incongruous
adj. lacking harmony; incompatible
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The princess and her attending knight walked in silence for hours. By some silent agreement, Link stayed several paces behind her, keeping watch.
Everything about him bothered Zelda.
His baby face. His unruly hair.
His blending of words due to the faint accent she couldn't quite pinpoint.
His voice was too soft-spoken. His eyes were too pensive.
His walk was arrogant. His silence derisive.
What sort of things was he judging her for in the absence of dialogue?
Her stomach had started feeling empty about an hour ago, but she refused to acknowledge it. She much preferred this apprehensive speculation over conversation with Link. However, after another ten minutes, Link breached the silence himself. "Princess, it'd be smart to eat something soon."
She stopped and pretended to consider this. "If you insist."
"I'm sure we can find something further inside the forest. Actually, I think I see some apple trees up ahead—"
"No!" she cried before he could take a step. He shot her a confused look, and she faltered on the idea of having to explain. "I'm worried— The trees might be... bellicose."
He blinked. "They're apple."
She rolled her eyes. "Bellicose isn't a fruit, you prat."
His head shook like she was the crazy one. "What are you saying?"
"Earlier..." She fumbled over the words. It might confirm she really was the crazy one. "One of the trees... attacked me. And before you say anything, I'm not being melodramatic, the thing uprooted itself and started pursuing me—"
"You mean like an Evermean?"
She paused. He'd said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Yes." She gave an authoritative nod. "An Evermean. And I'll have you know that—"
Suddenly Link sank into a crouch.
"What are you—"
"Shh!" he hissed, waving her off.
Her jaw dropped. The audacity!
"Excuse me? That is not how you speak to your prin—" The words devolved into a yelp as Link grabbed her wrist and yanked her down.
A series of the most uncivil insults she could think of were about to let loose when he pointed ahead. Green eyes followed to where a wild boar was sniffing through the grasses several yards away. It was plump on summer nuts and rodents, and blissfully unaware of their presence.
He shushed her for a pig? Oh, she was really about to lay into him when her eyes caught on something else. Two ribbed horns peeking up from the far bushes. Two sets of large red ears.
Bokoblins. That's what Link had been pointing at.
Despite the security of a skilled knight beside her, Zelda's vision lurched with flashes of the Blood Moon. Cleric Ciela's exposed legs. Those beady little bokoblin eyes trapped beneath wood, still piercing her resolve, even now.
The nightmares had finally outgrown the underside of her bed.
"Well?" she whispered. "Aren't you going to do something?" The sooner those monsters were dealt with, the sooner she could pretend to be under control again. She clutched the grass to keep her hands from visibly shaking.
"I don't have a sword," he whispered back.
"You've got a bow."
"Yeah, and like, ten arrows. I'm not wasting them."
Did she just hear that right?
"What, my assured safety doesn't warrant the expenditure of your arrows?" she whispered angrily. "Yet you insist on playing escort in what I can now only assume is just some altruistic guise? How does that make sense to you?"
"Uh, it doesn't," he said, side-eyeing her, "because you definitely made up at least half of those words."
The bokoblins were fixated on the boar, but as they leapt from behind the bush with angry, gurgling screeches, Zelda reflexively screamed. She immediately clasped her hands over her mouth, but the damage was already done. The boar turned tail, and the bokoblins perked at the unexpected interruption.
Link cursed as beady eyes fixed on them. He stood and nocked an arrow in one fluid movement, hissing in pain, and in the next, the bokoblin was sailing backwards with an arrow in its head.
Spinning on a heel, Zelda did the only thing she knew how—she ran, ignoring the pangs of hunger that tried to slow her down. While running, she looked back to see Link release another arrow. Unfortunately, when she looked forward again, it took too long to register the campfire ahead of her, supervised by two more bokoblins roasting fish. One bokoblin was red, the other was blue.
Alerted, they snatched their weapons and turned on the princess.
"Princess Zelda!" she could hear Link calling, but her own voice was stuck in her throat.
One slow step back at a time, she raised her hands—a feeble shield, a feeble attempt to summon her power, feeble anything—she didn't know. Anything to stop the images of death cycling behind her eyes.
The blue one was nearly on her when an arrow whizzed past her ear. Zelda cowered as the creature fell back, but the red one continued to advance.
Pa-shing!
The red one took a direct hit, and fell over lifeless. Zelda had never seen one defeated. She watched with petrified interest as its flesh became black and magenta before vanishing in a smokey burst of malice, taking the arrow with it into oblivion.
"Princess!"
