I wrap myself in the fluffy blanket that was on the chair by the balcony door before I picked it up. I sit down on that chair as I hear clicking behind me.
I glance back over my shoulder to see Natalie checking if a lighter is working, the little flame goes out as she lifts her finger. The only light brightening up the room coming from our two lamps now.
She grabs her shirt off the floor putting it on, I smile looking away and out the balcony door as the curtains are still open. The moon is out tonight, I haven't seen it the last few nights either because it wasn't out or I couldn't get out of bed. Energy is something I'm very low on at the moment.
Speaking of, I'm hoping to have some energy tomorrow because I promised Josephine I would show her around town. We didn't do much today, I showed Josephine around the house and we had dinner before I talked to her in her room for a little. It wasn't much, we were just talking about Yale. She told me she needed a break, she also said she still feels guilty for staying without paying since we are feeding her and all that. I told her it's fine, it is—I think. I don't really know, I don't have too much money...It's Natalie who has money.
I need to get a job but I just need to figure everything out first...I told Josephine that, she told me I can always go back to college when I'm ready...but I just don't want to, by going back to college, of course that's not Yale, a different college maybe but still. She told me I could contact Yale explaining and ask for a year off but it just doesn't make sense...I am just going to figure it out.
Maybe I'll write a book like Natalie.
"It's nearly three already." Natalie says and I glance away from the moon and back to her as she walks closer. I glance to the box of cigarettes in her hand, I hate the smell of her breath after smoking. I want her to quit since it's also damaging to her health.
"Yeah, so don't have a cigarette, I won't be able to get a goodnight kiss if you do." I look up at her frowning and she smiles.
"I'll brush my teeth." She walks to the balcony door. I quickly stand, I open my arms wrapping them around her quickly. She laughs and I pull her down onto the chair, her sitting on my lap instead of the other way around like usual.
"Give me the cigarettes." I move my hand out from beneath the blanket, she glances over her shoulder and down at me.
"I just want one." She says and I shake my head.
"Hand them over, baby." I close my hand before opening it again.
"So demanding." She drops the packet in my hand and I smile throwing them to the floor. She glances at me before to the cigarette packet.
"I'm going to crush you." She laughs going to stand up but I stop her.
"No, you're not, stay." I tell her and she looks to me.
"I prefer having you on my lap, come on, I've given up my cigarettes." She stands turning to me and I look up at her.
"Up." She speaks again and I huff dramatically standing up, she sits down on the chair and as I go to turn she smacks my butt. I glare back at her causing her bottom lip to go between her teeth as she does that little smile.
"You're so annoying, as if you haven't done enough tonight." I sit down sideways, my back resting against the arm rest while my legs curl up, my feet resting against the other arm rest. I keep my blanket around me.
"You blame me for what happens when you begin begging." She says and I roll my eyes.
"I have hickeys on my neck because of you, you always leave them on my chest or other places that stay hidden. I know what you're doing." I laugh a little and she runs her hand up and down my leg slow.
"What am I trying to do?"
"Make Josephine see them...because you want her to be jealous, but she won't be, I'll be covering them." I say and she is the one to roll her eyes this time.
"Doesn't matter, she most definitely heard you screaming my name not too long ago." Natalie shrugs and I feel my face heating up.
"She's my Professor, Natalie!"
"Why is she here then?" She smiles scratching up and down my legs, not hard but in a way that feels nice.
"Because she's my friend, or at least the closest thing I have to one." I tell her and she squeezes my thigh a little.
"Diana, she doesn't want to be your friend."
"Okay, thank you." I huff looking at her and she smiles looking at me.
"Not like that, I have seen the way she looks at you and you don't notice it but I do. One day here and even the way she speaks to you, it isn't friendly, she wants more from you and I'm not just being...weird about it." She tells me and I look at her.
"I think your jealousy is making you overthink." I tell her and she shakes her head.
"I don't get the point of her staying here, but if you think it will help...It's alright. If she tries anything—"
"You will kill her, I know. I think showing her around town would be a good distraction from...everything." I look away and Natalie bounces her legs slightly, I don't look back at her, my eyes move to watch the moon instead.
"Speaking of...It's alright if you don't want to talk but how is everything? Are you feeling really shit or..." she asks and I shrug. She hums before kissing my shoulder and I close my eyes for a second.
I can't really explain how I feel, I mean I can be happy but then I can get hit with sadness and just quiet down, it takes all of the energy that I have and it makes me want to sleep for a century.
"I'm fine." I say, looking to my hands that peak out from under the blanket as Natalie's chin rest on my shoulder.
"You don't have to hide your feelings from me." She whispers, I glance to the wall before back at my hands fidgeting.
"I don't know how I feel, it's all different." I say and her arms sneak around my waist, pulling me closer making me smile a little.
