"So you guys had a fight?"
I sighed and turned my face towards my best friend. "It's not exactly a fight. It was just... something."
She raised her brow, her dark eyes glittering with the light of the bedside lamp behind me. We were in my room, sleeping on my bed. I had called Lia soon after getting home in the evening.
During the day, I kept busy with Chester and the shelter. But as soon as I got home, the argument I had with Hunter played in my head on repeat. Where had it gone wrong? I had no clue.
So I did what anyone in my place would do. I called my best friend. As soon as I told her about it, she hung up. Minutes later, I heard her tires squealing to a stop in our driveway, then her voice arguing with Stefan about something silly, then she pounded up the steps and barged into my room, dressed in her kitten onesie, carrying her bag and an open bag of chips.
"Tell me about it," she'd said, winded. So I did, and now I was waiting for her advice.
"Something?" Lia asked, digging her hand into her bag of chips. I already had one open on top of my belly.
"Yes. Something... not good. An argument? A fight? I just don't know what happened."
"Well, one thing's for sure, something is going on in his family."
"Yeah, I gathered as much."
"So he didn't call or text afterward?"
"Nope. Radio silence." I shoved a handful of chips in my mouth. It was my third snack since coming home, and the void in my heart refused to be filled with treats. Cheddar sniffed at my hand, hopeful for a crumb of chips. I moved my hand away. It was not healthy for him. He settled down between us, losing all hope of snagging a stray chip.
I huffed, irritated. "You know what? Screw him. I'm not going to let him ruin my Saturday night," I announced.
"Uh-huh," Lia mumbled, her cheeks bloated and crumbs on her lips.
"He can sulk forever, for all I care."
"Mhm."
"I did nothing wrong, and I don't have to feel bad about... this, whatever this is."
"Hmm."
"Stop humming and say something!" I scowled. "You're the one who's been in a long term relationship out of the two of us. Don't you like, have words of wisdom to impart on me?"
Lia held up one finger. It was stained orange from her Cheetos. "First, I don't know if you can call a few months long term." She held up a second stained finger. "Also, my only relationship ended because the asshole cheated on me, so I don't know if I'm qualified to give advice, relationship-wise."
I winced. "Sorry."
She shrugged. "I'm over it. Relationships are overrated. I feel so free and light. I had no idea how much headspace and time my relationship was actually occupying."
I looked at her face. She looked honest. It'd been a while since she broke up with Tom, and she actually looked pretty good.
She was over it.
Well, at least that was going well. I stuffed my face again, then opened my laptop and turned on the K-drama Lia and I had been watching.
My gut was churning, though, and my mind was running in all sorts of directions. I never knew my heart could feel this heavy. Lia was right. Relationships were overrated.
I missed him. I missed him so much it hurt. It was scary, considering I'd only seen him this morning, and our interaction hadn't ended well.
What was he thinking? What could I have had done differently so our morning didn't end up that way?
Stop it!
It was useless, going in circles. I checked my phone for the hundredth time that evening. Nothing. The weight on my heart grew heavier.
Enough!
Tomorrow. Tomorrow if I didn't hear from him, I would text him or call him or even go hunt him down so we can have a proper discussion. We would either work through whatever it was or... Whatever. Tomorrow.
I put my phone aside and tried to focus on the characters being all lovey lovey on the screen. Stupid perfect fictional relationships.
I woke up at dawn with the familiar pain in my lower belly. I groaned and rolled out of bed, squishing Lia in the process. She didn't even stir. Cheddar glanced up then went back to sleep.
The faint street light coming in through the window was enough to go by. My laptop was closed on the nightstand, our empty bags of chips on top of it. I grabbed a clean pair of underwear, warm pants and a sanitary pad and went to my bathroom.
Sure enough, it was that time of the month.
Bleeding out of any hole on your body was not a pleasant experience. Bleeding out of your ladybits wasn't any different. Still, we do it every month and brave the world while our uterus bleeds out and attempts to rip our muscles apart.