The blue one was back on its feet. It required more than a single arrow to take it down; it was stronger than the red bokoblins. Before she could act, its hands were on her. Beady eyes were red as the Blood Moon, a claw broke skin—
Pa-shingPa-shing!
With two more hits, the monster released her, tumbling backwards as it burst into black and magenta smoke.
Another pair of hands grabbed her, and Zelda shrieked.
"Gods, Princess, why did you run from me?" panted Link as he shook her vigorously. "What were you thinking?" His hands searched up and down for injury.
Her lungs fought for oxygen. "Y-you refused to use your arrows!"
"Except I did use them, and now there's only four left. And look at this, they cut you! This is why I didn't wanna fight, if we had just—"
The grabbing, the scolding—it was too much. "Get your hands off me!"
His palm returned to his own shoulder, though his eyes remained affixed on her. Emerald eyes challenged his serene cerulean. For too long, they glared. Behind them, the crackling campfire opposed the oncoming twilight.
"It's getting dark," Link finally said.
She turned away from him. "Fortunately we already have a fire."
"And some dinner," he added, already gathering the abandoned skewers of Roasted Porgy and handing one to the princess.
Her stomach cried with relief, and she took a moblin-sized bite, then spat it right back out. "Augh! What is this insipid rubbish? It tastes like... like the latrines!"
"Oh good, the thesaurus is back," grumbled Link around a mouthful of Porgy. "It's fish, Your Highness. I would think you'd had it before."
"No, I've had creamy seafood soup and Porgy Meuniere, not this— this—!"
"Nutritious, ready-made meal?"
A defiant fist alighted on her hip. She raised an eyebrow.
"It just needs a little rock salt or Courser bee honey," he continued. "It's really not that bad, Princess."
Zelda scoffed. "Your naïvety is charming, Link. Salt may make it palatable, but it's a far cry from appetizing. Although, I wouldn't expect you to be a virtuoso in gourmet cuisine, so I can't really blame you."
Link chuckled, and her cheeks heated instinctively. She hadn't stuttered. Why was he ridiculing her, then? Quickly, she scanned herself, but she was no more disheveled than when they first encountered each other.
"What?" she finally demanded. "What is so amusing?"
"I can cook," he said with sudden easiness.
It took a beat to process what he said when it wasn't about her after all. Then it was her turn to chuckle. "I can hold a quill, but that doesn't make me a poet." Despite herself, she took another begrudging bite of porgy, trying not to gag on the charred skin and fishy stink.
"No, but write a few words and you are."
Zelda rested the skewer in her lap and rolled her eyes. "Of course you'd think it's that easy."
"It is. Why wouldn't it be?"
When she looked at him, he was staring intently at her. "Because..."
You have to know what you're doing?
Because you have to possess actual talent?
Because trying isn't worth the ridicule of getting it wrong?
...Why was she trying to explain this to Link, anyway? He'd never understand.
She let out a frustrated sound. "Oh, this is a waste of my time." She took a final, huge bite to punctuate the fact that she was done talking to him.
Link's whole body twisted as he surveyed the area theatrically. "Sorry, I didn't realize you had some place to be?"
Zelda angled her empty skewer at Link. "Perhaps the Calamity is a joke to you, Link, but it is very real to me. You can swing your little claymore and say you've done your duty to the kingdom, but if I don't stop Gan—" She hiccuped on the word, almost as if saying his name aloud would allow Evil Incarnate to manifest before her.
When Link knew she was not going to continue, he carried on in a much calmer tone than hers. "The Calamity was never a joke to me, but jokes are what gets me and the knights through it. Your Highness, you've spent months at the training yards and yet you know nothing about me or the others. Maybe that would be different if you actually talked to us."
"Don't flatter yourself, Link, the purpose of my visits was never to acquaint myself with you."
"Oh, right," he singsonged, "you were there for carrot-top."
Her hackles rose. "Watch your tongue. That is your Knight Commander you speak of."
"Doesn't make him any less of a jerk."
Speaking carelessly of the Calamity was one thing, but Zelda would not tolerate slander against Hylia's chosen hero. She rose to her feet. "Mido is the bravest, most vindicating and talented amongst you."
"Sure. The bravest, most vindi-whatever and talented jerk."
His insults were childish, and Zelda sat back down, choosing to remain unthreatened by his immaturity. "It sounds to me like you're jealous of him."
Link laughed. "Oh, yeah, I just love bossing people around." His tone was gratingly jovial for the words he tossed so carelessly. "I don't know what it's like to be a princess, but I'd guess that doesn't bother you, since you're used to being bossed around."