"We have a long night ahead of us then, I want to hear these different feelings." She tells me, I stop fidgeting as my hand goes over hers.
"Why do you care about my feelings so much?" I ask her and she laughs, my shoulder rises as I feel her breath against my neck.
"Maybe because I care about you but that's just a maybe, isn't it?" She pulls back from my shoulder looking at me as I laugh a little looking back at her, my finger twitching against her hand.
"I can be happy...when you kiss me I feel happy, when you look at me like you are now...I feel happy, when we...make love or whatever you want to call it, I feel happy—this, sitting here and talking to you I feel happy." I speak while still looking at her and she nods listening.
"But...the moment I realise—everything, that there is no future for Charlie, that he is the past it breaks my heart every time and it's not something I can just try to forget because when I want to forget something...it's usually you or Charlie that I would go to. You distract me but it's Charlie...I can't be distracted for long and I feel guilty for even trying to forget but I just...it really hurts me, I wouldn't be here without him, I would have....I nearly did...when I was still living at home and then Janes. There was a point of my life that you weren't there for but Charlie was, it was the lowest point of my life, Natalie....Maybe this might take over it but..." I trail off looking away, I go to wipe my eyes but she stops my hand, threading her fingers through mine instead.
She keeps looking at me like she always does when she's really trying to understand—she's trying to figure out what I'm thinking—she wants to know what's going through my brain and all of it.
"Charlie was...I hate saying that—was, that he was amazing—because I should be saying he is amazing. He should still be here, I should still have my best friend. He was always my person, I was always his, you know...if we ever broke up he would have been the person I would go to, if he ever went through a break up, I was the person he would go to. I know we are always there for each other, me and you but with Charlie....it was different, he's just seen me at every part of my life and he decided to stay by my side even when I told him he was dead to me at one point. We both stayed because there was a connection and not a romantic way obviously but just platonic which was filled with so much love. I really think he was my platonic soulmate and I lost him. I lost one of my soulmates." My breath hitches from my crying making Natalie pull me closer and I drop my face to the side of her neck as my tears refuse to stop.
"Maybe...Carson is right about the whole heaven thing." She whispers and I try to control my crying but I can't. I feel like I don't have control of my emotions.
"What?" I ask confused and her arms tighten around me.
"Carson believes in heaven and all of that stuff. Maybe he's right about it, Charlie could be up in heaven looking down on you. Maybe...just maybe that's why the moon is shining extra bright tonight, because he knows you're upset. Maybe he's up there so proud of you. He stayed by your side because he loved you, just because you can't see him doesn't mean he's gone completely. He could still be by your side, guiding you through it all." She whispers and I lift my head, looking to the balcony door, through the glass and up at the moon that is shining bright.
"Even though the it's dark and cold...the moon is shining and bringing a sense of warmth, don't you think?" She questions and I sniffle nodding.
"Maybe that could be somewhat the same as your feelings. The sadness. Like even though you may feel a little dark and maybe even lost, you can still find that light—that glimmer of hope that he's trying to show you." She whispers as I keep looking at the moon. She kisses the back of my head gently. I begin to calm down, my hitched breath beginning to steady and go back to normal because of Natalie's words.
"How do you always know what to say?" I ask before turning my head to look at her. She smiles at me.
"I don't...Sometimes, when I look at you my mouth moves before my brain even has time to think or other times I just know what to say by looking at you." She laughs and I smile wiping my eyes.
I sit looking at her and she smiles at me, her smile warms my heart like always. I keep smiling back as we look at each other.
"I love you." I whisper leaning closer, pressing my lips to her, continuing the warm feeling in my heart...but now it's everywhere, clearing my mind and it feels like all of my problems have been wiped away too. I pull back just enough to rest my head against hers.
"I love you, Darling." She responds and I keep smiling. I don't move for a second, I keep my eyes closed just for a small moment, I smell that familiar yet comforting scent of her, which almost smells dark in a way, but also floral—it's strong. It's almost like dark red roses with a bunch of thorns surrounding them. It's a silly way to describe it but it's really the only way to.
Her interview. Shit.
"Oh—your interview! How was it?" I pull back quickly and she begins laughing.
"We will find out in the morning when I get the email." She responds before she slides her arm underneath my legs and the other behind my back as she lifts me.
"How about we lie down, we can watch the moon?" She questions and I nod smiling.
✺
-Natalie's POV-
I tuck Diana's hair behind her ear, watching as she sleeps, I haven't been able to sleep. I am tired but I just can't seem to rest, there's too much on my mind.
I lean over kissing her forehead before I sit up. I stretch my arms before slipping out from beneath the heavy blanket.
I turn around fixing it over Diana since it is freezing. I turn again walking over to our closet, pulling the door open. I glance over the the small cat bed where Dorothea is sleeping. I reach inside the closet getting my robe before I put it on to warm up.