Women should get a damn medal just for that.
After cleaning up, I grabbed a spare blanket from my closet and went downstairs. I would just bother Lia if I stayed in my room.
The pain grew increasingly worse, as usual. I swallowed two painkillers from the bottle in the kitchen cupboard and laid down on the couch.
After a few minutes, a familiar weight jumped on top of my belly. Cheddar's paws kneaded my stomach. I swear he always knew when I was in pain. I loved this cat to bits. My eyes stung and my throat closed up.
Why did I suddenly want to cry?
I missed my mom. I remembered the first time I got my period. I freaked out and used almost an entire roll of toilet paper in my underwear. My grandmother had been taking care of us at the time. We never had a close relationship with her, mostly because she never had a close relationship with Mom. She'd become our legal guardian after our mom passed simply because we had no other relatives.
It was summer, and Lia had been on vacation with her family. The only person I knew who could be of help was Jason's mother. I had called her, feeling freaked out and so, so alone. Jason's mother was the sweetest woman alive. She drove over right then and took me to spend the night in her place. She put my mind at ease and talked to me about everything I needed to know.
I knew I was lucky enough to have someone like her in my life. Still, at times like these, I missed my parents. A tear rolled down my temple. I took deep, even breaths. Stupid hormones.
The painkillers must've kicked in, and Cheddar's loud purr lulled me to sleep.
A fly was sitting on my nose. I wrinkled my nose and turned my head. The fly disappeared. A blissful moment of peace. Then the annoying fly made a comeback.
I slapped a hand on my face. It slapped into something wet and cold. Becoming increasingly aware of my surroundings and of the persistent pain in my lower belly, I groaned and cracked my eyes open. My brother's blurry face came into view. Who was it? Stefan or Scott? I blinked, and Scott's devilish grin cleared up. His grin widened and he pulled away.
There was something white on the tip of my nose.
Oh, no, he didn't...
"Please tell me you didn't put cream on my face," I mumbled.
Scott showed me the can of whipped cream.
I huffed and sat up. Cheddar was nowhere to be seen. The sun streamed in through the living room window. It was still early. My palm was full of cream. A blob of white landed from my face to my lap. Dressed in his running clothes, Scott was filming.
Tears stung my eyes. And I cried like a two year old.
Scott's eyes widened, he lowered his phone and looked around for help. I gasped and sniffed, my tears merging with the cream down my face. I didn't know why I was crying. It just burst out of me and couldn't hold it in.
"Sapph! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" he said. He ran into the kitchen and emerged with a roll of paper towels. Snagging a few off, he wiped my face.
I pushed his hand away. "Mhmm mhmmm"
"What?" He asked. I grabbed the paper towel from his hand and wiped my face. "I said," I hiccuped, "I'll do it on my own!" Another hiccup. "You ass!"
I wiped my face, feeling like a small portion of the weight on my heart lift off. I dried my tears. Scott disappeared into the kitchen again and came back with a glass of water. If I wasn't feeling down, I would've laughed at the panicked look on his face.
I very rarely cried in front of other people. I certainly never cried because of pranks; I usually took it in strides because I knew I would get even.
It must be my damn period.
"I'm fine," I said, throwing the paper towels on the coffee table. Scott stood over me, hovering with that glass of water. I felt bad for him, so I took it and drank in one go.
Scott sat down on the arm of the couch, his forehead lined. He looked afraid I would melt into a puddle of tears again. "Are you... okay?"
"I'm fine." I sniffed. "I'll forgive you if you take over dinner duty tonight."
I wasn't beyond taking advantage of my emotional state. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to survive with two brothers.
Scott immediately nodded. Vigorously. "Okay!"
Soft footsteps padded down the stairs. Scott and I looked over our shoulders. Lia appeared in her white kitten onesie, a grumpy frown on her face. She paused and blinked blearily at Scott and me. Her frown deepened when she noticed my face. "What the hell happened?"
Scott shot to his feet. "I'm going for a run!" He announced and sprinted. The front door slammed shut behind him.