"Mido does not boss me around."
Sandy eyebrows rose in surprise then immediately furrowed in doubt. "He doesn't? Really?"
Does he? Zelda shook her head adamantly. "No, he doesn't."
"Why'd you hesitate?"
"I didn't hesitate."
"Yes you did."
"I did not."
"Yes, you did."
Zelda rolled her eyes. "Are conversations with you always this puerilely cyclical?"
"What?" A hand cupped his elven ear like he misheard her.
"Oh, forget it."
She slid off the log and settled down in the grass, closing her eyes and pointedly ignoring Link when he asked if there was anything he could do for her. As the fire died into embers, the pair entered a dreamless sleep. Zelda opened her eyes at every little midnight sound, finding herself having scooted closer to the knight in the grass beside her in her sleep. When the noises revealed themselves to be wind-rustled foliage or nocturnal rodents foraging for food, Zelda scooted back away from Link and shut her eyes again.
In the morning they carried on, Zelda too tired from a fitful sleep to argue and Link not seeming to mind the silence. When they encountered another camp of bokoblins, Zelda acrimoniously followed Link's lead to avoid an altercation at all.
Finally, after a long day of walking, they found themselves facing nightfall without shelter. Zelda did not think Link was serious when he suggested a cave until they happened upon one within the riverside cliff.
"I am not sleeping in a cold, dank cave on a pile of rocks," Zelda protested.
"Suit yourself," Link said as he disappeared into the mouth of the cave. The walls carried his voice back to Zelda in an echo. "Just don't stray far, 'kay Princess? Holler if you need anything."
"Wh–" Zelda stopped before she even started. Link was actually leaving her by herself out here? At first she was appalled by his negligence—but then she was excited by it. She hadn't had a moment's privacy for nearly 48 hours. She nestled herself down in the grass and eventually closed her eyes.
Then came a distant gurgling. Green orbs burst open to the twilight, quickly searching to discount the sound as another nocturnal critter, but she didn't see anything. Some bushes rustled in the distance, and Zelda wanted to accredit it as wind, but then came the gurgling again, and it sounded closer. If it was a nocturnal creature, it was certainly not the kind she wanted to meet. So she gnawed her cheek to keep from screaming and bolted into the cave.
Link's few things were laid out on the ground, but he was nowhere to be seen. The cave walls deeper in were cast in a pink glow; soft and inviting, unlike the harsh magenta of malice.
The princess was moving too quickly to let her curiosity ponder whatever had the power to make rocks blush. Despite heading towards the gentle light around a corner, it was still dark, and she crashed right into the back of Link, who sputtered when the little pink orb before him darted for the ceiling and dissipated. The pink glow lessened some.
"Oh no, you scared it!" he despaired. There was a small, empty mason's jar in his hands. At his feet were two others aglow in blush pink. Each jar held a little winged creature. "Now we only have two fairies," he was saying.
"Fairies?" she echoed. Gently, she took one of the lantern-like glasses in her hands. "I thought these were only in fairytales."
"They're real alright," Link replied, swapping his empty jar with the other and examining the fairy at eye level.
"Do they really have the ability to heal you?" Quietly, so as to not spook the delicate being, Zelda unscrewed the lid and stuck a finger in.
"Yeah. Their magic is so pow— Hey, wait!"
The little pink orb swirled around Zelda's finger, spiraling out along her arm and finally dancing in large loops around Zelda's entire body before dissipating towards the ceiling.
The sensation throughout Zelda was indescribable. A mixture of magic and revival, like malice's counterpart. It felt as though her heart had burst in a shower of pink gravitas and filled her chest with incandescence. Her head became light as the fairy's wings, and she bubbled with mirth. Maybe this is what the Goddess' power is supposed to feel like, Zelda mused before being overtaken by laughter as brilliant as rupees.
"This is incredible!" she tittered, wrapping her arms around herself as if she could keep the bubbles in. Then feeling her skin, she gasped, running her hands up and down her arms wildly. Not a trace of injury remained, as if she had never been hurt in the first place. "I'm so smooth! Like a"—she could barely get the words out—"like a baby!" She curled in on herself and rolled like a Goron through the laughter.
"Your Highness—" Link tried. He gripped Zelda's shoulders, and she decided to mirror him, gripping his.
"Ew." Her nose crinkled. "You've got lizalfos skin."
He blinked, briefly offended, then gave her a hard shake. "Princess, pull it together! You've just wasted a fairy. Do you have any idea how lucky we are to find them at all?"