I shut the door before looking around for my slippers since my feet will begin to freeze otherwise. I spot them by the door, I walk over slipping my feet into them before opening the bedroom door slowly and as quietly as possible so I don't wake Diana.
I step out shutting the door again, I walk down the hall as I yawn. I begin walking down the stairs while I tie my robe at my waist.
I shiver slightly from how cold it is, it's still winter so it's no surprise but some mornings I would appreciate it to be warm so I am not freezing my tits off.
I walk into the kitchen but stop when I see Josephine sitting on one of the stools beneath the island. She looks to me too.
"Oh...Hello." She smiles at me and I cross my arms, I notice the mug she's using as she lifts it up. It's one Diana bought me before, a gift she got me when I went up to Yale to see her. It says 'I love my girlfriend'. Her eyes go to the mug and she quickly puts it down.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry—it was the first one I saw, I'm still half asleep." She begins to laugh and I furrow my eyebrows.
"It's too early for this shit." I mumble to myself, rubbing my head as I walk over to the counter, I open the cupboard getting out another mug. I close the door with my other hand as I set the mug down.
"There's already coffee in the pot." She speaks. Please shut up.
I lift the pot pouring some coffee into my mug, I put the pot back before lifting my mug. I turn around leaning back against the counter as I put my other hand to the side of the now warm mug.
She looks at me, I look back at her waiting for her to look away but she doesn't.
"Do you need something, Josephine?" I ask her, it comes out in a rude tone. I am pissed off already, it hasn't even been a day since she arrived.
"No, I just need to ask...Why do you not like me?" She questions. I roll my eyes leaning off the counter, I step closer to the island taking a sip of the hot coffee before setting it down.
"I think you know why, don't play dumb." I say and she freezes for a second, I don't think she was expecting me to deny it. She sits back looking at me.
"I—I don't, I don't really know you and you don't know me." She stutters and I tap the marble island losing my patience as her face begins to go red.
"Oh, I know a lot about you." I say and she squints slightly at me. The internet is a big place. I've done my search on her.
"How?"
"The internet is a very big place, Josephine. You can find out quite a bit about someone from one photo...if you know your way around. I mean, post in front of your house, which you did....I could easily find your address from that. Workplace, which you've posted about." I speak and she looks at the countertop, I hum nodding to myself. People are too gullible these days. The only thing she has posted on is Facebook and I have not found her address, I'm not that interested about her.
"How do you know that I have not done a search on you?" She looks at me again, she looks down again most likely because of the look I give her.
"Maybe because I keep my social media accounts private, if you are interested in me I would hope you have the guts the send a request and then I would make the decision to let you see who I am or not." I shrug before picking up my mug, taking a sip as she looks at me once again. She watches me and I hum putting down the mug again.
"Wanna know something else that I have found out about you?" I question and she slowly nods. I smile slightly.
"I know that you were Diana's Professor, at Yale, must be a great job...But, I also know you took her in as your TA not because she is at the top of the class but because you wanted to get to know her more. You gave her your number—"
"She had asked me for it." She cuts me off and I walk around the island, closer to her but I stop beside her. She looks up at me, although she might be slightly taller while standing, she is now sitting.
"She's your student—"
"And she wasn't yours?" She questions and I go to speak but stop. She searches my eyes before she does stand up, now taller than me so I look slightly up, surprised.
"If you are threatened by me, I would hope that you would admit it to me like you have everything else." She puts her hand on the counter.
"You are not a threat to me, Josephine—"
"Then why are you acting as if I am, Diana would not like to hear how her now fiancée is treating me." She says leaning closer, I continue to look at her.
"Remember your fucking place and stay in it or—"
"Or what?" She cuts me off, I feel the anger building, I might as well punch her.
"Or what? You won't want to know so sit the fuck down, would you? You are making yourself look ridiculous. You are under my roof and I sure as hell could stab you right the fuck now and say you were trespassing. There is no cameras on this street, they are all broken so really there would be no evidence that you had arrived yesterday to my house. Then who's side do you think Diana would take?" I glance up and down her before walking past her, she stood up to intimidate me but I said what I said to make her embarrassed and it worked.
She's gullible as fuck and she has believed every word I just said to her. Idiot.
A/n
I feel like my writing recently has gone a tad bit weird so if anyone has noticed I'm sorry. BUT at least I posted and I didn't make Natalie and Diana argue.
I also keep smiling or laughing reading some of the comments on what you all think will happen. I think I said this before but I shall say it again for some of you that are worried...Natalie, Josephine and Diana won't become a triple so I apologise for those who wanted that but the relationship will stay between just two characters but I can't say who that will end up being...or maybe nobody ends up together. We will just have to wait and see.
How is everyone doing by the way? If you want to tell me about your week just comment and I will read all the comments!!
(I always do and some of you write the craziest things on certain types of chapters...)