Lia glared at the front door then came closer. She pointed at the can of whipped cream on the coffee table and then to my face. I nodded.
She plopped down next to me. "So, what's for revenge?"
I cracked a smile. I loved this girl.
She narrowed her eyes. "You were crying."
I nodded again.
"Period?" She asked, her face sympathetic. Another nod. She sighed and patted my thigh. "I'll go make some hot chocolate."
"I love you. You're the best."
"I know. I'm underrated," she flipped her hair with a flair and sauntered to the kitchen. She even threw me a grin over her shoulder, which was miraculous feat for her this early in the morning.
I leaned back down and curled around myself, trying to find a position where the pain would lessen. I glanced at my phone on the coffee table. I couldn't resist any longer, so I checked. Nothing.
Disappointed and angry at the new rush of tears in my eyes, I tossed my phone on the table and pulled the blanket over my head. Two seconds later, my stomach flipped at the smell of whipped cream. Ew.
Slowly, the pain got worse. I sighed and sat up. Time for another pain killer. Stefan pounded down the steps right as Lia came in with two mugs and sat down next to me.
He stood nearby and watched us. Marshmallows floated on the surface of the hot chocolate.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, a frown tugging down his brows.
"I'm fine."
"Should I get you painkillers?" Lia asked.
I made a face and nodded. "Yeah. Thank you."
"Painkillers? Why? What's wrong?" Stefan asked, perching on the arm of the couch closest to me.
"You don't want to know," I mumbled, taking a sip of my drink. The warmth settled pleasantly in the pit of my stomach.
"Of course I do," Stefan asked. "What if you have to go to the hospital? What if-"
"I'm on my period," I said, before he could delve into all the possible scenarios.
Stefan snapped his mouth shut. He gave one nod, rose and left the house, closing the front door behind him with a quiet snick.
Lia and I stared at the door.
"So that's the secret to getting rid of him," Lia said, nodding slowly to herself. "You just have to bring up your bleeding hoo ha."
I snorted. The hot chocolate almost came out of my nose. Lia and I made a toast and drank our hot chocolate in peace. A morning without boys was just the best.
Taking advantage of the sunny weather, Lia stretched a blanket in the back yard, and we laid down on it. The heat of the sun worked like magic on my uterus, and I went on without painkillers for a couple of hours. Then I had to pop in two because it got worse. The first couple of days were always the worst.
I went back to my bedroom and slept. I watched Lia gather her things and leave through a haze of sleep. I felt like the entire Sunday was spent dozing off. Stefan and Scott knew to leave me alone on my period. They were used to it by now.
Later in the evening, I ventured downstairs to eat and check on Cheddar. His food and water bowls were clean and full, but I gave him a treat anyway.
The pain in my lower belly was from my period. But why did my heart hurt, as well? Well, it was pretty clear why. I just didn't know what to do about it. I hated being in a state of limbo, I hated not figuring out stuff. And I didn't know what I needed to do to stop feeling like this.
No, I knew. I had to talk to Hunter. But I had no energy, and right now, I didn't feel like myself. I didn't trust myself to say the right thing or make the right decision.
My room was dim. The gray twilight outside my window made the world look as dreary as I felt.
I put my phone on airplane mode and curled on my bed. The pain had receded to a dull ache, and I wanted to get a proper shut eye before it came back again.
I fell asleep almost immediately. And when the pain came back, as I knew it would, it came back with vengeance. I woke up in the early hours of the morning, changed, cleaned up, popped more painkillers, then paced my room back and forth, waiting for the pain to recede. A scratching at my closed door. Cheddar.
I let him in. He jumped on my bed and curled around himself, closing his eyes. I scribbled a sticky note and stuck it outside my door. I would skip school, and I didn't want my brothers to wake me up when I finally fell asleep.
After several more minutes of pacing, I slipped in under the covers. I turned and tossed for a while that lasted until the early hours of dawn. Then I fell asleep.
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M.B.