Her expression turned somber, and she stared at him wide-eyed. "Wasted?"
"Yes. Fairy magic is powerful enough to bring you back from near death, and you've gone and used it on a few scrapes. We coulda had two retries facing the Calamity. But now we've only got one."
She didn't blink once while he spoke.
He scowled and jostled her again. "Are you listening to me?"
A beat passed before she snorted and a smile cracked through her serious facade. Before she knew it, she had rolled up into a Goron again.
Groaning, Link shuffled backwards, carefully tucking the other fairy away before returning to his things near the mouth of the cave, all while Zelda laughed and laughed and laughed, until her whole body suddenly became laden with sleep.
Outside, for the first time in years, the stars laid witness to a princess finally succumb to a slumber unbothered by inadequacy.
When it was the stars' turn to rest, Princess Zelda woke to the smell of eggs. Link had a small fire going in the corner.
"Good morning, Your Highness," he said without looking away from two eggs sizzling on a flat rock.
She would have thought the fairy debacle was a dream had it not been evidenced otherwise by her porcelain skin. Embarrassment crept into her cheeks as it always did when she behaved foolhardily. Her walls were up immediately, as was the only protection she was capable of, and she did not have the grace to say good morning back.
The day was off to a bright start.
"My sincerest apologies if it's not to your royal standards," Link gibed as he handed her breakfast. "There aren't many ostriches around to lay the kind of eggs you're probably used to eating."
She made no comment.
Blue eyes lifted to her. "What, no big words this morning, Princess? Fairy got your tongue or something?"
Green eyes lifted too. But still no rebuttal was offered.
Link's face softened a bit. "Everything okay, Your Highness?" he asked, too sincerely. A verbal olive branch.
The pity made her bristle, and she rejected the offering. "I don't need your patronization."
He nodded to himself, bracing a hand on his knee to stand. "Yep. There she is." As he pushed off with his arm, he winced and grabbed his shoulder.
Green eyes scrutinized his movements. "What's wrong with your shoulder?" she asked coldly.
"It's nothing."
He kicked gravel onto the fire then began collecting their things.
"It's not nothing. You keep holding it."
"It got twisted during the Blood Moon or something. I don't know. It's fine." His footsteps receded towards the cave's mouth.
Out of the darkness and back to the river, Zelda followed after Link this time. He was not holding his shoulder anymore, probably because he knew she was watching, but she tried getting a better look anyway. It was sticking out kind of weirdly. Perhaps it was dislocated. Not that she was going to argue if he insisted it was fine.
Zelda took to picking at the knots in her hair while they walked. Detangling the waist-length tresses was an utterly futile endeavor, however—the knots were far too many. At least it was something to keep her hands busy. She became so engrossed in the task she didn't notice some time later that Link had stopped walking until she bumped into his back.
She let out an exasperated sound. "Would you please say something before you just stop moving!?"
"Sorry. Look." An index finger pointed to the north. In the distance was the tiniest speck of a building. The only indication it was a building at all was the billows of smoke rising from it. "There's a stable in the distance. Maybe they have horses we can borrow."
They picked up the pace, but only a bit. The details of the stable became more defined as they drew nearer.
Just a little under a mile or so away, they happened upon five knights. They must've come from the stable, for they had two horses and a wagon. Their chest plates bore the royal family crest, and as they caught sight of the princess approaching, they started shoving each other.
"Princess Zelda!" they cheered, pumping their fists in the air.
This surprised her. She was rarely met with acclamation. She waved to them warmly. One knight with long hair jogged to meet her, bowing much lower than was necessary. She puffed her chest slightly.
"Princess Zelda, thank Hylia you're alright!" he gushed. "We'd heard the castle was attacked during the Blood Moon and that you'd gone missing!"
Beside her, Link tensed.
Another knight joined them. "Are you going back there now, Princess?"
"Yes, actually," she said much like a princess would. "We were just about to request a pair of horses from the stable for the last leg of the journey."
"No need!" The first one threw his arms open wide. "We'll take you the rest of the way on ours! It would be our honor to help out Her Royal Highness."
"Really?" Zelda clapped her hands together. "Why, that would be wonderful! Thank you!"
"Our pleasure! We've already got the horses harnessed and ready to roll. We'll getcha there in no time flat."
"Yeah, lickety-split!" said the second.
"Like a banana!" added a third. He received a subsequent elbow to the gut.
"Forgive him, Your Highness," the first one implored, "he forgets he's speaking to the princess." The words were enunciated carefully.
