felt like they were suffocating me. I felt like I was going to implode.
My heartbeat slows down, as I try to calm myself. My best friend Flynn taught me to close my eyes and place my hand on my heart whenever I had a panic attack. He knew me like I knew my own mind.
My legs were feeling sore. Without thinking, I sit on my bed recalling what my eyes had just witnessed mere moments ago. I could feel droplets on my cheek. I eventually let them all out to flush them out of my system. I needed to rid myself of these sudden emotions.
Unfortunately, by the time I know it I have already drifted into a sleep. I hated sleeping knowing she was awake but I was too exhausted to let sleep not consume me.
end of flashback:
Seb just stared at me. He knew I didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to get me out of that pig-sty but I couldn't leave my mother alone like that. You never know when a person can just change. I truly did hold out hope for her.
The next 10 minutes were pure silence. You could hear a pin drop, it was dead quiet. I respected Seb for giving me time to open up. He was always so patient with me. I loved that trait of his. He knew the right ways to comfort me.
We arrive at Flynn's house. It was a red brick house with a large, brown, wooden door. Flynn was the wealthiest out of the three of us but he never treated us any differently. He was always there for me and Seb. We were all inseparable.
Seb honks his car's horn three times hoping to earn the attention of Flynn. Then we see a tall 6ft lad opening the door and walking towards us. He opens the car door and sits at the back manspreading. Typical goofy Flynn.
Seb then brakes the silence by announcing "Flynn? Did you happen to know what this little one got herself into last night?". Flynn gives me a 'what did you do now? look' and shook his head repeatedly with eagerness. Then annoying Seb starts to briefly explain to Flynn about the past 20 minutes. All I could do was stare outside the window to avoid their staring. I could tell by the silence that Flynn wanted to talk but for my sake he didn't utter a word.
Before I knew it, the school parking lot came into my range of sight. Seb parked and we walked up towards our lockers. Conveniently they were close to one another. I begin grabbing my maths and history book because I have those classes in the next 2 periods.
As I stuff the books into my bag I see Seb and Flynn walking off to their next class together. As I walk into maths I sit at the back like usual. The back was often my designated unassigned seat. If you know, you know.
More and more students starting pouring into the classroom. A girl called Sophie sat beside me. She was nice but we haven't really spoken before. She was often quiet and I usually helped her when she was stuck on a sum. I wasn't known as the nerd but more primarily the mysterious girl which was truly better than nothing.
Mr.Smith walked in hastily with a big cup of his daily coffee. "Morning everyone, take out your copies and remember keep your eyes on the board". Maths was calm and went by like a breeze. We were doing our linear equations.
Shortly after, the bell rang indicating that history was next. History was my most favourite subject. The teacher, the lessons, the stories, they all just fascinated me in ways I've never seen. Most people say that history is pointless in learning about, but to me it shows us what people did and how we could avoid the past.
Every thing that happened in history was people questioning how things worked. I too relate to this. I even think I might have undiagnosed ADHD, but let's not jump into any conclusions without a doctor.
Who knows what everyone will think about me? Will Seb and Flynn even still want to be friends? Will my mom hate me even more? As you can tell I question a lot of things.
I make my way over towards my history room. There i see Ms.Carol, I loved that woman like she was my own grandmother. I knew she wanted to retire soon but I desperately hoped it was after I graduated. I couldn't bear to do history or even school without her. Hearing her talk about something so passionately was mesmerising. I was in a trance hearing the way she spoke about the Founding Fathers.
Even though it was a bit silly, I loved that woman to bits.
All of a sudden a knock is heard upon the wooden, oak door. In comes the vice principal, she was a small, stubby 40 year old woman. She had a short brunette bob and was always lovely towards me but did have a stern face. She looks around the room and when her eyes interlock with mine she requested me to follow her to the principal's office. Oh boy I was nervous, even though I had nothing to be scared of.
As I grabbed my bag and walked out of the classroom my ears caught many "Ooohhs" and "Aaaahhhss" but to which I chose to ignore. And just like that, I am already sat down in a leather chair across my principal. A policewomen soon walked in and now the nerves started to kick in. Holy shit maybe this was actually bad?
No fucking way did they find out about the mafia. I made sure nothing was traced towards my name. Right? RIGHT? Even if they did I'm sure Seb and Flynn would be here so that means it's not about that. This means it must have to be personal. But what did I do wrong? I was internally freaking out but I couldn't let them know that so I put up a cold, blank face. They definitely bought that up. Idiots.
The principal began to speak and I was not prepared for the words that were about to come out of his mouth "There is no easy way to put this, but.. your mother has passed away".
Author's Comments:
Hey! How are we feeling about the first chapter? :)
This is my first book and I am SO excited to take you all on Nat's journey!! :) Chapter 2 will be posted soon.
Total words: 2800