Silence and unspoken words was a deadly combination, the stillness was loud as if I could hear his thoughts over the growing growls outside. We were hunched between the bed and the wall just below the window, as long as we stayed silent we wouldn't die.
Being in his proximity and knowing he was hurting each moment was killing me, there was nothing I could do for him apart from explain myself, although I don't think any explanation would be good enough for him.
"I'm sorry" I whispered as I leant my head against the wall. I didn't dare look at him and he did the same, the only signal he was listening was the sound of his breathing growing heavier. "I didn't realise what I'd done until I was in the woods, I drew the dead to me on purpose because I didn't want to feel the pain anymore".
"This isn't the best time Katie" was all he whispered back but I had to get this out, the herd had passed, but they weren't a safe enough distance for us to leave so this was my only opportunity.
"Please, just let me get this out" I turned my body to face him, but he stayed rooted to the spot "I didn't want to live anymore, all I could think about was my dad, Andy, all the people who lost their home. You and Matt were barely getting by, and I felt like it was all my fault, we were so happy, and my dad took that all away" Carter wiped a tear as he turned to look at me "I convinced myself that you would both be better without me, so I didn't come back and it killed me being away from you, but I thought I was doing what was best for you. I was wrong".
"I thought you were dead. I spent every day looking for you and every corpse we passed I thought was you" silent tears were streaming his face, and my heart was aching, all I wanted was to reach out to him and hold him, but his walls were back up and that was down to me. "How do I know you wont just leave again when things get hard, I told you I can't keep losing people".
"I'm a hypocrite Carter. I tried so hard to get you to open up and trust me, but I couldn't do the same. I know that was wrong, but I'm not running anymore and as much as you hate me right now I need you; I need my family. Even if things can't go back to the way they were before I want to be here with you" Carter nodded softly putting his hand over my own. It wasn't much put the warmth spread through me, a softness I hadn't felt in months.
"You're different" the brunette looked back to me "You seem stronger".
"I don't think I'm stronger, I think I'm finally facing my demons. I was weak and I let my emotions control me, I don't want to do that anymore. But I'm so sorry I hurt you in the process, I never wanted that".
"I'm not saying I'm okay with it, but I understand, and I am glad you're okay" As much as I wanted to push harder, I stopped myself. Leaving him caused so much hurt and for that we might never get back what we had, but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying. "I like your hair" Carter genuinely smiled, rolling a strand of my shorter waves between his fingers before pushing the rest behind my ear. It felt like home being next to him, and I never wanted to leave again.
Our moment was cut short when my uncle and Melanie waltzed back in, pushing through the barricade with confused looks on both their faces.
"Herd came through while you were gone" I iterated getting nods from the two.
We all sat down and decided the safest option was to stay together for the night, the herds were getting worse, and we couldn't risk being split up again. But each one of us knew we couldn't keep doing this, wandering around and hoping to find somewhere safe because the likeliness of that happening was slim. We got lucky with the school, lucky that they were good people who made us a part of their family.
The four of us were tired of running and as much as we didn't want to admit it, scared.
"We should find a place" I announced with confused stares from all of them "We can't keep walking forever, eventually our food and water will run out or we won't be able to outrun the dead".
"No place is safe anymore" Mel said, and she was right.
"Then we find somewhere and make it safe".
They all nodded, Carter sending me a soft smile while my uncle held a proud glee in his eyes.
"Let's do it".
Edited