Zelda giggled. "That's quite alright. I find camaraderie amongst the knights makes for stronger resoluteness during hardship."
"Uh yeah, what you said! Anyways, if you'd just follow us..."
They turned, striding towards the horses, and the princess fell into step behind them.
Until Link pulled Zelda aside. "Your Highness, I don't think this is a good idea."
Zelda paused, eyeing his hand with contempt before yanking out of his grasp. "What do you mean? These are my knights."
He gripped her arm again to keep her from walking away. With an unnerving amount of desperation, he continued. "Princess please, I don't recognize these men. Do you?" When she hesitated enough to confirm his point, he pushed further. "You can't trust them."
She ripped her arm free again and spat, "Are you insinuating I'm being astigmatic?"
"I might be, if you'd stop using stupid words I don't know the meaning of—"
"Do you not recall the influx of militia we had before the Blood Moon? I can recognize my family's crest, and that is enough! In fact, if I didn't know any better, it's you, Link, with duplicitous intentions! If you lay one more unbid finger upon me, I'll have you sent to the gallows the moment we set foot back in the castle!"
Frustrated fists tightened at his sides. "If doo-pli-si-whatever means I intend to see my princess make it back to Hyrule Castle in one piece, then yes, I guess I am."
"If my wellbeing is truly your desire, then you will obey me. We are going back with these men, and that is final."
Indecision simmered on cerulean irises. For several breaths, he looked between the knights batting at each other and the stubborn princess before him. Finally, his head dipped. "As you command, Your Highness."
Tilting a superior chin to the sky, Zelda spun and marched toward the knights.
"Here, let me help you," the long-haired one said, offering a hand for Zelda to climb into the wagon.
"Thank you kindly," she smiled.
Link moved to climb in beside her when a tall knight stepped in front. "Hey little guy, you can help load up the back. Many hands make light work, y'know."
Again, Link leered at the strangers. "My shoulder hurts," he deadpanned.
"Bummer," the tall knight replied before ushering Link around to the backside of the wagon.
"So Princess, where were you when all the monsters attacked?" one with hazel eyes sitting beside the princess asked. "Like, your garden or something?"
"I don't have a garden," she laughed. "I had already departed on my pilgrimage, remember?"
"Oh right. I knew that."
The long-haired one climbed up beside them. "Our princess looks tired, maybe you should shut up, yeah?"
"No, I don't mind," Zelda insisted, clapping her hands together. "Really! It's nice to have some pleasant company for a change. Speaking of, what did you think of the Knights' Tournament?"
"Oh, man! Was I ever thinking thoughts!" Hazel-Eyes said, flicking his wrists around. "I thought it was so cool when they did that... thing."
"Which thing?" she prompted eagerly, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her fists.
"You know..." Hazel-Eyes's attention darted to the two other knights getting situated behind the horses. "The, uh, part where they fought each other on horseback."
The wrongness Link had warned of finally creeped its way into Zelda's gut. "What horses...?"
"The ones in the tournament," he said too confidently.
Link was beyond alert, trying to meet Zelda's gaze for some sort of go ahead, but the tall knight blocked their view of each other.
Zelda laughed nervously. "Oh, those horses! Y'know, that reminds me, I really did want to stop at the stable and see some." She rose to her feet. "A-and anyways I don't want to trouble you—"
Long-Hair placed a broad hand on her shoulder and forced her back down. "No, sit! It's no trouble at all, really."
Panic spread to her fingertips, but she maintained her outward calm and eased out of his grip. "I ought to walk off breakfast, a princess has to maintain her figure you know—"
"I said sit."
Long-Hair snatched Zelda's wrists, binding them behind her back and yanking her to the bench in one motion. The tall knight grabbed hold of the wagon and dropkicked Link onto his back. In the same beat, the two with the reins spurred the horses into a run, and off the five men went with the princess.
"Let me go!" Zelda screamed before having her face slammed into the wooden floorboards.
"Shit," Link cursed, pulling his bow out. There were five men. He only had four arrows. His shoulder twanged as he pulled back the bowstring, but he clamped his jaw tight and remained steadfast. The arrow nailed a knight in the wagon, and he slumped over the edge and fell.
Not good enough. He had to hit the ones driving.
"Shit shit shit—" Link fired again, but he couldn't keep his shot straight, not with his shoulder and the wagon getting away.
The second arrow missed the tall knight dangling off the back and sank into the wood instead.
The third flew by the wayside.
The fourth wasn't even close.
And then he was out.