>>Amara
I turned around to look at the person approaching me.
"Who are you?" The nurse asked again as she stomped her way to me, "You can't be here unless you're a family member!"
OH, shit!
I began to panic. I wasn't sure what to tell her! Or how to tell her that I was family! Maybe I didn't look like one and I was never there with him when he made public appearances but I was his family...
My heart dropped.
Oh! Gosh!
Should I have asked Grace to come with me? No! I shook my head. I can explain to her that I'm family!
I looked down at my phone to type, then paused.
Wait...
What if Dad doesn't recognize me?
I looked back up in horror again when the nurse stopped in front of me.
"Girl?" She glared at me, "Who are you?"
I felt my heart drop and I moved my head to look back and point at Dad to give her some kind of hint or something like that when an arm came and leaned in front of me,
"She's my daughter."
!!!
I froze, and then my head slowly rose to look at my father while my heart started beating louder. The seconds hung heavy, and my heart drummed in my chest, the suspense almost unbearable.
"Oh!" The nurse looked surprised, "I apologize, Mr.Alma," She bowed, "I won't disturb the two of you," She kept it short and turned around to run away feeling a little embarrassed.
I only glanced at her, then looked back at Dad while he turned to look at me at the same time.
!!!
My heart skipped a beat and I looked back at him with anticipation and some weird sort of hope.
A slow, genuine smile played on his lips which was also soft and subtle. It was a moment of profound relief, the unwinding of a tension I hadn't fully realized I was carrying.
"Hello Amara," His voice, warm and familiar, called my name
He knew!!! He recognized me!!!
Despite the infrequency of our meetings, despite the years that had elapsed, he recognized his child in front of him!!!
A cascade of emotions swept over me—gratitude, joy, and a tinge of sadness as well. The fear of being a stranger to my own father, a fear that had lingered in the background, began to dissolve.
I leaped towards him without thinking and wrapped my arms around him to hug him without thinking that he might not want it.
Dad!
I wish I could call him that! I wish I had my voice with me!
I hugged him tighter.
OH!
I wish I had gotten to do this sooner.
...
There was a pause, he didn't move and that's when it crossed my mind.
Wait,
Am I forcing myself on him?!?! My chest tightened and I felt a boulder of guilt sweep over me.
Oh no...
What am I doing? I loosened my grip around him and began to back off when I felt his hand come to my head.
!?
"How have you been?" He softly caressed my hair and patted me in between the strokes which made my eyes go wide.
My pupils shook and I felt odd.
There was this weird sort of warmth coming from him that I hadn't experienced before. A wave of tenderness enveloped me, and for a moment, I felt the sting of tears threatening to surface.
I looked up at him with an astonished expression as the desire to cry emerged from a mixture of emotions.
"Wait," He was surprised when he saw my face, "Are you alright child?" The tears threatened, not out of sadness, but from the sheer intensity of the moment
I nodded at him, then sniffled.
"Why are you on the verge of crying then?" He asked and I paused. I wondered if he kept asking me this because he doesn't remember I can't speak.
I gulped, then released him as I took a step back and opened my phone to talk to him with the app.
He watched me do my thing and when I opened the app to write, he suddenly placed his hand on the screen.
???
I looked at him in confusion and then looked down at the phone, trying to tell him with my eyes that I needed the phone to talk to him.
"Talk to me," He slipped his hand away from my phone, "Like how you can more easily."
My heart did a weird thing there. I don't know if it did a flip or it skipped a beat or it felt all warm or it was all of the stuff but I looked back at him in disbelief.
Is he telling me to sign? That is easier for me...
I blinked at him in confusion. The wind blew, fluttering past us as I kept my eyes on him and slowly put my phone back in my pocket.
I gulped
My heart beating erratically as I raised my hands in the air to sign. I still wasn't sure if this was the right thing but I still moved my fingers.
'Dad,' I called him, then paused
Wait... What am I supposed to say to him?
I panicked, 'Hi?' I signed the only thing that came to my mind and then looked at him nervously.
He smiled, "Hello child," He answered softly making my heart jump in glee
That was the moment emerged a fragile connection, a bridge built in that moment of recognition
'You remember me?' I asked and he let out a chuckle. A rather hollow chuckle
"Yes" His eyes suddenly turned sad, "You're the only child I remembered properly this whole time but also the child I couldn't meet properly..."
It took no genius to understand what he meant, and though that part was sad. I actually felt happy that he never forgot me.
'I see...' I looked down to hide the smile that I shouldn't have since this was actually a serious thing. The whole children mix up in his mind is what brought him to this hospital. His distorted reality took everything away from him.
I doubt he'll ever be getting custody of me or Amara. Besides, we're adults now...
He let out a sigh, "That aside, how come you suddenly decided to come meet this old man?" I looked at him, "I thought you might be here to get your anger out because I messed up all of our lives so badly," His voice was soft, almost a whisper, "Yet your actions show otherwise."
And I couldn't help but look at him and notice how weary he looked.
Almost as if the whole world had tired him out.
I felt guilty as I stood in front of him because I was about to ask him things that might depress him even more.
I looked away
'I have questions...' I signed slowly, 'But you look tired,' I started getting double-minded, I didn't want to disturb him.
I knew full well how much torture all four of them had gone through. I may have felt left out most of my life but I was never jealous because I knew how messed up things were between our family.
And how hard dealing with it all must have been.
"It's okay," He said and started to walk back to the bench, "I have all the time in the world now." He went and sat down, then looked at me and patted at the bench for me to come join him, "You can ask me anything."
I nodded and walked up to him. Then, slowly sat down next to him while he looked into the distance.
For a few minutes, there was silence.
The weather was great, pleasant, and windy and I closed my eyes to enjoy it for a few moments but when I did close my eyes, images of Killian flashed before my mind and my heart felt heavy.
I opened my eyes again and let out a sigh.
I need to do this.
I have to,
"Go ahead," Dad turned his head to look at me, "You're here for a reason, ask,"
My gaze met with his and I thought about it.
I may feel guilty about asking Dad this stuff but not asking about it and remaining confused will eat me up.
I raised my hands to talk to him as our hair fluttered due to the wind
'Dad,' I looked at him and noticed I had his full attention, 'Did you ever love mom?'